Saturday, October 7, 2017

The Highest of Heights

Review of Once Upon a Time Episode 7.01 "Hyperion Heights" - Spoilers!


And here we are in the unnecessary extra season of Once Upon a Time, wherein the majority of the main cast has buggered off elsewhere and the ones who have stuck around are going to be glorified supporting characters. Thanks ABC executives... 😒

However - I had a thought in the off-season. If the Writers' Room is smart about this, they will treat this season precisely like a spin-off. They've had one OUAT spin-off before, so why not call this "The Adventures of Henry Mills" or something like that? If that's how this goes, this may actually work. It's not a reboot or a remake, it's it own thing. Until I'm told otherwise (and you'd better not tell me otherwise), that is how I'm going to enjoy this.

So, without further ado (and before Tiny gets really mad at me for putting him down mid-nap), here are my thoughts on this premiere episode.

A city without magic. Seattle. Depressing as hell. This curse does not mess around. As evidenced by grown-up Henry making his living as an off-brand Uber driver in this unwashed hipster paradise. At least Emma had been a bounty hunter when we first met her (yes, I know the show called her a "bail bondsmanperson. I like "bounty hunter" better).

But the family with the Mickey ears, presumably coming back from a trip to Disneyland. Nice touch.

I am never going to be able to see Victoria Belfrey as anything more than her lips. It's uncanny valley levels of Just So Wrong. They aren't even like, say, Steven Tyler's lips where it's just a quirky part of his character and appearance. It doesn't even look like they belong on her face. I know I'm spending a lot of time going on about this woman's lips but, dayum lady. Fire your plastic surgeon, like, yesterday.

Regina/Roni is the Granny of this season. Except instead of serving questionable lasagna, we've upgraded to an establishment with Actual Liquor. Well... call this the "Grown Up" season of OUAT. I'm fine with it. Especially if Roni keeps smacking down the Evil Lipmother like that. The booze must flow.

Henry lamenting that he's in none of the fairy tale stories - well, duh kid. You're the reader of these tales. You're the person who encounters the stories and gives them life within your imagination (he's also the Author - but readers often become authors later on). Arguably, you're the most important person in these tales.

Lucy Mills (she's Henry's daughter, so I'm calling her that) is stinking adorable. She could have been reduced to nothing more than a female version of young Henry from season 1, but she has her own character and personality. I'm not entirely sold on Jacinda yet (nor her Cinderella version), but it's only been one episode. I'm willing to give it a try.

Captain Hook as a police officer. :D :D :D Yes, please! Also - making Rumple his detective partner is going to be FUN. #HereForIt

The spawn of the Evil Lipmother is going to regret letting "Officer Rogers" (I see what you did there) keep Lucy's Once Upon a Time book. Calling it now. (And a tear for the picture of Emma in the book...)

Alice getting pissed that people only remember her for her one crazy trip to Wonderland was beautiful. I like this character already.

One last thing - how does Henry's motorcycle and cell phone still work in the Enchanted Forest? (Or wherever the heck he is.) I'll accept fairy magic as an explanation, but I want an explanation.

Those are my disjointed thoughts, and just in time too. Tiny is getting really mad at me, so I need to go (blogging with an infant is going to be interesting).

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