In the Mood to Poke the Bear...

I'm in a snarky mood today and I felt like doing some bear-poking.  And my brain provided material for something I've wanted to address for a long time.  Today's Topic of Rage - Weddings and the Bridezillas Who Plan Them.

This'll be FUN! (image from http://www.bellanaija.com/2012/06/18/the-bridezilla/)

Oh, the dreaded Bridezilla! (TV Tropes link - beware! This is a good one too)  I had a clip from the actual "Bridezilla" show that I was going to link to, but Dear Sweet Gallifrey - even a minute and a half clip was too much to handle.  Spoiled rotten little girls whose entire lives come down to one all-day party?  Give me a freaking break.

(Actually, these would be the same bratty girls who, in high school, had to have the Prom all perfect and gorgeous and if they didn't get it, it was the END OF THE WORLD!!)

Yeah, I don't get it either

Now, this rant is NOT directed at anyone in particular.  In fact, it was not prompted by any kind of discussion, conversation, posting, comment, video clip, sound bite or even Pinterest image (wouldn't be caught dead with one of those).  And (because I know my dad is reading this and he'll take it COMPLETELY the wrong way - see my April Fools' Day joke from this year) it certainly didn't come from any sudden and surprising developments in my life, that's for damn sure.  This came about because my brain has a file of Things to Think About When I'm Trying Not to Think About Anything and it popped up.

During my junior year of college, I went to class one day and saw the girl I usually sat next to had a pile of bridal magazines on her desk and there were a bunch of other girls huddled around her desk. I sat down and the girls started showing me their favorites and I just nodded and said “That’s nice,” as though speaking to a cat who has brought me a dead mouse in order to receive praise. Sensing my disinterest, one of the girls asked me, “Well, what do you want at your wedding?” I told her I’d never thought about it.

The girl that I usually sat next to snorted “Every girl has her wedding planned out by the time she’s five years old!”

That is the mentality I’d like to tackle right now.  Not even tackle - I want to beat the ever-loving snot out of it, staple it to the racetrack at the Indy 500, throw it in a cage of rabid rottweilers, run it through a woodchipper and toss it in front of the Running of the Bulls in Spain.



(Barring that, I'd be okay with siccing the Mythbusters on it.)

Now, I'm not opposed to marriage.  I like it when people get married.  Generally speaking, people get married because they're in love and it's a happy occasion.  The world could use more happy.  I would like to get married myself one day (I'd also like to find a passage to Narnia through the back of my closet).  It's the wedding I have issues with.  Specifically, planning a wedding and all the utter and complete bullshit that goes into it.

To understand some of where I'm coming from on this, I have a few things to share -

1 - I'm LDS (Mormon).  For me, the goal is to be married in a sacred and special ceremony in the temple.  The temple marriage ceremony is presided over by someone worthy to hold God's priesthood (more on temples and temple ordinances can be found here).  The ceremony is performed in a small-to-medium sized room in the temple and you can invite a few of your close family members and friends to witness it (not the whole freaking world).  To me, that is what a wedding should be - the focus is on the commitment between the man and woman getting married and their commitment to God and to their future children.  The ceremony is done in 45 minutes, tops.  Anything after that (reception, pictures, dinner, honeymoon) is purely up to you and takes place away from the temple grounds.

2 - When I was little, my mother often talked about her wedding and how it was a much bigger affair than she really wanted. She didn’t want the Bridezilla wedding - she would have much rather had a nice honeymoon or saved the money for a house payment. However, my grandmother (for the record - my dad’s mother, dead these 13 years, rest her soul) had to give her youngest son this big blowout wedding (funnily enough, my mom’s mother didn’t care very much). Honestly, I don’t think it was for either of my parents so much as it was for my grandmother’s desire to show off for the rest of the town - they lived in a small town where it mattered very much the amount of money and prestige and spirituality you possessed.  It was all about showing off for everyone else, like a lot of communities, but this place was Keeping Up With The Joneses x-A-Million (that town was - and still is - a blight on humanity. It would not bother me in the slightest if tomorrow that place was hit by a meteor and blown to smithereens). So, growing up, I heard about how much money was spent on that wedding and the reception and how frivolous it was and why on earth would any sane individual do that?

If the temple ceremony wasn’t so important to me, I would set aside $300 right now for a chapel in Vegas.  Actually, the temple itself would probably even be cheaper than that (it's free to reserve a date at any temple you choose).  I don’t want a freaking huge reception.  I don’t want to spend time and money picking out colors and food and treats for all these people that I don’t even know to come gawk at me.  Hell, I don’t even want to spend time and money on a wedding dress!  Those bridal dress companies are the biggest racket in all of creation and I just don’t want to deal with them.  You spend a boatload of money on a dress you wear once for pictures (that cost you even more money) and once for the ceremony and then it goes on the languish in the closet for eternity.

Really, the only reason to have any of that bullshit is to get gifts.  Here’s this - I’ll put an announcement in the paper and you can put money in our online registry and we can pick out what we want.  Or send us a card with a check in it.  You can be happy for us from where you stand and we won't be punished with your presence, nor will I have to rent a chocolate fountain or ice sculpture swans (Swans? Really?)  Now that I think of it, I could probably take the money I would save by not having a reception and buy all the toasters and punch bowls and fancy dinnerware that people would have given me.  Plus, I would be saved the embarrassment of meeting all the long-lost relatives that I am perfectly happy with staying long-lost (everyone has Those Crazy Relatives, but there are some relations that I don't want on the same continent as me).

And if parents/in-laws get their panties in a wad over this - here’s this to consider: IT’S NOT YOUR DAMN WEDDING!!  You already had your day in the sun - it’s our turn (meaning me and my fiance.  And if tradition holds, the groom very rarely cares about anything other than the honeymoon, so it’s really the bride’s decision).  You had your day to roll everything up in lace and frosting and show off to the world how broke you’re going to be as you start your married life - now let me have my day of happiness and joy without a bunch of crazy old people breathing down my neck.  There will be no bouquet tossing, garter-throwing, cake-in-the-face-stuffing, drunken best man toast, snotty bridesmaids and the starting fullback from Dad’s high school football team is NOT coming!  I don’t care how hurt he’ll be - I don’t even know the guy!  I may send out a few announcements, but these will be to the few people who are invited to the temple ceremony.  Maybe we’ll have a dinner afterwards at a nice restaurant.  But we don’t need this huge-ass party where I stand in line for three hours and meet people I probably hate and would never care to see again (and where some drunk-ass punk stands out in the church parking lot with a cooler full of Keystone and attracts all the frat-boys. No thank you).

The most important thing about a wedding is the bride and groom and this should be about them.  They are starting a life and a family together and THAT should be the focus. I’ve always hated the notion that a wedding is all about the bride.  She wouldn’t even be having the stupid party if her boyfriend didn’t ask her to marry him (then again, there are some girls that just want to put on a party that’s all about ME! ME! ME! so maybe she actually browbeat the poor guy into dropping $20K on a diamond for her.  Like he hasn’t already spent a mint on dinners and movies and crap for her).

That's about right.

Personally, I would hope that I love the guy enough that I don’t need a big to-do over it.  I’d just want to get married and take a nice trip that’s just about us.  Disneyland would be fun - we could get those bride and groom Mickey ears and complete strangers could goo-goo at us from afar.  I’d be okay with that - I know I’d never see those strangers again and I wouldn’t have to pretend to know them in the first place and I could accept their well-wishes as more heartfelt than those of that stupid friend of my dad’s that I ardently avoid answering the phone when he (the friend) calls.

Bottom Line: Weddings - Hate Them.  Don’t even want to plan my own.  Don’t want anyone else to plan it for me.  Let’s just book the temple, invite a few close family and friends, maybe have a nice dinner for the people who came and then we can fly to Disneyland for a honeymoon. Done and done (hm... maybe I should take back what I said about not wanting to plan my wedding - that was actually pretty easy!)

"The Summer of the Soul in December" - Review of "The Muppet Christmas Carol"

Charles Dickens (as played by Gonzo the Great): "But the incident at the door had made Scrooge wary.  Before shutting himself in for the night, he searched his rooms"

Rizzo: "All right, that does it!"

Dickens: "Pardon?"

Rizzo: "How do you know what Scrooge is doin'? We're down here and he's up there!"

Dickens: "I keep telling you, storytellers are omniscient - I know everything."

Rizzo: "Hoity-toity, Mr. Godlike-Smarty-Pants!"

Dickens: "To conduct a proper search, Scrooge was forced to light the lamps"

[light in upstairs window comes on]

Rizzo: "How does he do that?"

"A Christmas Carol" is my favorite non-scriptural story at Christmastime.  I've seen many film and stage versions (even produced a stage version when I worked at West Desert High School - thank you very much).  And "The Muppet Christmas Carol" is my favorite movie version of Charles Dickens' classic story.  It's the one Christmas movie that I saw as a kid with my family that everybody loved (Dad is hard to please when it comes to kiddie-family-fare at the movies and he loves this movie).  To this day, we all know "We're Marley and Marley" and "There's only [insert number of days left] sleeps 'til Christmas" and my personal favorite "At least I landed on something soft - and hot!"

Now that I'm older and have more story-consumer-type wisdom, I sought to figure out why this version of "A Christmas Carol" is so well-loved.  I mean, Disney did "Mickey's Christmas Carol," which was good and I still watch from time to time (and was actually my first exposure to the story).  But given my druthers, I go for Kermit and Miss Piggy and Gonzo when I want a quality retelling of this story.  Why is that?

Humor plays a factor in it, so does nostalgia.  But I think the best thing about "The Muppet Christmas Carol" is the narration provided by Gonzo playing Charles Dickens and Rizzo speaking as a member of the audience/readership.  Rizzo asks questions like "How do you know what Scrooge is doing?" and "Shouldn't we be worried about the kids in the audience?"  He provides the scared reactions toward Scrooge and the ghosts - even gives the pair an out when the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come shows up, thus allowing the drama and horror of darkest point of the movie to be unhampered by Muppet-esque humor and hijinks that have peppered the movie thus far.  But then they come back for the light-hearted and happy finale with a light-hearted and happy (and repentant) Scrooge, which makes the ending just as fun and uplifting as it is meant to be.  The Greek-Chorus aspect of Gonzo and Rizzo helps bring the audience into the story and you forget that Scrooge is employing a frog and a bunch of rats in his money lending business.

The music in this movie is phenomenal and very memorable.  I still can sing - from memory - "Scrooge," "We're Marley and Marley," "It Feels Like Christmas" and "A Thankful Heart" (and I'm working on "Bless Us All" - try not tearing up at that one).  It doesn't matter that these songs are sung by frogs and pigs and rats and a blue-furry-Charles-Dickens-who-hangs-out-with-a-rat.  The music only enhances the story, giving an already beloved Christmas message an even more powerful punch.

"The Muppet Christmas Carol" is a gorgeous retelling of a cultural classic and more than deserves a "Classic" moniker of its own.  And, you know what?  I think it's got it.

(And no matter how many beauty pageant consultants or butlers to superheroes he plays, Michael Caine will forever and always be Ebenezer Scrooge).

And Another Thing...

(with apologies to Douglas Adams...)

This water grab is sort of like two kids who were given identical toy trucks to play with.  One kid rams his toy truck into the wall and breaks it.  The other kid plays nice and his toy stays intact.  Broken-Truck-Kid whines that Not-Broken-Truck-Kid should give up his not-broken-truck so the first kid can play with it and probably break it so then no one can have toy trucks to play with.

Las Vegas broke all their other water rights.  We in Snake Valley have taken care of ours and we have something productive and successful to show for it.  Why should we have to give up our nice things just so Vegas can ruin it?  We've used our resources responsibly for hundreds of years.  They've shown they can't take care of the water rights they already have.  Why would Snake Valley and the State of Utah trust Vegas and SNWA to take care of our water?

Something to think about.

ETA: (Oh, I guess it was Eoin Colfer who wrote "And Another Thing..." - but it was Douglas Adams' "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" series he was continuing.  Carry on).

Oh My Hell, Vegas - GO AWAY ALREADY!

They're like roaches, I swear.  No video embed, but here's a link to a recent news story about this.

A little bit of background - My family lives on a cattle ranch in Utah's West Desert.  That's the other side of the state from Moab and all those fancy national parks in Eastern and Southern Utah that people from the big city come in with their Birkenstocks and mountain climbing gear and think they're becoming "one with nature."  I don't begrudge them that - everyone needs a hobby.  Plus, it helps people in those little towns that exist because of the red rocks and Lake Powell.  Even tourists need to eat.

Western Utah is vastly different.  We're the sagebrush-and-scrub land that nobody - and I mean NOBODY wants.  Oh, we get the history buffs who want to see the old Pony Express (it goes right through our town) and a few other more adventurous types.  However, our main industry is livestock.  It is a little-known fact that cattle and sheep actually thrive on the various kinds of sagebrush out in the West Desert and aren't bothered by the military running aerial practice fights.  Plus, if you irrigate the land properly, you can grow a pretty respectable crop of hay and corn and other sundry things.  Irrigation is possible because of an underground aquifer that runs under land in Eastern Nevada and Western Utah and keeps our mountain valleys green and lush and yummy for the cows (which we then fatten up and sell so you city folks can have your Grade-A Angus T-Bone steak at Sizzler).  That water and those cows put me and my siblings through college and give my family and our neighbors a decent living.  For me, this isn't some "Oh la la la - I'm communing with nature and I feel so FREE!" weekend in July - this is home.

Enter Las Vegas and the Southern Nevada Water Association (Agency? Assholes?).  Or, as I like to call them, Those Rat Bastards That Keep Voting for King Rat Bastard Harry Reid (he's part of the problem since he owns a crapton of land in Vegas with little-to-no water rights).  Apparently, Vegas used up all their other water sources, so they keep going further out for water sources.  And guess who they've tapped to provide them with their next water supply?

If you said Middle of Nowhere, Utah - you would be correct.

This fight has been going on for years.  It started... oh geez... my sister who is now a freshman in college was in sixth grade (I think) when this really blew up.  It made the news and got the governor (who was then Jon Huntsman) to come out to West Desert and talk with the community.  That was a big deal because the rest of the state typically ignores us (we're like the Shire - insignificant and piddly until The Big People drag us into their issues).  Gov. Huntsman basically told Vegas to go pound sand, but then he got called off to be the Ambassador to China and Gov. Herbert (who I like quite a bit otherwise) still hasn't really decided where he stands, though he is reasonable.  For a while, I thought SNWA had taken their ball and gone home, but the above news report says otherwise (dammit).  And now they're making Lake Powell an issue.  I've never been to Lake Powell and never had a desire to go there (boating, tourists, city peeps out sunbathing - that kind of thing), but who do you think will win that fight?  City people love their boats and they could care less about a town with more cows than people.  Besides, horses smell funny.

What gets me (and I wrote about this on Facebook) is that when it's national forests and parks being threatened, you get all kinds of hippies and environmentalists crawling out of the woodwork to tie themselves to trees and protest that the sainted forests and bunnies and deer are at risk and how dare you evil humans come here with your ATVs and campers and we must respect nature!!  But when it's a piece of scrub desert land that people actually live off of and raise their families there and take care of - well, we're just a bunch of dumb rednecks who need to move to the city and don't you know that meat is bad for you anyway?  Never mind that if Vegas drains the Snake Valley aquifer, it's going to be a dust bowl like the rest of the places that Vegas has taken over.  And where does that leave your precious ecosystems, bucko?

I'll be the first to admit - I have an bred-in dislike of environmentalist policy on principle.  And they have a natural dislike for farming, ranching and hunting, which are all things that I grew up doing, so it's a mutual thing.  But I would think that there would be some common ground in this issue.  I (and my family and friends out west) want the land to continue to be useful so we can continue to make a living doing what we love to do.  Environmentalists (I would think) don't want the water sucked dry so it ruins the desert ecosystem (that flourish when the land is farmed, I'll have you know).  But if they don't want to help, that's fine.  We'll beat up on Vegas anyway.  We've done it for at least six years now and it's going to continue.

Since I have a platform (of sorts), I thought I'd devote an entry to this.  It's just nice to feel like you have a way to get the word out and influence people.  Also - do you know how much fun it is to type GO TO HELL LAS VEGAS!!! in all caps?

VEGAS - GO TO HELL!

(I like that variation too ^_^)

Holy Mother of Gutenberg!

So, I'm signed up to review for the Beehive Awards Long List.  The Beehive Awards are the children and young adult literature awards for Utah as voted on by kids and teens.  The nominees are chosen by librarians (such as yours truly) and kids get to vote on their favorites of those nominees.  The Beehive Awards are run but the Children's Literature Association of Utah or CLAU (pronounced "claw") and they are fun.  It's sort of like our Newbery and Caldecott awards, except the winners aren't chosen by nasally pretentious old people who dictate what kids these days ought to be reading (there, I said it.  I'm sorry, but sometimes the Newbery and Caldecott winners are just "...what the ever-loving hell were you people smoking???"  With few exceptions such as "The Giver" and "The Graveyard Book," the winners typically just aren't that great.  More often than not, it's the Honor books that are the most memorable. Without doing an internet search, anyone remember who won the years "Charlotte's Web" or "Princess Academy" were given the Newbery Honor? Yeah, that's what I thought).

Back to my original point - Those In Charge sent me a copy of the Long List (which I am not allowed to share - or maybe I am. They were a little fuzzy on that point) and I get to read a variety of children's and young adult fiction and rate each title to help decide the nominees for 2013-14.

Am I excited about this? You betcha!

On top of that, I'm currently reading "The Company of the Dead," which I wasn't entirely sure about when I started reading it, but I'm liking it the further I read.  The premise is that there's this guy who time traveled back to 1912 and got stuck there, so he decided to make the best of a bad situation and change a few key moments in history (which, for those of us versed in time-travel fiction, is generally seen as a big no-no).  The first thing he does is try to prevent the Titanic from sinking, which he does initially... only to have it hit an iceberg a few hours later and it sinks anyway (this happens in the first 100 pages - I'm not spoiling anything).  However, the survivors are different, which begins a chain reaction that creates an alternate history of the 20th century in which Germany and Japan run the world, America is divided between the Union and the Confederacy (the South's Second Secession turned out better than the first one) and, of course, there are airships (you can't have a good alternate-reality story without them, it seems).  I'm about halfway done - it's a door-stopper - but I am enjoying it.

What else am I reading?  Oh yes, I FINALLY found a copy of "Heir of Novron," which is the third installment of the Riyria Revelations (it's actually an omnibus of the last two in the series - long story).  Since Salt Lake County Library had "Theft of Swords" (first in the series) on the most recent Reader's Choice list and since I liked it so well (so did pretty much everyone who read it, according to the high ratings it got from those who bothered to vote - not enough votes to win, though. Dammit), I read the second one, "Rise of Empire."  And since "Rise of Empire" ended on The World's Worst Cliffhanger!!!!!!!1!!!, I've been anxious to get the third.  Problem is that the County's copies have been tied up in holds (like I said, everyone else who read it liked it too), so I finally caved in and got a Salt Lake City Public Library account, which I was fighting ever since I moved here (I don't know why, now that I think of it).  The City Library patrons obviously don't know what kind of a gem the Riyria Revelations is (which is an advantage to me) because their copy was free and clear.  So, I've got that sitting on my nightstand.

In addition, there's a rather Large Pile of Stuff that I just randomly pick up at work because I think it looks good and it's the library so it's free so why the hell not?  Hopefully I'll have things to review and blog about as 2013 gets underway (oh yeah - the final Wheel of Time comes out in January - I'll have that to review as well - and I'm about halfway done with "Reached," which is turning out not to be anything I expected. In a good way, though).  That's not counting new "Doctor Who," either.

Watch this space, my friends.

Nope-ker Face

(Warning: The following post is one of those "I'm Single and I Hate It" posts that you're not ever supposed to write.  Not if you don't want people to roll their eyes at you and tell you to quit whining.  If you're going to be snotty and roll your eyes, then find somewhere else to go).

(I do get some fun digs in at hipsters, though. Because they're just, like, totes easy to pick on and stuff whatever).

(And that is the ONLY time you will ever see the word "totes" from me. Ever).



If I was technologically competent (I do all right, but this was more complicated), I would have put the clip from "The Mummy Returns" where Rick and Evie drop in on Dirigible Guy (forgot his name - too lazy to look it up) for help in rescuing their kidnapped son, Alex. Rick shoots DG's locked door and kicks it open.  Evie remarks that Rick is not a subtle man, to which Rick replies "We don't have time for subtle."

Thinking over something today, I realized that is my modus operandi - I don't have time for subtle. To put it more accurately - I don't have the patience for subtle.

Which is why I'm terrible at dating.

Over the last few months, I've had the opportunity to more closely observe the social interactions of my generation.  While I detest my generations' general habits and opinions, this experience has been most educational.  All social interaction must be conducted in a flippant, aloof manner (I am told this is known as "Being Ironic," which is the battle cry of the species known as "Hipster").  They give off an air of "I don't care about what anyone thinks," but that air is accompanied by an underlying (and quite obvious, once you're paying attention) attitude of, "Yes, I do care what you think - Oh, please, please, please, PLEASE love me!"

(I guess that's where the irony comes in.  Or so says the Huffington Post.  Or maybe it was Jon Stewart.  Could have been Lady Gaga.  Mumford and Sons? Some weirdo that hipsters listen to - they all sound the same to me.)

Now in my mind, I can't help but wonder how this aloofness can result in a date, let alone a serious relationship.  But that's because if I want something, I ask for it.  But asking someone you barely know to go out with you is death.  It just isn't done.  No one formally calls the person their interested on the phone and asks them to go out to dinner or a movie anymore (hell, they don't even propose staying home, ordering pizza and watching a DVD).  Relationships are just supposed to happen.  They come from all this subtle hint-dropping, game-playing, talking-around-the-subject nonsense that... actually does bring results.

I'm not kidding.  In the short time I've observed these methods, this flippant conversation crap actually has produced results.  Both parties have created sufficient mystery about themselves to breed enough curiosity that somehow, a mutual dating experience is agreed upon and they... go out.  Somewhere along the line, they both decide that they really like each other (I assume that the aloof, uninterested shenanigans must be cast aside at some point because how would you get to know somebody otherwise?  Or maybe they don't really know each other at all? I'm just guessing) and a Serious Relationship forms.

It's a blink-and-you-miss-it phenomenon, but somehow, it works.

Here is where my non-subtle-ness comes in - I have all the aloof flippancy of a monster truck pummeling the crap out of a Prius.  Dad says that I have no poker face.  This is true - I once sat in on a business meeting that was going full-speed into nowhere and I had no problem taking out my phone and playing Bejeweled while some Big Shot danced around the fact that he couldn't make some loan or another, but didn't want to hurt our feelings, but was a complete and total prick about it anyway (sounds like a few guys I've parted ways with in the past).  I was bored and wanted it over with and I was not shy about advertising that fact.  Dad wasn't terribly pleased with me, but I said "If they aren't going to do what we've asked them to do, why don't they just tell us and let us get on with our damn lives!"

On the flip side - when I meet a guy that I decide I like (or, at least I've decided I'd like to get to know him better - and NOT in a general party mash-up settting), social convention decrees that I have to appear uninterested because too much interest scares people off.  And social convention's idea of "too much interest" is actually my idea of "Hey, that was just enough interest - whaddaya mean I'm not supposed to tell him I like him five minutes after we've met???"

(Okay, that's an exaggeration - but you get the point).

To Make a Long Story Less Long - The Dating Games People Play suck monkeyballs.  If I like a guy, I want to be able to tell him and not have it be awkward.  If he doesn't like me, well then I'll be sad about it.  If we decide to try it and it doesn't work out, well then I'll be sad about it.  But if he does like me and it does work out, well then I'll be glad I told Hipster Nation to pound sand and I'll have someone with whom I can stay home and watch "The Lord of the Rings: Extended Edition" and enjoy Papa John's delivery while the rest of the sad, lonely doofuses in those ugly oversized glasses are out trying to be impressive without actually trying to be impressive.

Bottom Line: Single White Female honestly seeking a sweet (if somewhat nerdy) guy to share her life with and would be happy to leave behind the crappy game-playing single scene because it's just not fun anymore (if it was ever fun to begin with).

There. I said it. Social convention can go to hell.

I Didn't Realize Tatooine Was for Sale!

In a move that is only surprising because nobody was really talking about it, Disney purchased LucasFilm and ILM for a substantial chunk of change.  This means that the House of Mouse will now be sharing studio-space with Yoda and Darth Vader and a bunch of Jedi - WHEE!!

Personally, I am excited about this.  If only because I was tired of all the requisite bitching about "Han Shot First" (which, now that I've seen the original footage, I'm calling bullshit on George's shenanigans) and, really, how MANY times are you going to tweak the original trilogy??  It's been out for THIRTY FREAKING YEARS!!  It's like George has this scab that he won't stop picking!  I'm sick of hearing how this next Super-Duper-Extra-Special-Snowflake Release is the DEFINITIVE version of Star Wars.  And honestly - I'd be okay with some new material that isn't cobbled on to something that's been around for years already (which, it sounds like we'll be getting sooner than we expected.  2015 - OMG, YES!!)

Say what you will about Disney, they do take care of their intellectual property (we've agreed to ignore the glut of crapquels that were only done For the Money).  Especially something as iconic and historic as Star Wars - I have no doubt that everyone's favorite Galaxy Far Far Away is in capable hands.  Also - judging how Disney and Marvel have been playing so nicely together, I'm excited to see what this new partnership brings.

(And I would LOVE to see the original Original Trilogy in a DVD/Blu-Ray set.  My first exposure to Star Wars was the 1997 Special Edition in theaters and I've only seen the original Star Wars on VHS - never Empire Strikes Back or Return of the Jedi.  What can I say? I'm a young'un).

PS - I am happy about this WITH ONE CAVEAT - in the event that I make it back to Disneyland, I do NOT want see a Disney Cast Member dressed up as Jar Jar Binks taking pictures with park guests.  Let's just relegate that upon the dungheap of bad ideas, shall we?

PPS - John Scalzi (who I'm still not sure who he is, but he matters to Geekdom at large, so I'll go with it) has an excellent post about Why This Is A Big Deal. I can't argue with his logic and he managed to put it better than I did, so there you go.

Depression (Economic) And Why It Sucks

"I would lay rest the grace in my tongue and speak plainly." - Geoffrey Chaucer "A Knight's Tale"

"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats." - H.L. Mencken as quoted by Ace of Spades HQ (check the banner)

I try to keep this blog free of conflict and contention - and bringing up anything remotely political is a good way to shoot that all to hell.  But when things connected with politics bring strife and heartache to your own doorstep, it's hard to keep your mouth shut, no matter how many people tell you to keep it to yourself.

Well, my friends - I am tired of keeping it to myself.   What good are words if I can't use them to point at something and say "Hey, there's something wrong here! What the hell?"  If you're having a good day and wish to continue in that vein, please be on your merry way.  I'll let you know when I have a movie or book review to geek out over. 

Here it goes.

I warned you.

*clears throat*

This economy is shit.  Pure and utter shit.

I don't know this because of anything on the news or what some talking head on TV told me.  I know this because today I spent over $80 on basic grocery needs at Wal-Mart.  Basic grocery needs for one person - AT THE FREAKING WAL-MART - cost over $80.  Things like bread, milk, orange juice, sausage, cereal, yogurt, frozen pizzas, spaghetti noodles, eggs, peanut butter, jam, butter, shampoo, soap, tampons, toothpaste - you want I should go on?  And I'm not buying the expensive brand-name crap - this is the Great Value El-Cheapo Soviet Commissary stuff.  Nothing is under $2.00.  Wait - a container of yogurt was 58 cents (Whoo-hoo - what a sale).  Every time I put something in my cart, I was on the verge of tears.  And I saw moms with their young children grocery shopping and all I could think was that I cannot imagine what it must be like shopping for a family.

It got even better - I spent $50 filling up my gas tank.  Last year, I rarely spent over $30 a fill-up.  I don't go very many places - work, errands and home.  Again - moms carting their kiddles to school and soccer and piano lessons and every where else they go.  I don't know how they do it, but God bless them.

I would not be so tender about this if my job situation were more secure.  Tomorrow is the last day for a while that I will have regular work shifts every day.  I'm a substitute librarian - I only work if someone else takes a day off.  Right now, work has all the shifts posted to the end of the year so managers can plan schedules for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  And where I was getting 30-40 hours a week in the summer - now I'm doing good if I get barely 20 hours a week.  I've applied for so many jobs, but everything is the same - I'm over-qualified for some jobs because of my MLS and I don't have enough experience for other jobs because they found someone else from out-of-state that's been in the game for 20-30 years already.  And why take a chance on some young gun when they can get someone already tested and proven?

I understand all this very well.  Hell, I never spent a moment in a business class (wish I had) and I get it.  I would do the same if I was running a business and needed to hire someone.  I hate that I understand how this all works because it would be a hell of a lot easier to sit here and whine how the system is so unfair and I never get what I want and what I wants is a pony, Daddy, and I wants it RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT!!

(Actually, I'd ask for a pink unicorn. The kind that craps golden ice cream).

I am nearly 28 years old.  I should be well into my career by now, paying off my student loans, living in my own place, with a nice car and insurance and with a healthy nest egg.  I shouldn't be scraping by and living paycheck-to-paycheck, praying for someone to come down with the plague or something just so I can get a measly 4-hour work shift (and I don't want to wish misfortune on anyone - maybe just that someone's kid has an orthodontist appointment).  I shouldn't be worried that I can't make rent or that I'll have to resort to moving back in with my parents because living in the big city didn't work out for me.  I don't want to be that person - that person looks lazy and unmotivated when I am anything but.

They told me I could go to college and be whatever I wanted.  Well, if I had advice for my 17-year-old self right now, it would be to screw college.  Everyone goes to college and everyone has a degree and they aren't worth the paper they're printed on.  Get a job as a secretary and save your money.  Better yet - go to a trade school and become a diesel mechanic.  Or some kind of warehouse worker.  Or a truck driver.  It's hard, back-breaking work, but you'd probably be in shape and out of debt.  Maybe you'd even find a nice boy to marry.  Don't get into these useless art fields.  You can read and write on your days off.  Libraries and English departments are luxuries anyway - work in a field that a functioning economy can't do without.  Maybe if you didn't have that stupid literary bullshit from Creative Writing 101 tainting your brain, you could have actually finished your novel and possibly even self-published it and made a little bit of extra money on the side.  Yeah, you got straight-A's in high school, but life isn't high school and it isn't college.  Life doesn't give a damn how smart you are - it's how well you get the job done.  And you can't show that on the Dean's List.

(Amazing what you learn from life... after the fact).

I could also go into how this recession (aw hell, call a spade a spade - we're in a depression. As far as I'm concerned, you get two years to fix it before it becomes a depression) affected my family very pointedly.  But that is not my story to tell (not without clearing it first and I don't think I'd get clearance anyway).  All I can tell is that I never wanted to be living hand-to-mouth in my late-20s.  These past five years (minus the 18 months I spent on a church mission - but you're poor as a missionary anyway) have been sheer and utter hell.  This is not life, this is not living.  If something doesn't shape up soon - I have no idea what I'm going to do.  I don't want to be dependent on anyone but myself.  My goal has always been to be self-sufficient and that is exactly the opposite of what's been happening.

Perhaps I should feel blessed that I'm not one of those mothers with two or three kids around her grocery cart, wondering how she's going to afford lunches to send to school, never mind clothes and a house payment.  Right now, those women are my heroes - the ones who are making it work in this economy.  Even the ones who are trying their hardest and coming up short.  For what's been heaped upon them these past five years or so - they deserve a medal.

I will say this - when your #1 priority for women is making sure they have free birth control or abortions, your priorities suck balls.  How about making sure women have good jobs where they can afford to pay the rent, buy groceries, maintain a decent car and maybe have a little extra for a rainy-day fund or maybe a bit of a weekend movie splurge or something?  Quit playing this bullshit game with "women's issues" and stop with this "Vote with your lady parts" crap.  You know - I spent four years in Lit Theory wherein we discussed feminist theory and other assorted horse manure and the one thing feminists carped about was against anything remotely resembling the objectification of women or the infantilization of women.  Well, I'm a woman and I'm tired of being treated like I'm too stupid or too shallow to care about anything other than what's going on in my - ahem - "Lady Parts."  Honestly - I don't think my lady parts are going to matter too much if I can't afford to buy food to nourish them.  And the rest of my body as well, come to think of it.

Nothing else is going to matter if basic needs are not met - that's what this boils down to.  Books, movies, TV shows, geekdom in general will not matter if I'm too worried about how I'm going to afford a tank of gas to get to the store or if I'm going to have to default on a student loan and shoot my credit all to hell (without your credit, you basically have nothing in this world).  I don't want to lay down and let Sugar Daddy government take care of me, either - not when there are people more in need of it than I am.  This sounds horrible and I don't mean for it to be, but I can think of little else more awful or humiliating than to have to be dependent on someone else.  I would rather be a help to people who really need it than to have to be a burden.  Doesn't matter if it comes from my parents or my church or a government program - I've worked hard in my life and I want to earn what I get.

But lately - it's felt like I've worked and worked and worked and earned less and less and less.

I don't want to be whiny here.  But this isn't normal - I know it isn't normal.  I almost think this has to be a bad dream or a terrible joke and I'll wake up or get to the punchline, give a nervous laugh and get on with my life.  But it's none of those things and I'm not the only one that's noticed.  I'd like to hope that by writing this up, it can be a comfort - let someone else in a similar situation know that there is another person that knows how much this sucks and they aren't the only one sitting in the driveway crying over a half as many groceries as usual and a depleted bank account on payday and wondering how they're going to make it to the next paycheck.  Even a single person with no one else to support can feel it.  This particular single person is sick of it.

When is it going to get better?

This post is likely going to piss more than a few people off - maybe even some among my friends.  But these are my words and I own them.  I'm tired of censoring myself just because something I have to say might make someone else a teensy-bit uncomfortable.  Lord knows I've been in many uncomfortable conversations and haven't said a word.  I've extended plenty of polite courtesies to people I don't agree with and I'm asking for the same.  Even if I don't get it - well, I'm used to it.  After being told for 27.5 years that you're an idiot because you believe X, Y and Z, your skin tends to thicken up quite a bit.

Back Where It All Started From - Review of "John Carter"

I know this review is coming out of left field, but hang with me here for a second - you'll be glad that you did.

I wasn't going to watch this movie.  Didn't see it in theaters, didn't see a reason to buy it on DVD.  I think I was more geeked-out over "The Hunger Games" when "John Carter" came out, to be honest.  Shoot, I didn't even know what it was supposed to be about (the movie trailer looked cool, but the title was a little bit "Guys, that's what you're calling it?")

Fast forward to September - I'm checking in the newly released books at work and I see that somebody has released the third omnibus of Edgar Rice Burroughs' "John Carter of Mars" series.  Two thoughts came into my mind (1) Wasn't that the guy that wrote "Tarzan?" and (2) Wait - that movie took place on Mars??

(It takes me a while to get there, but I eventually do).

Turns out this series has been around for a hundred years (the first story came out in 1912) and was what inspired the creation of things like Superman and Star Wars (and that's just what was listed on TV Tropes).  Basically, anything you love about superhero stories or science-fiction, this is where all that stuff came from.  Which, sort of floors me that Burroughs is more well-known for Tarzan than John Carter of Mars (and it's key to get the "of Mars" part in there because "John Carter" by itself sounds more like some Hatfield and McCoy-esque historical miniseries than sci-fi).  Me? I'm more impressed with an early-20th century writer taking on the story of a man displaced onto another planet than a man displaced onto another continent (people were doing that last one every day back then).

Long story short - I found out what this movie was really supposed to be about and decided to watch it for myself.  My reaction?

Holy. Crow. This. Is. A. Fantastic. Movie!  I don't know what to sing praises to first - the storyline, the special effects or the characters.

The story starts out with John Carter in 1888 New York running from some shady-looking guy.  Cut to John's nephew, Edgar (as in Rice Burroughs.  Yeah, I know) going to visit his uncle, only to find out that his uncle has suddenly and inexplicably passed away.  Edgar ends up reading his uncle's journal, which tells the story of how Captain John Carter, formerly of the Confederate Army, was in Arizona Territory after the Civil War searching for gold.  He winds up in a cave with strange markings, shoots some freaky-looking alien guy and gets transported to this deserted place where every step he takes launches him about twenty feet in the air.  John is taken prisoner by the Tarks (the green Martians that everyone talks about), learns the language and makes friends - of sorts - with a female Tark named Sola.  Oh, and the Red Men of Mars (or Barsoom, as they call it) are in a heated war that comes to the Tarks.  During the battle, John rescues a woman named Dejah Thoris of Helium (who was shown earlier to be working on a weapon to fight against the Zodanga).  John's enhanced abilities to fight and jump come from the fact that Mars' gravity is less than Earth's, but the people of Barsoom see him as a skilled fighter (which, he is in his own right).  Dejah is revealed to be the princess of Helium and asks him to help her people fight against Zodanga so they don't take over the already-dying planet and also so she doesn't have to marry this Creepy McCreepster that's just bad news all the way around.

John, Dejah and Sola (and Woola - the Thark-dog-lizard-thing that is just utterly adorable) go off to find the sacred river that will let John get back to Earth (the sacred river had a name, but I can't remember it).  When they find it, Dejah figures out how to make her weapon work, but they all get attacked - and John kicks some serious ass (all intercut with scenes of John discovering his wife and daughter dead during the Civil War - it's a really great character moment).  Dejah's father shows up with Creepy Dude that wants to marry her and carts her and John back to Helium.  John ends up back with the Tharks who want to kill him, but he kills their leader and he's now the leader of the Tharks, so he takes them all back to Helium to stop Dejah and Creepy Dude's wedding.  And... the rest? Spoilers!

Trust me, it's much better than I'm making it sound.

Disney studios took a big hit at the box office for "John Carter," culminating in the resignation of Rich Ross, the film chief of the company.  Personally, I blame their marketing department for screwing the pooch on this one.  They had a quality product here and, from everything I can tell, their marketing campaign didn't reflect that at all.  I think if people knew the history of the series - who wrote it, how long it's been around, what it was really about - people would have seen this and there would be sequels.  Which, I want but I'm not going to get.  Stupid studio people, screwing up things that I like.

Bottom Line: "John Carter" is a quality sci-fi/action movie that deserves a second look, even if Disney wants to forget it ever existed (this coming from the folks who disavow "The Black Cauldron," which is an enjoyable movie in its own right).  If you haven't already, go rent... no, better yet, buy this movie.  It is money and time worth spending, especially if you're a fan of modern science fiction/ fantasy (and if you get the chance, check out the novels too).

A Few Words on the Lower Missionary Age

Wish I could have found a pic of a young lady with this, but I'll take what I can get.

The Saturday Morning Session of General Conference is over and the big bombshell is that the minimum required age has been lowered to 18 for guys and 19 for girls.  The lower age for girls (from the previous minimum age of 21) is the biggest adjustment because, as far as I'm concerned, there isn't a lick of difference between an 18-year-old male and a 19-year-old male.  Heck, I'd venture to say that there isn't a lick of difference between an 18-year-old male and a 30-year-old male (I jest, of course.  Sort of.  Kind of.  Not really. Not at all).

Speaking as a female who served, I'm just going to say that the timing of when you actually decide to go - if you go at all - is a very personal decision.  My 19-year-old-in-three-weeks sister just informed me that she has zero intention of ever serving a mission.  That's fine.  Plenty of girls (and guys, but I'm focusing on the ladies here) don't go.  Six months before I left, I still had zero intention of going on a mission.  Oh, the idea had occurred to me before, but I dismissed it for a variety of reasons.  But, as so often is the case, things happen, life changes and you are allowed to re-make your decision (shocking, I know).

I left on my mission three months before my 23rd birthday - well after the then-required minimum age of 21.  I had a mission companion who was 25 when she left on her mission.  All of the elders (young men missionaries) and many of the sisters (young women missionaries) in my mission were a lot younger than me.  It's a funny thing, but at home, age is such a huge consideration in so many things.  On the mission, it didn't bother me.  Not even when someone brought up that my district leader or zone leaders were three or four years younger than me.  There is a spirit about the people called to leadership positions in the Church - whether locally or in the mission field - that supersedes all other considerations.  That is a downright fact.

There will be much made of this development in the coming days and weeks because, quite honestly, this kind of stuff doesn't happen very often and everyone gets fluttery when something new comes down the pipe.  We Mormons are a lot like chickens in that regard - throw a rock in the coop and we all go nuts (bless our hearts).  But also there are some girls who are graduating high school whose male peers are leaving and they want to go too and they'll take that chance.  Good for them.  Also, good for those who choose not to.  Everyone is in a different stage of life and it's up to you and God to determine what is right for you.

Just as an example (and the statute of limitations on this story has run out, so I don't feel weird about sharing it): When I was nineteen, I was a freshman at Snow College and it hadn't even occurred to me that marriage was an option for someone at my age.  To compare, I had a roommate who was also nineteen and practically thought of nothing else and very nearly drove us all crazy with it.  Her goal was to be engaged by the end of the school year.  Two days before the end of Finals Week in spring semester, she was engaged.  Mission Accomplished [insert balloons and banners and fireworks here].  As far as I know, she's happy with her decision and I wish her and her husband and kids all the best.  But I was not ready for marriage at nineteen (and I don't know if I'm even ready now, though nothing has happened to make me confront the subject of my readiness for marriage, so I just leave it alone).

I have one more thing to say about this then the next session of Conference starts - there was a press conference from the Church Office Building to talk about the changes with the media.  One media chick - some dippy feminist from the Salt Lake Tribune with a really nasally voice - got all huffy and kind of disrespectful because the Brethren hadn't adjusted the duration of service for the sisters (sisters serve for 18 months and the elders serve for two years).  Elder Holland had a great line - always in his gracious-yet-firm way that makes me wish I could give the man a high-five (if it's even appropriate to give an Apostle a high-five, of course) - and that was "One miracle at a time."  Who knows - maybe if this a success, they will give the ladies an extra six months to serve.  Geez, lady - keep your hair on and let's see where this goes.  Personally, I've never felt short-changed because I served a shorter amount of time.  Actually, I've never felt short-changed for any kind of differences in Church responsibilities between men and women.  That could be its own blog post, honestly.  But I had to comment on that because that chick's question and her attitude ticked me off.  And that's the point where you shrug your shoulder and go "Eh, it's the Tribune.  What d'ya do?"

Anyway - missions. Serve if you feel like it's something you want to do.  Serve with all your heart and mind.  If you don't do a mission, serve where you are with all your heart and mind.  Don't feel pressure to do anything that you don't feel is what you need to do, but don't discount your own feelings.  As with every major decision in your life, pray about it and be honest with yourself and with God.  Trust Him - God will never lead you astray.  Missions are hard.  I would be a dirty rotten liar if I said otherwise.  When the statute of limitations runs out on those stories (for posting them online, I mean), I'll have to tell you all about it.  But if you feel that it's something God wants for you, believe that He's guiding your life and trust that He wants you to be happy.  My mission accelerated my own spiritual growth and prepared me to deal with some of the tough stuff I've dealt with since then.  And probably prepared me for tough stuff that I haven't even begun to think of yet (and here is where I do a mental-side-note of "Awww... crap...")  For all it's difficulty and toughness, it is worth it.

Well, I've rambled enough on this topic.  The next Conference session starts in eight minutes and I'm sure one of my sisters has stolen my seat, so I have to go relocate myself.  Enjoy the day, everyone.

You And Me, On the Last Page

My thoughts of "The Angels Take Manhattan" beneath the video. Spoilers (maybe?)



I can't really describe what this story means to me.  I didn't even realize that it would mean so much to me.  And every time I try to put it down in words, it sounds hokey.  I almost don't even want to listen to the podcasters review it because someone is going to have problems with this stupid little thing or that one dumb line (they'll come up with something - they always do) and I don't want to hear anyone run this story down.  It's like having a very special and sacred experience and then trying to tell someone else about it and they just laugh at you.  And you berate yourself because you should have known better because the other person wasn't there and it's just stupid to them and there's no way they can fully understand it.  Not the way that you do.

I can't step back from this one and be a cold-hearted reviewer, nitpicking all the "Well, there the Angels were looking at each other and how could the Statue of Liberty get there so quick and Moffat didn't explain this thing very well and blah, blah, blah, whatever..."  I can't do that - not for this story.  Not when I'm saying goodbye to someone who helped me clearly outline my own problems and define what was wrong with me - what I needed.  And what I needed was a friend or two or three - even if they were fictional - to take me out of my own sorrows and difficulties.


Two and a half years ago (more or less), I was introduced to Amelia Pond.  My introduction came at the end of mainlining all of Doctor Who (at least, everything since the 2005 revival).  As I've said before, my introduction to Doctor Who came at a really tough time for me.  I had no job, I was working through a Master's degree, I was still living in my parents' house (which at the time was a source of great disappointment and shame for myself) and I really didn't have much to look forward to in my life.  I didn't know what to do with myself and I felt terribly alone.  I cried a lot in those days.

Amy's story resonated with me almost immediately.  In "The Eleventh Hour," she mentions that she had to go psychiatrists and people didn't believe her that she met the Raggedy Doctor who had promised to take her traveling (I seriously cannot watch the scene with little Amelia running out of her house in her coat and hat with her little suitcase to wait for the Doctor without tearing up).  In "The Beast Below" - a story much maligned by Who fandom at large - Amy saves the star whale by realizing that something so old and so kind could only ever want to help a sad lonely child.  That resonated with me so much because, at the time, I was a pretty sad lonely child (compared to the Doctor and his 1000+ years, mid-twenties is like a baby, really).

Like so many other people, I ran away with the Doctor.  I ran away with him and Amy (and Rose and Martha and Donna and Sarah Jane and everyone else).  Their adventures were my adventures.  For a time, I am a companion.  Whatever is going on in my regular life and whoever is causing me grief doesn't matter - we have Daleks to defeat and corridors to run through.  But the adventures end.  They must, of necessity.  Companions leave, get left behind and a few die.  Even the Doctor dies.  But then he comes back and starts running again, finding other lonely children to amaze, entertain and change for the better (always for the better).

Amy was a lonely little girl for most of her life.  Then the Doctor returned and things seemed brighter.  Still, she wasn't sure how she wanted to go through her life.  Even when she was with Rory, she wasn't sure if he was what she wanted.  It took her quite some time to decide on that, but she did.  And she was happy.  As we saw last week in "The Power of Three," she had both her normal life with her husband and her adventurous traveling with the Doctor life.

Now, it's 2012.  I'm out of my parents house, I have my MLS, I have a job.  I've seen my share of joys and my share of disappointments and I've had my share of betrayals.  Amy had many different jobs, it seems.  She had a pretty good marriage and she had great things happen to her.  She also had some very difficult things - kidnapped and pregnant, much?  But in the end, would she trade it?

There have been days I wanted to run away from life.  That, if I heard the TARDIS engines groaning in my backyard, I would drop whatever I was doing and tear out after the Doctor (hoping, of course, that he would let me in).  Amy wanted to run away at first.  Even when she had reason to stay and even when she said she didn't want to run away anymore - she ran.  She ran after that Raggedy Man who took her away.  In the end, she ran after that Roman who stole her heart.

This season of Doctor Who began on September 1, which was the hardest day I've endured in a quite a long time.  I haven't let on that there's anything wrong because there's nothing I can do about what happened and it does no good to wallow in self-pity.  So, I keep calm and carry on.  Stiff-upper-lip and all that stuff.  I've done more than my share of crying lately.  It's almost like I'm back to that summer in 2010 when everything was falling apart and I had nothing to hold onto.  And then I watch Amy willingly walk into a Weeping Angel, complete with her name appearing on a gravestone next to her husband's.  It's almost too much - then again, it's almost the right time for it.

I've been told to grow up and quit watching all those silly sci-fi shows and spending my time reading fantasy books.  But that's how I cope with my troubles.  Stories are how I deal with my life.  That's how it's always been.  And when I find someone, even in fiction, who I can relate to (who can relate to me) - why would I let go of that?  Stories define us.  The stories and characters that pull us through our rough patches and our good times become part of us and part of our lives.  I would no sooner forget these people than I would my own parents and siblings.  Even ones that later disappoint me... well, I won't go into that here.  But the person that claims you never need to re-read a book or re-watch a movie, I would call them crazy.  Out and out looney.  You can't live your life bolted down to one time or one place and never experience things - even if it's just through fiction.  Well, maybe some people can.  I can't.

Amy Pond - well, she helped me.  She was a friend.  She and Rory.  All I can hope for is that they lived out a wonderful life in 1930s New York (hopefully the Angels were gone for good).  They deserve it.

I know this wasn't much of a standard review, but this wasn't a standard story.  Oh, maybe in the weeks and months to come I'll find plotholes to dig at or whatever, but for now, I can only be grateful for it.  Because it reminded me of something so dear and precious to me.  Something I'll never be able to put into words.  Nor would I ever want to.

The only way I could close this is with Amy's afterword.  Most of it is for the Doctor of course, but there were a few nuggets that I took to heart.  I hope you all don't mind -

Hello, Old Friend. Here we are. You and me, on the last page.  By the time you read these words, Rory and I will be long gone. So know that we lived well and were happy. And above all else, know that we will love you, always. Sometimes, I do worry about you, though.  I think , once we're gone you won't be coming back here for a while.  And you might be alone.  Which you should never be.  Don't be alone, Doctor.  And do one more thing for me: There's a little girl waiting in a garden.  She's going to wait a long while, so she's going to need a lot of hope.  Go to her.  Tell her a story.  Tell her that if she's patient, the days are coming that she'll never forget.  Tell her she'll go to sea and fight pirates.  She'll fall in love with a man who'll wait 2,000 years to keep her safe.  Tell her she'll give hope to the greatest painter who ever lived.  And save a whale in outer space.  Tell her, this is the story of Amelia Pond.  And this is how it ends.
                                                                    - Amelia Pond Williams

Thank you, Pond.

Old West Justice in a Town Called Mercy

"We will judge no man, but send him to the Judge of us all and let Him settle the matter." - Unknown

This idea came to me last week after listening to the boys at Traveling the Vortex, um, kind of rip apart "A Town Called Mercy" (that's me being nice about it - they gave it a pretty harsh drubbing).  I seriously couldn't figure out why people didn't like this story when I thought it was excellent.  Same with this week's "The Power of Three" - I absolutely adored it, but so far the general consensus is "Meh, it's okay - too much fanwank - the conclusion was too rushed."  I almost could chalk that one up to the boys from Radio Free Skaro being their usual pessimistic selves, but I've seen this assessment on Twitter and elsewhere.

I'm not exactly sure how to reconcile my opinions with the rest of Who-dom.  Then again, I've never been able to reconcile my opinions on anything with the rest of the world - not on anything that mattered, at least.  I've always been kind of an outlier in the "Thinking Deep and Thoughtful Thinkings" department, and this is one of those instances.  I want to talk about something that's missing from the "A Town Called Mercy" discussions.  I even missed it on initial viewing and it took me going "Why is everyone so obsessed with the Doctor's 'darkness?' "  But something hit me as I thought about it.

Why is the town called "Mercy?"  Of all the names they could have given the town, why Mercy?

First, let me work it from this angle - the Old West is famous for being a lawless place.  And this may be exaggerated in westerns, but there's the myth of justice in the Old West being a bullet in your head courtesy of the one who you wronged.  Even if the law catches up to you, there wasn't much in the way of a lawful trial and a jury of your peers.  It was a rough-and-tumble place.  My grandpa had a saying that my dad is fond of using now (and it probably came from a movie or something): "You've gotta be tough if you're gonna live in the west," the idea being that the west is not a merciful place and you will get no sympathy from this harsh lifestyle and its landscape (or from life in general).

Which is why it's interesting that this town in a generic American West area is called Mercy.  It's interesting that Sheriff Marshall Isaac is so keen on giving Kahler-Jex a second chance, even if he is a war criminal.  Jex is seeking to do some good after he's done so much wrong.  Justice dictates that, yes, he ought to be thrown out and left to fend for himself against the Gunslinger, who is actually Kahler-Tek - one of the people that Jex did so much wrong against.  Tek has every right to demand justice.  But mercy comes into play - Jex is the one who saved the town from cholera and the people are grateful.  They don't want to see their hero be gunned down by this monster.  So, they give him a safe place to stay at their own peril.

"A Town Called Mercy" is not the story of the Doctor's darkness or a fun romp in the Old American West.  It is the story of someone who made a terrible mistake and who is trying to atone for it.  But Jex will never be able to completely fix what he did and no amount of goodwill - however much his heart is in the right place - will be able to put Kahler-Tek back the way he was.  He deserves justice for the things he did in the war - yet doesn't he also deserve some mercy for the good he's tried to do?

Another thing that works with this story of redemption is the Kahler belief that in the afterlife, you must carry the souls of all those you've wronged.  Jex is afraid of this because he sees that he has done so much wrong. So, he runs in order to avoid paying his debt to God or the universe or whatever you want to call it.  In the end, he sees that he cannot run from justice any longer - there are consequences to your actions.  But right as the self-destruct countdown reaches zero, Jex expresses a hope that "Perhaps they [the people he's wronged] will be kind" - i.e. show mercy.

Of course, we never see the kind of reception Jex gets after he blows up his own ship and makes it to the afterlife - how the souls of those he has wronged receive him and if they are indeed kind, as is Jex's dying wish.  It is my own belief - and I'm going to get religious here, but it's my blog and tough turkeys if you don't like it - that there is One who can apply both justice and mercy.  Look - everyone is going to screw up in life.  There are people who have done terrible, terrible things and deserve harsh punishment.  But, on the flip side, there are a few of those people (and it's not up to me or you or any of us to say who those people are) who have recognized the bad things they've done and want to fix it the best they can.  I believe there will be a reckoning that no one can escape.  I don't know how it'll play out, and since I'm not in charge of it, I don't have to be too concerned about logistics and such.  However, I do know that there is going to be Someone on the other end who can show mercy while at the same time dishing out justice to those who deserve it (which would be everyone, to one degree or another).  We can try to show both mercy and justice, but it's beyond any of us to accomplish that.  People are limited in that regard.  Good thing it's not our job to judge a person's heart, now isn't it?

Anyway, those are my thoughts on this.  I don't know if that was the original intent of the writers, but if English professors can read crazy-ass theories that Shakespeare or Jane Austen never even heard of when they were writing, then I can take religious-type allegories from Doctor Who. Basically, the western aspect of it carries the ideas of justice that Jex is trying to escape from, but the town is called Mercy, so that makes you sit up and take notice that this is not a typical Old West town.  Throw in the "America is the land of second chances" - which is something my own ancestors came out West looking for, though in a somewhat different context - and you've got a story full to bursting in some pretty deep symbolism.

I knew those Lit Theory classes would turn out to be good for something!

"Patience is for Wimps" or "Creatures of Hope" - Review of "The Power of Three"

Because I revel in being a little shit, my review of "The Power of Three" is below this "Chicken Dance" video.  But at least it's not on loop - (Spoilers!)



After the sheer brilliance of last week's "A Town Called Mercy" (and I didn't realize that an alternative title of that episode could have been "Old West Justice in a Town Called Mercy," but it's amazing what comes to you in the shower), I wasn't sure what to expect from "Cubed" "The Power of Three."  I wasn't terribly impressed with Chris Chibnall's first offering this season, "Dinosaurs on a Spaceship," so I didn't expect much.

Dear Sweet Gallifrey, Chibnall's been holding out on us!  If he was capable of such awesomeness, why in the name of all that is good and decent did I have to slog through stuff like "42"?

What I love about this episode is that it's all about this mysterious alien invasion, yet the crappy aliens don't show up until the last 7 minutes or so and we don't have to dwell on them too much.  But there are so many emotional ties in this story!  First and foremost is exploring the relationship between the Doctor and the Ponds (given that someone is going to die for dead next week - my money's on Amy - it's about time we got that).  I love the whole "putting the shoe on the other foot" thing they did here - instead of the Doctor's companions existing in his world, the Doctor gets to exist in the companions' world for a little while.  Special mention for Brian Pond Williams, of course - being stalwart about keeping an eye on his cube.  It was adorable.

Second - and I just about started bawling when it came up - Kate Stewart, the daughter of the late, great Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart (and since we watched "Battlefield" last night for Friday Night Who, my emotions were still a bit tender.  I don't think I'll ever fully get over it).  And not just that we had this peripheral, randomly-inserted heretofore unknown relative of a beloved companion and friend - but that Kate was genuinely awesome! (bringing more science into a military organization like UNIT - and that she had to drag them kicking and screaming - hell to the yes!!)  And that she just goes by "Stewart" so she doesn't get special favors because she wants to do things on her own merits - man, she is just... I have no words for how much I love her.  I have just a small request - everyone else is clamoring for Ice Warriors and Zygons (which were mentioned a bit in this story) and a bunch of other stuff, but I want more UNIT and Kate Stewart, if you please!

(I don't know if it was in any synopses or anything, but I am soooo glad I wasn't spoiled on that).

As the Doctor is trading barbs with Emperor Palpatine the Shakri hologram dude-thingy, he left with something that I wish more sci-fi shows would do.  Instead of leaving things at the "Humans are Bastards the Real Monsters" trope (which many sci-fi shows do because... hell, I don't know. Self-hate, maybe?), the Doctor gives us this blessed little gem:

"[Cubes] made attractive so humans will collect them, hoping to find something beautiful inside.  Because that's what they are. Not pests or plague - creatures of hope, forever building and reaching.  Making mistakes, of course, every lifeform does.  But - but - they learn! And they strive for greater - and they achieve it!"

HELL YES WE DO!! *Punch-the-air times a million!*

It's really hard to pick out little things that I liked because this whole story felt very tight and part of a cohesive whole.  Much the way "A Town Called Mercy" was last week, but even tighter than that.  It's still a stand-alone episode, like the rest of the stories this year have been, but I finally feel like we have a bit of a connection with the rest of the season instead of being bounced around hither-and-thither-and-yon.  There was a reason for the Dalek story and the dinosaur story and the western story - to show that time has passed significantly for the Ponds and the Doctor (though not at the same rate for both).  Certainly other adventures have taken place during this time, but nothing too connected or high-stakes like the cracks in time or the Silents.  Of course it would be great to see those adventures, but the BBC only gives the Moff and Company thirteen episodes to work with (doesn't mean that the novelists and alternative media creators aren't picking up some slack).  So, even with all the disjointed stuff we've had over the past month, I've enjoyed it and it makes sense how this works.

And next week - the Ponds get a proper send-off (or a very soul-crushing one.  That is yet to be seen).

I need to go watch this one again!

"This is not how we roll and you know it" - Review of "A Town Called Mercy"

Hello again, all.  It's time for another Doctor Who review.  Spoilers below my mom's favorite song (at least, I think it's her favorite.  I know she likes it.  We watched "The Gunfighters" for Friday Night Who and the song they kept playing in that story made me think of this song) -



I'm gonna go out on a limb and say "A Town Called Mercy" is the best episode of Series 7 so far.  Maybe it's because the story itself is so timely it's scary or maybe it's just a really well-put-together and tightly-written story and I enjoyed it very much (I'm going to be diplomatic here and say that it's both).

If I had one complaint about "Dinosaurs on a Spaceship," it's that story tried to do waaaaay too much and was trying waaaaay too hard.  By contrast, "A Town Called Mercy" had a few simple ideas and wove them so tight together that everything worked - even stuff that you'd question was addressed quickly (like why Team TARDIS managed to walk through the desert and into Mercy without encountering the Gunslinger - because they didn't have any food or supplies for the town).  The pacing was EXCELLENT (not just good or excellent or even Excellent - EXCELLENT).  At no point was I bored or checking my watch or how much time was left on my iTunes counter.  I would put this on par with "The Girl Who Waited" from last year, it was that good (and I just about had myself convinced that it was the same writer - except it really wasn't.  Toby Whithouse wrote "The God Complex" last year, which I thought was a hot mess.  Guess people do learn from their mistakes after all).

Also, the dialogue was snappy and quick and just lovely.  Some favorites:

- Toast crumbs on the TARDIS console (that's why they didn't make it to Mexico)
- Rory left his phone charger in the court of Henry VIII
- The Doctor speaks Horse and discovers that "Joshua's" name is really "Susan" (I wonder how many fanboys that particular name sent into a tizzy)

Amy was brilliant in this episode.  The whole scene where Amy chastises the Doctor for throwing Kahler-Jex out of Mercy was bang-on awesome.  Even had some time for a few gun-related jokes (and here I must say that Amy was handling that gun very dangerously and people need to be very careful around firearms).  Amy knows the Doctor well enough by now that she can call him on his crap and, guess what, he actually listens!  *applause* *and some more applause*  You know, I guess Amy always has this ability with the Doctor - going back even as far as "The Beast Below" where she find the elusive Third Option (don't click that).  This time is a bit different in that Amy just says "I don't know what we're going to end up doing about this, but it sure as hell isn't what you're doing right now!"

Something I Must Address and It's Disgusting That I Must Do So - Even though Steven Moffat didn't write this episode, I know the "Moffat is a misogynist pig and we hates him - RAWR!" feminazis are going to have their g-strings in a twist over Jex observing that Amy must be a mother because she exhibits kindness and ferocity.  I know it's a little too much to ask you to think that Doctor Who isn't necessarily saying only mothers have these qualities because you all have your opinions set in stone, but could you not be so rabid about it?  That's  probably what drove Steven Moffat from Twitter last week (The Mary Sue, I am side-eyeing you SO HARD right now!  Tor, you're heading for the side-eye shit list).  I should have a whole essay on this nonsense of being a female geek meaning you have to take torches and pitchforks to anyone who doesn't toe the hardcore feminist agenda the way the hardcore feminists want, but in the meantime, could you all take your fuzzy pink vagina cosplay and stuff it?

Back to more important things -

Another thing that seemed to bother people - including me - last week was the way that the Doctor dispatched Solomon so brutally.  It was a little, um, out of character.  You know - just a little bit.  One could probably argue that the Doctor's actions toward Jex in this story were over-the-top as well (I keep wanting to call him Sharez Jek.  Which is COMPLETELY different).  But, again, the writing made the difference here.  The context we had to that point and the way the Doctor went off after he found out what Jex's M.O. really was (not to mention, again, the sheer BRILLIANCE of Matt Smith's acting chops) made it so much more chilling and believable rather than just scratching our heads and going "Did he just do what we thought he did?"  It actually made me wonder "What's happened since the last time he's had Amy and Rory along for an adventure?"  What has the Doctor been through that he goes off like that?  I really feel like we're only getting half of what's been going on (or maybe it's just I've been used to the over-arching story-arcs and this new stand-alone stuff takes some adjusting to)

Here's a list of other stuff I loved/noticed -

- The music. Back when I reviewed Firefly, I said that the first thing that really hooked me was the music.  The western-and-sci-fi motif is probably very difficult to mesh together and make it work.  But just like Firefly, "A Town Called Mercy" did this beautifully.  And I think this is the first time since Series 5 that we really had some original, not-recycled-from-a-past-series Murray Gold to go along with our Doctor Who (there might have been a few snippets last year, but I never noticed them.  I only ever noticed them playing "I Am the Doctor" during those "Shit's Gettin' Real!" moments).

- The Gunslinger has a distinct Anthony Hopkins look to him.  Or maybe that was just me.

- I loved that the Doctor just took the "warning shot" and made it his own.  However, I have a nit to pick with that - it wasn't a real Stetson (I'm a country kid - I know my western wear. Don't argue with me on this one).

- The kid that faces down the Doctor during the lynch mob scene?  His new name is Porkpie the Boy Wonder.    Seriously, Lynch Mob - why do you send the kid who just emerged from puberty to speak for you all?  I know you're frightened, but that's just ridiculous.

- This is a little thing, but you know how they all had those Kahler marks on their faces during the last showdown with the Gunslinger?  And how the Doctor was only partway through getting his painted on his face before he ran out to be a distraction?  Well, a few frames after he hides around a corner, he suddenly has the whole mark painted on his face.  Production-continuity-error?  Maybe.  But if that's all I have to complain about this story, then that's not much to complain about.

Honestly, I loved this story.  Great morality, wonderful conflict (that sounds weird, but it's the truth) packaged in an entertaining and thought-provoking episode.  Definitely a keeper.  And next week's looks intriguing as well - maybe get some insight into why the Doctor's been "Hi Ponds! *adventure, danger, running* Bye, Ponds!" all the time.

ETA: I just remembered something else that I forgot to mention earlier - Doctor Who novels and Big Finish have done Western-type stories before and I thought "A Town Called Mercy" sort of felt like those stories as well, just on TV and better executed.  It was cool to actually see a story like this work on screen in the New Series.

ETA2: I should have thought of this!  But credit to Radio Free Skaro on this one - the horse's name is Susan and it's a boy horse (quite obviously).  What does that give us?  A Boy Named Sue!

This calls for some Johnny Cash action!  It fits and you're welcome.

An Exercise in Focus and Perspective - Review of "Sean Griswold's Head"

Title: Sean Griswold's Head
Author: Lindsey Leavitt
Publisher: Bloomsbury
Publication Date: 2011
Reading Level: 14 and up

Synopsis (from Goodreads) -

According to her guidance counselor, fifteen-year-old Payton Gritas needs a focus object-an item to concentrate her emotions on. It's supposed to be something inanimate, but Payton decides to use the thing she stares at during class: Sean Griswold's head. They've been linked since third grade (Griswold-Gritas-it's an alphabetical order thing), but she's never really known him.

The focus object is intended to help Payton deal with her father's newly diagnosed multiple sclerosis. And it's working. With the help of her boy-crazy best friend Jac, Payton starts stalking-er, focusing on-Sean Griswold . . . all of him! He's cute, he shares her Seinfeld obsession (nobody else gets it!) and he may have a secret or two of his own.

In this sweet story of first love, Lindsey Leavitt seamlessly balances heartfelt family moments, spot-on sarcastic humor, and a budding young romance.

My Review:

I admit, I did not expect to love this book as much as I did.  But it's nominated for a Beehive Book Award from the Children's Literature Association of Utah and as a children's librarian in Utah, I feel like I ought to support the team.  This year, I've decided I'm going to read all the nominees - or at least give them a fair shot.  I can't vote on them because that's just for the school-age kids, but I'm going to read them anyway.

I would put "Sean Griswold's Head" in the same camp as "Dairy Queen," (I really need to migrate stuff from my old book review blog to this one - that's for later) in that it's family-type comedy narrated by a teenage protagonist who has to come to terms with major changes in her life and she deals with them with snark and jokes, disguising her pain and hurt.  Personally, I love books like this - books that treat teenagers like actual people and not these bizarre Disney Channel/Nickelodeon teeny-bopper caricatures of teenagers.  In this book, Payton Gritas is a realistic teenage girl - she's not overly-dramatic, she keeps a lot of things to herself and, yes, she thinks that she's right all the time.  She's a good student with a friend that is sometimes silly and she has her own little quirks (like spending her Christmas money on a super-expensive day-planner - just because she likes to be organized.  This may sound sad, but I can relate to that on a personal level).

The way she finds out her dad has MS - yeah, I think I'd freak out a little bit too.  The story is less that her dad has MS, it's more that she feels like she's been deliberately lied to about it.  Because her family didn't tell her right away, she feels like they don't appreciate her as someone mature enough to handle it.  Thus, every time she sees her dad having an episode, she doesn't think she can talk to anyone about it because she thinks no one will take her seriously.  She quits the basketball team because it makes her think of her dad, which makes her think of his illness and how her parents kept it from her.

I've done this.  When someone has angered or disappointed me, I do everything I can not to think about that person, even if it means giving things I love because they remind me of that person.  It's weird and silly and a little bit childish, but you almost can't help it.

This is where the titular Sean Griswold's head comes in.

Payton's analysis of Sean's head provides something that she can observe in a controlled way.  She keeps a journal of her observations of his head - and (more and more) her observations of the head's owner.  She starts cycling because it's something that Sean does - and because it's something that has nothing to do with her father.  She even ventures into the Hall of Terror where all the so-called "goth kids" hang out because Sean has friends there.  And, truly, they turn out to be not-so-bad.  Eventually, Payton becomes friends with Sean - and of course, this is where things start going wonky in Payton's life (and I will leave it up to you, Dear Reader, to find out for yourself).

I thought the whole premise was a little odd at first, but maybe it's because I've been dealing with some prickly situations with people I know lately.  I could identify with the need to separate myself from these people and find a completely different outlet to take my mind off my difficulties.  Thankfully, no one I know has any debilitating diseases (that I'm aware of), but Payton's story reflected mine well enough that reading this book was almost therapeutic for me.  That is something I won't soon forget.

(Plus, I thought it was hilarious that both Payton and Sean loved Seinfeld, even though no one else in their age group gets it.  Even Payton's friend Jac told her to lay off the Seinfeld references - before Jac knew that Sean was a Seinfeld fan too.  Uncanny).

There Were Some Dinosaurs. There Was a Spaceship.

Hello Saturday! It's Doctor Who day and today's offering brought us "Dinosaurs on a Spaceship."  Spoilers below the clip from the best dinosaur movie in the world!



So... what to say about "Dinosaurs on a Spaceship?" Um... Mr. Weasley was in it. So was Argus Filch. And there was some rather odd innuendos.  And a couple of "What the heck was that doing here?"

I'm really having a hard time coming up with anything substantial to say about this one.  It sort of felt like a ten-year-old kid dumped out his toy box and started playing with his dinosaurs and robots and pirates all together and called it a Doctor Who episode.  Which works great for Andy in Toy Story - not so much here.

The whole thing kind of felt forced.  Lines about gender perspectives just make me cringe.  I'm not sure why Rory's dad had to come along.  Really, did two people of similar genetic makeup have to pilot the ship?  And why really did the Doctor need a whole "gang" of people along?  Why choose Queen Nefertiti and that other dude that I have no idea who he was?  Why Silurians?  Honestly, this whole episode felt rushed.  Maybe it needed to be a two-parter.  Maybe we needed a smaller toy box?  Hell, I don't know.

The robots were funny.  They had some snappy dialogue.  And the TARDIS materializing around Amy, Rory and Brian was great (definitely a time-saver - which was sorely needed in this episode).  And who can say anything bad about riding around on a triceratops?  But it feels like that's all there was to this episode.  I have nothing else to say about this story.  And, quite frankly, I'm ready for next week.

(I've been listening to too much Radio Free Skaro.  I'm starting to sound like Chris or Warren.  God help us all).

ETA: Just because I love this movie (and I found a ton of cute clips on YouTube) here's another "Land Before Time" clip.  It's adorable. You know you love it.

 

Never Mind the Half-Empty Boxes All Over the Place...

'cause Doctor Who's back, y'all!!  Spoilers and review for "Asylum of the Daleks" below the trailer

A Personal Note: To say the past week has been crazy would be like calling Sheldon Cooper's a little bit smarter than average.  I've had the flu, I've had to pack up and move (more or less on my own, I might add) and I'm still not quite settled in to my new place.  Happily, I have tomorrow off, so I can take care of that some more as needed.  But I was more than ready for a new season of Doctor Who.  And "Asylum of the Daleks" did not disappoint.

As with any brand new Who, it takes some getting used to the fact that "Wow - this is really new stuff."  And even though it is a Dalek story, it's very different than traditional Dalek stories.  First of all, the Daleks are asking for help from the Doctor.  Which is just plain weird.  Also, this story reminded me in some ways of last year's "Let's Kill Hitler," in that the Daleks seemed secondary to the story even though they're in the title. It's more like Oswin (which, Jenna-Louise Coleman - WHAT?? I thought she wasn't going to be around until Christmas??? *insert "MOFFAT!!!" fist-shaking gif here*) was the main focus of the story.  The fact that she turned out to be a human-converted-Dalek was just... yeah it was there.

I got the feeling that they used the Daleks because they could use the old, dusty, cob-webbed models from Whovian Days of Yore that had been in storage and make it look like they were old, dusty, cob-webbed Daleks in the Asylum.  Hey, it worked.  I'm not complaining.  Way to come in under budget, guys and gals! *applause*

Amy and Rory - now I get why "Pond Life" was needed.  Beyond the whole "Hey, let's countdown to the premiere of new Doctor Who with these awesome little short episodes!" we did need to have a sense of all not being well in la casa de Pond.  This being Doctor Who rather than Days of Our Lives, I'm glad that they didn't dwell too much on the Ponds' marriage.  They spent just enough time on it to convey, yes there have been some issues off-screen and here they are and "HOSHIIII... THERE'S ANOTHER PSYCHO CRAZY DALEK, FOR THE LOVE OF RASSILON, RUN!!!!" Of course, I'm super-relieved that things turned out okay in the end and Amy and Rory get dropped back off at their cute little house-with-the-TARDIS-Blue-door at the end.  All is well in Pond-land.

(Maybe it's because I rewatched the pilot episode of Firefly last night, but do Amy and Rory remind anyone else of Zoe and Wash?  Even just a little?  They do me for some reason.  Just throwing that out there).

So... I have a question (no pun intended).  Was the Daleks screaming "Doctor...Who?" at the end just a nod to the end of last season, or is this going to be a running thing through this season?  I know Moffat said no more story arcs, but he also said that JLC wouldn't be around until Christmas and we all know that Moffat lies and I'm not putting anything past that cheeky old bugger.

And I'm being paged to come visit with my new roommates.  Plus, I think I've said everything I want to say.  I will now leave it to the wise and learned (and the podcasters) to continue the prognostication.

(damn, it feels good to be talking Who again.)