Jared Watches Sailor Moon Crystal: Episode 13 - Final Battle, Reincarnation

***Note: Yep. I'm back. It only took me a year and a half, but I FINALLY got to the next part. Hope people are still around to enjoy this.***

***

Last time...

...oh yeah... that...

Me: She did get him in the chest.

Jared: Yeah, but not that deeply.

Quick montage of the princess and her prince and living new lives, falling in love.

Usagi (inner monologue): I know we will always find one another. And we will fall in love... all over again...

Jared: But you left the Crystal in the hands of the bad guy!

Eternal love, be together... blah, blah, blah...

Jared: That's gonna hurt when she lands on it...

CLANG!

Jared: What? That shouldn't have happened!

Anime physics? Meaning, there are none. Physics, I mean.

Me: You're analyzing the trajectory of where she jabbed the sword into her stomach?

Jared: ... yeah...?

Cue "Moon Pride" - and away we go!

The Guardians finally land and lament the pathetic repeat of history. Suddenly, the Silver Crystal appears and starts growing and engulfing Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask.

Sailor Mars: We can't allow it to grow! Not in the Dark Kingdom!

Jared: Okay... why? That's something new.

The Crystal grows and grows and grows - until it's so big that no one can do anything about it.

Jared: It's the size of a bus now. What are you going to do?

Queen Metalia begins to feed off the growing Crystal. And she even gloats about it.

Jared: HOOOOOOOOOSED!

Seriously - this Crystal is like a freaking nuclear bomb. It doesn't care where the power it feeds on is coming from. It's neither good nor evil. It just... is.

Which begs the question: Why is a fourteen-year-old girl its caretaker?

Queen Metalia: I have all the energy I need! And I shall have the Crystal too!

Luna (coming through a portal with Artemis): No you won't!

Jared: What are the cats going to do??

Queen Metalia: Foolish cat!

Jared: I'm going to have to agree with the bad guy here. I mean, you're a cat! Sure you can talk and type on keyboards and stuff. You're still a cat!

Flashback to Luna talking to Queen Serenity.

Queen Serenity: Luna, promise me that you'll watch over the Princess.

Jared: So is she actually a fairy, then?

Me: I think she just had a really big bow on her back. But maybe.

Back in Present Day, Queen Metalia disappears and leaves the Sailor Guardians and the cats to figure out what to do next. The girls then teleport away.

Jared: You left the sword! You know, the powerful thing?

Luna, injured from her fight with Queen Metalia, asks Artemis to take her to the Moon so she can be near the site of the palace ruins. And... they leave without the holy sword too.

Jared: You left the sword too! Honestly, people!

And cats.

The girls arrive at their destination. Sailor Venus has some... observations to make.

Sailor Venus: We're in the Arctic Circle. Shouldn't there be ice?

Jared: Wait, THERE'S NO LAND THERE! The Arctic Circle is in the middle of the ocean.

Queen Metalia shows up and acts evil.

Sailor Guardians: Queen Metalia!

Jared: Nah, it's the Easter Bunny.

Queen Metalia: Now I have the power of the Legendary Silver Crystal within me!

Jared: Hey look, she turned into a Haunter.

Queen Metalia continues to be menacing and evil. She spreads her evil power all over the earth. People react in various ways - shock, fear, disbelief, becoming Metalia-zombie-clones and attack others.

No, seriously. That happens.

Jared: Well, that was creepy.

Yeah, it's pretty bad all the way around. Even the Sailor Guardians have given up. But then - of course - the girls remember that Usagi is their best friend and she is Happiness and Hope Personified.

Jared: At least they're consistent with the whole "Power of Love" thing.

The girls decide to give up all their power to help Usagi beat Queen Metalia and it's very awe-inspiring and stuff. Usagi, still trapped inside Queen Metalia's evilness, wakes up and slowly realizes what is going on. More or less.

Sailor Moon: The Legendary Silver Crystal!

Jared: Got a lot smaller again.

Just beyond the Crystal, Usagi sees Mamoru who is still unconscious. Also, his pocketwatch is floating in the ether and it's broken.

Sailor Moon: His pocketwatch? It stopped the sword from running me through.

Jared: The sword that breaks diamonds. Uh-huh.

Queen Metalia starts doing something... really weird and disturbing. Usagi fights her off and a lot of sparkly things and choir music take over and push away Queen Metalia's power. Mamoru wakes up and he's not brainwashed anymore (yaaay). It all happens kind of fast.

Jared: That was fairly anti-climactic.

Queen Metalia: [growls, starts flying around in all her scary evil gloriousness]

Jared: There we go!

The Silver Crystal floats near Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask. Mamoru, showing a moment of clarity, reaches up and takes it before Metalia can capture it again.

Jared: Glad someone finally grabbed the stupid thing. Letting it hang about like that, pffft.

Then a lot of crazy stuff happens, including the Shitennou coming back to life and giving Mamoru an important info dump that I really wish could have been set up better. Sigh... they really didn't handle this Generals thing very well. I guess new story ideas for Sailor Moon doesn't sell purses or lip gloss or visits to fancy themed cake shops in Japan. Oh well...

Anyway, turns out the spirits of the guys were actually responsible for keeping the sword from killing Tuxedo Mask when Sailor Moon tried to stab him.

Mamoru: You stopped the sword from piercing my heart!

Jared: Yeah, from Sailor Moon! Seriously, what was her plan??

Sailor Moon is not known for her logic and reason.

Meanwhile, Usagi and Mamoru start to get all sweet and lovey all of a sudden. Their royal alter-egos take over for a bit, too. 

Jared: ... is there really time for this in the middle of a fight?

Me: There's always time for this, dear. Especially in magical girl anime.

Mamoru: Remember, aim for the star on Queen Metalia's forehead.

Jared: What do you mean "remember"? This is the first she's hearing of it!

Sailor Moon gears up to take out Queen Metalia for good... and then we get left on a cliffhanger. 

Jared: That's an interesting place to end!

Well... hopefully it doesn't take me another year and a half to get to the next one. #Oops.

***
Next Time: Episode 14 - Conclusion and Commencement, Petite Etrangere

Previously: Episode 12 - Enemy, Queen Metalia

Jared Watches Sailor Moon Crystal: Episode 12 - Enemy, Queen Metalia

A cliffhanger is no way to end a blog post! So, let's get back to it!

This facial expression kind of becomes Usagi's default for a while.

Jared: Dun-dun-dun... okay, that music is weird.

Sailor Moon is in shock upon finding that the evil dude that she's been fighting is indeed her main squeeze. Which prompts an "I Know You're Still In There, Fight!" moment, almost verbatim.

Gah - I read so much TV Tropes...

Anyway, Beryl tries convincing Sailor Moon that Mamoru is dead, even though the other Guardians know that Beryl is full of it. Sailor Moon needs to listen to her friends more often, quite frankly.

After the opening credits, we get this splash image -

Jared: ... what does "toxic metal" even mean???

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you - my husband's thought processes...

Meanwhile, Sailor Moon is going through the EXACT SAME mental battle that she just went through at the end of last episode (and won). She can't fight her Mamo-chan because... she just can't! For... anime reasons.

Luckily, cooler heads prevail and Sailor Jupiter arrives on the scene, having gotten out of her Dark-Kingdom-Induced-Brainwashing-Coma-Thing.

The other girls take the hint and join in the fun.

Jared: At least they have shields now.

That does seem to help. Though the Command Center isn't taking the abuse very well. 

Sailor Mercury: Hyperspatial Sphere Generate!

Jared: That's new.

Mercury summons an alternate-dimension-portal thingie so their fight doesn't bring the building down around their ears. It's kind of nice when superpowers allow heroes to not completely destroy their surroundings. 

Beryl gloats that the Sailor Guardians are still going to lose, even though they are no longer on Earth. And then she unleashes her Ultimate Weapon: her hair.

Jared: That's a LOT of hair.

True. Though given how insane Usagi's hair is sometimes animated, I wonder if she couldn't learn to do something similar.

Beryl continues to rant about the day she pledged herself to Queen Metalia and her ultimate goals and she's starting to look like she's gone completely off the deep end.

Jared: She's got the nutso-face going on.

I could make a joke about several politicians right now,
but I will refrain.

Venus - it's always Venus - provides the needed backstory: Beryl was the ringleader of the malcontents on Earth that caused all the death and destruction. And it was due to the fact that Prince Endymion didn't choose to love her.

Honestly, there could be an ENTIRE spinoff anime about how the Moon Kingdom fell, if they ever wanted to do something different from the oft-repeated storyline. But I shan't get my hopes up.

The girls band together and kick Beryl's ass. It's pretty epic. Jared doesn't say... well... anything through the whole thing. He's definitely engrossed in the story.

After Mercury identifies Beryl's weakness and Venus and Mars run block, Sailor Moon lunges at Beryl with the sacred sword and catches Beryl's necklace with the blade. And that causes Beryl to lose her powers.

Jared: I guess that kind of renders the whole thing about "toxic metal" moot.

He's still on that? Sigh...

Beryl does get in one more taunt about Endymion belonging to the Dark Kingdom, which Sailor Moon (FINALLY) rejects. That makes the Crystal - still in Tuxedo Mask's hand - glow all hopeful and shiny and stuff.

Jared: Why did he have the Crystal and not her?

Me: He was just holding onto it for her.

Not coincidentally, Beryl's necklace shatters into a million tiny pieces and she's suddenly having a REALLY bad day. 

Jared: Oh, my eyes! Glass shards in the eye - not a laughing matter.

To add insult to injury, Beryl starts shriveling up with the loss of her powers.

Jared: Oh... you got old. You got UGLY.

Beryl laments the fact that she and Endymion never had a chance... because she never actually talked to the guy.

Jared: Creepy stalker to boot! WHOO!

Remember kids: Poor Communication Kills.

Jared: Wait - she wasn't reborn? She was just hanging around this whole fricking time?

Me: Yep.

Jared: That's just sad.

It's amazing the lengths evil will go to for revenge.

The sacred sword suddenly turns bright and shiny (and probably no longer toxic), complete with some unknown language that Sailor Venus (yep, Venus) informs us that says something about praying to the Moon and the rebirth of some sacred power that will restore their kingdom.

Jared: Who is speaking that language? How could they read it?

Another thing for Jared to obsess over? Maybe.

Elsewhere, Queen Metalia takes her position back as the Big Bad of the piece and again turns Tuxedo Mask against the girls. He attacks them, then takes the sword and the Crystal and goes off... somewhere. Sailor Moon - IN HER INFINITE WISDOM - follows him. Alone. 

Jared: That... was probably a bad plan.

Me: Just a little bit.

Jared: Leeettle bit... yeah.

I have no reason for screencapping this - other than I think
it's really, really cool.

After the mid-episode eyecatch, we're back to Sailor Moon in hot pursuit of Tuxedo Mask. Who is suddenly no where to be seen.

Jared: How did he get that far ahead of her?

Me: Time and space, something or other

Physics are just weird in this dimension, I guess. But, eventually, she does catch up. 

Tuxedo Mask: I didn't think you would follow me here.

Jared: Hey, he can speak now!

I think Beryl just wanted a silent boy toy to follow her around. It's pretty creepy if you think about it too much.

Sailor Moon tries to get through to Tuxedo Mask the reasonable and civilized way. It doesn't go well.

There's going to have to be some serious couples therapy
after this is all over.

Meanwhile, the Sailor Guardians and the cats are trying to figure out where Usagi ended up. The computer figures out that she's somewhere in the Arctic, so that's where the girls are headed. 

However, the way the scene is framed - first with the girls flying through a snowy landscape and then cutting back to the Command Center with the cats - is pretty confusing for a moment.

Jared: Then what was that glowy yellow thing, then? Are those out of order or something?

Editing, what is it?

The scene finally settles on the girls finding their way to the entrance to the Dark Kingdom through D-Point in the Arctic. There, they meet up with the Generals. Angst ensues. 

Sailor Mercury: How can we fight them now?

Sailor Venus: We don't have a choice! They don't remember who they really are. We're the only ones who can help them!

Jared: Help them to death! Then be sad about it...

Elsewhere, Sailor Moon is squaring off against Tuxedo Mask. A red, glowing, evil Tuxedo Mask...

Jared: That's not good...

Complete with the shrieking of the damned coming from Queen Metalia.

Back with the Sailor Guardians, the girls try to reminds the boys about their promises to protect the prince. Appealing to their better natures doesn't seem to be working out so great, sadly.

It's not looking so great for Our Intrepid Heroes.

Luna to the rescue! She translates the funky language on the sword and that does A Thing for Usagi. She unleashes her biggest Power Of True Love shot and... we'll come back to that.

And the girls... well... duty before personal life, I guess.

They attack the Generals and somehow that brings back their memories of being good guys. Sort of a "life flashing before your eyes" deal. Except they each have two lives flashing before their eyes.

Also -

Jared: They're not dead!

Funny how things turn out.

Except... Queen Metalia gets pissed and we can't have a happy little side story going on (after all, how would these four fit in during later seasons?)

Queen Metalia: Weak-minded fools! All those who resist the darkness much perish from its awesome power!

Jared: Oh... well.

Yeah, that crater there? That's where the guys used to be. Dammit. 

Jared: DANG. Crater.

The girls all break down in tears at the sight.

Jared: This is why we can't have nice things.

To put kind of a happy spin on this (sure?), the guys' voices speak from beyond the grave and encourage the girls to go save the Moon Princess

I just... I would have liked that storyline to have been given better treatment. More time to be fleshed out and worked on. That's all.

Maybe in a hypothetical prequel about the fall of the Moon Kingdom. That will never get made because we have to tell the same story OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Sigh... anyway...

Neither Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask are looking so great in their battle against each other. Tuxedo Mask isn't willing to back down, though. Sailor Moon is out of obvious options, which prompts a mental visit from Queen Fairy Shady Serenity. Which leads to a reconsideration of... less obvious options...

This can only end in tears.

Jared: That little bit on the end makes for a crappy sword.

My husband's priorities, folks.

Right as Usagi takes up the sword, that's when the girls show up. And, apparently, the power of True Friendship is no match for the bad conclusions Usagi comes to when all she has to depend on is the memory of the mother of her long-dead previous incarnation who didn't exactly Make Good Choices either.

Usagi (internal monologue): Mamo... are we star-crossed lovers? Always destined to end in the same fate?

Jared: OH GEEZ!!! SERIOUSLY?? That's your plan???

To make things worse, Usagi turns the sword on herself.

Jared: *facepalm*

I blame Queen Serenity. I always do.

Jared: HER PLANS SUCK! You don't win the fight by killing yourself! It doesn't even make sense...

I think this episode broke my hubby...

Me: Are you heartbroken over this?

Jared: Nah. It's not going to stick.

He's fine.

***

Next Time: Episode 13 - Final Battle, Reincarnation

Previously: Episode 11 - Reunion, Endymion

Jared Watches Sailor Moon Crystal: Episode 10 - Moon

Quick Note: The first time I tried reviewing Crystal when it was brand new, I didn't get any farther than Episode 9. It's not that I didn't want to continue reviewing it. I kept watching and enjoying it. I just got kind of... lazy.

So this marks the first time I've ever talked about Episode 10 and beyond. So - yay! Congratulate me! Or something.

Anyway - in this episode, the girls are taking One Giant Leap for Princess-kind and going to the Moon.

That was a dumb joke. I apologize.

Luna: We've decided to go to the Moon. We have to wait a few days and go when it's full.

Jared: Because, MAGIC!

Ami explains some of the scientific facts and figures about the Moon.

Rei: That explains what the Moon is, but how exactly does Luna expect us to get there?

Jared: Magic!

Hey! He's finally getting the idea! It's taken him to the tenth episode, but he's gotten it!

I'm so proud.

Usagi is teaching Naru how to play the Sailor V game and the other girls observe that she's starting to feel better.

Makoto: I knew she couldn't stay depressed forever! Besides, there's no time to be sad - we're going to the Moon!

Jared: I could make a comment here about Tuxedo Mask, but I will refrain.

Opening Credits - jokes about "Love Lightning" - you know the drill by now...

Jared: Wait a second - the Crystal looked different there!

The Credits Always Spoil.

Jared: Hey, I like his sword. Well, the scabbard, anyway. You can't see the sword. Still better than Tuxedo Mask's outfit.

Yep - we're going to end up cosplaying that at some point.

Jared: I mean, the guy walks around in a tux. And this is from a guy who owns a frock coat, and I'm asking this!

The episode begins and Usagi's dad announces that he brought home donuts.

Jared: We last saw him... what? Five episodes ago?

Kenji-papa: Oh, Usagi! This too - I stopped by the jewelers.

He hands Usagi a box with the Legendary Silver Crystal inside, now on a chain.

Jared: That is a tiny clasp.

Kenji-papa: So, that crystal's pretty important, huh? Is that because it's from a boy that you like?

Usagi: Yeah, something like that.

Kenji-papa has a mild freak-out. Because, dads. 

Jared: I guess he wasn't prepared for that answer!

Seriously, why ask the question if you don't want to know?

Me: She's only fourteen.

Jared: And he [Kenji-papa] looks fifteen!

Yeah, Usagi's dad is drawn pretty young.

The sweet moment is interrupted when Usagi and Shingo start fighting.

Kenji-papa (to Ikuko-mama): You know what, honey? Sometimes, I think our Usagi looks like a different person. Before we know it, our little girl is going to be all grown up!

Jared: And still fighting with her little brother.

Later, Usagi and the girls meet in the park to discuss the full moon and stuff. Usagi thinks about the last time she was by this fountain. As ever, her thoughts turn to worry over Mamoru...

Usagi (inner monologue): What's he doing?

Jared: Something super-important, I'm sure.

Luna does... something... to make the fountain bubble and magic happen. It's kind of weird. Jared snorts in laughter.

Jared: You know what, sure! She can cat-magic!

How long has been watching this show with me, again?

The girls step into the glowy fountain and start transforming...
Jared: Is she wearing suspenders?

I'm not 100% sure which one he's talking about - Usagi and Rei are both wearing outfits that look to have some kind of strappy thing over their shoulders -

- but who knows?

Me: I think it's a jumper.

And there all five girls are in their Guardian forms.

Jared: WOW! They skipped the transformation sequences! They're really pressed for time!

The golden shield-ball-thing of magic zips off of Earth and seems to stop only partway between Earth and the moon. Which looks eerily like something went terribly wrong.

Jared: Oh drat, we're halfway and we're stuck - WE'RE DOOMED!

Nah, they're just taking in the scenery.

They finally land and see what the place looks like. Not at all the sparkly-princess-royal-magic place that we've seen in flashbacks.

Also, no moon landing site. Too bad.

Sailor Moon: This... is the Moon?

Jared: It's seen better days.

Sailor Mars: There's no sound here at all.

Jared: Except my voice.

Luna gives them all the grand tour of the place. It doesn't take long.

Jared: So, they're just going to ignore the whole atmosphere thing, then? I mean, they had Ami read from a textbook about the moon, but they skipped the whole "No Atmosphere" deal.

The tour ends at a plinth where a sword is sticking out. Yes, it's exactly what you're thinking. 


Jared: Okay, that is pretty cool.

Luna: Mercury! Mars! Jupiter! Venus! Can one of you pull the sword out of the stone?

Jared: Nope! Not happening! DOOMED!

Sure enough, Jupiter tries and can't get it. Mercury and Mars help her, and it budges a bit. But no luck getting it out completely.

Jared: Hey, it actually moved!

Venus steps up to try and actually gets it out! Once the sword is free, a voice speaks from.... somewhere.

Mysterious Voice: That is a Legendary Sacred Sword, intended to protect the Princess!

Jared: Hey! More of that "no sound" we heard about before!

Mysterious Voice: Luna! Thank you for bringing everyone here!

Jared: Thanks, Exposition Fairy! Oh - literally a fairy! Okay...

Sailor Moon: Queen Serenity? My mother from my previous life?

Queen Serenity: My adorable little Serenity! Is that you?

Jared: They have the same name? Well, no... it's a royalty thing. Sure.

Queen Shady Serenity explains that she's only a recording saved in the system and not actually there.

Jared: That must be BORING.

Me: It's the Fortress of Solitude.

Jared: Which also must be boring!

Queen Holographic Recording adds even more to the girls' (especially Usagi's) knowledge of their lives on the moon and how the Princess used to sneak down to Earth because it was green and the Moon wasn't (I never understood the fascination with the color green, personally.)

GREEN! It's everywhere! Get used to it...

Jared: So, what do you eat on the Moon? I mean, besides cheese?

Another 'whoosh' and the other girls get to see The Moon That Was - complete with a ginormous palace and... oh, there are trees there too!

Jared: Oh, so there were plants on the Moon. That explains... a few things. I guess.

Me: Where'd you think all the flowers came from?

Jared: I dunno... magic?

Well... okay.






Jared: So, I get why the outfits are sailor outfits on Earth. But on the Moon?


Peasants on Earth revolted - wanted to be their own kingdom instead of baby-sat by the pretty Moon people - got brainwashed by evil beings in the process - and they all look like they're from Medieval/Georgian/Victorain Europe.

Jared: So... that was what... a couple hundred years ago?

How do I explain this to him... Never mind, I'll do it later.

Endymion was immune - tried to stop the evil influence and protect Serenity ('cause goodness knows she can't do shit for herself) - died in the process...

Jared: He kind of needs a better battle plan. Just in general...

Queen Serenity: When he fell, so great was your despair that you took your own life!

Jared: OH WOW!

Jared: I was NOT expecting THAT in the Pretty Princess Show!

I must pause and explain why this is so momentous. Jared is so well-versed in storytelling techniques and plots and tropes that he can usually guess what's going to happen before it actually does - before others in the audience even figure it out. He's a walking-spoiler-machine, even though he doesn't mean to be. It's not often that a plot twist surprises Jared.

So for him to be genuinely surprised that Princess Serenity killed herself in the midst of this terrible battle, that's a testament to the writing.

Jared: Geez... bad enough to have been torn apart by the angry mob. But killing yourself?? Sheesh...

Queen Serenity: The planet was completely destroyed and had to begin its history all over again.

Jared: Oh, so it's been much longer than a couple hundred years.

I forgot the episode explained that. For which I'm grateful. Wasn't sure how I was going to do that myself...

Jared: So now I'm sitting here and thinking genetics. Her eyes are gray, but hers are blue...

Queen Serenity diagnoses the problem with the shine-less Silver Crystal. The magic absorbed by Tuxedo Mask is keeping him alive, so even though he's in the clutches of Ultimate Evil, he's probably actually okay.

Sailor Moon weeps in relief at this news, which that alone made this whole trip worth it.

Jared: It's one of those secondary powers she has. Laser-guided teardrops.

The hologram of the queen starts to flicker and fade...

Jared: Oh no! Need more double-A's!

Jared: Do they ever actually get around to, you know, restoring the Moon?

Me: Spoilers.

Morning comes on Earth (well, it does in Tokyo) and the girls have to go back home. And we FINALLY come to the mid-point of the episode.

It seems like the episode should actually be over already.

Meanwhile, in the Dark Kingdom, the Four Kings/Generals/Beryl's Boy-Toys are snooping around in the basement where Queen Beryl keeps her private email server the Great Ruler in a glorified fish tank -

What has been seen...

...cannot be unseen.

Oh, and there's a thing about past lives for the Four Kings. Because of course there is. And Jared's actually kind of intrigued by this part. So much so that he's been quiet throughout -

Yeah, the boys were reborn like the girls were, except Beryl got to them first and turned them into her pets. Kind of stinks that this part is getting shoved in during a few minutes of one episode and not getting its own mini-arc in the story. But I'll take what I can get.

Beryl discovers that the guys have remembered their past lives and a minor, ill-advised scuffle ensues.

Jared: Yeah, this is when you just leave.

And they're back under her power just like that. Phooey.

Back on Earth, Luna and the girls are checking out some freaky seismic/thermal activity going on where none should be.

Jared: The cat at the keyboard! It's just... He laughs. Because it's funny.

And then the alarms go off...

Ami: What's that?

Jared: Plot convenience!

The city is completely frozen over. Three guesses who...

Jared: Oh. Well, they've definitely stepped up their attack a bit.

Me: Yeah, they've left behind video stores and wedding shops.

The girls rush out the meet the new threat. Already transformed.

Jared: Yeah, they're really pressed for time!

Fighting for the Legendary Silver Crystal ensues. Well... the girls fight. Sailor Moon just kind of... stands there.

Jared: Do SOMETHING!

Venus runs up the side of a building to avoid an attack from Kunzite. 

Jared: Okay, that's pretty impressive.

Sailor Venus: Kunzite! Please stop! This isn't you! This isn't the man I fell in love with!

Jared: Oh - SNAP!

The battle suddenly ends while Sailor Venus stops to give out exposition that reeeeeeally needed to happen elsewhere. Like, you know, when Fairy Hologram Shady Serenity was telling her cute little story. 

Oh well...

Jared: CREEPY SMILES! Actually, they're more like Stepford Smiles.

A flashback ensues...

Jared: Okay, talking is not a free action, but is exposition a free action?

Me: Apparently so.

Venus tells the girls about Prince Endymion's four loyal knights that fell in love with Princess Serenity's Sailor Guardians. Which, again, would have been a cool story, had it been given time and space to develop.

And would have made more sense to tell when the girls weren't locked in a battle to the death with these guys!

(I like the story. The execution of it here annoys me.)

Jared: So they're ALL in love with each other?? Well, snap...

You said that already, dear.

Sailor Moon finally figures out that she's the star of the show and pops in with her customary "In the Name of the Moon..." speech.

Jared: They had to get it in somewhere...

Sailor Moon commences to kick ass.

Jared: She seems to be a little more competent now.

Me: Learning your backstory seems to have that effect.

The girls get up and realize they can't let the past haunt them - they have to help their Princess. Which they were doing admirably until Venus opened her big mouth.

Girl, sometimes it's just better to keep some things to yourself.

Venus still tries to get the guys to remember their true selves, but it doesn't work. Did we really think it would?

Venus: We were so close.

Jared: You were?

No, they really weren't.

Sigh...

Back in the Dark Kingdom, Beryl pervs on Tuxedo Mask and sends him to kill Princess Serenity.

Jared: And there's more brainwashing...

Me: It's a recurring theme.

I need so many showers after this.

***
Next Time: Episode 11 - Reunion, Endymion

Previously: Episode 9 - Serenity, Princess