Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time Episode 6.13 "Ill-Boding Patterns" - SPOILERS!

I forget - which Rumple are we dealing with again? The guy is so two-, three-, and four-faced that I have a hard time keeping track what's going on sometimes.

I still have no idea what Gideon's plan is or even... why. I mean, I can understand why the Black Fairy would want Emma dead and out of the way (villains' motivations aren't that difficult to decipher, especially when it comes to disposing of the heroes). But Gideon's plan makes absolutely no sense. At all.

Perhaps if we knew what kind of trouble "his people" were in or even who these people are. Does it never occur to anyone to, you know, ask for help?

And since when did Savior magic operate the same way as Dark One magic does? That is, you kill the Savior or Dark One and then you get the magic. That's never been established and it's strange that we're operating under the assumption that it's verifiable fact.

Or, at least, letting Gideon operate under that assumption. I mean, if he REALLY wanted to be all diabolical, he'd kill Rumple and steal his Dark One powers.

Maybe that's what the Black Fairy meant and Gideon got it wrong? Wouldn't surprise me. Gideon really hasn't proven himself to be a mental powerhouse, after all.

Anyway - Rumple's second son's confusion aside, I quite liked this episode. They certainly played fast and loose with the timelines, though. How long did the First Ogres War last, anyway? Long enough for pre-Dark-One-Rumple to join the army against the ogres, maim himself to avoid going to battle, come home to his wife and infant son, his infant son grows up, his wife leaves him for an adventuring pirate, he becomes the Dark One, his son gets older, he becomes known for his dark magic rather than being the village coward...

Yeah, that was a LONG war.

I did like the nuances in Baelfire's character, however. That he wasn't always opposed to his father's use of dark magic and even went so far as to indulge in a bit of darkness himself. And then Rumple does the whole "Do As I Say, Not As I Do" thing to preserve Baelfire's innocence, even if it meant alienating Baelfire further (and we all know how THAT turned out).

I'm finding it hard to be pissed off at Rumple. Even though he's unapologetic about his addiction to dark magic, his desire to keep it for himself does come from a place (in part) of not wanting it to taint those closest to him. Only problem is that by hoarding it for himself, he continues to push his loved ones further and further away. Though Gideon did seem sufficiently impressed by it.

Maybe Gideon is finally the son that Rumple deserves. And no, I'm not comfortable saying so.

Poor Belle.

Other things:

- The actor that plays Beowulf was fantastic. Though he did have that crazy-eye thing going for him (maybe it was the angle they had to film him, since he was so insanely tall?)

- Archie Hopper... *shakes head* he tries so hard for all these Storybrooke weirdos (and I mean that in the most affectionate way).

- I completely forgotten that they'd turned the Evil Queen into a cobra. This whole time, I could not remember for the life of me where she ended up. I knew they hadn't gotten rid of her completely. I figured that she had slunk off to some cupboard that the Writers Room had all nice and comfy for her until they got sick of Lana Parrilla not sneering at everybody.

- Sooooo... it's Evil!Robin and the Evil Queen, huh? What is this ship, Dark Outlaw Queen? Though... after seeing Sean Maguire at Salt Lake Comic Con FanX this past weekend, and given a few things he hinted at during that panel - I'm rather intrigued to see this villainous side of Robin Hood. And - after that little taste of Zelena and Hades last season (Wicked Hell), I wouldn't say no to having a purely evil ship on this show. Kind of mixes things up. And, I guess (if we have to) - it makes for a pretty strong break from the Outlaw Queen ship that we came to know and love over previous seasons.

Still don't have to like that part, though.

- Last, but certainly not least - Captain Swan is getting married! YAAAAAAAY!!

But of course, we have to insert HIGH DRAMA in all this nonsense. Because though Killian is wracked with guilt that he really shouldn't be (dammit, Pinocchio!!) and he wants to come clean to Emma and David and everyone in the Charming family. The whole time Hook was telling Archie that he could just keep the secret and take it to his grave, I was screaming at the TV - "Yes! Do that! No reason to bring it up at all!"

I mean, all that drama with Charming's dad was dealt with so perfectly in the last episode - as well as in prior episodes. The family has grieved the tragedy and they've moved on, as is healthy and natural. Beyond just keeping the secret in order to stay in David's good graces, why would you want to rip open that healed wound again? It would be kinder not to say anything.

Leave the issue alone, have a wedding, celebrate the future, and let the ghosts of the past bury themselves. Stop picking at those old scars, for the love of Pete!

(I know - that's too much to ask from this damn show.)

Next Time -

Sigh... I know an OUAT over-promise when I see one. I don't really have high hopes for this big "showdown" between Regina and Queenie.

But if it FINALLY means the end of the Evil Queen, I will gladly take it.

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