There Is Not Enough *headdesk* In The World...

They're splitting Allegiant into two movies. Sweet Mother of Rassilon - WHY?

And yet... no one can muster up the gumption to do a Wonder Woman movie...

I swear I read something a couple a weeks ago that said unequivocally that this was NOT going to happen (Can I find that article now? Of course not!) And I was quite relieved. Apart from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which actually had enough material to warrant a split (Goblet of Fire also should have been split, but let’s not open that wound today - since I already did it here), none of these YA novel adaptation movies have needed that extra film to tell the whole story. But I guess someone changed their mind. And I am really tired of this trend. It was good for the first one, but now it’s just stupid. I mean, they might as well just trot out promotional materials that say “We don’t give a shit about your favorite stories - we really just want all your money!” Usually I’m happy to give them my money if the product is good and I feel like I'm getting of quality in return. But when it’s so blatant that this is what they’re doing, it makes me nervous about the kind of movies they’re going to put out.

Let’s just break it down here - like I said, Harry Potter needed the split (more than it actually got, if truth be told). Breaking Dawn (fourth book of Twilight)... well, we could have a whole conversation of whether the fourth book was even necessary, let alone an extra movie (Full Disclosure: I only saw Breaking Dawn, Part 1, with the caveat that I would watch it with RiffTrax commentary. Even that couldn’t salvage the sheer awfulness of that movie and I didn’t even bother with Part 2).

The next one on the chop is Mockingjay, which is still baffling to me. I mean, they got all of the necessary material from Catching Fire into one movie. In terms of essential plot elements, Mockingjay does not have anything more than Catching Fire does. In fact, I would venture to say that Catching Fire actually has MORE in terms of story and would have needed the split far more than Mockingjay does. But it’s Mockingjay that gets the split, simply because the studios don’t feel the need to go out and find something else to fill that release date with. Or whatever the thinking is behind this stupid fad.

If The Hunger Games films don’t need this trope, the Divergent trilogy needs it even less. While Divergent the book and Divergent the movie were so good that it hurts - there is still a long way to go with these movies. Insurgent as a book suffers the most from being over-long (I’m right in the middle of re-reading Insurgent and I’m already finding places where the story could be edited down to be more interesting. It’s not a terrible book by any means - there are some very excellent scenes and character moments in this story. But material around them is padded down with a lot of excess that isn't needed and I’m hoping that gets worked out of the screenplay). Allegiant returns to the greatness of Divergent, but that ending is a sore point of contention with many of the fandom (personally, I see why it ended that way. I may not like the way it ended from an emotional standpoint, but from a storyteller’s standpoint it was a gutsy call and I applaud Veronica Roth in taking such a risk. And it doesn't bother me the way it bothers other people. Hell, I’m re-reading the whole series, aren't I?) Now that I think of it, Insurgent could probably be pared down enough to give some of Allegiant’s story to that movie! (There is precedent for such things - some of what happened in the book The Return of the King went into the movie for The Two Towers and vice versa. But that was a situation with timelines and plot-threads running through the whole series. Still - it works out in the long run).

The Divergent series does NOT need four movies. But it’s going to get them anyway. And the storytelling is going to suffer because of it. That makes me sad. Because the overarching story is SO good and SO worth your time, but the executives and the accounting eggheads just see dollar signs and want to bleed these franchises dry until there’s nothing left to enjoy anymore. Part of the fun of these things is that there is an ending and they don’t go on and on forever and they don’t overstay their welcome. We as fans may say “it’ll be sad when this whole thing is over” because we’ll have to say goodbye to our favorite characters and we love them a lot - but there is such a thing as too much. And if you had an endless supply of just one thing, it would become stale and boring and you’d get sick of it. And there is nothing more tragic than having something you once loved so much become stale and boring.

Obviously YA fiction is a viable market for filmmakers - maybe these efforts would be better suited to finding other YA properties that would lend themselves to good film adaptations. Ruby Red by Kerstin Gier comes to mind, as does Matched by Ally Condie and Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo. In fact, I would sacrifice my left kidney for a good Shadow and Bone movie. As much as I love Divergent, Shadow and Bone is in the same class. But no, we have to keep beating the same franchises to death instead of trying to find something new and interesting.

C'mon, Lionsgate! You know you want to!

Well - at least we’ll always have the books. They don’t disappoint as easily.

***
Seeing as how a lot of my initial reviews of a lot of these books are on my now-defunct book review blog, I really need to keep up with my "Throwback Thursday" thing that I've let lapse AGAIN! (argh)

The Preemptive Critic - Now With Added Laugh Tracks!

Seeing as how I recently saw The Hunger Games in theaters, it follows that I also saw a new crop of trailers for upcoming movies. And, Dear Readers, I have reviews to share:

1. What to Expect When You're Expecting

 

First Thought: You're making a comedy based solely on a non-fiction book that tells pregnant women that a little foot swelling is normal??  (That's as much as I can mention on this blog. I try to keep things PG around here).

Poor Lionsgate.  They have this utterly awesome and incredibly popular franchise in The Hunger Games, yet they have provide advertising for their crappier offerings in the name of - what? Fairness? More money? Chris Rock trying to credibly explain how to parent a child?  Honestly, we've done the whole Pregnancy-Baby-Is-Coming-Life-Is-Changing-And-It's-Gonna-Suck-For-You-And-Your-Selfish-Social-Life thing already (Look Who's Talking comes to mind - though the addition of the baby's inner monologue made this a worthwhile and original comedy).  The only thing What To Expect... could possibly add is the obligatory raunchiness to the poop jokes (I don't know how and I certainly would prefer never to find out).  And I've never liked Jennifer Lopez anyway.

I preemptively hate this movie (though I wish that Jeff Vice was still writing for the Deseret News. He'd have something entertaining to say for this pile of diaper goo).


2. The Avengers





Okay, this is an easy one.  Marvel has done an excellent job with this franchise to this point and everything's coming together in this gigantic superhero team-up flick.  The leads are all going to be fantastic, but one thing this trailer shows is that Loki is one badass villain (which is surprising, given that many interpretations of Loki and other trickster-type characters over the years have portrayed a goofy prankster.  A clever prankster, to be sure, but still goofy).  Personally, I like the direction they're taking Loki in this movie - and credit certainly goes to Tom Hiddleston's performance. Even this brief trailer shows just how conniving and evil he is, while still staying true to his traditionally tricky personality.

(And the Hulk looks great, by the way)

I preemptively love this movie.


Bonus Track: Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part 2





"We're the same temperature now."


BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA *snort* HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA *wheeze* HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA *cough* ha-ha-ha...ha... *breathe*

When the Summit logo came up, I actually felt my insides shrivel in disgust. But that line spoken like a romantic sentiment by Edward "Shovel Face" Cullen was the funniest thing I heard in that movie theater (including Effie Trinket's "That is mahogany!" outburst. Certainly funnier than that horse turd of a baby-movie trailer).

I preemptively hated this movie before I even saw the trailer... but I now preemptively love the RiffTrax version.

(Now Bella can stare at Edward with red-eye!)

I Hope No One Curses Me With Immortal Sexiness! (no, really. I hope not)

Well, folks - the end is near.  Or, at least nearer than it was 24 hours ago.  Sparklepirepalooza* Part IV has hit theaters and everyone - Twihards and Twi-haters alike - felt it.

I make no secret that I fall into the Twi-hate camp (though with less ferocity than most).  I have no desire to see "Breaking Dawn."  I did watch the trailer mostly because of my own sick curiosity and also that I am glutton for punishment (the above video is not that trailer. This video is so much better). The whole trailer revolves around Bella and Edward's wedding and honeymoon. Honestly, both Bella and Edward look about as excited about their impending marriage as I would be about seeing this movie (as in "Please don't make me do this! Please! Please! Pleeeeease!!)

But something has bothered me excessively about the Twilight franchise. Not just Edward's stalkery, controlling and abusive tendencies toward Bella. Not Jacob's character derailment just for the sake of having a cheap love triangle. Not even the *shudder* imprinting of Renesmee (and don't even get me started on that creature OR her weirdo name.  Holy crap - WHY?) All of these things have been documented extensively by Cleolinda, Mark Reads Twilight and Reasoning With Vampires and a whole host of other blogs. While these are brimming with snark, none of them have really hit on the thing that truly, truly bothers me about this series. And now is a good a time as any to explain exactly why I hate it.  My hope is that, after today, I won't have to mention it on this blog again.

It is well known that Stephenie Meyer is LDS (or Mormon, if you prefer). In the interest of full disclosure, I am LDS too. At first, I was excited about a fellow member of the LDS Church writing a popular fantasy series and be in the public mind because that would somehow work towards showing the world that, hey, we aren't as weird as you think we are. Then I read the books. And, not for the first time, I realized just why people think we're so weird (Dear World, I implore you - Please don't judge us all by Stephenie Meyer! If you want a good fantasy author that happens to be LDS, I suggest Shannon Hale, Brandon Sanderson, Jessica Day George and Ally Condie. Just for starters).

I will admit - I got caught up in the Twilight craze a bit. I read the first three books shortly before I left to serve an LDS mission in Florida and I really didn't have time to critique them with a discerning eye. I just wrote it off as a silly vampire romance for squealy teenage girls and there wasn't much harm in it. Then I left for my mission and didn't think much about it for 18 months.

For those not familiar with the life of an LDS missionary, here's some basic facts - as a missionary, you don't watch TV, listen to the radio, read books or participate in any kind of entertainment not put out by the Church. You are there to teach people about the Church and you're 100% focused on that. You write home once a week and get to call home twice a year. It's intense and grueling and extremely hard, but you also experience so much growth and spiritual maturity, so that makes it worth it for a devout member of the Church.  But you just don't know what's going on in popular culture unless someone tells you about it.  And even then, you just don't care.

I tell you this to illustrate how I perceived Twilight. While I was a missionary, "Breaking Dawn" was released and the first movie came out and Twilight-a-palooza was at a fever pitch. People were also interested to know that Stephenie Meyer was LDS. Well, of course we missionaries are going to be excited about this! Any publicity that brings the Church into the public eye is a good thing - whether it's positive or negative - because that gets people asking questions and they often come to the missionaries to ask. And missionaries LOVE being asked honest questions rather than just being yelled at to "F-off" as we go down the road. Except until we came to the part where some girl squee-ing over Twilight asked me whether I was "Team Edward" or "Team Jacob" - and I honestly had no idea what she was talking about. And no, she didn't want us to come teach her family about the gospel (sigh… onto the next house, I guess).

I returned home from my mission and could finally sit down and find out what the hoopla over Twilight was about. I watched the movie (it was crap, but most movies-from-books are), re-read the first three books (umm… okay, not the greatest) and finally read "Breaking Dawn."

And that, Dear Reader, is where I reached my breaking point (no pun intended). I still don't think I've recovered the brain cells that I lost.

It went further than crappy writing and a "What-the-Ever-Living-Hell-Was-That?" reaction. I realized how horrible Edward and Bella's relationship was and also how terrible Bella treated Jacob and how Jacob's character completely went off the rails. But worst of all - I realized that people (members of the Church included) found ways that Stephenie Meyer had supposedly incorporated Church doctrine into the narrative, mainly the doctrine of eternal marriage.

I can (almost) forgive all that other BS in these books. But when you sell a story that can be interpreted as a commentary for something I hold sacred and turn it into a pile of muck, I take issue with that.  It's even worse when it's a member of the Church doing it because that just adds fuel to the argument that Mormons are these strange psycho freaks.  Especially because there are legions of asswipes with an internet connection who don't need any excuse to take potshots at people's religious views (for the love of all that is good and decent, why are you giving them more ammunition? They don't need it!)

And it got worse - as I roamed around the internet and found reviews of Twilight (both professional and amateur), I felt even more sick as people took Bella and Edward's relationship and marriage as an excuse to malign the Church and its teachings. This is the reason I could not read through all the "Mark Reads Twilight" reviews - many of those posts were the most insulting and offensive things to me on a personal level. And the worst part is that Bella and Edward's marriage is NOT an eternal marriage. It's a gross mockery of the institution and I'm not happy that Stephenie Meyer wrote the books that way in the first place so that the movie producers could basically characterize it as True Blood for fourteen-year-olds (What else do you expect? It's vampires and teenagers - of course Hollywood's going to do that?)

I realize that not everyone believes the way I do and I don't expect them to. But I do expect people to get their facts straight - or at least make an effort to find out the truth from a reputable source (it's amazing how many people who hate the Church go anywhere except the official Church website - or even Church members - to get their facts and figures). Since there hasn't been a suitable response to the people who bring the Church into their Twilight bash-fests, this is my effort to set the record straight.

Topic #1 - Marriage and Family

The Church teaches that the family is the most important thing for anybody - whether you're a parent or a child (which, everyone is one or both of these). We are to work together as families to get through this life. Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained and instituted by God.  When a marriage is performed in the temple by proper priesthood authority, a man and a woman can be sealed to each other for time and all eternity. Also, any children born to them will be sealed and they can be a family after this life. There's also provisions made for adoption and remarriage and things like that that I won't go into here. But that's the basic idea. The reason for all of this is that God is our Heavenly Father and He wants us to return to Him and we can only do that as we are sealed together as families.

The caveat to all this is that the promised blessings in the marriage ceremony - promises made in all the ordinances performed in the Church, actually - are dependant on how we as individuals live our lives. If we adhere to the commandments of God and keep our side of the promises, then God will bless us with what he's promised (most likely these blessings will come in the next life). Of course, you have people who don't live up to their end of the bargain and God will judge them accordingly.

Topic #2 - Free Agency (also - Right to Receive Personal Revelation)

Another a key component to God's plan for His children is the concept of free agency or free will. Everybody has the right to choose. In fact, that's what our purpose in life is - to make choices and to learn from those choices. Without freedom of choice, God's plan would be pretty pointless. We are here to learn what is right and what is wrong and the only way we learn from that is by experiencing consequences - which we do NOT get to choose. Also, we can counsel with God in our personal lives and have His input on how we make decisions, if we choose to include Him in the process.  This is known as receiving personal revelation.  Example - A few years ago when I was asked to serve as the president of the women's organization in my congregation, I was asked to pray about it before I said yes or no to the position.  I was entitled to revelation from God about the matter (Spoilers - I did accept the position and served for about a year).  Marriage especially is something we are counseled to pray about - if Person A says they had a dream or a vision or saw something in their morning toast that means they are supposed to marry Person B, Person B has the right to receive that same revelation. And if Person B doesn't get that revelation, they are well within their rights to tell Person A to shove off.

I bring these things up as they relate to Bella and Edward (and some of the other Twilight characters). Edward essentially strips Bella of her free will by using his "AMAZING SPARKLEPIRE* POWERS OF PERSUASION" to tell her that he is her One And Only True Love (sadly these things do happen in reality - in and out of the Church). And Bella is just dumb enough to fall for it (let's be somewhat fair here - Bella's not the poster child for fully-realized characterization, here). But Edward is a controlling stalker and certainly NOT the kind of boyfriend I would aspire to having - and certainly not the kind of man I want my younger sisters or my niece or any of my former students to meet and fall in love with. Edward (and to a lesser extent Jacob, but he's still guilty) is an abusive and emotionally controlling person and it sickens me that these are paraded out as examples of healthy relationships. While I've never really had a serious romantic relationship of my own, I'm pretty sure a breakup isn't supposed to send you into a waking-comatose state for four months and a desire to risk your life in order to hear your beloved's voice tell you how stupid you truly are.

So there's that aspect of the relationship. But going back to Church doctrine - Bella and Edward's marriage is NOT an example of an eternal marriage. Not as the Church teaches it. Again, these are my own closely-held beliefs. Nobody has to believe them just because I do. My purpose in this is to clear up some very gross misconceptions and bring in some things that don't get discussed with the respect they deserve.

Please, please, please follow me on this closely - when people say Stephenie Meyer injected eternal marriage into the "Twilight" series, that is not true at all.   Eternal marriage only comes in the next life.  Everyone living right now in in their mortal life, sent here to learn right from wrong and to choose for themselves who they are going to follow. If a couple qualifies for and chooses to be married in the temple, they make certain promises between themselves and God. The Church teaches that, once they get to the next life, God will judge them as individuals and as a couple if they have kept those promises. If they have kept their promises, God will reward them with being married for all eternity and they will have their children with them (as long as their children have kept their own promises. This goes on and one forever - I told you, this is eternity you're dealing with).  But living forever in this life is not - I repeat, NOT - how this is supposed to work.

Let me tell you, eternity is going to be a wonderful thing. True, I haven't actually seen it for myself, but I do know that as good as this life can be, heaven is going to be a zillion times better. The best part for me is that God is going to make everything fair for everyone - and He can do that because He is God. No one is going to have to fight over material things or hurt feelings because none of that is going to matter anymore. I can't really explain it very well - it's something you come to know on your own.  But it is not living forever in this world with someone who brow-beat you into marrying them.

Bottom Line - Bella and Edward aren't married for eternity. Not by a long shot. Oh, they may live forever, having forever handsome immortality sex and chomping on dead deer carcasses, but that's about all they've got. Eternal marriage is so much more than that, no matter what the romance novels say. Twilight has nothing to do with the Church beyond Stephenie Meyer's interpretation of her beliefs (which, I would like to have a long talk with her Sunday School teachers because that's not the doctrine of eternal marriage that I was taught). And the next person that says Twilight has anything to do with Church doctrine (whether they mean it as a compliment or an insult), I am going to punch them in the face.

*Credit where credit is due - "Sparklepire" was originally coined by the lovely and witty Cleolinda Jones (though I tacked on "-palooza" just for fun). She is one that has kept religious criticism out of the Twilight discussion and I give her a lot of praise for that.

Taking an Early Weekend

As I left school today, I told the kids that I would see them on Monday because I'm not going to be there tomorrow.  One of the kids quipped that I was taking a three-day vacation, to which I replied that I was taking off early because I've got school this weekend.

I dunno... it was funny when it happened.  We've got our family Halloween party on Saturday, which I'm excited for.  My Tenth Doctor costume is nearly finished and I'm happy about that.  And I've been writing my little fingers off this week, which accounts for the lack of blog posts (some of the stuff I've come up with really surprised me... I'm wondering if I should share it... it's a little... strange, really.  Not my usual style of story-telling either and it kind of weirds me out.  But at the same time... I really like it.  Maybe I will finish it  *shrugs*).

But, life is grand ^_^

ETA: Oh, Stick Man Theatre (which I thought had gone defunct) posted a new "Twilight" parody, which pretty much cracked me up.  I have to admit, I have not read the Bree Tanner book because it's like... why?? (seriously - she was in "Eclipse" all of - what - two sentences?  If that?)  But I did catch the Cleolinda recap, which was brilliant and probably more than enough to enjoy Stick Man Theatre.  Since I like to pimp out internet things that make me laugh, this is worth a spot in my "I'm-not-dead-I-just-don't-have-anything-significant-to-post-about" update.

And Yet... SUGARRRRR...

Note on the Great Dog Hunt - no news yet.  Don't know what else to say (still pissed, but Real Life beckons)  Will keep y'all posted.

Shalayne had her birthday yesterday and she got an assortment of DVDs (her favorite!)  One was "New Moon," which Alison said she hadn't seen yet.  So, after a whirlwind Monday shopping trip to Spanish Fork (during which I spent money I did not have.  But those composition notebooks are soooooo preeeeeeeetty!!), we came back home and watched "New Moon."  Alison's review (direct quote, honest to Sparkles): "It makes me want to slit my wrists."

So, in the interest of preventing that from happening, I proudly link to my favorite Twilight parody-ist, Cleolinda! (Link is to her "Movies in Fifteen Minutes: New Moon."  Trust me, there's plenty more where that came from!)

Also, here's a quote from the Master Cleo herself, which I think perfectly sums up the Twilight phenomedazzlesagathing: "It's like I'm in my kitchen and there's that Twinkie sitting on the counter, and I know, I know, that not one single ingredient in that thing originated in nature. "Flour," maybe, and I'm not even so sure about that. And yet.... SUGARRRRRRRR."

I figure that Twilight is one of the funniest things to parody (outside of Cleo, here are three without breaking a sweat.  Okay, two more, just for kicks).  And whether you're a crazed Twi-hard or if you're a scoffer... or if you just enjoy a good laugh at the expense of the scoffers and Twi-hards.  Just enjoy.

I can't resist - one more for the road (and because I'm a competitive sucker):

(click to embiggen)

(More and more I think I was born in the wrong country)

Citizen Movie Critic - "Eclipse"

I have a new tag for these movie reviews - came to me in a coming-attraction-preview vision.  During the "Deathly Hallows" trailer, no less.

"Eclipse" Review. There are spoilers, but I really don't know why I bother with the warning (if you're the type that cares about spoilers for this movie, you'd have read the book about fifty times by now).

But first, here's a Strong Bad video - you'll see why.




The evening began okay - a violent death in the streets of Seattle.  But then Kristen Stewart's trying-to-be-dramatic-goth-emo-dark voiceover reciting Robert Frost in a frolicky meadow killed my "Yay! Action!" buzz (I'm even more distressed because that's my favorite Frost poem - "Road Less Traveled" gets waaaay too much airtime)

We now know where all the wolf-boys' t-shirts ended up - in Renee's graduation present for Bella!  (However, I was slightly bummed that Edward echoed my thoughts wondering if the wolf-boys even owned shirts. I thought I was being clever. Guess not...)

By the way, Alice can see the future, Edward can read people's minds and it's graduation for everyone.  Just in case you were wondering.

The whole time during Billy's "Third Wife" story, he kept calling the vampires "Cold Ones" and I couldn't help but hum the Strong Badia National Anthem.

Did anyone notice that the sunlight seemed to shine on the vampires a lot more - but minus the wind-chimy-sparkly-ness?  Or did they just put more light on them and pretend it was clouds?

This movie was just one big List of Awkward - the highlights:
- The Imprinting conversation
- Any romance scene - no one in these movies knows how to be cutely romantic.  Well, other than Alice and Jasper... but I'll get to that in a minute.
- Edward's "pained" expression (he just looks like he's about to throw up).
- Jessica's graduation speech, still trying to create suspense over who Bella will choose.  Come on, we all know how this is going to end.  If Bella chose Jacob, the books wouldn't be black and red, now would they?  They'd be a Native American wolf motif.
- The Brokeback tent scene having Edward and Jacob work out their feelings for... Bella.
- The bedroom scene.  Honestly, Ed - if you're all so big on the protecting Bella's virtue, why do you have a king-sized bed with low-lighting and soft music when you two are alone?  I don't buy it.  (that actually was a good time to go get a refill on Junior Mints, though)

And from the "This is Just Plain Weird" category:
- When Bella asked Jacob to kiss her, there was a girl a few rows ahead of me that literally covered her eyes (before the movie started, I noticed she was wearing a "Team Edward" shirt).
- "I'm Switzerland!"  Um, sure honey - whatever you say ("The hiiiiiiiills are aliiiiiiiiive!!!!")
- Bella mad that Jacob hasn't called (when life and limb is at stake)
- Cracking vampire flesh (What part of "skin like marble" doesn't anyone understand?  Similes people!!!)

Although, there were a few things I liked -
- Charlie's attempts to have "The Talk" with Bella.  Actually, anything with Charlie.  That guy's good for a laugh.  I was disappointed that we didn't have a "Telling Charlie We're Engaged" scene because that would have been worth the price of admission)
- Chasing Victoria - any kind of action, really.  At least there was some.
- The Battle.  But there was way too little of it.
- The newborns did that "Pirates of the Carribean" underwater-undead march thing.  Not too bad.
- The Volturi guy's line - "It appears we missed an entertaining fight." Thus reflecting the sentiments of every non-Twihard person watching this movie.

This is something I've never understood about vampire novels - if you're a vampire, you're undead with loads of time on your hands.  Yet, there are two things that are almost universal in these stories: 1. They are always out for blood (I get that - it's a part of their life and they have to feed).  2. Their next favorite hobby is sex.  Why?  I mean, you have unlimited time on your hands, why in the world are you so preoccupied with doing the nasty?  I will say this for the Cullens - at least they make an effort to continue what's good about human life (education, family, accomplishment)

On the whole, it was a so-so movie.  I have to say this for myself - I don't necessarily hate "Twilight" (I actually enjoyed the first book... and then it just got progressively weirder).  I think the fans really ruined it for me, though.  Too many teeny-boppers and middle-aged moms that wish they were still teeny-boppers (I don't know which is worse).  What gets me is that it started out as a clean(ish) love story and that's really hard to find nowadays, but then the weirdos all got their hands on it and... yeah... I think Stephenie Meyer tried to please all her fans and that's just not going to happen. If she'd had it all mapped out beforehand and not tried to prolong the inevitable, it would have been a different story.  But what can you do?

I also decided this - I like romances, but I think I like them better if the love story is secondary to a bigger plot.  Think of Harry Potter - the main crux of the story is Harry against Voldemort.  Everything else - including the romance - takes a backseat to the bigger storyline.  That's what makes the few romantic scenes so fun -  they're the added spice to the meal, not the entire meal itself.  I mean, what good are the mushy scenes if you're just one continual ball of gooey mush?  You have to get the adrenaline kicked in at some point to balance out.

Wolves, Vampires, Humans - Can't We All Just Get Along?

Well, just came from seeing "New Moon" - the first movie I've seen since I've been home that merits a first-run movie review on my blog.

But before I get that far: To the ornery goth Wal-Mart cashier chick that gave me a crusty when I bought my $1 New Moon Sweethearts - I don't give you nasty looks when you go see your indie porno artsy crap. I'm having fun and I'm not bothering you. In fact, I'm probably paying part of your paycheck.

Okay - on to the review! Spoilers are a given - but if you're really the type who cares about being spoiled on New Moon, you have read the book multiple times and have seen the movie at least once by now. But it's a common courtesy I extend.

***SPOILERS BEGIN HERE*** Beware - this is LOOONG. I'd recommend putting a pizza in the oven before you start this. But I have a lot to say. Please read this in it's entirety. There are things that bugged me about this movie and things that I loved. And, being a bit cynical, I have to carp about a few things first.

Overall, I loved "Twilight" as a movie. It was the first movie I watched when I came home from my mission. I parked myself in front of the TV in my parents' room, shut the door and watched it on my own. Maybe the "on my own" part was key because "New Moon" wasn't quite the same. Don't get me wrong, I liked it well enough - it had it's high points. But there were things I missed. Or maybe it was pre-teen giggling that permeated the theater when Jacob took his shirt off. Please - have you never seen a shirtless guy before? Oh wait - most of you are twelve. At least, I assumed most of you are twelve. *trying not to think that maybe some of that twittering was coming from middle-aged moms... oy...*

Also - the music in New Moon didn't quite do it for me. For being based on a book for which the author depended a lot on music for inspiration, the soundtrack wasn't much to write about. Either in the movie or outside. Which brings me to another gripe about movie soundtracks in general: Why in the smell do you make a movie soundtrack that none of the songs on the CD are in the movie? That makes zero sense! I can see not including some of the songs from the movie on the CD, but the one song I do like on the New Moon soundtrack ("Meet Me on the Equinox" by Death Cab for Cutie) didn't make the movie at all! And ALL the music in the exceedingly well-done Twilight soundtrack made the movie, if only in the end credits. Feh...

Anyway - music - you guys had a perfectly good score in "Bella's Lullaby" from the first movie and I never heard any of it in New Moon. There were plenty of places you could have put it and you didn't. Even if you wanted to be symbolic and put a discordant version of it to emphasize that Bella's not doing so hot with the whole Edward leaving thing. Anyway - missed the haunting piano music from the first movie in this one. That, at least, would have tied this movie to the first one (beyond having the same actors and what-not - Harry Potter has proven that you can have the same actors in a series of movies, but they don't all fit together the way they should).

This is a problem with changing directors (Harry Potter has suffered from this as well). Each director does something so different with each movie and they don't even look like each other. I missed Catherine Hardwicke :( Her low-budget style worked so well in Twilight. This series really isn't that sweeping-epic-save-the-world kind of story. It's more personal and intimate and that's how it should be done.

Okay - done griping! There were some things about this movie I did find satisfying. Like the fact that Kristen Stewart's jumpy-Bella is reserved for when Edward is "dazzling" her. That was something about Twilight-Bella that drove me nuts - like she was unable to form complete sentences (or at least, form them in one breath). She finally did loosen up a bit around Jacob, which I can appreciate (and is almost enough to make me jump on the Team Jacob bandwagon. Almost). But Kristen still is a little awkward to watch. Meh - guess I'll get over it.

I've said it before about Harry Potter and I'll say it here: FLASHBACK!!!! MONTAGE!!!! YAY!!!! *does little happy goofy dance* This is how you get the most story in the least amount of time!! (Naw -DUH!) Even better when you use actual scenes lifted from previous movies to do it. I'm sooo stinking glad they got the picture in the Twilight series early (instead of waiting for the fifth or sixth movie like the jokers who are doing Harry Potter did - granted, there are only four Twilight books, but you get my point).

The part where Bella gets on the motorcycle with the psycho-biker guy was a little odd. Um... how did she get him to take her back to the theater? And why was Jessica still just standing there? Shouldn't she have called the police by then or something? Chris Weitz - can you say "plothole?" (crap, I said I was done griping...)

Beyond not calling the authorities when her friend gets captured by menacing biker-bar guys, Jessica's little spiel about there not being any hot guys or kissing in the movie they went to was priceless. Um, honey - you're kind of in a movie with kissing and hot guys. There are so many jokes with that.

Taylor Lautner is awesome! Until he has to be angsty. Then it's kind of embarrassing to watch. Like voyeurism - like it's something you shouldn't be watching. Not sure if that's a good thing. Or maybe I felt that way because I was in a theater full of people and the guy next to me kept slurping his Mountain Dew (to be fair, his girlfriend probably forced him to come. Take notes boys, there are certain women that use the "Twilight" litmus test - if you're willing to sit through the movies, you are worth a second look. If you read the books - it may be time to go ring-shopping). But I'm glad that he can do the whole "hero-don't-mess-with-my-girl" thing. The movie theater scene with Mike Newton was pretty funny.

Also - I was immensely happy that they didn't use the crappy "Bella - I would never, ever hurt you" line that they had in the trailer. For the first time, I was more pleased with the take that made it into the movie rather than the one in the trailer. The movie version wasn't as cheesy - it was sincere and I wasn't inclined to snicker at it. In fact, this helped Jacob's character in that he keeps berating himself for breaking his "promise" (to not hurt Bella), even though it's not his fault. You know that he means it and this is going to make "Eclipse" that much more interesting (don't screw this up, guys).

It's one thing to read the "bloodsucker/dog" banter between the vampires and the wolves in the books. It's something else to see it acted out in a movie. Alice's reactions to Bella being in league with the wolves was wonderful. Ashley Greene and Taylor Lautner deserve mad props for that. It had the potential to be horrible, but they pulled it off. *applause*

I never knew vampires to look so pasty and sick. Edward really let himself go over Bella. It says something for Edward and Bella's love when, after weeks/months of staring at ripped and yummily shirtless wolf-boys, Bella can still run after Edward's pale sickliness. (I never said I didn't appreciate the shirtless-ness; I'm just not a fan of the teeny-boppers' squealy giggliness that gets made fun of on The Jay Leno Show)

Quick Note: Obviously, the vampires have to wear lipstick. My roommate went with me to see the movie and we ended up sitting on the second row and she pointed that out to me (intelligent us didn't leave until 30 minutes before the movie started. I should know better - be at the theater at least an HOUR before the movie starts on opening weekend). Anyway, yeah. Lipstick on vampires. Sorry to ruin the magic for you all.

Oh - yeah, this is a love story - Cedric... I mean, Robert Pattinson pulls off Edward's angst over leaving Bella very nicely. When I read the book, I was ready to kick Edward's teeth in over his "I'm leaving because it's safer" BS. But in the movie, I actually wanted to give the poor guy a hug (which, is why we're in this situation in the first place, so maybe that wouldn't be such a good idea). I could hardly believe Bella believed Edward when he said that he didn't love her anymore - um, chicky-poo - don't you SEE the pain in his face??? sigh... That made the movie good - I can't get into it more without getting overtly mushy and cheesy - but it was great. Made it even better when Bella tackles Edward in Volterra before the nut shows himself in the sun (by the way - the sparkly-vampire effect is greatly improved over the last movie. We are now able to sparkle without wind chimes and without much fanfare, either).

Okay - the big fight with the Volturi at the end. Umm... some things I liked, others I didn't. Edward's face cracking????? Ummm... yeah... vampires are described as being like marble. It's not literal. Sure, they could destroy the Volturi's marble conference room-thing, no problem. But vampires don't crack and then heal. They just don't. That was just weird.

As was the whole fighting and the Volturi letting them all go. The smell??? The Volturi don't let people go! That was something I had a hard time accepting in the book, even without the fight between Edward and Felix (that was Felix, right?) I had to go back and re-read it and realized that Alice promised the Volturi that they'd turn Bella into a vampire. So, the book's version worked out fine, but you don't pick fights with the Volturi. It just doesn't happen.

Oh yeah, I know I said there was something I liked about this scene. Aro was damn good. He's supposed to be that sickly-sweet polite, but still be out and out creepy. When he touched Alice's hand to "see" her vision of Edward and vampire!Bella frolicking in the forest -the contrast between him and little Alice was startling. So, the Volturi themselves were very well-done. Oh - Dakota Fanning - that was typecasting, to say the least. She's always played the little creepy girl and it would have been a shame to not cast her as Jane.

Jasper has a sense of humor! ^_^ That was a happy thing to see at the end of the movie (question - does he have a southern accent too? I mean, he is from Texas). I was glad they had the whole Cullen family back in the house the way they were at the beginning of the movie - I guess that was tapping into the symbolism. Especially since I love Carlisle and Esme. There is simply not enough of those two in the books or movies. I think I like them so much because they don't get as much airtime. I'm curious about them.

I would have like to have seen Charlie's reaction to Edward coming back with Bella after Bella and Alice take off to Italy. Maybe it's in deleted scenes. Maybe they opted for the more tension-filled Edward and Jacob face-off - poor, poor Jake :(

I started to wonder how they were going to end the movie. There are so many things to wrap up, yet keep open for the next movie. But the whole "Marry me" and then end credits - that was brilliant. They didn't have a prom scene to end this movie, so this worked just as well. I can forgive the other crimes in this movie because of that.

All in all, "New Moon" has good points and bad. Kind of like the book - this is my least favorite of the Twilight books, but that's because I HATE it when the main love interest decides to go all "I'm being noble and going to save your life by leaving." Sure, it breeds plenty of angst for an author to work with, but it drives the fans nuts. Especially fans who KNOW that it's supposed to be Bella and Edward (but that's another rant about love triangles and titles and how it is that characters fall in love in stories) BUT - "Eclipse" is my favorite of the books, so they better not botch the movie (*cough* Prisoner of Azkaban Alfonso Cuaron SUCK!!! *cough cough*)

See you in "Eclipse" (which, there was a poster for in the theater lobby when we walked in. *grin*)

After a Week of Neglect...

(Re-posted from LJ)

It's time for a blog dump! Oh, I went back and back to see how long I've been blogging (not on Blogspot, but other places) and my first blog was posted more than four years ago. Aw... the memories ^_^

Letssee... (ooh ooh - "New Moon" TV spot - pardon the ADD moment... okay, I'm back) ... the actual week was okay - nothing crazy to report. My second job asked if I could post my articles on his blogs, which amounts to some extra hours (yay!!) Then the weekend - I went home because our stake was having big devotional at the Manti Temple (like, in the upper priesthood room; like, a once-in-a-lifetime big deal thing). That was pretty sweet and I enjoyed it.

Also, we had our family Halloween party (apparently, this tradition started while I was on my mission - it's a tradition I can support, though). A few nights before, I decided I was going to go as one of the Twilight vampires (didn't have a particular one in mind, just whoever), so I had to scramble for what I needed. I had makeup (I'm fair-skinned as it is, so I just had to go a little paler) and some cool looking high heeled boots. I went online to see how to be a Twilight vampire and they all said you had to have colored contacts, which I can see. But I already wear prescription contacts and getting colored prescription contacts for one night is pretty stupid (I'm NOT going around with yellow eyes in real life). But - intelligent me, forgot the button-up shirt that I'd found to wear, so I had to turn my Gators shirt inside out (lucky it was black). But it was cool. When I go to the Scream on Friday, at least I won't be leaving parts of my costume other places.

(TV-ADD Moment: Oh jeez, these Redskins stink...)

The party was fun - got to see some cousins that I don't always get to see. Then Saturday, Mom and Dad went to the Utes game and I stayed in Delta with my sisters and the dog.

I have a beef, however - Why is it that Utah State's football team, who aren't exactly headed for any championships anytime soon, can get on ESPN, but the two teams in the state that are ranked in the BCS (Utah and BYU) have to cater to the small fish at Versus and Comcast? We have DirecTV at home and the idiots at Comcast has bought out Versus and said that no one else can carry that channel. Versus was the ONLY chance Mountain West fans had to watch the games on TV because we have to have that insanely retarded mtn. channel - it's not even big league enough to spell anything out, I'd like to point out (hate you, Dave Checketts, HATE YOU!!!) It sucks that I can watch every NFL game that I want, but I can't even get a simple local college team on TV. Sigh... an argument that's been levied for at least three years and probably will be revisited until the rest of forever. It's like universal health care - no one wants it, but they snuck it through and now that we have it, we can't get rid of it.

Oh well - the Utes won. BYU got spanked. Even though they beat BYU, TCU is fast becoming the Patriots of the Mountain West - where the crap did they come from, can we please shut up about them and will the Utes please beat the snot out of them? I just don't want them beating MY team, that's all.

(TV-ADD Moment - I usually love adaptations of "A Christmas Carol," but this Disney 3D version looks like a hack job just so they can have a kiddie 3D Christmas movie. Hm...)

And last night, I got back at 12:30 am - and I'm getting a cold (Zicam, NyQuil and orange juice are on hand), so I am wiped out.

PS - Amazon.com is selling Sarah Palin's new book for $9.oo for pre-order (plus shipping - amounts to about $13.00). Beats the nearly $30 that it will be once it's out. Just a little free promotion for Governor Palin (future President Palin ^_^)

Why Can't We Be Friends?

I'm listening to PotterCast, playing catch-up from the 18-month hole of my fandom life. I'm to the point where Half-Blood Prince was moved to summer 2009 instead of Thanksgiving 2008, which, I was happy about because it meant I got to see the sixth movie in theaters when I got home, instead of having to settle for waiting for it on DVD. The non-mission fandom was pissed, with good reason. I would have been the same if I was home. But I wasn't and I'm selfish, so I'm glad Warner Brothers made the change. So there *blows raspberry*

But here's another thing that I'm annoyed about: they just keep ragging and ragging on Twilight! And I am very upset by it. In my view, you cannot compare Harry Potter and Twilight in terms of content and story. Harry Potter is a coming-of-age fantasy story about a kid who has to defeat evil. Twilight is a semi-clean romance/fantasy novel geared toward teenage and adult females (and their boyfriends or husbands that want to impress them) about a girl who falls in love with a vampire and they have to find a way to make their relationship work. The only thing HP and Twilight have in common is that they're fantasy. Hell, they don't even take place on the same frickin' continent! (well - "New Moon" goes to Italy for a short stint, but that's about it). I personally think they are both very well-written and geared for their audiences, which are certainly NOT the same. The only reason - and I mean the ONLY reason - they get compared is because they both gained huge fanbases so quickly (and Robert Pattinson was in the fourth Harry Potter movie). I enjoy both for different reasons and there is nothing wrong with it.

This reminds me of the idiotic "competition" between the Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings movies back in 2001-2003. It's so incredibly stupid. You are allowed to like more than one thing - it's not going to kill you. Honestly, you really don't even have to like anything, but give it a rest already! Sheesh.

I have to say this: I was initially impressed by Twilight because it was a fantasy/romance (and I am a hopeless romantic-type, so I tend to gravitate toward those things), it was a vampire novel, which I usually eschew because most vampire stories are all about sex (like, graphic, X-rated porno sex. No. Thank. You.) - but this one WASN'T. And it was good!! It also didn't hurt that Stephenie Meyer is a Mormon - REPRESENT!! I was excited because here was a member of the LDS Church that was having success in a genre related to the one that I want to pursue in my own career and I wasn't sure if I could do it and still keep to my deeply-held values and standards. But Stephenie Meyer did (at least, as far as I know) and that gives me hope in my own goals and ambitions (not saying she hasn't come into her own share of negativity, but you get that with anything).

PC isn't the only place that I've seen HP fans getting their panties in a bunch over Twilight. A well-loved HP icon maker on LiveJournal even is on this tirade (or was a few months ago - I was looking at some of her stuff). And the PotterCast I'm listening to mentioned that one of the wizard rock bands (I forget which one - everyone and their Kneazle has a wizard rock band) made a snide comment about Twilight, saying it was the Hannah Montana of fantasy (idiot - why do you say stuff like that at ComiCon?) And, as far as PotterCast is concerned, I guess it's just John Noe being John Noe (darn Slytherins).

You know, just because the media are a bunch of blowhards that can't make any kind of substantial comparison doesn't mean we fans have to be at each others' throats. Both Twilight and Harry Potter tell good stories that haven't been told before. If one isn't your cup of tea, you don't have to trash it. Until Stephenie Meyer says something snotty about Harry Potter or until JK Rowling says that Twilight is retarded, I want everyone to keep their inane opinions to themselves. If anything, just be happy for one another's success. Good grief, MuggleNet is affiliated with a fansite for Eragon (or they were last I checked) - which, Christopher Paolini isn't exactly Shakespeare. But, hey, there is plenty of fandom love to go around for everybody. I for one am willing to give anything a chance (Exhibit A: Philip Pullman - I finished the entire Golden Compass series before I decided that I didn't like it. And I haven't picked it up since. But I don't go on fansites or whatever and say "OMG U SUCK!" because that is a waste of my time and energy (and there will likely be people that do that to me if my book is ever published).

Seriously, people - get over it.

I know this is old news, but I want to carp about it because I didn't get to when it first happened. And it was all over the place, but that's me and my blogging.