Friday, April 6, 2012

The Preemptive Critic - Now With Added Laugh Tracks!

Seeing as how I recently saw The Hunger Games in theaters, it follows that I also saw a new crop of trailers for upcoming movies. And, Dear Readers, I have reviews to share:

1. What to Expect When You're Expecting


First Thought: You're making a comedy based solely on a non-fiction book that tells pregnant women that a little foot swelling is normal??  (That's as much as I can mention on this blog. I try to keep things PG around here).

Poor Lionsgate.  They have this utterly awesome and incredibly popular franchise in The Hunger Games, yet they have provide advertising for their crappier offerings in the name of - what? Fairness? More money? Chris Rock trying to credibly explain how to parent a child?  Honestly, we've done the whole Pregnancy-Baby-Is-Coming-Life-Is-Changing-And-It's-Gonna-Suck-For-You-And-Your-Selfish-Social-Life thing already (Look Who's Talking comes to mind - though the addition of the baby's inner monologue made this a worthwhile and original comedy).  The only thing What To Expect... could possibly add is the obligatory raunchiness to the poop jokes (I don't know how and I certainly would prefer never to find out).  And I've never liked Jennifer Lopez anyway.

I preemptively hate this movie (though I wish that Jeff Vice was still writing for the Deseret News. He'd have something entertaining to say for this pile of diaper goo).

2. The Avengers

Okay, this is an easy one.  Marvel has done an excellent job with this franchise to this point and everything's coming together in this gigantic superhero team-up flick.  The leads are all going to be fantastic, but one thing this trailer shows is that Loki is one badass villain (which is surprising, given that many interpretations of Loki and other trickster-type characters over the years have portrayed a goofy prankster.  A clever prankster, to be sure, but still goofy).  Personally, I like the direction they're taking Loki in this movie - and credit certainly goes to Tom Hiddleston's performance. Even this brief trailer shows just how conniving and evil he is, while still staying true to his traditionally tricky personality.

(And the Hulk looks great, by the way)

I preemptively love this movie.

Bonus Track: Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part 2

"We're the same temperature now."

BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA *snort* HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA *wheeze* HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA *cough* ha-ha-ha...ha... *breathe*

When the Summit logo came up, I actually felt my insides shrivel in disgust. But that line spoken like a romantic sentiment by Edward "Shovel Face" Cullen was the funniest thing I heard in that movie theater (including Effie Trinket's "That is mahogany!" outburst. Certainly funnier than that horse turd of a baby-movie trailer).

I preemptively hated this movie before I even saw the trailer... but I now preemptively love the RiffTrax version.

(Now Bella can stare at Edward with red-eye!)

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