Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Cupid Works For The Devil

Recap/Review of Once Upon a Time Episode 5.17 Her Handsome Hero - SPOILERS!
What Could Have Been... (had Gaston turned out to be an okay guy, that is)

I have a feeling this is the song that OUAT Writers' Room plays when they're working on Rumbelle episodes -

Tell me where I'm wrong. Because from where I'm sitting, OUAT!Belle is an idiot. A certifiable dunce.

I mean, I had my suspicions before. I thought that maaaaaaybe the writers had something in mind for her. That her character could be salvaged and she'd have a good character arc. But this episode confirmed the worst. She's just bone-headed stupid.

Actually - that's not really fair. She's more of a cautionary tale. An example of what happens when you think you can change bad people for the better. That the wide-eyed, innocent, hopeful pure true love soaked in unicorns and rainbows and sparkly fairy dust will turn even the evilest rat bastard piece of shit jackass into a honorable man.

Nope. Not even. All that's missing is Rumplestiltskin in a wife-beater tank top and the run-down double-wide trailer, and you would have every beat-down barefoot-and-pregnant woman I knew in the white trash town I grew up in. All the while, insisting that "Oh, he'll change. He'll be better." And the sum'bitch never does. He just stumbles into the house at some godforsaken hour of the morning, drunk as a dog.

The only purpose the flashbacks serve is to show that Belle was this dumb from the beginning. She trusted Gaston, despite everything she'd been told about him. But all he had to do was flash his "aw, shucks" sad little smile and she thought he was this honorable hero underneath his crappy reputation.

But nope - he's just as bad as they say. But Belle is in the impossible position of having to marry the guy so she can save her kingdom. And that worked SO WELL, that Belle then (covered back in Season 1), has to give herself up to Rumplestiltskin so he can save her kingdom from the ogres.

Moral of the Story: Not everyone gets to be Snow White and Prince Charming. Not everyone gets a Happily Ever After.

Instead of the fairy tale ending, Belle gets the "Girlfriend Of The Villain" treatment. She's the naive stupid idiot who falls for the criminal who's on parole for armed robbery (or whatever) and she helps him with this "One Last Job," but then she ends up with her life ruined. She never meant to hurt anybody - it just happened. Because she looooooves him. Merlin knows why.

And here is the most insulting part about the whole thing: the Underworld arc has already introduced an unapologetic villainous True Love Couple. We have Hades and Zelena (or as I've taken to calling him, Wicked Hell) who are just happy as can be in their dead and decaying "Underbrooke." They want to make people suffer - but they want to do it together. And, I'll be honest, I'm surprised at how awesome I think that is. Like I said last week, it's refreshing to have a villain (or villains) be evil for the sake of being evil. Not everything has to be explained - and even if it is, the villain just doesn't care. Their morals are GONE. They live solely to make life hell for the heroes.

Rumple used to be on the road to redemption, but his stint as being a Sans-Darkness-Dark-One has transformed him into a full-on Dark One. He's done playacting for Belle. He's fully committed to the darkness. And she still thinks she can love that asshole. So - why not just make Belle the Harley Quinn to his Joker? (Actually - now that I think of it, that's EXACTLY what's happening here! The Joker never actually loved Harley, did he? She just loved him, right? Please correct me if necessary - I'm not up on my DC Comics lore).

At this point, it might be better if Belle's baby ended up with Hades after all. At least the kid would have a father-figure-type mentor who's honest about his evilness. And if Zelena's raising the kid too, then there's less of a chance that they'd be confused as to whose morals they should follow. Yay for a happy villain family!

Ugh - I can't even do a "Things I Liked" section. Hook is concerned that Emma isn't getting enough sleep. Surprise!Ruby. And - that's it. This episode can go rot, honestly.

Next week - well, Dorothy is back. In her pseudo-badass-warrior-princess "Strong Female Character(tm)" motif that's virtually indistinguishable from all the other "Strong Female Characters(tm)" in this show (well, the secondary ones, at least).

Still wish they'd done Ozma or Tik Tok. That's all I'm sayin'

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