It's All Over But The Crying

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time Episode 5.19  "Sisters" - SPOILERS!

Please tell me I'm not the only one who thought of the Fallout 4 soundtrack when Hades played "I Don't Want To Set The World on Fire" on his little date with Zelena. Then again, Underbrooke would probably fit in nicely with a nuclear post-apocalyptic setting. I get the feeling Hades would enjoy that, honestly.



Where oh where to begin with this episode? For one thing, I'm glad that the Once writers room got their social justice pandering bullshit out of their systems last week and got back to good storytelling with interesting characters and plot-points, rather than trying to appease the Twitter and Tumblr trolls that have done their damnedest to make fandom life as hellish as possible (no pun intended - that was an accident). Storytelling works MUCH better when you're not trying to push some overt virtue-signaling message - that "Hey, we're TOTES NOT homophobic, so don't get mad at us, pretty please???" (You're fooling no one, guys.)

For another - wow. A Cora-centric episode that I actually enjoyed! If next week's episode doesn't involve Underbrooke getting slammed with a monster blizzard, there is something INCREDIBLY wrong with the world (maybe Elsa will make a cameo appearance in the mission to defeat Hades and freeze his living room).

I said since the beginning of the Underworld storyline that I would LOVE to have Zelena and Cora meet and their meeting did NOT disappoint. I was a bit worried that they would unnecessarily compromise one or both of those characters' fundamental qualities in order to get some half-assed, shoehorned-in happy ending that doesn't make a damn bit of sense - but no. They didn't. Not at all. They played with Zelena's tragic backstory and Cora's ruthlessness - coupled with the idea that people in the Underworld have unfinished business, as well as Hades shoving Cora back into her role as a poor miller's daughter (that was the key touch to this, I think) - and came to a satisfying conclusion.

Applause, OUAT Writers' Room. Mucho Applause.

Even the flashback stuff worked in this case. Sometimes, it can feel forced and stupid. And on paper, this episode's flashback probably would have sounded absolutely idiotic. But the way it was presented - I can TOTALLY buy that tiny!Regina would poke around her mother's magical objects and there would be an accident. And I can TOTALLY buy that Cora would go find tiny!Zelena to make Regina better. Even the whole "Surprise Sister!" discovery thing was done surprisingly well.

Everything worked. None of the characters' backgrounds were sacrificed to make things work - Cora actually seemed like she had a genuine change of heart. I think her initial trickery made a good contrast for when she came clean and actually leveled with Zelena about abandoning her in the woods. Regina's redemption storyline also provided something context to what was going on - that if the Evil Queen could become good again, maybe there's hope for the Wicked Witch (though I still love Zelena's brand of sassiness and attitude - I hope that will continue because I would hate for her to lose that core part of her character).

I'm not quite sure how I feel about "Let's Help The Lord of Death Have a Change of Heart" thing yet. Maybe because it's still early in that plot twist - but this episode made me want to hang with it a bit longer until I have more details (hey - getting rid of Princess Rainbow Sparklepoo actually DID contribute something to moving the plot along! WHOO-HOO!) But I feel like progress was made.

Well, until this little shithead showed up (and his dad) -

Why, when everything seems to be going okay, does Rumple feel the need to show up and muck it all up? Whyyyyyyyyy?

Ugh... whatever.

Oh - and David met his evil twin brother and had an epic fistfight at the docks. Cruella sneered at everybody and buggered off like the weasel she's probably wearing as a scarf. Robin is most likely a dead man walking because of his paternal affection for his Wicked Hood Baby.

NEXT TIME! Oh... oh...crap...



Um... how about no? How about I just stay here and enjoy the Mills women having their tearful happy ending and pretend that Hook and Emma just make it home and move into their new house and get married and have lots of little pirate babies? NO MORE ANGST, PLEASE?

The Devil's In The Details

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time Episode 5.18 "Ruby Slippers" - SPOILERS!

Well... now we know why OUAT!Dorothy looks so much like Snow White. They basically redid that entire storyline - right down the short people mooning after the not-dead-just-sleeping!Dorothy. No points for creativity there, guys.

I know what everyone from Twitter to Tumblr and everywhere else inbetween is talking about with this episode - they finally put in an LGBTQ couple in Once Upon a Time. Even gave them a ship name and everything (I will give them points for creativity there - that was actually kind of clever). Pretty much everyone and their dog is acting like this is the Greatest Thing In All Of Our Lifetimes And Beyond And If You Don't Think So, Then You Are A Hatey-Hate-Hateful Person Who Deserves Death Threats And To Be Called Every Mean Name In The Book.

I have also been around fandom long enough to know that someone, somewhere is complaining about some aspect of it - that it wasn't done right, it was the wrong characters. That's how this value signaling crap works. You give a subgroup of fandom what they want, and they'll still find reason to whine about it.

For me, this is how I feel about it -

Seriously - you want to ship Ruby Slippers, you freaking be my guest. If you don't want to ship Ruby Slippers, you freaking be my guest. It's no skin off my nose what you do and do not like about this show. But if I get crap for not giving a crap about this, I will come uncorked one way or the other. And whichever side you're advocating for, I will probably take the other one. Because I'm obstinate like that.

I write about politics on the internet for a living. I know how this goes. I'm going to get crap no matter what I say about this episode - even if I say I don't care about it. *shores up email inbox for incoming onslaught*

I have my ships and favorite characters and storylines. And you all know what those are (CAPTAIN SWAN, baby!) Dorothy was randomly dropped into the Underworld plotline without rhyme or reason a few episodes ago - I joked then that she was pretty much generic Strong Female Character/Snow White expy and I wondered why they brought in Dorothy and not another Oz character. I do appreciate that they gave us a reason for Dorothy being back in Oz, though a small part of me wishes that could have been it's own separate thing. Part of me wishes that they'd done something like Once Upon a Time in Wonderland for Oz - have Dorothy against the Wicked Witch with some crossover with the main show. Especially given how fantastically awesome Zelena's been in this storyline - I would LOVE an Oz-centric spinoff. But we're probably not going to get that, so I will be content with what I do have.

Because I do not want to risk falling into the Legend of Korra trap and only focus on the itty-bitty social justice bullshit portion of this episode as the expense of everything else that was noteworthy and interesting, what else did this episode feature that the clickbait enterprises will be falling over themselves to talk about?

- The prospect of splitting up Snow and Charming into separate plotlines - OH NOES! WHATEVER SHALL WE DOOOOOO??? Probably be a lot more interesting and less fluff... oh, it's Charming that's leaving and Snow that's staying. Hmphf... Not helpful.

- Oh - Hook carved David's name into the headstone! PRAISE THE LORD AND ALL THE LITTLE FISHES IN THE SEA! (More Captain Charming bromance AND Daddy Charming awesome - HERE FOR IT!)

- Belle and Zelena talking about motherhood and pregnancy, with Zelena giving Belle a much-needed reality check. Look, I just adore Zelena. I probably shouldn't, because she's the VILLAIN. But she's so deliciously awful that I don't care.

- For a while, I wondered where the hell Mulan ended up? For an episode that's supposed to be all about lesbian sisters doing it for themselves, they seem to have left behind someone who's kind of key for that fandom lobby.

- Hades melted Auntie Em and I hate him for it. Bastard.

- Zelena's dastardly plan to kill Dorothy was actually really clever. It didn't work - but points for creativity.

- As is Belle's plan to fall under a sleeping curse to prolong her pregnancy. I also quite liked her plan that her father will be the one to wake her up and not Rumple. Because Rumple is a piece of rotten garbage when it comes to these things.

So, we got a fluffy filler episode that was just kind... there. There were a few good moments that I liked. Most that I don't care one way or the other about. Rumple still sucks and Hades is looking to join his clubhouse. Business as usual.

Next week - FAMILY FEUD! (Ooooh - will Cora and Zelena meet face to face? *crosses fingers*)



Will we get some actual PLOT DEVELOPMENT in this next episode instead of just randomly loitering around the Underworld and listen to Princess Rainbow Sparklepoo cry about giving people hope like they're handing out popcorn at a circus? Well, they sent Princess Rainbow Sparklepoo home, so maaaaaaaybe they'll finally get something significant done here for once.

(This storyline still isn't as bad as Neverland. I will give them that).

A Lid For Every Pot

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time Episode 5.16 "Our Decay" - SPOILERS!

Well... Zelena has a true love. Sort of. Who knew?

(Side Note: Why am I not surprised that the Wicked Witch's birthday is Tax Day? I guess giving her Hitler's or Stalin's birthday would have been too on-the-nose.)

This episode gave us more of Zelena's backstory - which I never will say no to. It also gave us more of Oz, which - YES PLEASE! *grabby hands* Though... I'm not sure that I really like bringing Dorothy back to be a pseudo-Snow-White-Strong-Female-Character(tm) expy. Feels cheap and gimmicky. Why not bring in Ozma or General Tik-Tok? Or even one of Zelena's former associates from the Sisterhood of Witches? (not Glinda, for obvious continuity reasons. But there were two others). Dorothy's story was ended quite nicely in Season 3. Why stick with the wide-eyed-innocent-turned-Xena weirdness that kind of bothers me about the rewrite of Snow White?

Sigh... anyway.

Everything else about the Oz parts of the story was pretty good. I will never get over how gorgeous OUAT!Emerald City looks - or the fact that Zelena's made it her base of operations. Also, I was glad that Hades got more to do than be a smarmy ginger dude in a suit who sometimes lights his hair on fire for no good reason. Kind of gave him some more depth to his character. Which I appreciated.

I also appreciated that Zelena - both past and present iterations of her - was hesitant to reciprocate Hades's affections. The first time was because she was obsessed with revenge. The second was because... she just wasn't sure. That's understandable - new/old relationships take time to get used to (and she'd already been through a lot).

But what I ADORE about their relationship (and this will sound strange, but hear me out) was that they're still both unapologetically evil/wicked/villainous. True Love hasn't changed their core roles in the story as adversaries to the heroes. Oh sure, I've enjoyed Regina's and Hook's redemption stories. But I want at least ONE of the villains to stay villainous. And not just stay villainous, but be HONEST in their villainy. Which is why I'm not counting Rumple. He's just an asshole.

So - having a villainous True Love Couple? Sure! Why the heck not? It's new and different and would bring a whole different dimension to the character dynamics the show already has. I'm up for some fun. And they already have their incredibly-crappy kingdom of evil to rule over, so - yay!

Other things I liked:

- Henry as a grumpy teenager who seems to also be speaking for the OUAT Writers Room. Because if I've learned anything about fandom and social media, it's that fans are never satisfied. And, quite honestly, many OUAT fans are a bunch of spoiled brats who want the Writers Room to cater to their stupidly unnecessary fanfic bullcrap. Part of me wonders if that "What - are you all Authors now?" line from Henry wasn't actually Eddy and Adam sending a pointed jab at their detractors who keep telling them how to tell THEIR story (and if it wasn't - well, then I am well-and-truly Over It with regards to the little shitwits of fandom).

- The explanation of why Robin and Regina haven't named Baby Wicked Hood - because there hasn't been time and giving a child a name isn't a good idea when Hades can do awful things with names in the Underworld. That's... actually a really good reason not to name the kid yet. I will accept it. So, hurrah!

- Snow and Charming "haunting" Baby Neal from the Underworld. Yeah... it's cuter when Henry wrote about it in the book.

- I'm holding out hope that Zelena and Cora will come face-to-face in the Underworld. Might seem like that ship has sailed, but I still kind of want it to happen. I will live if it doesn't, though.

I close out with this thought on the Household of Darkness, shall we. 'Cause Belle FINALLY stumbles upon the truth about Rumple (good grief, OUAT!Belle is kind of an idiot. Which I hate to say because Emilie de Ravin does so well with what little she's given. And Belle is one of my favorite Disney princesses). Rumple just basically says "This is who I am, sweetheart. You can either love me or leave me, but I'm not changing." Which is refreshing from the past teary-eyed blubbering "Oh please don't leave me I'll change for realsies this time I promise cross my heart and hope to die.... oh look - another Dark One dagger! Where did THAT come from I wonder?" I'm glad that Belle walked away and was steadfast in her disapproval of what Rumple was doing. My hope is that she finds her spine and she finds a happier ending for herself.

OUAT sure better figure out what they're doing with Belle and Rumple and do it fast. Because if they have me actually CHEERING Gaston next week, there will be words. And none of them very nice.

Playing by the Rules of Someone Else's Game

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time 4.17 "Heart of Gold" - SPOILERS!

YAY! Once is back! (darn holidays, causing unnecessary mini-hiatuses in the middle of a story arc)

This was an interesting episode, both in terms of what happens in the storyline, and in how it is structured. First - the structure. There has only been one other episode that hasn't featured the Charming Family quite so much (to my knowledge). That episode was "The Crocodile" from Season 2 - where neither Snow nor Emma make an appearance (though Charming was in Storybrooke quite a bit). Also, this episode had the major action take place away from Storybrooke, though it's still in modern day. ALSO, also - WICKED WITCH!

Guess who's back, bitches!

(She may be evil as hell - but I adore Zelena as a villain. And if I ever get the chance to meet Rebecca Mader - I hope she's ready for a [benign] fangirl attack because HELLO!)

Another thing that makes this episode notable that, while Rumplestiltskin does put the flashback action in motion, this is all about Robin Hood and his family. While Robin is Regina's fated One True Love... we really don't know that much about his backstory (gee - a charming lovable rogue who used to be on the wrong side of the law but is now on the side of good and is a love interest for a major leading lady on the show and we don't have a lot of backstory for him - WHO ELSE DOES THAT REMIND YOU OF?? Then again, we have even less for Robin Hood than we do for Captain Hook, so shouldn't complain. Too much).

The first time I watched this, though, the DVR cut off, like, the first ten minutes of the episode, so I missed all the stuff in Storybrooke with Emma pissed off at her mom and dad for what they did with Maleficent's baby (that whole thing still - UGH! WHY!) And I missed the part where the Author calls Rumple a pain-in-the-ass (and I snicker appreciatively. Welcome to my world, dude). And I also missed the part where Rumple gives Regina Robin's number and then we flash back to "Nine Weeks Ago" - so I was kind of confused when the DVR recording started with Robin Hood chasing down a delinquent on a horse (you know, DVRs have been around for a while now - you would THINK someone would figure out how to make sure that the whole episode can get recorded. I don't know if it's the network dinking around with start times or if the DVR capabilities are wonky, but SOMEBODY better figure this crap out!)

So, it turns out the Hood Family's been living in Neal's old apartment (wouldn't that have been rented out to someone else by now? TV logic - don't look too far into it) and exiled!Rumple comes looking for his son's old place. And has a heart attack? Okay sure - we'll go with it. Rumple's an old man by now and without magic, he can't do very much. Robin, being the heroic and honorable lug that he is, takes Rumple to the hospital and Rumple sends his off to Walsh's furniture store (remember Walsh? Wizard of Oz-turned-monkey? Emma's almost-fiance?) because Zelena would have sent him with some magical stuff and he's hoping that the Elixir of the Wounded Heart can be found there.

("Wizard of Oak" - heh. Point goes to the OUAT Writers Room)

Also, Hidden Mickey -

I see what you did there.

In the Enchanted Forest (actually, Sherwood Forest) flashback, we discover Robin of Loxley, a former-thief-turned-tavern-owner who's being threatened by the Sheriff of Nottingham because of late taxes (what else does the government do?) The Dark One comes to Robin with a bundle of gold in exchange for that same Elixir, which is in Oz. And this is where I do my punch-the-air HELL YES! fangirl flail because Once!Oz is absolutely gorgeous! I loved the Oz stuff in Season Three and I was hoping they'd find a reason to use it again (seriously - is nobody going to go back for Glinda? What about the prophecy of who is going to fill the Innocence seat on the Sisterhood of Witches? These are the things I think about!)

(My money's still on Regina, but nobody asked me).

Robin sneaks into the Emerald City (*resists temptation to sing "One Short Day"* *fails miserably*) to steal the Elixir - but not before meeting Will Scarlet (geez, Will - Wonderland, Enchanted Forest, Storybrooke, and now Oz? How in the crap do you get around?) who asks Robin to hook him up with some of that wounded-heart-healing potion when he swipes it. In the Emerald City ("Oooooone shoooooort daaaaaay...." okay - I'm done now), Robin finds the Elixir, plus a few other things  and Zelena catches him stealing from her. He gets away by using the Wizard's magic bow that always hits its target (Ohhhhhhhh - THAT'S where that came from!) and he leaves Oz. As well as the one sample of potion he could get with Will, because Will wanted it to help him get over the death of his sister.

Robin doesn't deliver to Rumple, so he loses his tavern (I guess), but then he rejoins the Merry Men in their thieving ways, with the promise that he will only steal from the rich and give to the poor - and he takes his new wife along for the ride to start a family as bandits.

Back in New York, Robin gets the Elixir for Rumple if Rumple leaves his family alone. Robin leaves, Rumple takes the potion... which doesn't work.

Enter Marian.

Who isn't Marian, as it turns out. Through a complicated-yet-simple plot device, Zelena survived being stabbed by Rumple and she ended up time traveling with Hook and Emma. Zelena impersonated Marian (after killing the real Marian) and let herself be taken back to Storybrooke in an attempt to take away Regina's happiness (it's actually quite a clever plot). And Zelena is willing to let Rumple live, if he finds the Author and gets him to write Zelena a happy ending.

So THIS is where all this Author madness actually came from! Which makes Zelena an honorary-unofficial-but-totally-the-boss Queen of Darkness.

To which I say - HELL to the YES on that one!

When the Queens of Darkness story arc was introduced, I remember thinking - "This'll be cool - but it's too bad that they don't have the Wicked Witch anymore, 'cause she'd be a badass QoD!" And behold - here she is! As evil and over-the-top and amazingly fabulous as ever! I mean, I don't want them to overplay her or ruin her character, but I just LOVE Zelena in a way that I've never enjoyed a villain in any story EVER. I don't typically like the villains AT ALL - but she is sooooo my favorite!

This episode felt a lot like a breather before Crap Gets Real - but at the same time, it sets up the last push to the finale (which - not going to spoil anything, but I have seen pictures from the set of the finale and OH BOY this is going to be crazy!) And - I thought I knew where all this was going, but honestly, I have no clue. I don't know what rules they're playing by anymore, I don't know what's going to happen, who is going to turn to the darkness (if anyone will, honestly) - but I'm excited to find out.

(I haven't enjoyed an episode that didn't have any Captain Swan moments like this in a LONG time. It's an odd feeling, but no an unwelcome one).

Next Time -

Cruella's story! YAY!!!! Gimme!