Tuesday, May 20, 2014

And You Thought Your Upload Time Was Crap

Review/Recap of 24: Live Another Day, Episode 4: 2:00 pm-3:00 pm. Spoilers!

Can I just say that Fox has always had the most creepy-weird shows on their network? Hulu keeps advertising this stupid-looking Gang Related. But they couldn't be arsed to keep Almost Human going for another season. Anyway...

This episode was the "breather" episode (well - as much as you ever get a breather in 24). Jack has made it into the US Embassy by creating mayhem and chaos (to be fair, Jack creates mayhem and chaos when he goes to the corner store for a gallon of milk). His goal? Talk to Lieutenant Tanner, the poor guy that's being framed for sending a drone to attack friends and allies - which is why President Heller is about to be tarred and feathered by Parliament...

Except... Parliament is actually displaying civilized behavior! Which flies in the face of everything that happened last time! What, did Prime Minister Stephen Fry (who, by the way, is still in this show) call out his old Monty Python buddies Hugh Laurie and do a quick side-show to appease the peanut gallery? In any case - Heller's actually doing quite well against the heretofore angry mob of Parliament, so points for that.

Mark Bordreau continues to be an ass. And - while we're on the subject - wasn't Mark trying NOT to alert Audrey to Jack's continued presence in the mortal realm? Wasn't he concerned that the mere mention of Jack's name would send Audrey into a catatonic state? And then he goes and announces in front of Audrey, the president and God that Jack is on the loose and Up To Something? Yeah... I just don't get this guy.

But I am pleased that Audrey does NOT fall into the fabled Land of Catatonia and actually plays the part of the Voice of Reason. HUZZAH! Even Heller, flush from his victory of Winning Over the Cannibals in Parliament, decides to do the magnanimous thing and actually listen to Jack. Because heaven knows Jack's been right before. And when I say he's "been right before," I mean Every. Damn. Time. In 24 Land, the State Department are idiots.

Meanwhile, Jack has procured proof of Tanner's innocence and he just has to get that proof to Chloe's band of renegade hackers. Except the Marines have cut off every avenue of escape. And the only technology available to Jack is a communications room that every programmer is *headdesk*-ing over right now because IT'S THE FREAKING EMBASSY SERVERS AND YOU DON'T HAVE DECENT COMPUTING POWER???? So, this episode becomes You're Still Uploading (the lesser-known and lesser-successful sequel to You've Got Mail). And Jack has to take hostages (who he is very nice and complimentary toward, it must be said) in order to keep the Marines from stopping his twenty minute upload process. Which, in 24 Land, is FOREVER!

So, we cut to the shenanigans happening at Chez Not-Winterfell. Simone and Hubby Dearest are enjoying each other's... ahem... company, but there are bigger matters at hand. Namely that Hubby Dearest isn't a terrorist and he doesn't want to do what Cersei Stark tells him to, but Cersei Stark is going to get what she wants anyway. Simone tattles on Hubby Dearest and loses a finger for her troubles and Hubby Dearest is forced to pilot the drones over old London Towne like Cersei Stark told him to. Such a wonderfully happy family!

(I am so, so sorry).

Back at the Embassy - Kate Morgan is proving herself to be as awesome as Tony and Michelle combined. She believes Jack's story (that she eavesdrops on the phone call between Jack and the president - good girl!) She sneaks into the comm room right as the Marines are about to bust down the door and stop the All Important Upload, convinces Jack to trust her because she trusts him, promises to get the upload to Proper Authorities, takes Jack into custody, swats away a bunch of armed Marines, all without drawing her pistol. If this chick doesn't become a regular on all future 24 miniseries that I'm certain are being green-lit right now if Fox is smart (which, given their history as a network, is dubious) - then I will be severely disappointed. Yvonne Strahovski For All The Things!

(And Navarro sucks at playing the Obi-Wan. Kate needs to take over his job).

So - what now? The CIA is going to piss this opportunity down the hole like a good little incompetent government agency in 24 Land. Audrey is going to do her damnedest to get her dad to listen to Jack. Mark will continue to be an ass. Hubby Dearest is a Dead Man Walking (Simone too - probably). My girl-crush on Kate Morgan will only intensify. Chloe will punch out Adrian just because I'm tired of his face. Jack will save the day, but still won't get lunch after all this is over. Those are my predictions and I'm stickin' to 'em.

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