The Great Review Roundup

As is probably very apparent, my blogging time has been next-to-nonexistent lately. Taking care of a new baby, going back to work, and having my husband finishing up his second-to-last semester of grad school has taken up most of my time, energy, and attention. All good things, of course. But I do miss writing (and this time, it's purely for myself. I don't have to pretend what my opinion is in order to make someone else look good. I can be completely honest in my thoughts again. I'd almost forgotten what that felt like).

What follows is a list of fandom-related things that I've read/seen/listened to/watched and want to comment on. They are in no particular order, just whatever order I remember them.

Once Upon a Time - Remember how I used to faithfully review each episode every week? Yeah... I've certainly fallen off the wagon there. And I can't fully blame my time constraints for this. There's just nothing about the show lately that makes me want to write about it. It's not fantastic, it's not a trainwreck. It's just kind of... meh. It's a retread of everything they did before - and better. This season has been one giant "We've gotta pull something together because, the network." There are some entertaining moments, but on the whole, it's nothing to write home about.

Sigh... so much potential wasted.

Honestly, this season has been an extended cut of Mean Girls with magic. Victoria Belfrey, Ivy, Mother Gothel - even Tiana and Jacinda to an extent. None of these characters resonate with me. Very few of them are even likable. Lucy's storyline was great, but they keep forgetting that she's around. Now they've knocked her out, as well as destroyed her belief in fairy tales and happy endings.

What the actual hell??

Oh, and Cinderella's evil stepmother is actually Rapunzel. Sigh... remember how I was pissed to the nth degree over "Peter Pan is Rumplestiltskin's father"? With this, I can barely muster up enough emotion to raise an eyebrow. I blame ABC for keeping this show running when the creators were happy to bow out gracefully last year.

Dune (1984) - Jared and I watched this last night. I've read the book, but not recently. And I must have seen the miniseries many years ago, because I did not remember anything from this movie. The movie looks beautiful. The sets, the costuming, the design, the art - even some of the effects look good. The first half of the movie is even plotted pretty well. But then the House of Scabby Gingers attacks and the storytelling kind of falls apart. I can't fault them too much for it, though. Adapting any book for a two-hour movie is a chore, and Dune is a complicated story even in book form. It strikes me as one that would be better served as a TV series. Watching this movie is like watching Harry Potter - you aren't there for the faithful adaptation or even the coherent storytelling. You're there for the pretty sets and costumes - the things you imagined when you were reading the book.

Still - there are worse ways to spend an evening.


Doctor Who - I have the most unpopularest opinions of unpopular opinions about the upcoming season: I'm not that excited for it. And it has nothing to do with the gender of the lead character (before any obnoxiously "woke" blowhard dipshit decides that's what my opinion is and rushes to close the clubhouse door on me. Like I need the internet to approve my fandom before I can watch this show. What are you going to do? Sneak into my house and steal my DVDs? Delete my Big Finish collection? Please).

The Christmas special? I'm here for it!

Chris Chibnall has not engendered much confidence as far as his Doctor Who writing has gone. The only episode of his that I really liked was "The Power of Three." The rest were forgettable. Not bad, necessarily. Just... forgettable. Yes, I liked the first season of Broadchurch, but I'm probably never going to rewatch it. And I couldn't get into the second season, or even Gracepoint, so that was a bust for me.

Now, that's not to say I'm not going to give him and Jodie Whittaker a chance. I wasn't all that impressed with Moffat's final season - though he did have a strong finish. Peter Capaldi has been a fantastic Doctor, but much of the writing in his era has not served him well. A change-up is what Doctor Who needs right now. I just hope that the changes that Chibnall brings are what's needed to keep the show fresh.

And I'll explain what I mean by "keeping the show fresh." Just last week, I had occasion to pick up DWM 518 (the December 2017 issue, if I'm remembering correctly) from the library. I kind of just skipped around the magazine, looking for interesting things to read (or passing on the things that didn't hold my attention). I wasn't going to read the comic, having been unimpressed with previous DWM comics. But this time, I read through it. The comic, titled "Matildus," was absolutely brilliant. And I am going to thoroughly spoil it for you, so deal with it -

The Twelfth Doctor and Bill land on a planet with a giant and ancient library (not that Library, completely different one). The library is kept by an old alien woman named Matildus. She's stern and kind of prickly, but she helps the Doctor with some questions he has. Though her prickly nature does cause Bill to leave the library and go out into the city. Bill is subsequently caught by a gang of street kids who tell her that Matildus used to be a kind (still stern) woman who let them hang out in the library (as long as they read the books she recommended - that made me laugh). But now she's chased them off and become a totally different person. The kids think there's something nefarious going on because nobody's gone in or out of the library in months - Bill's the first person they've seen come or go.

Meanwhile, Matildus's "granddaughter" who's been helping her maintain the library isn't her granddaughter at all. It's an evil alien entity that's trying to take control of the library with all its information and knowledge. The entity has been trying to convince Matildus that she's too old and senile to be the head librarian, so she should sign control of the library to her granddaughter - except she doesn't have a granddaughter. The Doctor and Bill reveal the entity's evil plan and the entity flees. But Matildus realizes that she's been too absorbed by her work that she doesn't have anyone close to her. No family, friends, or even colleagues. She's pushed everyone away (even before the alien entity was messing with her mind). But then the kids come rushing in and insist that she has them. It's happy endings all around - these street kids have someone who cares about them, and Matildus has an adopted family to share her life with.

I loved this story - not just because it takes place in a library and that hits all my warm-fuzzies in the right places, but that it's something that everyone can relate to. Wanting a family, wanting to share your life with somebody, not wanting to be alone forever. And it's the Scrooge trope - a mean-spirited and closed-off person learns to love and let people into their life. Maybe it's the Christmas season (though this wasn't a Christmas-themed story), but that made me feel good.

That's what I've been missing from Doctor Who - stories that make me feel good. I don't need overly-sweet and soppy storytelling, but something wholesome and heartwarming would be nice for once. Lately, Who has felt entirely too preachy and heavy-handed and I'm sick of that. Whatever you may think of the world at large (and there are a lot of crappy things going on in the world, I will not dispute that) - I think we need something positive and uplifting. Besides, if you really believe that world events are too much to overcome and nothing good is ever going to happen (I wouldn't go that far, but some people would), wouldn't you want to try to bring something good to people? Something that we can all agree with? I'm tired of all this divisiveness and arguing. I want something that most of us can agree on. Doctor Who is capable of such storytelling - it's why I fell in love with the show in the first place. More "Vincent and the Doctor" and "Closing Time", less "Oxygen" and... whatever the hell that monk three-parter was. Please and thank you.

I'll give the show a chance - I hope I will be proven wrong and that my concerns are unfounded. I would love to come out of Series 11 and say that it was the greatest thing since two-slotted toasters. But I'm not terribly confident right now.

Oh, and the 13th Doctor's costume looks like she's a five-year-old doesn't know how to dress herself. Speaking of unpopular opinions... (good grief, people - you made this big stink about casting a woman to play the Doctor and the first thing you do is dress her so she doesn't even look like a woman?? WTH is wrong with you???)

The coat is neat, though.

Okay, that's enough of that. On with my list!

Gate - Jared and I found this anime on Hulu and we enjoyed it immensely (seriously - if you want to find new anime to watch, Hulu is a good place to find it. And, yes, I know about Crunchyroll. They have great stuff too).

The premise goes thusly: A medieval fantasy empire tries to invade modern-day Japan during a comic convention. Horses, swords, magic, the whole shebang. A guy named Itami on his way to the convention, but he also happens to be a reservist in the Japanese Self-Defense Forces. He helps get people out of harm's way and helps stop the invasion before it starts. It turns out there's a magical gate that's opened between these worlds and both the fantasy empire and modern governments want to establish diplomatic relations. The JSDF does send a team through the gate to establish an outpost in the "Special Region" - and because Itami was there during the initial attack, he get promoted to officer and he's one of the guys in charge (poor guy just wants to stay home and read comics). In the Special Region, Itami meets elves, wizards, princesses, even a demigoddess. Both cultures learn about each other and try to get along - though there are good guys and bad guys in both worlds.

The first half of this show was hilarious and charming. The second half is where most of the gritty conflict takes place, and it is no less entertaining. Definitely worth checking out.

The Disappearance of Winter's Daughter - This is the fourth book in the Riyria Chronicles by Michael J. Sullivan (I reviewed/gushed about his first series, the Riyria Revelations, here. The Riyria Chronicles is a prequel series dealing with Royce and Hadrian's earlier exploits). I'm currently listening to the audiobook and it is a treat - though I would expect no less from this series. There was a Kickstarter for it that just ended and I have to give the whole team big-time props for the way it was run. I haven't backed a whole lot of Kickstarters, so I don't know how this one compares with others. But every time there was a behind-the-scenes update, they made sure the backers knew what was going on. Even to the point of sending us relevant pieces of correspondence from Audible when it looked like the redeem codes for the audiobooks weren't going to work quite right (though I was able to get my audiobook from Audible without any problems, so I appreciate that even more).

I haven't gotten my limited edition hardcover copy of the book, but I don't think they've shipped yet. I'm sure once they do ship, I'll get it the way I expect to. This is a quality operation and, when you're running a business like this, a little praise is appreciated greatly. And they deserve it.

Oh, and the book is fantastic! Don't worry if you haven't read the first three yet, or even the first series - all of these are standalone enough that you can jump in wherever you like. But once you read one, you'll want to read them all. If you don't have time to read, the audiobooks are great too. The narrator does a lovely job.

Cozy Mysteries - Now that I'm back working at the library, I've been trying to expand my horizons (as it were) with different genres. Trying out things that I wouldn't normally read. And I think I've found something new that I love - cozy mysteries. I didn't think I would enjoy these, but here we are.

Cozy mysteries are light-hearted mysteries that usually deal with solving a murder, but I've run into a few that deal with theft and fraud. That juxtaposition shouldn't work, but it does. The stories usually revolve around a regular person - usually a woman - who gets thrust into an impossible situation and has to find out what's going on with her neighbor or co-worker or family member. A lot of cozies revolved around things like quilt shops, libraries, food, small boutiques. To start off with, I read Lemon Tart by Josi S. Kilpack - the first of the Sadie Hoffmiller Culinary Mysteries (all of the books in this series have desserts in the titles, plus there are a bunch of recipes in the story). That one was a lot of fun, though her neighborhood is beyond dysfunctional. I also read And Only to Deceive, the first in the Lady Emily Mysteries series by Tasha Alexander. This one's a historical mystery where Lady Emily suspects her late husband was dealing in art fraud and she tries to find out the truth. All the while, her mother badgers her about getting remarried because how could a young, rich widow not get remarried (though I have been spoiled on the fact that she does remarry eventually).

Cozy mysteries - give 'em a try.

Music - As I've mentioned on Facebook, Alex loves to listen to Queen. He falls asleep listening to all the Queen music I have on repeat on an iPod playlist I created after we figured this out. Consequently, my knowledge of the band and their music has increased considerably since Alex was born. I think my favorite song of theirs that I've discovered (few things can beat out "Bohemian Rhapsody" or "We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions" overall. Or "The Show Must Go On," for that matter) is "The Invisible Man." I'd never heard this song until I pulled up a YouTube playlist of Queen music and I thought the accompanying video was just a lot of fun -



Other notable tunes: Under Pressure, Radio Gaga, Innuendo, Somebody to Love, White Queen

I've tried slowly introducing Alex to other musical artists and while there are some that he seems to responds positively to ("Thunder Island" by Jay Ferguson caught his attention this morning), he always goes back to Queen.

Eh, there are worse things to have to listen to on infinite repeat. Especially where kids are concerned.

That's what I've got for now. I might think of other things later, but that's a good overview.

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time Episode 7.02 "A Pirate's Life" - Spoilers!

I will FULLY accept this explanation.

At the end of last season when most of the main cast took off after their contracts expired, I (and many others, I'm sure) wondered what in the crap was going to happen to Hook and Emma. I mean, they'd just had this big splashy wedding episode and it was their happily ever after and that's what the show had been building up to for six seasons... and suddenly one half of the Captain Swan ship was just... not going to be around?

Unforgivable!

But how to make this work?

I imagine that the OUAT Writers' Room went digging in the obscurest backstory details to figure out how to dig themselves out of this hole that contract negotiations and ABC executives had unceremoniously shoved them into. And found a loophole called the Mirror... sorry, the Wish Universe. Remember the wish that Evil Queen!Regina made in season six that put everyone back into the Enchanted Forest and Emma wasn't the Savior and Hook was an old, fat drunken comic relief character?

Yep. They brought that back. And even gave old!Hook a backstory and character and a youth lift so we could be graced with Colin O'Donoghue's rugged good looks (*cough* I mean, what?)

So... the Hyperion Heights Hook is NOT the OG Hook. The Hook we know and love is living happily with Emma and their new pirate baby in Storybrooke awaiting the inevitable crappy direct-to-DVD Disney sequel for their kid. Instead, Officer Rogers is the Mirror... Wish Universe Hook.

(Oh screw it - he's "Mirror Universe" Hook. I'm not bound by copyright claims for this thing.)

Basically, they've given themselves a clean slate with an old character and I'm intrigued by this development. I'm also somewhat impressed by it. I thought that they'd have to shoehorn some weird retcon thing that was going to RUIN EVERYTHING... but they didn't. All because they had one seemingly-throwaway joke character that they could retool and make cool again.

I approve this message.

Other things I liked:
- Is it just me, or did they tone down Victoria Belfrey's insane liposuction mouth? Too bad, she's still the Evil Lipmother.
- Detective Rumple is the same asshole as ever... but with a heart of gold? Maybe?
- All of Storybrooke's happy endings mean that Archie Hopper's therapist business isn't doing so hot... but his wedding officiating gig is booming. THAT was beautiful. Second only to Mirror Universe Hook, that was probably my favorite twist of this episode.

Basically, we're back to the old formula of introducing a new character in modern day, flashbacking to their origin story in fairy-tale-world, showing how their cursed self is similar to their fairy tale self, and they're awesome. Plus, some evil queen character is always trying to ruin everyone's life.

Yep. We've seen this movie before. Certain things in life never change: high school girls grow up into bitchy women, cursed fairy tale characters remember who they are in reality, and pineapple on pizza is the greatest ever.

(I will fight anyone on that last bit.)

The Highest of Heights

Review of Once Upon a Time Episode 7.01 "Hyperion Heights" - Spoilers!

And here we are in the unnecessary extra season of Once Upon a Time, wherein the majority of the main cast has buggered off elsewhere and the ones who have stuck around are going to be glorified supporting characters. Thanks ABC executives... 😒

However - I had a thought in the off-season. If the Writers' Room is smart about this, they will treat this season precisely like a spin-off. They've had one OUAT spin-off before, so why not call this "The Adventures of Henry Mills" or something like that? If that's how this goes, this may actually work. It's not a reboot or a remake, it's it own thing. Until I'm told otherwise (and you'd better not tell me otherwise), that is how I'm going to enjoy this.

So, without further ado (and before Tiny gets really mad at me for putting him down mid-nap), here are my thoughts on this premiere episode.

A city without magic. Seattle. Depressing as hell. This curse does not mess around. As evidenced by grown-up Henry making his living as an off-brand Uber driver in this unwashed hipster paradise. At least Emma had been a bounty hunter when we first met her (yes, I know the show called her a "bail bondsmanperson. I like "bounty hunter" better).

But the family with the Mickey ears, presumably coming back from a trip to Disneyland. Nice touch.

I am never going to be able to see Victoria Belfrey as anything more than her lips. It's uncanny valley levels of Just So Wrong. They aren't even like, say, Steven Tyler's lips where it's just a quirky part of his character and appearance. It doesn't even look like they belong on her face. I know I'm spending a lot of time going on about this woman's lips but, dayum lady. Fire your plastic surgeon, like, yesterday.

Regina/Roni is the Granny of this season. Except instead of serving questionable lasagna, we've upgraded to an establishment with Actual Liquor. Well... call this the "Grown Up" season of OUAT. I'm fine with it. Especially if Roni keeps smacking down the Evil Lipmother like that. The booze must flow.

Henry lamenting that he's in none of the fairy tale stories - well, duh kid. You're the reader of these tales. You're the person who encounters the stories and gives them life within your imagination (he's also the Author - but readers often become authors later on). Arguably, you're the most important person in these tales.

Lucy Mills (she's Henry's daughter, so I'm calling her that) is stinking adorable. She could have been reduced to nothing more than a female version of young Henry from season 1, but she has her own character and personality. I'm not entirely sold on Jacinda yet (nor her Cinderella version), but it's only been one episode. I'm willing to give it a try.

Captain Hook as a police officer. :D :D :D Yes, please! Also - making Rumple his detective partner is going to be FUN. #HereForIt

The spawn of the Evil Lipmother is going to regret letting "Officer Rogers" (I see what you did there) keep Lucy's Once Upon a Time book. Calling it now. (And a tear for the picture of Emma in the book...)

Alice getting pissed that people only remember her for her one crazy trip to Wonderland was beautiful. I like this character already.

One last thing - how does Henry's motorcycle and cell phone still work in the Enchanted Forest? (Or wherever the heck he is.) I'll accept fairy magic as an explanation, but I want an explanation.

Those are my disjointed thoughts, and just in time too. Tiny is getting really mad at me, so I need to go (blogging with an infant is going to be interesting).

A Happy Ending. No, Really. Serious. That's The Ending. Go Home. Why Are You Still Here?

Recap/Review Of Once Upon A Time - The Entire Last Bit. SPOILERS!

I'd like to say that I fell off the OUAT blogging wagon because of some kind of illness or crazy-life thing that was completely out of my control and that took all of my time and attention away from fun things. But honestly? I didn't really feel like talking about it too much. It happens.

But after the events of the Season 6 finale (hereafter called the Not-Series-Finale), I felt the need to talk about everything that's happened since this post. In-universe and otherwise.

The Black Fairy was a heinous bitch. There. I said it. You know how much I hated Cora? Fiona was all of that, plus a side of Dolores Umbridge. This was no more evident than in the finale, where she became Season 1 Regina all over again. I kind of want to go back and rewatch Season 1, just to remind myself how much I despised Regina back then and also to reflect on how much worse it could have been. Then again, that was probably the point - you're supposed to hate the Black Fairy for everything she's done to Emma and Team Storybrooke.

But Fiona's evilness had one good thing about it - it gave all the heroes a chance to have one more big hurrah before everybody (mostly) splits off into other enterprises. I actually enjoyed revisiting the Enchanted Forest with everyone in their present-day personas. I also would have enjoyed exploring more of those other realms again. But, time was limited.

Before the finale, though, a few things -

- Fiona's backstory - Don't care. She got everything she deserved.

- Rumple could have been a Savior - Well, crap happens. Though that angle makes the Dark Swan storyline even more layered and interesting.

- The Wedding Musical - What's not to love? Captain Swan gets married, people get to sing, the Dark One makes a joke about not singing. And Zelena's number was my favorite (Hook's was great too, but they used that as one of the sneak peek promos, so it kind of lost its "oomph" beforehand).

So... where do we go from here? Henry at some point goes to live in the Enchanted Forest, grows up, has a daughter, entrusts her with the storybook, and they all end up back in the real world with Henry repeating his mother's origins.

I sure hope this just isn't a carbon copy of OUAT 1-6.

From the cold open of part one, I had the thought that the dad in the EF could be an older Henry. The fact that he had the storybook kind of solidified that theory. And then it turned out I was right.

What do I think of this "twist"? Um... I'll get back to you on that. Honestly, the whole show could have ended with the pseudo-Thanksgiving dinner at Granny's and I would have been satisfied. I even would have been okay with the "Henry! I'm your daughter!" stinger being the ending. Tie that ribbon around the package as if to say "they still had adventures and you'll just have to explore those in your own theories."

But ABC had to renew the show, flagging ratings and all.

Truthfully, I'd pretty much said all my goodbyes to this show - and when the onslaught of announcements came that most of the cast wasn't coming back, I figured that was that. But nope. The suits at ABC want to keep it going. For reasons that have nothing to do with storytelling and everything to do with beating a dead horse.

I dunno... maybe the show will feel new and exciting with different characters and storylines. But I have my doubts. I just don't want this to turn into something that we're begging for it to be canceled because it's overstayed its welcome.

But at least the Charmings finally moved out of that itty-bitty studio apartment and got an actual house. About barking time.

***
What's next? I haven't really decided. I haven't been terribly inspired by a lot of the TV shows I typically watch lately. I'll finish watching this season of Agents of SHIELD, even though I'm kind of "meh" on the whole endeavor. The DC TV universe lost me at the midseason finales (honestly, four separate TV shows was a lot to have to keep track of. Made even more obnoxious by the fact the CW took the shows off Hulu and put them on their crappy in-house app). Even Doctor Who has been going full potato over the last little while (I'm still going to give it a few more episodes before I declare it a lost cause. At least, until next season). I do still have the Sailor Moon recaps to get through, though. And if Viz ever gets off their collective rear-end and released the new dub of the third season of Sailor Moon Crystal, that would be nice.

Maybe I'll go back and read more books or something. I'll think of something to write about. There's always something.

(That's my "I'll always find you," btw.)

They Call Him Barkeep

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time Episode 6.15 "A Wondrous Place" - SPOILERS!

Never miss a chance to appreciate a good "ayebrow" :)

As much angst as they tried to put into this episode - it really wasn't that sad. Or suspenseful. And I never felt like there was a whole lot at stake here (except for one thing, which is probably obvious). Don't get me wrong - that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy the episode. In fact, it was quite fun!

The prospect of Princess Jasmine and Ariel working together fills my Disney fangirl heart with much glee and joy. Along with Belle, those two were the Disney Princesses of my formative years (though I don't know out OUAT!Belle would have been able to join the party, given that she has other things in this storyline to worry about. And yes, that is a welcome concept). So, Jasmine and Ariel are besties and it's great!

The only thing in this episode I could even be remotely worried over is the good ship Captain Swan. After last week's *headdesk*-inducing stupidity, I really couldn't stop rolling my eyes at Emma and everyone thinking that Hook had abandoned her. Okay - fine. He kept a secret and wasn't sure how to tell the truth, or even if he should (again, would it have been really so horrible if Hook had just kept quiet about Charming's dad? Years had passed, everyone had grieved and moved on. I'm just... GAH!)

But AFTER EVERYTHING YOU TWO HAVE BEEN THROUGH - how can you possibly think that he would have just taken off or that any of this was solely his fault? Other than the fact that Emma pretty much told him to pound sand. And Storybrooke is not that big of a town.

I dunno - there's been plenty of Idiot Ball being thrown around the last few weeks. I still can't believe that this almost become too much for Emma and Killian to overcome. Sure, they can face down giants and demonic Lost Boys and wicked witches and evil queens and dark magic and the FREAKING DEPTHS OF HELL for each other. But one minor misunderstanding? That's what nearly kills your relationship?

BLAH! And again I say BLAH!

I did appreciate drunk!Snow playing darts with those viking dudes, though. That was fun.

As for the Aladdin and Jasmine plotline - it was a good sideshow from the manufactured Captain Swan drama. I did appreciate the parts with Aladdin and Jasmine separately trying to get relationship advice from Killian and Killian just being annoyed with them. It was also nice to have their True Love story work out the way it did as well. I mean, that was basically a foregone conclusion, once Jasmine figured out what the crap was going on.

Also - Oded Fehr as Jafar.

Yep. That is all.

Just how fun was he as Genie-Jafar? As though I couldn't love him even more! And I don't typically like evil villains. But, it's Oded Fehr! Come on!

(I think I need him and Victoria "Cruella" Smurfit to come back and snark at each other. I would enjoy that very much).

I'm trying to think if these kinds of last-minute misdirects have been part of OUAT for a while and I'm just now noticing them, or if they've just gotten better at doing them. Because I figured Aesop-as-the-bartender was just a way for Emma to voice out loud what bothered her the most about Killian leaving.

BUT THEN, we end up with him really being Gideon and he has the "tears of the Savior" (since when is that a thing? Good grief - making up magic rules as we go...) So that means that Killian can't come back until Emma does what he wants?

And it's like - Oh NOW Gideon wants to ask for help? After he's been a jackhole and threatened everyone and been a general annoying pain-in-the-neck?

If he'd gone the "ask for help" route before, I'm certain Emma and Team Storybrooke would have been more amenable to giving him what he wanted. As it is, he's just been a smarmy, petulant, little Justin Bieber clone that nobody (except his parents, I guess) wants around. And he almost broke Emma and Killian up, which I can never forgive.

Moral of the Story: You can never go back to a first impression.

Next week -



Oh - and why did Ariel keep the ring after Agrabah was freed from it? Might that come in handy later?

Hold onto that thought.

Running Away From Your Problems

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time Episode 6.14 "Page 23" - SPOILERS!

Isn't it nice when a show FINALLY voices what you've known about a character FOR FOUR SEASONS???

Welcome to Once Upon A Time - where the audience knows more than the people actually writing the damn show.

Sigh... anyway.

Last week when I saw the promo for this episode, I figured this was going to be yet another cheap installment of "Regina vs Her Own Darkness" and bemoaning how she never gets a happy ending and she's an evil villain and can't ever be redeemed... blah, blah, blah....

If you've been following this show for any length of time, you know the drill by now.

I really didn't expect the Evil Queen storyline to be taken care of, though. I thought they'd just put off the problem to be solved another day (or never, the way these people are practically married to the old hag). So, I will register my complete and utter surprise that the Writers Room actually said - YES! Regina is OFFICIALLY redeemed and is No Longer A Villain! (at least, not in the traditional way).

Thanks for putting your stamp on something that's been official in the minds of your audience for a good four YEARS, guys.

I did like the twist that Regina needed to love herself to finally achieve happiness. That's a theme that's severely lacking, not just in popular culture, but in the world at large. Seeing as my job is to cover news and politics (and I'll try not to get too political here - I reserve that for other forums), I see this nearly every day. People are upset because Politician A said this, or Politician B did that, or Political Event X didn't go the way they wanted, so now they have to throw a hissy fit and act like immature children and annoy people with their bullshit. And it's not even the big political stuff - the internet is fueled by outrage culture on every side of the political spectrum. You HAVE to be pissed off at someone else's mistakes and you never, ever, ever, EVER try to look at it from their perspective. Heaven forbid you stop and think about the times that you did something stupid and, but for the grace of God, your misstep didn't become public fodder for some clickbait tabloid covered with janky internet advertisements.

Nope. Everyone has to be upset about EVERYTHING. Too much looking outward for outside causes to their problems, while never considering that their discontent with their own lives might actually be more internal. And lest you think I'm pointing fingers, I am very well aware of these failings in myself. I hate to admit it, but there are moments where I feel like I'm the worst human being on the planet and I will never achieve my glorious happy ending (or happy continuation, as I like to think of it) because I'm just not good enough at... whatever I'm trying to be good at.

In fact - going back to a moment in this episode, the one where Evil!Regina modified Cupid's arrow to find the person she hated the most and she ended up looking in a mirror - I've wondered sometimes if that's really why I hate looking in mirrors. Not because I find them creepy or disconcerting, but because I don't want to look at myself any more than I have to.

Okay... that went somewhere I wasn't expecting it to go. But I guess that's a sign of a really good story - it makes you look at yourself and helps you learn and grow in ways that aren't immediately obvious. Maybe help you find out things that very few people think about. Sure, it's easy to measure success in terms of career or family or hobbies. But even those successes don't ring true forever (goodness knows I've been blessed with good things in my life, but I don't always feel like I am) and you have to find your self-worth from within, not from how amazing other people think you are.

That's kind of why I think the whole self-esteem movement is full of BS. That was all about telling people they're special snowflakes and to ignore all the negativity and haters and critics. Nobody ever internalized it, so when they did run into problems, they - well - they ignored the criticism and refused to learn from the experience and just complained about it. By contrast, self-worth comes from a place of accepting your flaws and weaknesses and making them work for you, instead of sitting down and whining that life isn't fair because you had a bad day or something. That's why there are people who have encountered horrible things like debilitating illness, cancer, terrible accidents, sudden deaths of loved ones - but they still remain happy and positive and grateful for the things they do have.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that your happiness is dependent on your outlook on life. That's something that I'm working on learning and balancing with all the other things that I do.

For all the things I complain about with this show, that's honestly why I come back to it. For gems like this one. Keep in mind - the only reason Regina hated Snow was because Snow told a secret when she was a child and it led to the death of someone Regina cared about. Horrible, yes. But an innocent mistake that Snow White never thought would have the consequences that it did. Not when she was so young, anyway. The villain in that situation is - and always will be - Cora. And she's been dealt with already. So, no need to continue beating that dead horse. Literally.

(I may or may not be calling Cora a "horse." I've called her worse, so shush.)

And then... there's Captain Swan...

...sigh... what am I going to DO with you two?

Okay - I can understand why Killian is conflicted about the situation he's in. I really can. He's the type of person who would feel guilty about his past bad actions. He would feel like he needs to pay for his mistakes. Eye for an eye, and all that.

But the fact that he does feel bad and that he feels like he is unworthy of Emma and the accompanying happiness that a life with her would bring him is precisely why he is worthy and deserving of such! He accepts

When Emma found out about Killian's role in her grandfather's death (a grandfather that she never knew, by the way), I actually thought her attitude about it was going to make things okay - reminding Killian that Snow and Charming would forgive him and they knew that he was a changed man and that wasn't the kind of person he was anymore. But THEN - she has to go "If you can't trust my family, then we can't be together."

Really, Emma? REALLY????

So, Killian seeks out Captain Nemo and the Nautilus (I forgot that they were still in town, honestly) and resolves to leave Storybrooke with the crew of the submarine "To go out and find himself" so he can prove he's worthy of Emma and her family. Because running away from your problems is the PERFECT way to fix your life.

WHAT ARE YOU TWO CHUCKLEHEADS DOING???? You have gone to hell and back for each other - quite literally! If you two STILL don't know that you are the best things that happen to one another, there is NOTHING that is going to convince you that you both are deserving of being happy!

GOOD GRIEF I AM SO DONE.

The good news is that Snow (unknowingly) intervenes with her typical bubbly "I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO!" personality and that reminds Killian that he's being an ass (and so is Emma, in her own way) and it's time for him to patch things up with Emma and proceed with this engagement as originally planned.

The only mistake from here on out is Killian saying goodbye to Nemo and company on board the Nautilus - but that's only because Gideon is a piece of cow excrement and he took over the Nautilus operating systems in order to send Killian away from Storybrooke and Emma (apparently, True Love is what's going to save Emma from Gideon and the Black Fairy. GEE, WHO WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING??)

Which, I'm all... once the sub is far enough away, couldn't Nemo and crew just take control back and zip back to Storybrooke? I'm sure there's some loophole that's going to be abused in the next episode. Because - DAMMIT, this SUCKS!

Next time -



If I don't see Gideon's head on a pike at some point, I'm going to be royally pissed.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time Episode 6.13 "Ill-Boding Patterns" - SPOILERS!

I forget - which Rumple are we dealing with again? The guy is so two-, three-, and four-faced that I have a hard time keeping track what's going on sometimes.

I still have no idea what Gideon's plan is or even... why. I mean, I can understand why the Black Fairy would want Emma dead and out of the way (villains' motivations aren't that difficult to decipher, especially when it comes to disposing of the heroes). But Gideon's plan makes absolutely no sense. At all.

Perhaps if we knew what kind of trouble "his people" were in or even who these people are. Does it never occur to anyone to, you know, ask for help?

And since when did Savior magic operate the same way as Dark One magic does? That is, you kill the Savior or Dark One and then you get the magic. That's never been established and it's strange that we're operating under the assumption that it's verifiable fact.

Or, at least, letting Gideon operate under that assumption. I mean, if he REALLY wanted to be all diabolical, he'd kill Rumple and steal his Dark One powers.

Maybe that's what the Black Fairy meant and Gideon got it wrong? Wouldn't surprise me. Gideon really hasn't proven himself to be a mental powerhouse, after all.

Anyway - Rumple's second son's confusion aside, I quite liked this episode. They certainly played fast and loose with the timelines, though. How long did the First Ogres War last, anyway? Long enough for pre-Dark-One-Rumple to join the army against the ogres, maim himself to avoid going to battle, come home to his wife and infant son, his infant son grows up, his wife leaves him for an adventuring pirate, he becomes the Dark One, his son gets older, he becomes known for his dark magic rather than being the village coward...

Yeah, that was a LONG war.

I did like the nuances in Baelfire's character, however. That he wasn't always opposed to his father's use of dark magic and even went so far as to indulge in a bit of darkness himself. And then Rumple does the whole "Do As I Say, Not As I Do" thing to preserve Baelfire's innocence, even if it meant alienating Baelfire further (and we all know how THAT turned out).

I'm finding it hard to be pissed off at Rumple. Even though he's unapologetic about his addiction to dark magic, his desire to keep it for himself does come from a place (in part) of not wanting it to taint those closest to him. Only problem is that by hoarding it for himself, he continues to push his loved ones further and further away. Though Gideon did seem sufficiently impressed by it.

Maybe Gideon is finally the son that Rumple deserves. And no, I'm not comfortable saying so.

Poor Belle.

Other things:

- The actor that plays Beowulf was fantastic. Though he did have that crazy-eye thing going for him (maybe it was the angle they had to film him, since he was so insanely tall?)

- Archie Hopper... *shakes head* he tries so hard for all these Storybrooke weirdos (and I mean that in the most affectionate way).

- I completely forgotten that they'd turned the Evil Queen into a cobra. This whole time, I could not remember for the life of me where she ended up. I knew they hadn't gotten rid of her completely. I figured that she had slunk off to some cupboard that the Writers Room had all nice and comfy for her until they got sick of Lana Parrilla not sneering at everybody.

- Sooooo... it's Evil!Robin and the Evil Queen, huh? What is this ship, Dark Outlaw Queen? Though... after seeing Sean Maguire at Salt Lake Comic Con FanX this past weekend, and given a few things he hinted at during that panel - I'm rather intrigued to see this villainous side of Robin Hood. And - after that little taste of Zelena and Hades last season (Wicked Hell), I wouldn't say no to having a purely evil ship on this show. Kind of mixes things up. And, I guess (if we have to) - it makes for a pretty strong break from the Outlaw Queen ship that we came to know and love over previous seasons.

Still don't have to like that part, though.

- Last, but certainly not least - Captain Swan is getting married! YAAAAAAAY!!



But of course, we have to insert HIGH DRAMA in all this nonsense. Because though Killian is wracked with guilt that he really shouldn't be (dammit, Pinocchio!!) and he wants to come clean to Emma and David and everyone in the Charming family. The whole time Hook was telling Archie that he could just keep the secret and take it to his grave, I was screaming at the TV - "Yes! Do that! No reason to bring it up at all!"

I mean, all that drama with Charming's dad was dealt with so perfectly in the last episode - as well as in prior episodes. The family has grieved the tragedy and they've moved on, as is healthy and natural. Beyond just keeping the secret in order to stay in David's good graces, why would you want to rip open that healed wound again? It would be kinder not to say anything.

Leave the issue alone, have a wedding, celebrate the future, and let the ghosts of the past bury themselves. Stop picking at those old scars, for the love of Pete!

(I know - that's too much to ask from this damn show.)

Next Time -



Sigh... I know an OUAT over-promise when I see one. I don't really have high hopes for this big "showdown" between Regina and Queenie.

But if it FINALLY means the end of the Evil Queen, I will gladly take it.

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time Episode 6.12 "Murder Most Foul" - SPOILERS!

Can I just pretend the episode ended on Captain Charming
being best buddy bros? Please?

Sigh... that ending.

But before we get there, there's a beginning and a middle to tackle. So let's do this.

Robin Hood gets to be the "Fish Out Of Water." Erm... again. Though this time, it's even MORE Fish-Out-Of-Water-y, because this version of Robin Hood didn't live the life that the previous Robin Hood did. In addition to figuring out how alarm clocks work, Robin is trying to work out his relationship with Regina and - he/not-he has a daughter with Regina's sister... oh good grief, this is going to get complicated.

At least Regina is realizing how nutty this all sounds to an outsider.

Though that bit with Snow giving Regina "advice" was kind of out of left field. Not Snow's advice, per se. But given the rest of the episode centered on Charming losing sleep (literally) over his dad and refusing to wake Snow up until this mystery is solved... I just was left wondering "Why are you awake, lady?"

Timey-wimey, etc.

So - tonight the part of Hamlet will be played by David Nolan (does that mean Hook is Horatio?) Seriously, this whole episode was basically a riff on Hamlet and Charming trying to avenge his father's death at the hands of (he thinks) the evil king who... stole his twin brother thanks to a deal with Rumple... Okay, it doesn't quite parallel completely, but it was still a clever spin on it. Not to mention a good way for the OUAT Writers Room to incorporate Shakespeare without us having to do a whole "Journey From Storybrooke To Stratford-upon-Avon!" story arc in a future season.

(Okay, it would be more like the Globe Theatre, but my version sounded better in my head.)

But what I did like about this episode was the treatment of Charming and Hook's relationship. At first, I thought they were going to be taking some MAJOR steps backward, seeing as how these two are practically best buddies. I even mentioned it last week with the promo - I have no idea how they go away with calling Charming and Hook an "unlikely partnership." Seriously guys - are you watching the same show I am? Even without their respective affections for Emma (David as her dad, Killian as her main squeeze), these guys respect the hell out of each other and have done so for three seasons running.

But then, it turns into Killian being David's Voice of Reason, once it's clear that David has gone completely 'round the twist, thanks to his worry over Snow, Emma, and now discovering that his father might not have died in the way that he was led to believe.

Killian isn't so much an "unlikely partner" as he is the designated driver (when he's not handcuffed to a bike rack, that is).

I did appreciate August being able to give David a sense of what Papa Nolan's last hours were like - that he hadn't fallen off the proverbial wagon and slid back into his drunkard ways. That he was actually trying to piece their family back together, even if he was unsuccessful. That was a beautiful and touching scene. Killian later asking David for his blessing in proposing to Emma was just the cherry on top of the feels sundae.

(It's amazing that the OUAT writers could pull that off. I mean, could you imagine me saying that anything else would be more exciting to me than impending wedding bells for Captain Swan? Kudos, writers. Kudos to you.)

But... sigh... the ending.

The MINUTE that August rode up with those storybook pages, I KNEW something was going to go tits-up. August coming in on his bike NEVER ends in anything good. At first, I thought he was going to try to stop Killian from proposing to Emma (how he would have done that directly, I haven't a clue). I breathed easy again when he was just dropping off the pages... but then Killian looked at the pages and THAT'S when I knew that... well... see the headline of this post.

OF ALL THE PEOPLE to flashback and show killing David's dad for real... WHYYYYYYYY did it have to be Captain Hook? Why couldn't Evil King George's mooks just done their job and we could have gotten on with our lives?? I mean - David proudly acknowledged that Killian had come a long way from being that murderous and terrible human being that he used to be - why can't we just enjoy a lovely character moment and reflect on the personal growth of our beloved pirate captain?

Ugh. Anyway.... NEXT WEEK -



Rumple-centric? Is this Kylo Ren facing down Han Solo? Hm... the mind boggles...

Lay Off The Rum

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time Episode 6.11 "Tougher Than The Rest" - SPOILERS!

Ah - the ending of yet another hiatus. Let's go -

The first thing to note about this mid-season/spring premiere thingie is how unassuming it was. Granted, that probably has more to do with the fact that they aren't starting up a brand new story arc in the middle of a regular season scheduled. The entirety of Season 6 is one big long story, which I think was sorely needed to inject some life back into this show. Let characters grow and develop in the storyline you've given them. Don't just hop around collecting live action Disney characters like you've only got an hour at Disneyland and you have to get EVERYBODY'S autograph for some inexplicable reason.

(You do that, you end up with Emma Watson staring blankly at you from her glorified cosplay on a movie poster.)

Like I've said before, the OUAT writers have improved their storytelling and their pacing. And I hope that this continues.

Special praise (and I almost can't believe I'm saying this) goes to Regina. For - at the proverbial eleventh hour - actually LISTENING to someone (in this case, Emma) who says "Screw fate and destiny - what do you want in your life?" And, wonder of wonders, Regina takes Emma's advice. And she is amply rewarded for the risk that she took in bringing wish!Robin Hood back to Storybrooke with her.

Sure, Outlaw Queen is basically going to have to start from square one, but they've laid the foundation for their relationship to come back into the forefront and I couldn't be more pleased. Especially since the Evil Queen is still prowling around and Regina's been constantly wrongfooted because of that. I can't help but think that Robin Hood being around again will help solidify her confidence in herself again.

Next Topic: Kylo Ren... I mean, Gideon. He is soooooo not the big villain that Emma has to fight in the end. The kid is a glorified boy band reject. He's trying to come off as a badass, but he's so pathetic about it that the rest of us are just laughing at him. I know that Adam and Eddy are big Star Wars fanboys and I seriously can't help but wonder if this is their way of paying homage to The Force Awakens.

I mean, Emma basically sneezes at the kid and he runs off pouting like a little punk.

To make the metaphor go even further - that would mean that Grandma Black Fairy is the REAL badass villain of this piece, not unlike Kylo Ren's grandfather, Darth Vader (I'm discounting the whole Emperor puppeteer in the background - we have time for only so many parallels). Grandma sends the snot-nosed kid to act all tough and pose for the camera, when in reality she's just biding her time before she can swoop in and take over Storybrooke.

I dunno - it made sense in my head.

Speaking of family matters - Rumple might be thinking about not being such a rat bastard anymore? Possibly? I don't anticipate that he'll change all that much (though if the Kylo Ren thing goes through to its natural conclusion, Gideon might come to a point where he actually is okay with offing Daddy Fearest... let me play around with that one a while longer). I'm not saying that Rumple is ready to be all White Knight Charming Fairy Tale Hero - but I feel like there are small sparks of goodness trying to break through his crap. Even when Belle is in despair over their son and she looks like she's toying with the idea of flirting with evil darkness - Rumple seems to be the one pulling her back.

It's a subtle moment at the wishing well - but I caught onto it. I'm certainly not getting my hopes up for a Rumple redemption, but I'm open to the possibility.

Okay, enough heavy stuff -  Old Captain Hook. He is in a grand total of ONE scene, but does he EVER steal the damn thing. I mean, it wasn't even completely necessary for him to make an appearance in the Enchanted Wish Realm - his absence could have just been dismissed as "He's a scoundrel and a pirate - what would he have to do with the Royal Charmings?" But they make the effort to bring him in for a spot of comic relief.



I may be biased, but it was the best scene in the episode.

Another scene I quite liked was the flashback scene (the only actual flashback we got - not complaining!) of young Emma meeting young August and they talk about The Ugly Duckling. Not only that, but that actually serves as part of Emma's origin story (and he we thought we knew all there was to know) - namely how she got her last name. Dozens of fanfic authors have assumed that "Swan" came from that first family who adopted her, but gave her back when she was three. But nope - like everything of value that Emma has, it's something she claimed for herself. Maybe it wasn't something that was extremely vital to the plot, but it was a sweet detail and one very much in line with her character.

All in all, this was a nice ease-back-into the story and helped remind us where everything's been and get the audience back up to speed. Next time, it looks like there are Shenanigans Afoot (complete with Captain Charming antics! Though... probably not in the lighthearted and friendly manner we're accustomed to seeing from these two) -



"Unlikely pair." Oh please... ABC promo department - have you been WATCHING the same show as the rest of us?

I Like That Loophole. That Is A Nice Loophole.

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time Episode 6.10 "Wish You Were Here" - SPOILERS!

I could get used to these somewhat-low-key mid-season finales. Even though there was a big twist about Emma being sent to a reality where she was never the Savior and, in years past, they would have made an even bigger deal out of it.

It was fun to have a side-step with a Princess Emma where she was a ineffectual singing princess who didn't know how to do jack squat. I don't think I could have taken more than an episode's worth of it, so thank goodness Regina was there to provide the snark.

Neal/Baelfire was Prince Henry's dad in alternate!Enchanted Forest... ehhhhhhh.... sure. I suppose there had to be some kind of explanation, since Henry was vital to the whole "Make Emma Remember Who She Is" plot (they couldn't call in a Mufasa-cloud-epiphany thing?) But it all felt super-contrived, just to make Henry fit in where he was supposed to be.

Okay - so Regina decides that she's going to "steal" the Genie's Lamp from the Evil Queen... even though it's basically like stealing from herself (props for that lovely little loophole, guys. I was genuinely impressed by that).

David facing-off against the Evil Queen... it's a really good thing Hook's around to keep Charming from doing All-Time-Stupid-Things, because I think this whole Ladyhawke curse that Charming and Snow are dealing with is starting to make David (at least) kinda punchy.

In the background, Rumple and Belle are freaking out because the Blue Fairy falls down on the job (...sigh...) and baby Gideon is now the property of the Black Fairy. Lovely.

And Robin Hood's back! And... he's robbing women out in the open beach area because... the forests are too crowded? I have no idea - it doesn't make sense the longer I think about it. But he borks Emma and Regina's escape plan, so we're back to square one.

(I wouldn't complain if alternate!Hook showed up to help in the next episode. But you all know where my priorities lie with this show.)

On the whole, this was a "meh" episode. It kind of felt like an episode meant to connect the two halves of the season, without making it like there are two halves of the season. I'm actually okay with that - not everything was wrapped up in a neat little bow and there's still time to deal with things in March. And it still feels like one giant overarching story. Now, if the season finale next spring is as open-ended as this episode, I'll be mad. But right now, this is good.

Speaking of March -



A diamond ring, huh? Oh, come on OUAT - I know a misdirection when I see one.

Even The Devil Gets His Due

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time Episode 6.09 "Changelings" - SPOILERS!

It's weird, but the Rumple/Belle episodes this season are the ones that I've kind of been the most interested in. Maybe the OUAT Writers Room finally realized that they were stuck in the same place that Domino's Pizza was some years ago. You may remember a time when Domino's was glorified cardboard and their service sucked and they were consistently rated the Absolute Worst.

But roughly around 2010, the company CEO decided "Hey, we're tired of sucking - let's fix things!" So they overhauled the pizza recipe, fixed the menu, honestly listened to their customers, retooled their marketing strategy - and now, they're one of the best pizza delivery chains in the country.

I think a similar thing has happened with Rumple and Belle. The OUAT Team thought "Hey, we're tired of these two being boring (at best) and frustratingly stupid (at worst). We're tired of this storyline alienating people. Let's do something with them that actually makes sense!"

And that's how you get episodes like "Changelings."

The dumb thing is that they already had all the tools necessary to make this work. Robert Carlyle is ALWAYS brilliant as Rumple, no matter what utter shite the writers give him to work with. Emilie de Ravin has done what she could with what little she was given as Belle, but now she gets to shine. She actually gets to be MORE than the mousy little bookworm that Team Charming runs to when they need research. She gets to be MORE than Rumple's long-suffering wife and conscience. She actually gets to be her own person, with her own thoughts and choices and personality. She's not just a lawn ornament shoved in the back of Rumple's store for once.

I like this new version of Belle. She's fierce and fun!

Last season, we had that episode that apparently got me into huge trouble with the Rumbelle shippers on Tumblr (oh, woe. Whatever shall I do?) They all freaked out because I said that Rumple was an abusive prick and Belle was never going to get her Happy Ending - she's the equivalent of the beaten wife who keeps going back for more.

(I stand by that statement as made at the time, just FYI. And I wasn't even upset by the precious little snowflakes having their temper tantrums either. It was more amusing than anything. I just hope they finally got their afternoon naps and diaper changes and stopped being so grumpy.)

But what has happened in the show is what I was saying with my Domino's Pizza analogy. The writers figured out they had a HUGE problem with Belle, but now they're working to fix it. So Belle has FINALLY realized that she's never going to be happy with Rumple. He's never going to change, he's never going to give up his dark magic, he's never going to stop being manipulative, and he's never going to stop being a beast. And she can't live like this. Not if she was to be happy and fulfilled in life. So, she takes matters into her own hands. She decides to send baby Gideon (after her pregnancy is accelerated by Rumple The Evil Queen) off with the Blue Fairy to a place that Belle doesn't even know.

Of course Rumple's pissed. And you know - he DESERVES to be. He deserves to be outwitted and outmatched by Belle. He's meddled in other people's lives and twisted their desires and screwed with so many things that it's finally his turn to get his comeuppance. Who better to do it than the woman he claims to love, but refuses to give up his destructive lifestyle to show it?

Bravo, Belle. Bra-freaking-vo.

It's about bloody time!

And next time - we get Princess Emma Swan!



I am intrigued. Tell me more.

All The Inbetween

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time Episode 6.08, "I'll Be Your Mirror" - SPOILERS!

One thing about Once's renewed resolve to take a full season to tell a complete story, rather than splitting the season into story arcs, you end up with some filler episodes. This week's episode was one of those fillers.

It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't super-great either. It was just kind of "there."

I did appreciate that they took some time to focus on Henry. See how he's doing with seeing his adoptive mother (Regina) being split into two personas and give him a moment to shine. Even being tempted by the Dark Side (almost literally - we got a full-blown Return of the Jedi homage in there). Though Henry wasn't necessarily the first one to figure out that something was wrong. That honor belongs to Hook. Though I'm certain he's happy to share the glory with the lad.

The Mirror Realm - yeah, sure. It's A Thing.

Belle and Zelena scheming against Rumple - well, they almost had it. Though it does my heart good to see Zelena out wit the Dark One for once. Rumple is still an abusive prick, though. Notice how the romantic and lovely "I Will Always Find You" line that Snow and Charming made famous was suddenly twisted obscenely awful by Rumple fastening the gold bracelet onto Belle's wrist? Yeah... I remain convinced that Belle's story is the cautionary tale that happens when love turns worse than sour.

And if all the Tumblrinas who insist that Rumbelle is OMG TWUE WUV and that I just don't UNDERSTAAAAAAAAAAND them want to bitch and moan about it, then I am more than happy to have that conversation. But given how Tumblr operates these days, it'd be a pretty one-sided conversation with them calling me a big ol' meanie, and maybe insinuating that I'm a sexist pig or some other super thoughtful point of debate.

I am so OVER IT, guys. Take it someplace else. Heaven knows the internet is chock full of them.

Anyway - Henry's hero material, pure and simple. Even when he momentarily thought about smashing the Dragon's heart, he took a third option. And it worked! Because that's what heroes do, dammit! And they even get the girl in the end.

Henry and Violet. Yep. I ship it.

Speaking of shipping, I'm still waiting for Emma or somebody to realize "Hey, the kiss to break the Snowing sleeping curse doesn't have to be Snow or Charming! Emma - go help your mom and dad out!" There wasn't even an excuse of why it couldn't happen! C'mon guys, I expect better of you all!

And Golden Queen is confirmed to be happening. I'll... leave you with that lovely mental image to haunt your nightmares.

Speaking of nightmares -



Oh great. Beauty and the Beast suddenly turned into Rosemary's Baby. Way to eff up one of my favorite fairy tales, Writers Room!

Sigh...  I guess I'll go back and re-watch last week's episode.

The World I Found Myself In

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time Episode 6.07 "Heartless" - SPOILERS!

Dear Once Upon A Time Writers Room -

Congratulations on achieving the near-impossible! That is, making me give a flying flea fart about Snow and Charming again!

For many seasons now, Snow White and Prince Charming have been mere footnotes in the story. To the point that, whenever a "Snowing"-centric episode came about, I tuned out and was utterly bored by the story. Because we KNOW that they love each other. "I will always find you," etc., ad nauseum. They already have their happy ending. They're there to be Emma's support and her family and you're not going to do anything terrible to them.

It's like in Doctor Who when they end a multi-part story on a cliffhanger where the Doctor and/or his companion(s) are in Mortal Peril - it doesn't mean anything. We know they're going to be fine within seconds of the next part of the story beginning. Otherwise, there'd be no story. What? You think the one-off Victim Of The Week is going to carry the narrative? HA!

Same thing here - in the past (and since Season 1), whenever they've tried to make it look like Snow and Charming are in Actual Trouble, it doesn't fly. It doesn't really sell. Even when they were conjuring up the curse to bring everyone back to Storybrooke in Season 3 and Snow had to crush Charming's heart to get them back to Emma, I knew they were going to split her heart and share it. It's a fairy tale. That's how things go.

But in "Heartless," it's different.

Oh sure, it starts out with Princess Rainbow Sparklepoo having a nasty vision of the Evil Queen threatening her. At first, I was all "Oh, yeah - this'll be resolved by the second commercial break."

Then there was the thing with the flashback - FarmBoy!Charming and Outlaw!Snow on seemingly disconnected trajectories in their own world. They haven't met each other yet. And it would seriously screw up the plot of the story, if they met here!

It's like - I know y'all have quit trying to keep track of the timeline in this story and you can't remember if you're coming or going... but how did you miss THIS?? What are you guys doing?

And - shock of shocks - they didn't actually miss it! They were paying attention! They kept their own threads together!

Something this momentous, they get another applause gif.

Okay - so Snow and Charming "met" each other before they actually "met." And they grew a True Love Sapling (can I just say - when Regina started talking about this sapling, I hoped it wasn't the one that she already killed by pouring the River of Lost Souls water onto it?) A sapling that... served something of a purpose, but not its intended purpose? It didn't defeat the Evil Queen, but it revealed that Snow and Charming knew each other before they realized it. And that Fate and Destiny *insert glitter here* were with them from the start.

Okay - you're reminding me that this is the love story that started this whole show. I'm with you on that. This is something that we've needed for some time. Going back to basics is ALWAYS a good idea.

Side Note: Everyone's faces - and I do mean EVERYONE'S - were the absolute BEST when Regina was talking about the Evil Queen and Rumple doing the nasty. I've watched that scene a couple of times, and I'm having a hard time deciding which reaction I liked the best. Honestly, I think the entire group spoke for their audience. I'm trying to find video or even gifs of that scene to post because it was SO GOOD!

EDIT: FOUND SOME (source here) -

And here's video (the scene starts at the 1:28 mark). Because, why not?



Yeeeeah... TMI there, Regina.

Anyway - Snow and Charming are the focus. The Evil Queen wants to kill Snow and she'll happily take down Charming in the process as well. Because - REVENGE!

So, Snowing surrenders - but then it looks like the Evil Queen has had a change of heart. Because death is too good for them both?

I dunno - I was confused there. But then the episode kept going. Replay of the True Love's Kiss from cleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaar back at the very beginning of Episode 1, Season 1.... Charming saves Snow from the sleeping curse.

Okay - I've seen how this story ends. What's going to make this any....



...oh. OH. OHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Now, of course, there's going to have to be some kind of fine print in this spell to make it so Emma or Henry or baby Neal couldn't kiss Charming and break the curse (because True Love isn't just romantic love in this show. Familial love counts too), so it'll be interesting to see what excuse - if any - they come up with to make this SUPER-DRAMATIC plot point stick. But the point is that this twist actually WORKED. I didn't think of that loophole for a while after I finished watching the episode because HOLY GUT-PUNCH and FEELS, Batman!

So, thank you for that, OUAT. You made me care about Snow and Charming again. And it's about blanking time!

Also - Wilby the Dog -

source

I want a Wilby.

Let's see what's up for next time -



Mirror universe? Okay. But Regina better have a goatee at some point.