Sunday, December 27, 2009

I've Seen This Movie Before and I Don't Like It

The Colts lost to the JETS???? The freaking JETS??? You don't lose to the Jets!! I don't care if you have the playoffs wrapped up - I WANT AN UNDEFEATED SEASON!!! DON'T PUT IN YOUR JV BOYS, DAMMIT!!

Okay, okay - the undefeated season would have been nice, especially if they won the Super Bowl (because it's something the Patriots couldn't do - neener neener), but it wasn't a necessity. What I'm pissed about is this: Whenever the Colts clinch the first-round bye in the playoffs, they sit their starters and throw the last two games of the season. Then, they crap out in the playoffs and let the Patriots or the Broncos through, which ticks off the rest of the world ("the rest of the world" meaning me). The only time the Colts won the Super Bowl was when they went into the playoffs as a wild card team and went the distance and beat the Bears. They didn't rest anybody at any time and that, in my educated observations, was the difference.

I'd like to see something really revolutionary: play Manning and the rest of the starters all the way through the regular season to get some winning momentum for the post-season and then see what happens. If nothing changes, then I won't get on their case ever again. But they didn't so I'm ranting about it. And you all have to deal with it. Tough turtles. I'm mad and real life people are being asses about it. After I listen to their rantings and ravings... (that's another story for another day - this is why I have a blog).

Bottom Line: Colts First-round bye + Sitting starters=playoff disaster. Not cool.

Friday, December 18, 2009

The Latest Special Effects Vomit-fest

LJ has been whoring advertising that "Avatar" movie a lot lately. Here's my initial opinion from movie trailers, TV ads and the Wikipedia entry:

I will probably NOT be seeing "Avatar" - in theaters, on Netflix or otherwise. I have an aversion to movies that portray humans as hideously evil, planet-raping, innocent-creature-killing monsters. And James Cameron is not one of my favorite directors (though, he did give us one of the funniest movies to MST3K to). If the little blue creatures were actually the bad guys, I might look into it. But, I have a loyalty to my species (in spite of all their faults), thankyouverymuch. In all fairness, I hate "Fern Gully" and "Bambi" for the same reason.

In the spirit of The Preemptive Critics (a Utah Statesman classic) - I preemptively hate this movie.

I haven't seen "The Blind Side" yet, so that's what I'll probably go see.

PS - From a "real" critic, Jeff Vice of the Deseret Morning News: All special effects, no plot. I thought as much.

PPS - Question: Is it possible to have a good action-fantasy-sci-fi-special-effects movie and STILL have a coherent storyline? Oh wait, that's right - Lord of the Rings did it (though, I sure someone would argue with that... sigh...).

Sunday, December 13, 2009

*sniffs* Is Something Burning?

*gasp* - My spinach puffs!! (actually - I think something is wrong with the dishwasher. Because nothing is cooking and the dishwasher is the only thing running right now. Crap...)

Okay - onto the real post!

Breathe? Breathe? Nah - don't need to.

Yet, I finally find myself at home without anyone hollering for me to do anything for them. Took a hour and a half drive with three very obnoxious children (two of which I didn't know I would be carting) yammering in the backseat, plus the weenie dog nesting in the front seat. Did I mention the snowpacked gravel roads? Oh yes, it was a joy... Oy - I remain a firm believer that baby-sitting is the best form of birth control (the second best form is being called to teach the 3-year-olds in church, which explains why my sister and brother-in-law have elected to wait to have kids. Personally, I do not blame them).

Well, I do have some updating to do, which I am going to do while I watch the Giants and the Eagles grapple in the fourth quarter. What Eli was thinking when he slid for a first down and ended up fumbling I will never know.

Let's begin with Wednesday (yes, I am that far behind)

Wednesday was the BIG event - I went to Costco to meet Sarah Palin and have her sign my copy of her book, "Going Rogue." My roommate came with me - she just wanted to shake Sarah's hand. Did I mention I got on TV?

So, Costco people are officially known as "The Fun Police." Or they have joined the infamous group of people who are the Fun Police. First, we get into the door - bear in mind that I bought my book on Amazon for $9 (they had a pre-order special and I wasn't about the pass it up). I wasn't going to fork over any money to Costco on this trip. But we come to the door and the offspring of Satan Costco employees inform us that to even get to say hi to Sarah, we had to fork out $50 for a Costco membership. Well, I was pissed - but my roommate said that she'd get a card because she would probably use it later anyway. She signed up and we worked out a system that she would show her card, get her ticket in line and then pass the card to me so I could pretend it was mine. And... what do you know, it actually worked!

Oh - and another tick in the Fun Police column - there were these insanely funny Tea Party people giving out fliers and telling us about their website ( and showing us their awesome Tea Party shirts (and even giving them out for free - I got one that shows Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin as "The Refounding Fathers." It was pretty sweet). Well, then the Costco nerds come down the line insisting that we give back the fliers these guys had passed out (I kept one in my Jack Bauer bag - I was being rebellious), citing their Costco BS that "We take care of our members. You'll notice that you don't have fliers sticking to your cars. This is how we provide a pleasant shopping experience..." It was at this point I was distracted by a butterfly going past and I stopped listening (and we found a flier sticking to our car when we got out of the store. It was glorious).

So, Costco = Fun Police. I'm glad I'm not a member. Shoot, I don't even have a Sam's Club card either. So, nyah (the crazy thing - the Secret Service guys that came as part of the entourage were more personable than the Costco employees).

But we had a blast. There were some wonderful ladies that we stood next to in line and we got to talk politics with some very reasonable and fun people. And Rod Decker (aka The Resident Sad Utah Liberal from Channel 2) showed up to sneer at interview people in line and try to talk to Sarah, which, she wasn't giving interviews because the media are a bunch of depraved loons that just paint her in a bad light. Which Rod tried to do to us in line, but we weren't having it. I got to talk to him in front of the camera - and I later found out that I made it on TV (yay!!) I just said that, yeah, Sarah's had family problems, but she's handled herself with dignity and class and she's connected with normal people and she doesn't have to kiss anybody's butt for anything. Then, Rod went along, then he came back to me and tried to bait me into talking about Sarah's daughter's dweeby ex-boyfriend (the wart who got her pregnant). I then replied that he's just trying to ride on Sarah's success and get his 15 minutes of fame and he isn't worth the powder it'd take to blow him to hell (well, I didn't say that part in front of the camera, but if this one lady hadn't been yelling at me what to say, I probably would have said it - sheesh, woman, I'm the one this nerd's talking to...)

And then - WE GOT TO MEET SARAH!! Holy cow - that was AWESOME! The Fun Police kept the line going, so all I got to tell her was my name, that she was awesome and I loved the part in her book when she talks about her daughter, Piper, being her unofficial press ambassador (Piper is made of win ^_^). After we were herded through the line, my roommate and I also got to talk to Sarah's parents and I got my picture taken with Sarah's mom. Really wonderful people (and they weren't constrained by the Fun Police either).

All in all, morons notwithstanding, a really cool experience.

Actually, that's probably all that I haven't posted about. I've just been going a million miles a minute - doing everything I possibly can and getting nothing accomplished. Such is my life. Sarah Palin pictures will be coming. I'm just too lazy to go find my camera cord. Plus, I think I'd rather wait until I get the picture of me actually with Sarah. They had a professional photographer there and you have to order the picture with Sarah. It may be online by now - who knows?

(Dang it - the Giants are losing. That makes me sad...)

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

For the next few days...

I'm going to be in and out with very little internet access (I can check stuff on my phone, but it's hard to post much unless I'm really, really, REALLY patient - yeah, right. Best I can do is a Facebook status update). I have a good friend whose brother-in-law passed away this morning and I have plenty of family Christmas hoopla to attend to AND I'm working on a business deal with my dad (I'm getting some more legal responsibility with regards to our family business, so this is a wild roller coaster ride that I'll have to fill you in on when it's all done). And, of course, it all had to happen THIS week... -_-'

So, I'm not ignoring internet life - just some things have to take a backseat for now. I was lucky enough to steal a few moments on the aforementioned friend's computer for a bit to post an update. But I'll be back soon (I just found out that my parents have wireless internet - YAY!!) In the meantime, keep fighting the good fight, y'all ^_^

Sunday, December 6, 2009

It's the BCS - What Did You Expect?

TCU and Boise State are getting the "Sit down little kid and let the elitist jerks run the show" treatment. Yes folks, the Fiesta Bowl is officially the BCS baby-sitters' bowl - just throw the BCS busters a bone so they'll shut up and let's go to the country club, sip martinis and watch Florida, Ohio State, Texas and Alabama, just like we have since the dawn of time. Laaaaaaaame....

I think Doug Robinson had a column a few years ago that said it best: in college basketball, Cinderella is celebrated and even cheered on. In football, Cinderella is the ugly hag that the BCS wants to hide in the closet.

Memo to the BCS - your story never changes, so the rest of us don't give a flying leap about it. This is why March Madness is more fun. BRING ON THE FRICKIN' PLAYOFF!!

Oh well, I guess the WAC and the MWC are going to get some moola for this. Next year, let's have three BCS busting teams. They can't ignore that and they'll have to give at least one of them a more prestigious bowl spot.

(I blame byu's 1984 team - they didn't have the BCS before then. But because the '84 Zoobies scheduled a bunch of cream puffs to get to the national championship, the football bluebloods went "Oh no - we can't have that, we have to rig it so we win every year." Proof positive that, other than Steve Young, nothing great ever came out of byu football).

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

We Were Classless When Classless Wasn't Cool

USU-byu basketball game tonight. It was "Adventures in Hardcore Fandom" to the extreme.

First, you have to get in line, which some enterprising individuals started YESTERDAY at 4:30 pm - set up a tent and everything! By 3:00 this afternoon, my roommate called to tell me that the line was around the Spectrum and all the way to the HPER building, so I might want to think about going to stand in line. Also, I was planning on going with some friends who both worked until later, so it would behoove me to go save a place for us.

So, I went. It wasn't too bad - then the sun went down. Holy. Crap. Can you say "Frostbite?" Some people standing next to me in line started playing "Ninja Destruction," a game that should have more movement than it does to keep you warm, but I was still freezing. I texted one of the friends coming with me, asking her to bring a blanket. She texted me back saying she didn't have one, but would I like hot chocolate? She brought the goods - and it was HOT. But I chugged it down like it was Gatorade. It warmed me up for a little while.

THEN - it was finally time to go into the Spectrum. We were dang lucky - I swear they shut the doors right after we swiped our student ID cards. Now a new problem: finding seats. I think some people snuck in without checking their cards, so there were NO SEATS in the student section -_-' We tried to commandeer some season ticket holders' seat - until they showed up :( Then we tried to stand in the aisle without getting caught. But some "nice" people pointed out two empty seats next to them and we took them before security could come clean us out of the aisles (I'll explain why "nice" is in quotations in a moment).

Oh - I made signs for this game. But we were so far up - we were behind the giant American flag in the corner, so if I held up my signs, no one would be able to see them. I compensated by holding them lower - but then the teeny-bopper freshmen behind me (who wouldn't know a basketball from a... never mind...) kept whining that they couldn't see and the "nice" guy next to me kept glaring. But, there were a couple of short Mexican kids in front of me who no savvy loco Americanos and they sat down frequently so I could display my signs without angering the locals.

And this is the best part - a few rows down, another kid had a sign that he kept holding up (it wasn't blocking anything). The "nice" guy next to me yelled for him to put it down, but he didn't hear him (try hearing anything more than six inches away when the Spectrum is in full basketball mode). "Nice" Guy procures an empty water bottle and chucks it at Sign Boy, beaning him on the head. Sign Boy looks around for the culprit - I discreetly jab my thumb in the direction of "nice" guy - Sign Boy sees it and flips "Nice" Guy" off. I felt vindicated. If I couldn't directly annoy byu fans, at least I got the jerk next to me flipped off.

Oh yeah, the game: I will say this - I'm thankful my boys shot poorly in the first half and not in the second half. Every time they let the long bomb go, I wanted to crawl in a hole. I had flashbacks of last Saturday, it was so bad. But we pulled it out and I am happy. The last USU game I attended before I graduated two years ago, we played Idaho and we lost. That was not a happy thing. I'm glad that they won this game, which is the actual last game I got to see as a USU student. The fact that it was byu is icing on the cake.

Even though I didn't get people to see my signs - people in line liked them. Other sign-makers weren't as creative. One doof just wrote "byu isn't very good." I don't want to disparage my fellow Aggies, but what kind of creativity does that take? Another sign said "Cats lick themselves" (WTF?) and one just said "byu swallows." I simply can't believe it - I had at least ten clever ideas and that's the kind of crap you come up with? I think you need to be behind the flag in the nosebleeds.

Though the best one that wasn't mine (face it, mine were pretty good) was "Coach Rose still owes me gas money from last year." There were plenty referencing max hall's idiocy (we even got to chant "Classless" at the few byu dorks that made the trip. I was shocked that they were even there - I thought they could only find Vegas).

All in all - a happy day. Revenge is a dish best served cold (cold here meaning sub-zero temperatures - my thumbs still haven't recovered).

(What kind of name is "Jimmer?" Seriously - what were your parents smoking?)


First, my signs:

(This one was a favorite ^_^)

Game Day shirt - the back just says "Beat the Cougars." Lame... Last year's were better. (Ignore my five chins)

Lining up outside the Spectrum at 4:00 pm. Some of those people waaaaay in the front had been there since yesterday.

More people lined up.

The Winning Team!!

The Losing Team (and their loser fans behind them)

It's a Rivalry Thing. You Wouldn't Understand

It's Game Day - Utah State vs. byu. Oh boy, there is sooo much good material for this. And I'm a little loopy because of the magic marker smell. Yes folks, I made POSTERS for the game tonight!! I don't know if the game is televised, but I'll wave when I hold up my signs. Of course, pictures are a given and will be forthcoming (with game day shirt and everything. Actually, I thought last year's shirts were funnier, but I can't do anything about that. Maybe if they have one at DI...)

Some jokes that didn't make the cut, but should have:

- Beat byu so max hall can hate us too (if I have to explain this, you haven't been paying attention the last few days)

- Glad you could find your way here. Sorry it wasn't Vegas (referencing the fact that the Zoo had to play a "road game" against USU at the EnergySolutions Arena in Salt Lake last year because they couldn't handle coming all the way up to Logan - yet the football team can make it to the Vegas bowl every year)

- Win or lose, you still have to live in Provo (this was on the game day shirts last year, so the novelty has probably worn off)

Oh - for people preaching "tolerance" and "love" and "can't we all just get along and hug each other?", I have one thing to say: It's a rivalry thing. You wouldn't understand. Let us have this one time of the year where all our hate and animosity comes out against our arch-rivals and we'll leave you alone the other 50 weeks in the year. Fair enough.