When I said "shortly," I wasn't kidding. This section of my story is less... fluffy. And it is certain to piss everyone off.
*cracks knuckles* Let's do this thing...
***
Alex was born early on a Saturday morning. We didn't leave the hospital until Wednesday afternoon-almost-evening. We stayed at the hospital until Alex was discharged. I had already been released, but they let us stay in a room while Alex was monitored. Tuesday is when I got the email that I'd been let go from my job.
I think I knew it was coming, but I didn't want to believe it when I thought about it. I thought I was just being paranoid or thinking up too many worst-case scenarios. But the fact of the matter is that the website I used to write for was getting hammered over the past few months. Traffic was down a lot and it was a struggle to get readers on the site. My posts in particular were not bringing in the readers like they'd done before. I couldn't begin to tell you why. Of course, my ability to write click-baity titles and attractive Facebook teases was never great to start with. And I'm not particularly good at writing posts revolving around celebrity gossip, which seemed to be the biggest draw on the site. Well, I could write them. Anyone can take to their keyboard and plunk out words in a certain order.
But here's the dirty secret about writing - if you-the-writer isn't interested in the topic, it's near impossible to make your readers interested in it. I'm sure some writers can BS their way through sincerity, but that was never a talent I cultivated in myself. For me, writing has always been about talking about things I'm interested in. Nobody else could give a flying flea fart about a topic, but I would write the hell out of it. That happened frequently with this job. I would get all worked up over certain posts and spend a lot of time carefully putting together my arguments and researching the information. But it seemed the more work I put into those posts, the fewer people would actually read them - according to Google Analytics, anyway. When a post that I worked hard on fell flatter than a pancake, someone else would have to quickly post something involving boobs to resurrect the numbers for the hour. Such incidents didn't do much for my confidence in myself as a writer.
The dumb thing is that the people who did read it would leave thoughtful and complimentary feedback about what I'd written. So I knew that what I was putting out was quality stuff. But the audience for quality commentary regarding politics and culture were few and far between. Let's face it - our nation is full of immature frat boys and girls (in fact, I would hazard to say that the female commenters on the website were more vulgar and hateful than the males. That's another subject I'll want to cover later).
So, yes - there were certain aspects of pop culture that I was good at, but clearly our audience was not interested in the latest swat of censorship on college campuses or stupidity coming from the "political message first, story and characters never" movement in much of entertainment these days. But a story about Kim Kardashian's boobs? Yep. That generated traffic like nobody's business.
That, and the fact that people are just sick of politics. I can't blame them, either. The utter tantrum that political junkies have been throwing... well, you've probably seen it. It's been ridiculous. It's like, yes my preferred candidate has lost before and I've felt like it was the end of the world. But the current strife been going on for so long and the rest of us are all "Seriously? Get over it. You told us to get over it and shoved your win in our faces. Grow up already."
The stupid thing is that I don't particularly even like how things turned out. Then again, the candidate(s) I liked lost in the primaries and I was pissed about the choices we had. As much of a political junkie as I can be, 2016 was the year I became disillusioned with it all. And I couldn't even say anything because I had to stick with the image of the site that I was working for. But I actually registered as an independent and voted third party last year. And you all can chew me out for my actions all you like and proclaim that it's my fault that *insert event that you are convinced will utterly destroy the universe, or at least our own galaxy* -
Sorry if the bad language offends you. But you can behold my field and see that it is so very barren. And I am waaaaaay past any idiotic guilt trips you want to send me on. Trust me. I've seen EVERYTHING. None of it has convinced me that I should regret my actions. If I have a regret, it's that I may have contributed to the discontent and division in the world today.
Then again, that was happening just fine with or without my egging it on.
It's an off-year politically. People who aren't constantly strung out on anger and rage at the "other side" (whatever the hell that's supposed to mean) are working and living their normal lives. They aren't interested in scoring cheap points on Twitter or coming up with pithy retorts to some idiotic argument that no one except some troll holed up in a basement somewhere cares about. You don't win points by winning internet arguments. Maybe there is some value in arguing with strangers online, but I've never found it. I just say what I have to say and leave it at that. Let the lemmings in the comment section duke it out amongst themselves (everyone needs a hobby).
***
Phew - lemme tell you how I really feel.
It probably goes without saying that I was very upset about this development (postpartum hormones didn't help matters at the time). And I can say with confidence that I'd never seen Jared that angry about anything (one of the best things about my husband is how rationally he handles crises. He is certainly the level-headed one of our marriage and I adore him for it). At first, he did reach out to some of his writer friends asking if they knew of any political websites hiring or if they could connect us with people willing to at least talk to me about writing for them.
But here's the thing: I was (and am) burned out on politics. It happens from time to time and I eventually get back into it - but this time feels different. Now that I've had time to think about it, I actually see that getting laid off was a blessing in disguise. I didn't like the person I was becoming while I spent so much time in the political fray. Sure, I still have many of the same opinions that I did before. But I also learned a lot about myself, the people that I thought I agreed with, and the whole messy business of writing polemics. Also, 2016 is the year that I lost respect for people that I used to admire (nobody who has a prayer of reading this post, I'm certain). It's like I realized how I and people like me had been used by The Powers That Be to keep their power and, you know, I really don't like it. That is something I want to cover at a later date. Trust me, I have so many thoughts to write out. And it is likely to make a lot of people mad. Many that I generally agree with, I'm sure.
One thing's for sure - you don't retire from the political war without someone crying about how you're a traitor and should be drawn and quartered. Again, please see my earlier gif of Obi-Wan talking to Anakin.
So, that's where I am in life. And where I think my next round of blog posts is going to be about. Because I have had so much to think about and I want to get it written out. Not just written out - because I could keep this private and to myself. But I want it out there. I know that few people of consequence are going ever see this and that's fine. This is purely for my benefit, as well as anyone who may stumble on it.
I'm not interested in traditional political arguments. I'm actually going back to work for the library system I was working for when Jared and I met. I've only been out of the game for a few years and they were happy to take me back. As crazy as working with the public can be, I'm actually looking forward to it. I'll be a substitute librarian and that will afford me flexible hours and I really only need to work part-time. I will likely meet people of every stripe and creed and that's great. Some of them may be hyped up on politics and that's fine. But I'm leaving it aside for the foreseeable future. Anyone who tries to get me back into that mess will be ignored. I don't think that I'll get a ton of commenters on this blog (I've never had many), but I'm saying this right now. My blog, my house, my rules.
Take your guilt trips elsewhere. I'm done. I've got an infant child to care for and a life that's far too important to be dealing with petty political squabbles that never, ever change.
*cracks knuckles* Let's do this thing...
***
Alex was born early on a Saturday morning. We didn't leave the hospital until Wednesday afternoon-almost-evening. We stayed at the hospital until Alex was discharged. I had already been released, but they let us stay in a room while Alex was monitored. Tuesday is when I got the email that I'd been let go from my job.
I think I knew it was coming, but I didn't want to believe it when I thought about it. I thought I was just being paranoid or thinking up too many worst-case scenarios. But the fact of the matter is that the website I used to write for was getting hammered over the past few months. Traffic was down a lot and it was a struggle to get readers on the site. My posts in particular were not bringing in the readers like they'd done before. I couldn't begin to tell you why. Of course, my ability to write click-baity titles and attractive Facebook teases was never great to start with. And I'm not particularly good at writing posts revolving around celebrity gossip, which seemed to be the biggest draw on the site. Well, I could write them. Anyone can take to their keyboard and plunk out words in a certain order.
But here's the dirty secret about writing - if you-the-writer isn't interested in the topic, it's near impossible to make your readers interested in it. I'm sure some writers can BS their way through sincerity, but that was never a talent I cultivated in myself. For me, writing has always been about talking about things I'm interested in. Nobody else could give a flying flea fart about a topic, but I would write the hell out of it. That happened frequently with this job. I would get all worked up over certain posts and spend a lot of time carefully putting together my arguments and researching the information. But it seemed the more work I put into those posts, the fewer people would actually read them - according to Google Analytics, anyway. When a post that I worked hard on fell flatter than a pancake, someone else would have to quickly post something involving boobs to resurrect the numbers for the hour. Such incidents didn't do much for my confidence in myself as a writer.
The dumb thing is that the people who did read it would leave thoughtful and complimentary feedback about what I'd written. So I knew that what I was putting out was quality stuff. But the audience for quality commentary regarding politics and culture were few and far between. Let's face it - our nation is full of immature frat boys and girls (in fact, I would hazard to say that the female commenters on the website were more vulgar and hateful than the males. That's another subject I'll want to cover later).
So, yes - there were certain aspects of pop culture that I was good at, but clearly our audience was not interested in the latest swat of censorship on college campuses or stupidity coming from the "political message first, story and characters never" movement in much of entertainment these days. But a story about Kim Kardashian's boobs? Yep. That generated traffic like nobody's business.
That, and the fact that people are just sick of politics. I can't blame them, either. The utter tantrum that political junkies have been throwing... well, you've probably seen it. It's been ridiculous. It's like, yes my preferred candidate has lost before and I've felt like it was the end of the world. But the current strife been going on for so long and the rest of us are all "Seriously? Get over it. You told us to get over it and shoved your win in our faces. Grow up already."
The stupid thing is that I don't particularly even like how things turned out. Then again, the candidate(s) I liked lost in the primaries and I was pissed about the choices we had. As much of a political junkie as I can be, 2016 was the year I became disillusioned with it all. And I couldn't even say anything because I had to stick with the image of the site that I was working for. But I actually registered as an independent and voted third party last year. And you all can chew me out for my actions all you like and proclaim that it's my fault that *insert event that you are convinced will utterly destroy the universe, or at least our own galaxy* -
Sorry if the bad language offends you. But you can behold my field and see that it is so very barren. And I am waaaaaay past any idiotic guilt trips you want to send me on. Trust me. I've seen EVERYTHING. None of it has convinced me that I should regret my actions. If I have a regret, it's that I may have contributed to the discontent and division in the world today.
Then again, that was happening just fine with or without my egging it on.
It's an off-year politically. People who aren't constantly strung out on anger and rage at the "other side" (whatever the hell that's supposed to mean) are working and living their normal lives. They aren't interested in scoring cheap points on Twitter or coming up with pithy retorts to some idiotic argument that no one except some troll holed up in a basement somewhere cares about. You don't win points by winning internet arguments. Maybe there is some value in arguing with strangers online, but I've never found it. I just say what I have to say and leave it at that. Let the lemmings in the comment section duke it out amongst themselves (everyone needs a hobby).
***
Phew - lemme tell you how I really feel.
It probably goes without saying that I was very upset about this development (postpartum hormones didn't help matters at the time). And I can say with confidence that I'd never seen Jared that angry about anything (one of the best things about my husband is how rationally he handles crises. He is certainly the level-headed one of our marriage and I adore him for it). At first, he did reach out to some of his writer friends asking if they knew of any political websites hiring or if they could connect us with people willing to at least talk to me about writing for them.
But here's the thing: I was (and am) burned out on politics. It happens from time to time and I eventually get back into it - but this time feels different. Now that I've had time to think about it, I actually see that getting laid off was a blessing in disguise. I didn't like the person I was becoming while I spent so much time in the political fray. Sure, I still have many of the same opinions that I did before. But I also learned a lot about myself, the people that I thought I agreed with, and the whole messy business of writing polemics. Also, 2016 is the year that I lost respect for people that I used to admire (nobody who has a prayer of reading this post, I'm certain). It's like I realized how I and people like me had been used by The Powers That Be to keep their power and, you know, I really don't like it. That is something I want to cover at a later date. Trust me, I have so many thoughts to write out. And it is likely to make a lot of people mad. Many that I generally agree with, I'm sure.
One thing's for sure - you don't retire from the political war without someone crying about how you're a traitor and should be drawn and quartered. Again, please see my earlier gif of Obi-Wan talking to Anakin.
So, that's where I am in life. And where I think my next round of blog posts is going to be about. Because I have had so much to think about and I want to get it written out. Not just written out - because I could keep this private and to myself. But I want it out there. I know that few people of consequence are going ever see this and that's fine. This is purely for my benefit, as well as anyone who may stumble on it.
I'm not interested in traditional political arguments. I'm actually going back to work for the library system I was working for when Jared and I met. I've only been out of the game for a few years and they were happy to take me back. As crazy as working with the public can be, I'm actually looking forward to it. I'll be a substitute librarian and that will afford me flexible hours and I really only need to work part-time. I will likely meet people of every stripe and creed and that's great. Some of them may be hyped up on politics and that's fine. But I'm leaving it aside for the foreseeable future. Anyone who tries to get me back into that mess will be ignored. I don't think that I'll get a ton of commenters on this blog (I've never had many), but I'm saying this right now. My blog, my house, my rules.
Take your guilt trips elsewhere. I'm done. I've got an infant child to care for and a life that's far too important to be dealing with petty political squabbles that never, ever change.
No comments:
Post a Comment