Jared Watches Sailor Moon Crystal: Episode 13 - Final Battle, Reincarnation

***Note: Yep. I'm back. It only took me a year and a half, but I FINALLY got to the next part. Hope people are still around to enjoy this.***

***

Last time...

...oh yeah... that...

Me: She did get him in the chest.

Jared: Yeah, but not that deeply.

Quick montage of the princess and her prince and living new lives, falling in love.

Usagi (inner monologue): I know we will always find one another. And we will fall in love... all over again...

Jared: But you left the Crystal in the hands of the bad guy!

Eternal love, be together... blah, blah, blah...

Jared: That's gonna hurt when she lands on it...

CLANG!

Jared: What? That shouldn't have happened!

Anime physics? Meaning, there are none. Physics, I mean.

Me: You're analyzing the trajectory of where she jabbed the sword into her stomach?

Jared: ... yeah...?

Cue "Moon Pride" - and away we go!

The Guardians finally land and lament the pathetic repeat of history. Suddenly, the Silver Crystal appears and starts growing and engulfing Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask.

Sailor Mars: We can't allow it to grow! Not in the Dark Kingdom!

Jared: Okay... why? That's something new.

The Crystal grows and grows and grows - until it's so big that no one can do anything about it.

Jared: It's the size of a bus now. What are you going to do?

Queen Metalia begins to feed off the growing Crystal. And she even gloats about it.

Jared: HOOOOOOOOOSED!

Seriously - this Crystal is like a freaking nuclear bomb. It doesn't care where the power it feeds on is coming from. It's neither good nor evil. It just... is.

Which begs the question: Why is a fourteen-year-old girl its caretaker?

Queen Metalia: I have all the energy I need! And I shall have the Crystal too!

Luna (coming through a portal with Artemis): No you won't!

Jared: What are the cats going to do??

Queen Metalia: Foolish cat!

Jared: I'm going to have to agree with the bad guy here. I mean, you're a cat! Sure you can talk and type on keyboards and stuff. You're still a cat!

Flashback to Luna talking to Queen Serenity.

Queen Serenity: Luna, promise me that you'll watch over the Princess.

Jared: So is she actually a fairy, then?

Me: I think she just had a really big bow on her back. But maybe.

Back in Present Day, Queen Metalia disappears and leaves the Sailor Guardians and the cats to figure out what to do next. The girls then teleport away.

Jared: You left the sword! You know, the powerful thing?

Luna, injured from her fight with Queen Metalia, asks Artemis to take her to the Moon so she can be near the site of the palace ruins. And... they leave without the holy sword too.

Jared: You left the sword too! Honestly, people!

And cats.

The girls arrive at their destination. Sailor Venus has some... observations to make.

Sailor Venus: We're in the Arctic Circle. Shouldn't there be ice?

Jared: Wait, THERE'S NO LAND THERE! The Arctic Circle is in the middle of the ocean.

Queen Metalia shows up and acts evil.

Sailor Guardians: Queen Metalia!

Jared: Nah, it's the Easter Bunny.

Queen Metalia: Now I have the power of the Legendary Silver Crystal within me!

Jared: Hey look, she turned into a Haunter.

Queen Metalia continues to be menacing and evil. She spreads her evil power all over the earth. People react in various ways - shock, fear, disbelief, becoming Metalia-zombie-clones and attack others.

No, seriously. That happens.

Jared: Well, that was creepy.

Yeah, it's pretty bad all the way around. Even the Sailor Guardians have given up. But then - of course - the girls remember that Usagi is their best friend and she is Happiness and Hope Personified.

Jared: At least they're consistent with the whole "Power of Love" thing.

The girls decide to give up all their power to help Usagi beat Queen Metalia and it's very awe-inspiring and stuff. Usagi, still trapped inside Queen Metalia's evilness, wakes up and slowly realizes what is going on. More or less.

Sailor Moon: The Legendary Silver Crystal!

Jared: Got a lot smaller again.

Just beyond the Crystal, Usagi sees Mamoru who is still unconscious. Also, his pocketwatch is floating in the ether and it's broken.

Sailor Moon: His pocketwatch? It stopped the sword from running me through.

Jared: The sword that breaks diamonds. Uh-huh.

Queen Metalia starts doing something... really weird and disturbing. Usagi fights her off and a lot of sparkly things and choir music take over and push away Queen Metalia's power. Mamoru wakes up and he's not brainwashed anymore (yaaay). It all happens kind of fast.

Jared: That was fairly anti-climactic.

Queen Metalia: [growls, starts flying around in all her scary evil gloriousness]

Jared: There we go!

The Silver Crystal floats near Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask. Mamoru, showing a moment of clarity, reaches up and takes it before Metalia can capture it again.

Jared: Glad someone finally grabbed the stupid thing. Letting it hang about like that, pffft.

Then a lot of crazy stuff happens, including the Shitennou coming back to life and giving Mamoru an important info dump that I really wish could have been set up better. Sigh... they really didn't handle this Generals thing very well. I guess new story ideas for Sailor Moon doesn't sell purses or lip gloss or visits to fancy themed cake shops in Japan. Oh well...

Anyway, turns out the spirits of the guys were actually responsible for keeping the sword from killing Tuxedo Mask when Sailor Moon tried to stab him.

Mamoru: You stopped the sword from piercing my heart!

Jared: Yeah, from Sailor Moon! Seriously, what was her plan??

Sailor Moon is not known for her logic and reason.

Meanwhile, Usagi and Mamoru start to get all sweet and lovey all of a sudden. Their royal alter-egos take over for a bit, too. 

Jared: ... is there really time for this in the middle of a fight?

Me: There's always time for this, dear. Especially in magical girl anime.

Mamoru: Remember, aim for the star on Queen Metalia's forehead.

Jared: What do you mean "remember"? This is the first she's hearing of it!

Sailor Moon gears up to take out Queen Metalia for good... and then we get left on a cliffhanger. 

Jared: That's an interesting place to end!

Well... hopefully it doesn't take me another year and a half to get to the next one. #Oops.

***
Next Time: Episode 14 - Conclusion and Commencement, Petite Etrangere

Previously: Episode 12 - Enemy, Queen Metalia

Jared Watches Sailor Moon Crystal: Episode 6 - Tuxedo Mask

It's late, so we only have time for one episode tonight. And even though I warn him that this one ends on a bit of a cliffhanger, Jared wants to watch just one.

Okay - here we go!

When last we left our intrepid heroes - cats came bearing gifts.

Luna: That is the Moon Stick. It's yours now.

Jared: Moon Stick? They are terrible at naming things. That is a TERRIBLE name.

Sometimes, I think I married a twelve-year-old boy. Sometimes, I'm not much better.

Me: Wait until they get to the "Cutie Moon Rod."

I don't think he believes me.

The opening credits roll.

Jared: I don't think I've commented there on the opening thing where they swoop straight into her hair - WHOO!

Jared: So, when they change the theme song, do they change the animation too?

He's heard me complain about the Season 3 theme song - which is the WORST thing on the planet. But we'll get there.

Me: Oh yeah - they change the whole thing. Don't get me started. But that's not until Season 3. This sticks around for these first two seasons, with a few minor changes.

That's not spoilers, so shut it.

Jared: Oh, that thing where they're all crammed together under the umbrella - Ami's sitting there petting Luna. Luna's cheating on Usagi again...

OMG - SHE TOTALLY IS! How did I miss that...

We finally get to the first scene of the actual episode...

...sort of.

Jared: Tuxedo Mask. Who is not wearing a very good mask, but whatever.

Mamoru Chiba wakes up from a nightmare about a fierce battle taking place. A princess (gee, I WONDER...) yells for someone to find the Legendary Silver Crystal.

Jared: Hm... doesn't quite make sense.

Me: Why?

Jared: Okay - that was her in a past life. Didn't she already have the Crystal at the time? Why did she have to tell him to get it?

Dreams... memories... wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey...

Usagi meets up with her friends, who comment on how she's early and didn't oversleep.

Usagi: I've been having a lot of weird dreams lately.I wake up and then I can't go back to sleep!

Jared: Then, shouldn't she be more tired?

Flashback to Usagi's dream...

Jared: Those are really big pauldrons.

That's the shoulder-thingies the prince is wearing in case, you're like me, and had no clue those had a name. If you did know - well, I'm an idiot. I make no claims to the contrary.

Usagi (still lost in her thoughts): Who are you, Mystery Man?

She turns a corner and runs smack into somebody in a genuinely hilarious moment. Even the Crystal-haters have to admit it.

Me: Ask a stupid question...

Usagi: Not you again?

Mamoru: Bun-head? You should watch where you're going. You could get hurt.

Usagi: Same to you, pal!

Their bickering really is endearing.

Me: He's making an effort to be nice.

Jared: He really is.

Me: I don't even know that he's making an "effort." He's just being nice.

Ami: That shirt! I recognize that uniform! It's from Moto-Azabu, the very elite private high school.

Jared: ...it's just a white dress shirt. That guy in the background is wearing the same kind.

Usagi: I know his name. It's Mamoru Chiba and he's always mean to me.

Jared: Is he now?

Mako: Aha! So you do know him!

Usagi: It's not what you're thinking!

Jared: Yes it is!

Suddenly, a news report about a mysterious person named "Tuxedo Mask" comes on every TV in the Juban District. And we have to see them ALL. Including Ikuko Tsukino's.

Jared: *bursts out laughing* She's playing with Luna!

Me: Luna's cheating again!

Jared: Wait - we never see... Usagi just shows up with a cat and her parents are all "Okay, you can have a pet."? Stray cat wit a bald spot.

Me: Some people when they see a stray animal, they have to take it in.

Luna (to herself): Tuxedo Mask... what are you up to this time?

Jared: She's a suspicious cat...

Me: She could rule the world.

While we were talking about stray cats ruling the world... Tuxedo Mask's announcement in the news has caused a fresh round of gossip around town. And he has to go to the tops of buildings and brood about it.

Jared: How does he ever get up there? How does he get down?

I have a theory -



Tuxedo Mask: I will find the Legendary Silver Crystal. I don't care what it costs me.

Me: You're gonna regret that one, dude.

The image of the news report zooms out and we see the Dark Kingdom watching The Creepy Crystal Ball Channel.

Jared: I love how they're not watching actual news people in the studio in their crystal ball. They're watching the TV through their crystal ball,

The Dark Kingdom: Too cheap to spring for cable.

Beryl's Boys quibble about who is going to Earth to take a crack at finding the Silver Crystal next.

Zoicite: Nephrite may have failed, but I, Zoicite, will not.

Me: It's like calling numbers at the DMV.

Meanwhile, Team Sailor listens while Luna explains more of the plot. They're meeting at the Arcade after closing for some reason.

#RIPAlderaan

Luna: Depending on how [the Silver Crystal] is used, it could blow up a whole planet easily.

Jared: Blowing up a planet while you're standing on it is a terrible plan.

Luna: Right now, I must learn more about who our main enemy is.

Me: You know, some of the girls could help her out with that.

Jared: Like, maybe the genius? Just saying...

But we aren't to the point where Important Information gets shared among our main characters. That comes after death and destruction and misery come to the Sailor Guardians. Because... it builds character? I have real issues with the in-universe person who set this plan up in the first place. Nasty theories too. But that's for later. Spoilers, sweetie.

Usagi (looking at the Sailor V game's sleep animation): Huh? That looks like the Moon Stick Luna gave me.

Jared: She has the Moon Stick just in her bag?

Sailor V (in the game): Don't be afraid! You can do it! You're Sailor Moon!

Usagi (inner monologue): Did Sailor V really just talk right now? Or did I imagine it?

Jared: It's interesting that they haven't addressed the fact that there's another Guardian running around.

Usagi (talking to the group): Is Sailor V a Guardian of justice too?

Jared: Oh, well there you go.

The next day, there is a TV special on the Legendary Silver Crystal. Complete with an "expert."

Jared: How do they find EXPERTS about these things? They only heard about it yesterday!

Me: Well... three guesses who THAT is.

Zoicite, fooling NO ONE.

Jared: But this really happens! Something weird happens and suddenly an "expert" shows up out of nowhere on the news to explain it! But yes - it's obvious that that's one of the bay guys. Even before they got to the glowy-mind-control-DOOOOOOOM.

Usagi gets home and find her mother digging through drawers and closets for reasons-yet-unknown.

Ikuko (in a zombie-robot voice): I can't find it. It's not here... or here... or here. I can't find it anywhere. Where could it be?

Jared: She has very purple hair.

Ikuko: The Legendary Silver Crystal. Where is it?

Jared: They don't even know what it looks like! How are they supposed to find what they're looking for.

Me: The plan was not very well thought out. Especially when you have housewives digging through their sock drawers. And their kids' sock drawers. And all those other little hiding places that you put things that only moms can find.

Luna and the other Guardians confer via communicator about the newest round of brainwashed Tokyo citizens and decide to meet at the Arcade.

Jared: And it only took them several hours. Although - the time shift's been a little odd here. 'Cause it was nighttime, then it was daytime, now it's nighttime again.

The team gets to the Arcade and Luna reveals the hidden bunker under the Sailor V game.

Jared: But that's okay, because - SECRET BASE! That you get to with a cat pushing buttons.

SECRET TUNNEL - yeah!

Me: That not even the Arcade owners know about, apparently.

Jared: Who is the owner?

Me: I'm not sure.

Jared: Maybe Luna's the owner.

Me: You know, she could be! She writes Motoki's paycheck!

Jared: Signs it with a paw print!

Fanfic writers, get on that please.

Jared: Of course, clearly the bad guys have loads of money too. Considering they set up an entire cram school to use as cover. Real estate is not cheap in Japan.

Me: Well, when you can brainwash people, you can whatever you want.

Jared: That's Professor X's secret.

While we've been writing fanfic about Luna's small-business-owning side activities, Usagi's insisting vehemently to the rest of the group that Tuxedo Mask is not their enemy, because warm hands and lending strength, etc. Which leads to everyone (except Usagi) realizing the obvious.

Mako: Usagi, it almost sounds like you've fallen in love with him.

Me: I'm... not sure that you could quite make that claim yet.

Jared: Not especially.

Me: Fangirl crush, maybe. But not fallen in love.

Usagi: You're all wrong! You don't understand!

Me: "I'm a teenage girl!"

Jared: Her running off does enforce that a bit, though.

Quick montage of all the times Tuxedo Mask saved Sailor Moon, complete with Usagi's frantic inner monologue about how he's always saving her life. Including the time they both fell off the balcony together.

Jared: Except that time he didn't save you. He actually failed there, just for the record.

Me: He even said that she saved him that time.

Elsewhere, Zoicite (still in his "Silver Crystal Expert" disguise) laments that the ordinary citizens of Juban have failed to do what the Dark Kingdom wanted them to do.

Zoicite: These human beings are pathetic. None of them have been able to find the Legendary Silver Crystal. They're no use to me.

Me: But you expected them to find it hidden under a trash can or something!

The Sailor Guardians (not transformed for reasons unexplained. Other than Toei needed to fill time with transformation sequences) show up, taunt Zoicite over his failure, and then transform.

Jared: Is Jupiter's pose supposed to be meaningful?

Me: Not really. It's just a pose. They all have a different one.

Jared: Oh. Okay.

I like it when he asks questions like that :)

Wherever Usagi is, she's struggling to get where she's going.

Usagi: I feel so weak and dizzy...

Jared: So how is she getting her energy drained?

Me: Slowly.

Jared: But they're supposed to be immune to that crap, aren't they?

Me: The other girls are closer to the center of it, so it's not bothering them. She ran off and hers is actually going a little slower than most people.

Tuxedo Mask shows up just in the nick of time. Of course.

Jared: 'Course, the fact that he's immune to it indicates that he has some kind of powers.

Tuxedo Mask insists that he didn't do the worst of this situation, but he did start this mess and for that, he's sorry. Also, he needs to find the Silver Crystal for... reasons.

Tuxedo Mask: And I don't have special powers to help me...

Me: Yeah, you do.

Jared: He has travel powers!

Usagi sympathizes and explains that she doesn't feel like she's good enough and that she can't lead everybody.

Usagi: I guess... all we can do is try harder.

Jared: Except for the whole "Protect Everyone" but, she's actually doing pretty good at being vague enough here.

While Usagi and Tuxedo Mask are having ~*~a moment~*~, the other girls are fighting Zoicite and are actually doing pretty well for themselves. Mercury's Bubble Spray actually got a straight hit on the guy. But then they realize the camera's back on them, and they all go down like punks.

Jared: And of course they all got taken out with one volley.

Usagi starts heading that direction.

Jared: Why is she walking? Where is she going?

Me: She's being pensive.

Queen Beryl appears to gloat and taunt and just generally be evil. Kitty boob dress and all.

Jared: See what I mean?

Me: Yep. And now I can't un-see it.

Look at the purple outline. The two cats are
looking at each other. One ear sticks up on each.

For the record: "Kitty Boob" is my invention.

Beryl: Sailor Guardians, my name is Queen Beryl. I command the Four Kings of the Dark Kingdom. And I have sent them to obtain the Legendary Silver Crystal. Once I secure it, the Dark Kingdom will rise again. Then every human being on Earth shall perish.

Jared: What's the point of ruling an empty world?

Me: To say that you did it? I dunno. Villains don't think these things through.

Jared: That'd be boring, just living in an empty world.

Me: You haven't seen that part in Once Upon A Time, where Regina curses everything and nobody remembers their lives in the Enchanted Forest except her and she's all "What's the point of ruling if no one knows who you are?"

Usagi deliberates with herself. She can't possibly transform into Sailor Moon in front of Tuxedo Mask! He'll know who she is!

Tuxedo Mask: Well, Sailor Moon? What are you waiting for? Hurry! Transform!

Jared: Oh snap! He knows who you are!

Me: Of course he knows!

Jared: Yes, I know. It's complete obvious considering he came to her bedroom to get her for the last thing!

Usagi freaks out because she can't throw fire or ice or lightning like the other girls can. Like that's been helping them out lately.

Me: You can chuck your tiara! And you make laser beams fly out of your forehead!

Jared: I get that she didn't realize that he knew up until this point. But, how could she not... HE CAME TO HER BEDROOM WINDOW!

Me: Logic is not her strong suit. Especially when she's having anxiety over so many other things.

It's panic time and Luna's even yelling out "USAGI!"

Jared: Okay, Luna - they're called "Secret Identities!" I mean, really?

Me: She talks in front of people!

Jared: She's talking in front of the bad guys! The bad guys now know her first name! That's like, Peter Parker's first rule. Don't let them know your name. 'Cause then you get crap like - Mr. Sandman shows up in front of Aunt May's house and breaks it down. And then he's mad because Peter's not there. He's at college or something.

Secret identities are Serious Business.

Jared: What do the little glowy bits in her hair buns do? 

Had to get this off YouTube, 'cause trying to get
clean screengrabs of the transformations on Hulu
is next to impossible.

Me: The red jewels? They look pretty.

[Note: Yes, I know they made her sonic-scream-power-thing in the first episode work. But that never happens again.]

Jared: Then there's the little... thingies... in the hair too.

Me: Barrettes?

Jared: Sure.

Jared didn't grow up with any sisters, so his knowledge of female hair accouterments is severely lacking.

Sailor Moon launches into her "I am the Pretty Guardian... In the name of the Moon..." schpiel.

Jared: Who is she saying that to? She's still not there.

But she does get there and faces down Queen Beryl.

Sailor Moon: I am Sailor Moon. I am the leader. So please, Moon Stick, help me save them!

Jared: Talking to a stick, huh? And that is still the Worst Name Ever.

Oh, how little does he know...

Me: They talk to a lot of inanimate objects.


Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon! Do it!

Travel powers.

Jared (slightly freaking out now): See? See? HOW did he get there?? HOW DID HE GET THERE? He said he had no powers! He's either completely oblivious to what powers constitute. Or he's just short-selling himself.

Me: Probably both.

Beryl takes Zoicite (who took the blast from the Moon Stick and is now unconscious) and they bugger off.

Jared: Nice bit of Pieta plagiarism.

Me: What?

Jared: That sculpture of Mary holding the crucified Jesus. 

Me: Oh.

I knew what it was. He just changed gears from ranting about Tux's non-power-powers, to what famous Renaissance art the animators took inspiration from/liberties with.

Jared: And now she's back to being tired. And hey! She's back to where she started too!

Me: They can obviously fly.

And no, I'm not a fan of this framing-composition-thing.

Jared: Her eyes are up there, man.

Neither is my husband. Friends, I chose well.

Jared: What is it with you and kissing unconscious girls??

Me: Well, just her.

Jared: Okay, unconscious girl.

Me: I think that was just him bending down to pick her up. I don't think he actually kissed her there.

Jared: Fine, we'll give him that one.

Usagi (unconscious inner monologue): His embrace feels so familiar.

Jared: And there's Sailor V, who's been useless so far.

Usagi wakes up in an unfamiliar bed, in her school uniform.

Jared: Wait - now she's not transformed! Last time, she fell unconscious, but she was still transformed!

Me: Last time, she fell asleep. This is falling unconscious from over-exertion. There's a difference.

Usagi wakes up and takes in her surroundings, including a mysterious pocketwatch that showed up while she was knocked out. She's excited at the prospect at meeting Tuxedo Mask in person!

Jared: Might want to consider where you are. 'Cause you've got no idea.

And guess who shows up to greet her when she wakes. No, seriously. Guess.

Me: TO THE SURPRISE OF NO ONE!

Jared: Except her. Like, seriously lady!

Jared: Goodness gracious, she is oblivious!

And that's where the episode leaves off. Until next time!

***
Next Time: Episode 7 - Mamoru Chiba, Tuxedo Mask

Previously: Episode 5 - Makoto, Sailor Jupiter

Taylor Swift Needs to Write a Song for This

Review/Recap of Sailor Moon Crystal, Act 7: "Mamoru Chiba" - Spoilers! (though, I'm pretty sure the statute of limitation has run out on this one... oops)



(If you don't mind - listen to The Piano Guys' medley Love Story Meets Viva La Vida. Just because it works with this review and these characters and I'll take any excuse to put these videos on my blog.)

It’s taken me the better part of a week two weeks to decide how best to talk about this episode of Sailor Moon Crystal. Not because I didn’t like it - quite the opposite, really. But because it contains some pretty vital plot progression to the overall Sailor Moon story. Plot progression that I completely adore and, really, all I want to do is bask in the wonderfulness of it.

Also, this episode is a continuation from the last one. Where the first five episodes were more or less character portraits of the main cast (with the exception of “Masquerade Dance Party,” but that one had other things to accomplish) that were only connected by a tenuous thread, Act 7 is pretty much Act 6, part 2. So, what did Act 6 do and where did it leave us?

Quick Act 6 Recap: Usagi is the leader of the Sailor Guardians. She can barely pass middle school, so what the crap are you thinking? Usagi is troubled and stressed and doesn’t think she can do it, but she’s not going to tell her friends because they depend on her and she’ll probably get chewed out for it anyway. But she does trust and believe in Tuxedo Mask (who none of the rest of the group trusts, so there’s another worry on her part). And, right on cue, he shows up because ~*~destiny~*~ (magical girl genre - it’s a staple. Just go with it) and he gives her the pep talk that she always needs (and what makes this relationship so special - we’ll get there in a moment). Sailor Moon shows up, renewed in her confidence, kicks ass with her new magical item (in stores now!), but using this new power drains her and she passes out. Tuxedo Mask takes her to safety and the final scene of Act 6 reveals the most non-reveal in the history of non-reveals - that Mamoru Chiba (that guy that Usagi’s always running into and she feels an odd connection to) is Tuxedo Mask (hold your surprise, please folks).

To the surprise of precisely no one.

(I only poke fun at this because Sailor Moon has been around for twenty years, but I’m sure someone back in the early 90s was surprised at this reveal. Tropes have to get their start somewhere, you know).

So - Act 7 opens and we get to explore Mamoru the regular guy rather than Mamoru the mysterious thief who’s after the Silver Crystal for Reasons Unexplained. Because here - those reasons are going to be explained. And it just about breaks your heart (well - it does me. But I’m a sap like that). We learn that Mamoru lost his parents and his memories in a car accident on his sixth birthday (I never knew it was his birthday until I read the manga, which made my heart ache for the guy even more). Since then, he’s dreamed about some mysterious person asking him to find the Silver Crystal, but there’s no reason for it. And that’s what his life has been consumed with. Because maybe the Crystal can bring back his memories of who he really is.

Usagi’s reasons for looking for the Crystal are much less grand - it boils all down to Luna told her to find it. And she even seems to play it off like no big deal (in true Usagi fashion - bless her). Again, comparing sweet, lovable Usagi to someone who has dealt with heartbreak and tragedy in life - Usagi could come off as unfeeling and uncaring, but it’s just the opposite. It’s a subtle thing (and the hints were left in earlier episodes, so it’s not like comes out of left field), but this is where Usagi and Mamoru really start to understand each other on a deeper level. I love how tender this whole scene is, without really being grand and amazing about it (there’ll be time for that later). They both care about each other a lot, but neither are very good at saying so. Usagi’s spent most of her time daydreaming about the dashing and handsome Tuxedo Mask and how he always comes to save her. She lives out these fairy tales in her mind, heedless of what people around her say or do - even accentuating that spacey reputation she has around others because that’s who she is and she’s unapologetic about it. Mamoru - well, he’s kind of socially awkward in general. But in an endearing way. And it turns out that he’s had other things to deal with that took him away from trying to cultivate good social standing for himself.

Both of them have lived their lives outside of their normal societal expectations, but in such a way that it goes unnoticed. Or, at least, it’s not troubling to anyone else who might be watching. And somehow, both of these daydream-obsessed people find each other and discover that they've been living in the same daydream. It’s poetic and gorgeous in its simplicity - how can you not love it?

Back in reality (it always comes back, doesn't it?), the Dark Kingdom is hatching new plans - Queen Beryl seeks an audience with their great ruler, Queen Metalia, and offers up the human energies they've been able to collect for her. It’s all pretty bog-standard villain and her minion plotting the end of the world - except for one thing that’s slightly different from the other versions of this story. Beryl has an aside to herself about how Metalia will consume the Earth like she tried to do anciently (before the Sailor Guardians of old defeated her - as is alluded to during their conversation) and they won’t be able to take the planet back from her. Which does nothing to quell my speculation of how the small changes to the Dark Kingdom in Crystal is going to impact the greater story. Will Beryl turn against Metalia in the end? In the live action Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, that version of Beryl almost seemed to become one of the good guys, in that she wanted to stop the Silver Crystal from feeding Metalia and thus enabling the destruction of the world - except Princess Sailor Moon kept using the damn thing and creating more problems (PGSM was kind of a mess in who was doing what and who the good guys and bad guys were. And we never got a proper Silver Millennium flashback, which still irritates me. But that’s neither here nor there).

So, yeah, Dark Kingdom - shady as crap, but interesting all the same. Until they revert back to “Send some flashy new thing to Earth to steal energy from the stupid humans.” This time, the flashy new thing is... Blockbuster.

Well, it’s a video store that the people become obsessed with renting DVDs and then they watch the DVDs at home and in turn become obsessed with finding Sailor Moon because she’s supposed to have the Silver Crystal (which she doesn't. Oh Dark Kingdom, your evil plot skills continue to underwhelm and bore me. But that’s not the point). Of course, one of those gripped by the obsession is Umino - and Crystal gives us one of the more hilarious Umino Info-Dump Moments (and that is saying something, given what we've gotten thus far).

Umino doing his best Professor Tomoe impression. Weeks before Halloween.

I also adore that Ami is looking up information on Sailor V on an
off-brand iPad. It almost makes up for the lack of the Mercury Computer.
Almost.

There’s some funny little visual gags with Luna talking about Usagi being the leader and Usagi stuffing her face and getting ketchup all over (in true not-very-graceful-Usagi fashion - oh, Usa... never change). She goes to find her handkerchief to clean off, but realizes that she’s left it somewhere (clear back in Act 4, during the Masquerade). But she does have Mamoru’s broken pocketwatch and she thinks back to their Moment that morning and that she wants to see her Mamo-chan again. And at the same time (we think - why not, right?) Mamoru has Usagi’s handkerchief and is pretty much thinking the same thing about his Usako and it’s beautiful and cute and fluffy and it’s everything you could ever want - let me have this!

Don't mind me. I'll just be here in the corner sobbing my eyes out.

Back at the Sailor Guardian Base of Operations under the arcade (still awesome, btw), Ami’s been analyzing the goings-on with the Crazy DVD Rental Place and when Zoicite puts his plan in motion, she calls the other Guardians and the three not named Usagi go after the bastard.

Split Screen - Make-up!

Elsewhere, Mamoru’s noticed people acting weird and saying they need to go after Sailor Moon, which shakes him out of his thoughts (which have been mostly about Usagi since she left his place. Side Note: She’s been returning the sentiment parallel to him. It’s damn adorable). I don’t have anything more to add to this other than it’s remarkable how fast he goes into Hero Mode when Usagi’s in trouble. It’s always been one of the best things about Mamoru Chiba and it will continue to be so. That’s all.

I tried so hard to get a cool-looking screengrab of
Moon Healing Escalation and I FINALLY did it!
You best I'm going to use in a review!

Of course, when Usagi discovers that everyone in Juban has gone all zombie-mode and is after Sailor Moon, the logical thing for her to do is transform and say “Here I am!” (that’s Usagi-logic for you - just go with it). Zoicite is there and ready for her (after having dispatched the other Sailor Guardians quite handily - dammit).  And, again, Sailor Moon hopes that Tuxedo Mask will be there to save her. He always does.

And, my friends, indeed Tuxedo Mask comes in to save the day. With a good old fashioned well-timed punch to Zoisite’s face.

And the fandom rejoiced ("Fandom" here meaning me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who even remotely likes Mamoru Chiba).

I’m sure I’ll get to talk about this more as Crystal unfolds, but one huge character trait for Mamoru is that he doesn’t have powers. Not like the Sailor Guardians. He’s just himself - with his own wits and physical strength. And in this episode, we get a little bit of that where he’s unsure of himself and his ability to protect Usagi, even though that is the first thing he wants to do. This dovetails into that moment where Usagi is in trouble and Zoicite isn’t about to let Tuxedo Mask get the upper hand again - Mamoru says that he used to be so focused on finding the Silver Crystal, but that’s changed.

Because he’s met Usagi and seen her through all her happiness and sadness and how she keeps going on in spite of all her challenges and he loves her for it. And suddenly - his entire life is different and it’s all because of her.

I just love these two so mu-u-u-u-ch!

(excuse me - I’ve got to go find tissues).

This right here. This is why I love Sailor Moon and I am so glad Crystal is giving us this moment. Yes, the friendships between the Guardians are wonderful. Yes, the story is fun and enchanting. Yes, the kick-ass female superheroes are awesome. But I adore the love story between Usagi and Mamoru. Even discounting what’s revealed later (oh good grief, you know the story - fate, destiny, love that transcends death and time) the way these two crazy, awkward, broken kids fall head-over-heels in love with each other is simply perfect. They aren't perfect by any means. In fact, they’re both extremely unconventional and far away from that glorified happy ending. But that’s what makes their love story special. It’s that they never even consider giving up on each other - they’re determined to make everything work out because they’re just so damn in love. And that resonates with a lot of people (to be fair - it doesn't resonate with others, but everyone’s tastes are different).

Thing is - even after all this anguished declaration of love and loyalty, neither Usagi or Mamoru save the day. Like in the rather similar episode in the '90s anime, a mysterious-yet-very-familiar character comes out of the shadows and thwarts the Dark Kingdom’s evil plans. A gold light comes out of nowhere and on a nearby rooftop *cue dramatic reveal* -

It’s Sailor V! Who precisely is featured in the next episode! (and all the complainers that are mad that Mamoru got two episodes can stop their kvetching. Besides - it wasn't completely about him. It was about him and Usagi and their relationship. Which is what basically started this whole story in the first place!)

(enough grumping - I just love this story so damn much! And it's about to go down, big time!)