I've got something I want to talk about - mostly because this morning I learned about Altered Perceptions, an anthology of "behind the scenes" work from a lot of fantastic writers, many of whom are my favorite authors (the others are ones I just haven't read anything from yet). It's for a great cause too, which I will expound upon throughout this post.
I rarely, if ever, talk about my own issues with mental illness. I certainly have never brought it up 'round these parts, simply because my blog is part of my escape from the stresses that trigger my mental illnesses and I'd like to keep this place free from those things. But, I also think it's important to talk about it and for once, I think I want to open up about it to someone that isn't my ever-so-patient and wonderful roommate (even though she says it's totally okay and she'll listen whenever I need her - bless her forever).
I have anxiety and depression. The former is way worse than the latter for me, but the former has a nasty habit of turning into the latter. It routinely kicks me in the butt when I’m not looking and when it does, I go into a zombie-like funk for weeks on end (usually it means I go out of my way to not talk to anybody - don’t return calls or texts or emails unless absolutely necessary. During these times, leaving the house is nigh-on an Olympic event). It gets worse when I’m under a lot of stress brought on by work or financial issues. Coincidentally (and I use the term sarcastically), that is EXACTLY what life’s been throwing at me since Christmas (thus far, 2014 has been a heinous bitch to me). Fortunately, I do have ways of managing it and my condition is nowhere near as severe as what a lot of people have. I take medication for it and as long as I get enough rest and some time to myself, I’m usually okay (except when I’m not - it’s complicated).
I hate talking about my mental illness because I know other people have it so much worse and I don’t want to sound like I’m whining when I have no reason to. I've had some very scary thoughts when I've been in one of these funks. These are thoughts I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, thoughts I don't think I'll ever be able to speak or write about because they are so crippling. And even though I “know” that it’s my brain having one of its funny turns, it still feels very, very real. It’s not something that you can pull yourself out of easily. I can’t count the number of times I've heard “Just be happy!” (or some variant thereof). It actually makes my anxiety worse because I can’t just flick that “happy switch” and I feel like a terrible failure because I can’t do something that is such a simple thing to most people. So, I get anxious because I’m expected to do this one simple task, and I can’t do it and it’ll be the worst thing ever if someone finds out that there’s something wrong with me because they’ll yell at me about what a horrible person I am and my life will be forever ruined so why even try anymore?
(And there you just saw the kind of bullshit my brain hands me on a nearly-daily basis. What’s stupid is that I know it’s bullshit. Yet, I can't help but believe it. Anxiety is a self-sustaining little bastard).
Mental illness is a weird thing - there’s no straightforward way of dealing with it that works for everybody. One kind of medication can work for one person where the same medication can have devastating effects for someone else. Some people need a certain kind of diet, some use service animals. It’s only been in recent years where it’s something that people actually talk about as a legitimate medical condition. It’s also only recently that I've been able to piece together that it’s actually a genetic condition that runs in my family (both sides, as it turns out). I used to think that certain relatives of mine were just stupid drunks - but it turns out that it was most likely the anxiety manifesting itself as alcoholism. While the deck was already stacked against me, I'm also lucky that I live in a time where it's good to discuss such things and ask for help and not be treated like you're some dangerous creature.
Back to Altered Perceptions: a group of authors - many of whom I’m already a huge fan of - are banding together to help one of their number, Robison Wells, pay off a substantial pile of debt incurred because he struggles with severe mental illness. Authors like Brandon Sanderson and Dan Wells (Rob’s brother) and Larry Correia and Jessica Day George and Shannon Hale and Mary Robinette Kowal and Ally Condie and Brandon Mull and Josi Kilpack and Sarah Eden and a bunch of others are putting together deleted scenes from their novels into an anthology (more than deleted scenes, now that I read the description more carefully - things like early drafts, unpublished short stories, cut chapters, original non-fiction). $10 gets you an eBook copy of the anthology and the ranking system goes up from there (it’s all on the donation page at the link above - check it out). I would buy this just to have access to new content from some of my most very favorite authors - but because mental illness is such a personal thing for me, I would buy this even if I wasn't familiar with anyone working on it.
I hope this endeavor is successful. I hope that it not only meets, but exceeds the goal. I know that the authors involved have all promoted this thing already, but I wanted to bring attention to it, even if just in my own small way. Mostly because I've been learning about my own mental illnesses for the last few years and my heart goes out to everybody - whether they're a best-selling author or simply a fan - who deals with this. It's a bitch to handle. As bad as my own case is, I can't fathom what Rob Wells goes through. But it's awesome to see a group of fantastic authors use their talents to help a friend in need. Also, maybe just hearing Rob's story will help someone else with their own mental illness - if only to see that you can live a full life and have success in spite of your challenges.
Just as a footnote - reading is one of those things that helps me cope with my anxiety. In fact, some of these authors have already helped me through some of my darkest episodes and don't even know it. Just last month, I finished The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson and I credit that novel with pulling me out of some extremely dark depression (I finished Shannon Hale's Dangerous in the same space of time as well, so some credit goes that way too). I don't know what kind of conclusions you or I want to draw from that, but it is fitting that this is a thing that's happening. So, I encourage you to donate what you can. Ten bucks gets you a pretty awesome anthology from some fabulous writers and it'll be a kick in the pants against one guy's mental illness.
(Just in case you missed it - the link is here too: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/altered-perceptions/x/7203423#home)
I rarely, if ever, talk about my own issues with mental illness. I certainly have never brought it up 'round these parts, simply because my blog is part of my escape from the stresses that trigger my mental illnesses and I'd like to keep this place free from those things. But, I also think it's important to talk about it and for once, I think I want to open up about it to someone that isn't my ever-so-patient and wonderful roommate (even though she says it's totally okay and she'll listen whenever I need her - bless her forever).
I have anxiety and depression. The former is way worse than the latter for me, but the former has a nasty habit of turning into the latter. It routinely kicks me in the butt when I’m not looking and when it does, I go into a zombie-like funk for weeks on end (usually it means I go out of my way to not talk to anybody - don’t return calls or texts or emails unless absolutely necessary. During these times, leaving the house is nigh-on an Olympic event). It gets worse when I’m under a lot of stress brought on by work or financial issues. Coincidentally (and I use the term sarcastically), that is EXACTLY what life’s been throwing at me since Christmas (thus far, 2014 has been a heinous bitch to me). Fortunately, I do have ways of managing it and my condition is nowhere near as severe as what a lot of people have. I take medication for it and as long as I get enough rest and some time to myself, I’m usually okay (except when I’m not - it’s complicated).
I hate talking about my mental illness because I know other people have it so much worse and I don’t want to sound like I’m whining when I have no reason to. I've had some very scary thoughts when I've been in one of these funks. These are thoughts I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, thoughts I don't think I'll ever be able to speak or write about because they are so crippling. And even though I “know” that it’s my brain having one of its funny turns, it still feels very, very real. It’s not something that you can pull yourself out of easily. I can’t count the number of times I've heard “Just be happy!” (or some variant thereof). It actually makes my anxiety worse because I can’t just flick that “happy switch” and I feel like a terrible failure because I can’t do something that is such a simple thing to most people. So, I get anxious because I’m expected to do this one simple task, and I can’t do it and it’ll be the worst thing ever if someone finds out that there’s something wrong with me because they’ll yell at me about what a horrible person I am and my life will be forever ruined so why even try anymore?
(And there you just saw the kind of bullshit my brain hands me on a nearly-daily basis. What’s stupid is that I know it’s bullshit. Yet, I can't help but believe it. Anxiety is a self-sustaining little bastard).
Mental illness is a weird thing - there’s no straightforward way of dealing with it that works for everybody. One kind of medication can work for one person where the same medication can have devastating effects for someone else. Some people need a certain kind of diet, some use service animals. It’s only been in recent years where it’s something that people actually talk about as a legitimate medical condition. It’s also only recently that I've been able to piece together that it’s actually a genetic condition that runs in my family (both sides, as it turns out). I used to think that certain relatives of mine were just stupid drunks - but it turns out that it was most likely the anxiety manifesting itself as alcoholism. While the deck was already stacked against me, I'm also lucky that I live in a time where it's good to discuss such things and ask for help and not be treated like you're some dangerous creature.
Back to Altered Perceptions: a group of authors - many of whom I’m already a huge fan of - are banding together to help one of their number, Robison Wells, pay off a substantial pile of debt incurred because he struggles with severe mental illness. Authors like Brandon Sanderson and Dan Wells (Rob’s brother) and Larry Correia and Jessica Day George and Shannon Hale and Mary Robinette Kowal and Ally Condie and Brandon Mull and Josi Kilpack and Sarah Eden and a bunch of others are putting together deleted scenes from their novels into an anthology (more than deleted scenes, now that I read the description more carefully - things like early drafts, unpublished short stories, cut chapters, original non-fiction). $10 gets you an eBook copy of the anthology and the ranking system goes up from there (it’s all on the donation page at the link above - check it out). I would buy this just to have access to new content from some of my most very favorite authors - but because mental illness is such a personal thing for me, I would buy this even if I wasn't familiar with anyone working on it.
I hope this endeavor is successful. I hope that it not only meets, but exceeds the goal. I know that the authors involved have all promoted this thing already, but I wanted to bring attention to it, even if just in my own small way. Mostly because I've been learning about my own mental illnesses for the last few years and my heart goes out to everybody - whether they're a best-selling author or simply a fan - who deals with this. It's a bitch to handle. As bad as my own case is, I can't fathom what Rob Wells goes through. But it's awesome to see a group of fantastic authors use their talents to help a friend in need. Also, maybe just hearing Rob's story will help someone else with their own mental illness - if only to see that you can live a full life and have success in spite of your challenges.
Just as a footnote - reading is one of those things that helps me cope with my anxiety. In fact, some of these authors have already helped me through some of my darkest episodes and don't even know it. Just last month, I finished The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson and I credit that novel with pulling me out of some extremely dark depression (I finished Shannon Hale's Dangerous in the same space of time as well, so some credit goes that way too). I don't know what kind of conclusions you or I want to draw from that, but it is fitting that this is a thing that's happening. So, I encourage you to donate what you can. Ten bucks gets you a pretty awesome anthology from some fabulous writers and it'll be a kick in the pants against one guy's mental illness.
(Just in case you missed it - the link is here too: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/altered-perceptions/x/7203423#home)
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