O Brother, Where Art Thou?

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time Episode 6.06 "Dark Waters" - SPOILERS!

It's taken me a day or so to process what I thought of this episode. A good sign for any installment of Once Upon a Time. Perhaps it is the frame of mind I find myself in at this point in time. Also, Hook-centric episodes tend to do that to me.

This episode, at its core, is about Killian Jones reconciling himself to his past. We get that so rarely, and it's so very necessary to the overall story. And I'm not just saying that because he's my favorite (that doesn't hurt) - he is, quite honestly, the most interesting character this show has. The showrunners ignore him at their own peril.

Sure, we dealt with Killian's "dark" side last season (kinda) - but that was superficial, at best. Even though we did get some juicy backstory for him. To my astonishment (and utter joy) they have NOT forgotten that backstory. Which is, I think, why I enjoyed this episode so much.

In present-day, Killian doesn't do what Emma asked. He didn't get rid of the destiny-severing shears. Can you blame him for that? Faced with the prospect of losing the woman he loves? And after all the crap they've been through? If it were me, I'd hide those suckers away underground in a safe that nobody knows about and I have the only key (does Dark!Emma's secret basement hideaway still exist in this house?) I trust Killian to keep those shears safely hidden away where no one else knows about them. If not to save Emma, to make sure nobody sketchy finds them. Has Emma even seen Lord of the Rings? Killian probably hasn't, but Emma should know that when you try to throw questionable magical objects away, bad people find them. But we'll get to that.

Everyone (including himself) tells Killian he's wrong. That he should have done what Emma asked. That he betrayed her. That by not following her wishes, he doesn't deserve her. Even Henry gets on Killian's case for it (unfairly, if you ask me). And sweet cupcake that Killian is, he tries to fix it.

Which brings us to the flashback portion of the episode.

You don't think the Nautilus's first mate is going to be anyone remarkable. He's just a dude. Captain Nemo is the focus of this fractured fairy tale. He and Killian (Captain Hook) bond over their shared love of the sea, exploration, and just regular badass-captain-ness. It's damn adorable.

Then comes the "Oh crap - I know that first mate!"

I'm pretty sure I figured it out the same time everyone else did. When Nemo explained his first mate's backstory - that his father was mysteriously murdered in the middle of the night when he was a child, that his father was a top-rate sailor, that he wanted to find the person responsible and exact revenge. Oh, and the first mate's name? Liam.

Yep. First Mate Liam is Killian's baby brother (well, half-brother). Named after Killian's older brother who kept him out of trouble for all those years, Captain Liam Jones.

Let the feels destroy you, friends.

Even before Emma Swan, Killian Jones was trying to fix his mistakes. He even tries to get Baby!Liam (sorry, I don't have anything else I can call him. Liam 2? Sure) to talk it out. He wants to apologize - start over - be a family. At least reconcile with the only blood relative he has left. But Liam 2 isn't having it (again - can't blame the lad). So Killian has no choice but to high-tail it off the Nautilus and back to the Jolly Roger.

Fast forward to the present - Liam 2 is in charge of the Nautilus and Killian is back on board, but this time, Henry is along for the ride. A rather petulant and pissy Henry - who may be justified in his anger, if you look at it a certain way. Killian thinks he's about to lose the closest thing to a family he's had in years. Oh, and by the way, that reminder of his earlier screw-up is waiting outside the door to kill him at the first opportunity.

Yeah... not much chance for reconciliation, is there?

Killian's first priority in this scenario is Henry and, by extension, Emma. Even if it means that Emma hates him for keeping the shears and she kicks him out of the house (that she just invited him to move into with her in the last episode... sure...) - Killian is going to protect Henry. To the point that he sends Henry off by himself into the sea with the last diving suit and helmet the Nautilus has. Against Henry's protests - even though it's obvious Henry is mad at Killian.

And the Evil Queen's insinuations that Killian's going to end up being Henry's evil stepdad... no, you know what? That was just stupid. It was BEYOND stupid. It was brain-dead, idiotic, ignorant, ridiculous, asinine, absurd, ludicrous, and every other synonym for "stupid" you can dig up out of your thesaurus. I mean, what kind of mentally-challenged MORON would think that trying to turn Henry Mills against Killian Jones was a good idea?? That kid tried his damnedest to get Hook and Emma together in the first place! Henry is not just some petulant, selfish teenager. He's the Author! He is the Truest Believer! He helps make happy endings happen. Especially for his mother!

So, no, Queenie. Take your family-wrecking bullshit elsewhere. Nobody's buying this.

Ugh. I just wanted to punch that woman so hard that her cleavage would fly into next week.

Anyway, back to Jones Family Feels - there is no hope that Liam 2 would want anything to do with Killian. That's is perfectly understandable. It doesn't stop Killian from trying to rescue Liam 2 and reunite him with his beloved father-figure, Captain Nemo (who ended up in Storybrooke General Hospital for... reasons. Hey, at least he wasn't an amnesiac like David Nolan was in Season 1). But Killian does the right thing in the moment that he has to do it. And he explains to Emma what he did/didn't do. But rather than getting mad at Killian for not doing what she asked, Emma understands his actions. And she forgives him (after he makes up for it by taking the shears to the bottom of the sea). Because they're family. And families forgive each other.

That brings us to the Evil Queen. Because I KNEW that she was going to end up finding the shears, because that's what she does. Again - Emma needs to brush up on her epic fantasy and remember what happens to legendary magical objects that are simply sealed away and forgotten, rather than kept track of people who wouldn't, you know, use them to DESTROY THE FRICKIN' WORLD!

Sheesh... will heroes never learn?

I said at the beginning of this post that this episode hit me at a funny time. I've been thinking about forgiveness and reconciliation between people where there seems to be no hope of such. On the one hand, Liam 2 is under no obligation to think the best of Killian. All Liam 2 knows of Killian is he's the one that killed his father. The fact that Killian killed his own father at the same time is a moot point. There is no chance that the two of them are ever going to be a family.

And yet - Killian tries. He tries to be a good human being, because he's left all that garbage behind him. He can't make up for his bad deeds in the past, but he can leave the man that he was in the past. And maybe people don't believe that he's genuinely changed. That's up to them - everyone has to make their own judgment call there.

Trying to be Liam 2's brother would be the wrong thing in this instance. It would be trying to go back to the past, where there is no past left to go back to. What Killian has is his future with Emma (and Henry). That's what he should choose to focus on. Sure, it's uncertain. The future always is. But what Killian chooses to do with that future is completely up to him. No one else has any say in what he does, unless he decides to let them (he certainly wants to let Emma have a say, I'm sure).

I suppose... I suppose I'm tired of listening to people tell me that their way is right and I should follow it or else [fill in the blank]. I have a handful of people who I trust and who I want to listen to. The rest - is just mindless chatter. Without getting into too many sordid details (because they're not necessarily mine to tell), there are too many outside forces pulling at me to look back at things that happened in the past. And I simply don't want to. Ironically, looking at things that have already happened bring fear and panic and nervousness into my life. And I don't need any of that crap. I'd much rather look at the good things that are about to happen and enjoy the life that I have waiting for me.

Anyway - that's what I thought of during this episode. Leave it to that lovable, devilishly handsome pirate captain to bring some perspective into my life.

Next week -



Eh. Okay. Evil Queen being evil. What else is new?

When Heroes Fall

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time Episode 5.15 "The Brothers Jones" - SPOILERS!

I knew this episode was going to be a rough one. I adore Killian Jones. I adore his brother Liam. I adore Emma Swan. I knew there was going to be conflict between those three. I knew I was probably going to end up swearing at one of them - if not all three - at some point.

But can we just appreciate Liam popping his head in up the stairs to talk to Emma?

(Source)

Because I do.

All right then - so this is as close to "Emma Meeting Killian's Family" as we're going to get. Fair enough - it's the Underworld arc and all of Killian's immediate family is dead (thank you Neverland), so this was an obvious choice for an episode idea.

At least, it BETTER had been an obvious choice. Sometimes, I'm not entirely sure what goes on in the Once Writers' Room.

But rather than it being a "Hey, big brother that died centuries ago - here's this woman that I'm madly in love with and we're probably going to get married and have a bunch of kids and I'm super happy, can you be happy for me too?" sort of scenario, they go with the super-angsty one and it turns out that Hero-Worshipped Big Brother is just a tiny-bit in cahoots with Hades. And he wants his little brother to stay in the Underworld and be miserable like unto himself.

Well... poopy.

And I hate to say it - I understand where Liam is coming from. The guy spent his entire life from roughly age ten (I'm guessing, based on the Hook-backstory episodes we got at the end of the last story arc - Thank Merlin they FINALLY peeled themselves away from yet-more-Rumple-backstory to bother with that) being a parental figure to his mischievous baby brother. He was the good kid. The one who talked Killian out of trouble with the authorities. The one who figured out that they could buy their freedom by joining the Royal Navy. The one who gave up that freedom when Killian tossed it all away at a game of cards. The one who made a deal with Hades to get them out in one piece when everything finally went toes-up. Even in death, he's still looking out for his little brother.

It's touching. If a little sentimental and sappy at times. I love ya, Killian - but how many times are you going to proclaim that Liam is The Most Honorable And Honest Dude Ever To Sail And He's Going To Make It All Better. Talk about PRESSURE.

(To be fair, Killian was a bit of a wide-eyed dreamer and kind of naive back then. It wasn't until later in life that he became the sarcastic, cynical, snarktastic pirate that we all know and love.)

Hearing how much your younger sibling looks up to and idolizes you - well, it makes you do crazy things. Like hiding vital information about the Dark Lord of the Underworld that will help everyone cross over and move on. Or sailing straight into a hurricane (DUDE - WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?) Or telling the love of your baby bro's life that she's not good enough for him. Given how much Hook and Emma have been through, THAT was a knife to the heart.

Let's talk about Hook and Emma, shall we? Because while last week's utter joy of -

- was good and proper, there is a TON of fallout to deal with between the two characters. Because when they were separated, Killian had become the Dark One because of Emma's good intentions, but that temptation was too much for him to handle, and he dove right back into the Powers Of Darkness that he was terrified of. There is still that sense of Killian being jerked around by the whims of others - which he obviously HATES - and he wants to make his own choices.

Emma, on the other hand, has just learned to let someone in. Which is a HUGE deal for her. She's also been subject to devastating losses, which she blames herself for. Whether fairly or unfairly - that's up for discussion. The fact is that this story is dealing with some incredibly broken people and there is not just one solution for all of these issues. If it were, it would be a simple fairy tale.

(See what I did there?)

One this is certain - Hades is an Asshole of the Highest Degree (being in charge of the Underworld will do that to you. Probably). And that's one thing everyone can agree on - his agenda must be stopped at all costs.

Nothing like a common enemy to motivate broken people in to action.

Speaking of broken - oh, little Henry. Who is not so little anymore (Emma called him a "mopey teenager" - which is true. Just... don't look too closely at the timeline of Once because it really won't make sense how this is actually five years later in-story, when they follow all their cliffhangers so closely one after another). And he wants to be a HERO, dammit! He's tired of being the one who gets rescued all the time. Can't he be someone important for once?

Well - you were the Author. Then you broke the stupid pen, genius. And because of that, it's now in the Underworld. And you trapped the Apprentice there because of it. Ugh. Must I explain EVERYTHING?

Actually, I don't. Cruella does that for me (the same Cruella who's been doing the naughty with Charming's not-so-Charming Evil Twin Brother - THAT'LL be interesting...). I still love Cruella as a character, and no one can convince me that I shouldn't.

Regardless, Henry's coming into his own as the Author, to which I say - HOORAY! Seriously - kid has this incredible fairy tale lineage and you're not going to let him do jack crap with it??? That's just WRONG.

Anyway - by the end of the episode, Killian and Liam reconcile, Liam's unfinished business is finished and we get a super-sweet scene with Killian giving Emma's advice about forgiving yourself to his older brother. So, for once, baby brother looked out for the older one. And I am become emotion... hold on a sec...

...all right - things are good.

Emma and Hook reconcile themselves (YAY!) Hades reveals to we the audience that he and Zelena had a fling, which means she'll be back in the next episode (PRAISE BE!). And we're going back to Oz. Which looks as gorgeous as ever -



(I stinking love OUAT Oz, you have no idea).

Persephone Marries Hades and Other Unfortunate Truths

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time Episode 5.14 "The Devil's Due" - SPOILERS

THEY LOOK SO HAPPY WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO RUIN THAT???

Look, I'm no pearl-clutching 90s-era-Hillary-Clinton "FOR THE CHILDRENS!" parental advisory concern-troll looking to get in the way of people's fun.

But Title Card People, I must ask -

Really? REALLY? Family show, guys. Family. Show.

Anyway - to the meat of this episode:

Well, yes - we'll get to that. Emma finds Hook (she will always find him). And all the requisite drama that goes with it. Drama dictates that my darlings cannot yet be happy. Boo.

Though I have to say - I'm pleased that Team Writers Room learned from the mistakes of Neverland. Don't drag out the #Save[Character] plotline out until your audience is ready to gouge their eyes out with rusty sporks. So, credit where credit is due.

My focus here for a moment is going to be - not on my most favorite fictional couple of the hour - but on an ancillary character vital to the entire Captain Swan storyline. Though it's not someone we often think about very much. Yes, folks - I'm talking about the Lady Milah.

(I know she doesn't have a formal title as such - but given the crap she's been though, I think she deserves one).

That's it. That's the show.

This could quite possibly have been the most awkward meeting of past and present ever. Milah and Emma meeting. Hook's former girlfriend (on account of she's dead) and his current True Love.

And... it wasn't. I mean, yes there was that moment where Milah plays the part of Everyone Who Isn't In The Once Fandom (don't look too closely at the relationships in this show) - but that was the end of it. Kind of like Milah understands Killian (she never knew him as Hook) - that he would move on and find love after her death. That's just the kind of man he is. And Milah - to her everlasting credit - understands that. She and Emma become almost-instant friends. She helps Emma (and Rumple) on the quest to #SaveHook. And she's pretty damn badass about it too.

Can we just trade Rumple for Milah? No, I'm 100% serious. Hades wants to trade - I will happily swap out Milah and send Rumple up the Fallout-nuclear-green River of Lost Souls.

But no, Rumple even has to eff that up. Because, Rumple. He's been effing things up even before he became the Dark One. To the point where he wasn't just a cowardly-deadbeat-good-for-nothing husband and father, he even sold out part of Milah's future happiness just to save his own bacon.

I had some understanding of why Milah left Rumple before. But after this episode - I would have been helping her pack her bags and sending her on her merry way. The only thing I would have encouraged her to do differently was to take Baelfire with her (discounting the Once storylines that would irrevocably muss up).

Was Milah a good person? HA! Are you kidding? She would have killed a man in order to steal a potion to save her son. But still - her character makes sense. It's understandable that she would do those things. Quite honestly, she's become one of my favorite side characters. And she's only ever been in a handful of episodes! But she has the same kind of appeal that Regina does - someone whose done evil things, but wants to change and make up for it.

And how does Rumple repay Milah's redemption?

Excuse me - things are about to get crass here. Please remove all small children and dogs from the room.

Okay - you good?

Rumplestiltskin can go have sex with himself.

Phew - that's that.

Oh, and by the way - here's yet another unnecessary plot-twist-background-thing for Rumple. Because, you know, we aren't pissed off enough at him as it is.

(Though I must give TPTB some credit - at least they're trying to get Belle into the mix with this one. And write Emilie de Ravin's pregnancy into the story. So, there's that.)

Basically, I hate Rumple. I hate that he still has to be part of this story. I hate that he has zero character development. I also hate that he has become a necessary evil character, because all the other evil characters have been redeemed. And there still has to be that ONE little turd floating in the swimming pool.

Blah. Why?

Anyway - some good news: Emma and Killian have been reunited! Rumple lied out of his grimy little teeth about what he did to Milah and Killian - being the honorable man he is - thanked Rumple for... I dunno, being Rumple, I guess. I'm chalking that one up to Killian having been tortured for many long weeks at Hades' behest.

Eh, whatever - now Emma can split her heart and save Hook...

...or not.

Convenient plot contrivance, ahoy!

Next Week: The Return of Liam Jones! Killian to be reunited with his awesome and lovely and adorable long-dead brother! HUZZAH! Emma and Milah meeting went all right (Rumple, notwithstanding), so this should be just as good, right? I love this plan! REJOICE FANDOM!!

Except...



NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME ONCE UPON A TIME?? Liam has to like Emma! They have to get along! They're going to be family! YOU CAN'T DO THIS I WON'T STAND FOR IT!

I hate this damn show. I couldn't live without it.

(I could live without the constant Rumple angst, though).

"Because He's Really, Really, REALLY Bugging Me!"

Recap/Review of Once Upon A Time 5.13 "Labor of Love" - Spoilers!

You know, I had every intention of letting this review series fade away. But then Season 5B happened and... well... I can't let this go to waste.

When last we left Our Intrepid Heroes - Emma did a Kind Of Bad Thing by making Hook into another Dark One, Hook's inherent Darkness resurrected all the Dark Ones from the Beginning Of Time And Beyond. Emma decided to be Self-Sacrificing because her Darkness wasn't all That Bad. But Hook is Better Than All Your Faves and took one for the team because Nimue is a Bad Bad Bitch (but in a delightfully evil way that I shall miss very much indeed). Hook dies in the most heartbreaking terrible way possible. Rumplestiltskin continues to be Very Punchable and reverts to being the Dark One. Belle remains oblivious to Everything In The Entire World. King Arthur is an Ass Of The Highest Degree and I'm glad he kind of dropped off there at The End.

And I abuse my Capitalization Privileges. My blog, my house, my rules.

Anyway, #OnceTurns100 saw a return of Queen Bitch Cora (whoo-freaking-hoo) and the Hansel and Gretel witch and Cruella's car and... that's about it. Oh, and Neal showed up to give Emma a pep talk, because we ALL wanted to see Nealfire again (bleah - at least he wasn't there that long). But Regina's dad FINALLY got some much-needed character development beyond just being the sad little man that gets caught between two snippy witches.

You go, Sir Henry. You go, my fine fellow.

I had more thoughts on "Souls of the Departed," which you can listen to on the Five(ish) Fangirls Podcast, Episode 85 right here.

Which brings us to "Labor of Love." The Hercules episode of this story arc. Because this is Once Upon A Time and it's their take on Greek Mythlogy/Disney's Hercules - so it follows that we only have one episode with the hero of that movie. But the villain from that story gets the spotlight.

Oh - and it's also a "Snow White Gets Her Name Back" thing. Which... ehhhh... was that entirely necessary? I never felt like Snow White=/=Mary Margaret. I just thought it was a dumb way to differentiate when they were in Storybrooke, versus yet-another-pre-curse flashback scene. I mean, the show kept separating Charming and David, Ruby and Red, Archie and Dr. Hopper, Mr. Gold and Rumplestiltskin. Belle, Robin Hood, and Hook never really got alternate curse names. And, of course, Emma and Henry are just themselves.

Man, Snow - if it meant so much to you, maybe you should have said something before now.

Anyway - forget tiny!Snow learning to shoot straight because we have to shoehorn our Featured Fairy Tale Character Of The Week into the past somehow (though I did enjoy mean-stepmom-Queen Regina being a World Class Beast to tiny!Snow. It's not that I don't like Snow White - it's just that too much of her brings out my snarky side. I don't call her Princess Rainbow Sparklepoo for nothing). I wanna talk about IMPORTANT THINGS.

Like Cruella's little chat with Henry. First off - PRAISE BE Cruella is back! I was annoyed that we had been promised the return of Cruella, but all we got last episode was her car being driven by an on-set stunt dude and Victoria Smurfit was nowhere to be seen. But THERE SHE IS - in all her wonderful two-tone glory, sniping at the nearest mortal being. Which happens to be young Henry, the Author himself.

And funny I bring up that Author business - since Cruella wants to rejoin the land of the living (and with the Underworld being the hellhole - pardon the pun) that it is, and she wants the Author to do it. Except, Author!Henry broke the quill in two and nobody should have that much power (even though Walt Disney seemed to wield it just fine without any terrible consequences. We even got an awesome theme park out of the deal). Except the quill isn't actually dead - Henry can find its magic in the Underworld and do his Authorly Duties, like he was meant to. Oh, and bring Cruella back to life so she can go on being delightfully horrible and soaked in gin and 1920s music (look, I really want Cruella and Zelena to be evil witch buddies, because I think that would be lovely). Cruella appeals to Henry's better nature of wanting his Emma-mom to not be a murderer and have her hero-heart as pure as the driven snow.

Except... we dealt with all that Dark!Emma stuff last story-arc and even Dark!Emma wasn't all that bad. It turned out to be all an act because Emma likes to go all Lone Wanderer and keep the people she loves in the dark so she can fix things that went Horribly Wrong. Also - OUAT!Excalibur is a pain in the ass. Gimme Cal from The Librarians any day.

My point is - whatever "darkness" Emma has because she killed Cruella is negligible at best. Don't forget - Emma was trying to save Henry because Cruella was threatening to kill him. It was a dumb plot point that was supposed to somehow make Snow White look like she had a speck of evilness is her. Which, we have thoroughly proven is laughable (even when she was Evil Queen!Snow in the alternate reality - it was a complete joke).

Anyway - Cruella is back. I am happy.

Next order of business - Isn't Hades kind of a... letdown? I mean, the guy doesn't even have the fabulous costuming to help his underwhelming evilness (what - did they cut Eduardo's budget or something?) Good grief - for all the guy's tough talk and threatening Cora and Killian and everybody else... I'm still placing my bet on Captain Hook kicking his ass Nine Ways to Sunday. Even without his hook and even bruised and bloodied.

And that's another thing - why in the name of Poseidon's left nut is Hades so fixated on torturing Killian Jones?? It's like Darth Vader's strange obsession with chasing the Millennium Falcon in Empire Strikes Back. Sure, Killian was a/the Dark One and he destroyed all the Dark Ones (with the exception of everyone's favorite little trickster shithead) and that might stick in Hades's craw a little bit - but out of all the people at his disposal in the Underworld that he could mercilessly torture, why Killian? Did Killian's mouth get him into trouble yet again? Did he insult Hades's mother as he was falling into the Underworld and Hades took it personally? Is that why he's forcing Killian to choose who of Team Storybrooke stays in the Underworld?

(First choice is easy. Rumple's got a suite in Hell with his name already engraved.)

Although I do love this little tidbit from the synopsis for next week's episode (slight spoilers - but did we really expect Killian to do anything else?) -

“Hook refuses to choose which three of his friends will have to remain in the Underworld.“

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Suck on THAT, you deranged ginger twit in a cheap suit!

(In fact, that's what I'm calling Hades from now on - The Deranged Ginger Twit in a Cheap Suit. High Lord Weenie of the Underworld is also acceptable. Seriously - I'm just not feeling the evil-villain-ness of this guy. You may feel differently, but I just don't get it).

Basically, eff Hades and the horse he rode in on.

A Million-and-One Reasons Why Killian Jones is Better Than Everybody Else

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time 4.15 "Poor Unfortunate Soul"  - SPOILERS!

NOTE: Yes, I skipped 4.14 "Enter the Dragon." Last week was kind of crazy for me and it slipped through the cracks. To be fair, that episode was completely and totally… meh. You know what I got out of it? More of Pre-Curse Regina's whining, Maleficent isn't as badass as she should be, hints of a Sleeping Beauty story I'd like to see but probably never will, Aurora is an ineffectual wet blanket, Rumple holds onto his title of "One Most in Need of Being Smacked Upside the Head," Killian Jones in the rain is sexy as hell, and Colin O'Donoghue needs to win all the freaking awards in the world but won't because the awards committees are stupid and ABC isn't HBO or AMC. Nothing I didn't already know and neither did you. Good enough? Moving On!

EVERYONE! I HAVE A NEW FAVORITE ONCE UPON A TIME EPISODE!

I'm not even kidding - I will probably watch this one as much as I do "Good Form" or "The Jolly Roger" or even the Captain Swan movie from last season.

I derive so much enjoyment from the Hook-centric episodes compared to some of the others OUAT gives me, I wonder why they even bother with the other characters (that's a rhetorical fangirly question - still, I wouldn't complain if a few changes were to take place). And it's not like the episodes that reveal Hook's backstory are treated any different than an episode of, say, Snow and Charming or Regina or Rumple. But I think what's different is that this show has become so saturated with those other characters that when we do get one that's about a different main character (i.e. Hook or Emma or Belle - or even the Frozen backstory from Season 4A) - it suddenly becomes more interesting and novel.

So - where to begin?

Pan's Villainy Revealed - FINALLY!

First of all - we finally (FINALLY) get an episode where we see past!Hook working for Pan (after all that crap was teased last season AND NEVER FULLY EXPLAINED. Nope, I'm never going to let that go) and it's... going to the Enchanted Forest on a cake run.

(Most Feared Monster in Neverland, everybody).

Still, it's great to see pirate!Hook again because, as much as I love Killian's modern look and whatnot, it's easy to forget his origins and I sometimes miss it.

Also great to see is a new twist on the classic story of The Little Mermaid - this time, with a young Ursula and her father, Poseidon (played by Ernie Hudson of Ghostbusters fame - tell me that was not completely awesome!) Turns out, Ursula's the one with the magically beautiful voice, which her father uses to entice ships to run aground and sink - which very nearly happens to the crew of The Jolly Roger (but doesn't, thanks to some quick thinking on the part of the ship's captain and a last minute change of heart from Ursula).

Look Out, Madam Mermaid

Okay - can I just say that my inner four-year-old Disney fan was squealing with joy at the fact that young Ursula in OUAT sings "Fathoms Below" from the movie. And if you have no idea what the crap I'm talking about (first of all - WHAT?) - here you go -

Anyway, Ursula's gone human and is singing in a tavern in order to earn money to get away from her father because she hates that he uses her voice in order to seek revenge for her mother's death at the hand of pirates. Ursula wants her voice to be used to make people happy and to do good things. Hook and his crew are in the tavern and he recognizes her voice as the one that could have wrecked his ship, but didn't - and being the total softie that he is (underneath that angry and vengeful pirate exterior), he agrees to take Ursula wherever she'd like to go.

Problem is, Daddy Poseidon gets wind of Ursula's plans and tries to convince Hook to steal Ursula's voice, but Hook - honorable scamp that he is, promised that he wouldn't hurt Ursula because that's not good form. But he does ask Ursula to steal the squid ink that Poseidon promised in exchange for Hook double-crossing Ursula so Hook could get his revenge on Rumple (confused yet?) Poseidon puts a stop to this scheme as well and Hook, in his anger, steals Ursula's singing voice anyway, which causes Ursula to become the vengeful and evil sea witch - and that's the terrible thing Hook did to Ursula that was referenced two episodes ago.

You Don't Need The Author To Get What You Want

This brings us to present day Storybrooke and the Queens of Darkness. Team Hero figures out that Rumple tricked Belle by using Killian's appearance to steal the dagger from her (oh man - CAN'T BELLE JUST CATCH A BREAK FROM ALL OF RUMPLE'S BULLSHIT?) Killian is rightfully pissed that the Dark One is still at large, so he decides to use his past with Ursula to find out what Rumple has planned. And here is where things start to get interesting.

All through this "Operation Mongoose" business, I'm watching these villains seek to manipulate the system and all I can think is "Hook's got his happy ending and he was a villain once - what gives?" So I am glad that this episode tried to answer that question and actually addressed this whole situation in several ways.

The first one is since Hook has made some pretty big changes in his life and turned his whole outlook around, he offers Ursula her happy ending back that he stole in the first place. If Ursula agrees to cough up the Dark One's plans, he'll give her back her singing voice.

See? No author, no magic, just honesty. Piece of cake.

Except - Ursula's voice is on The Jolly Roger. The same Jolly that Hook traded to Blackbeard for the magic bean to get back to Emma in New York (excuse me while I go cry for a moment... okay, I'm good). But Ursula has ways of getting the ship back - which she does. And... it's a bottled ship.

(Hold on while I - OMG IT'S THE JOLLY AND IT'S BACK AND IT'S TINY AND SO CUTE I WANT ONE!)

Sadly, the tiny!Jolly isn't going to be much help, so Hook and Ursula go to Gold's Shop where Belle and Will are totally making out have a potion from Wonderland that can make the Jolly big again (and Hook trades a few snipes with Will - after a bit of a harsh-but-not-undeserved jab at Belle "Oh NOW you check my identity!")

AND HOORAY IT'S THE JOLLY ROGER IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK, MY FRIEND!

(I'm thinking that's where Hook and Emma are going to take up residence when all this is over. Just a theory, mind you)

Long story short - Killian gives Ursula back the seashell with her voice (it's locked in a safe where the key is in Killian's hook and I just LOVE that!) - but she can't get her voice back because of reasons, so she gets pissed and knocks Killian out and chucks him out into the ocean.

(For a guy who spent hundreds of years sailing the seas, Killian certain spends a lot of time almost drowning)

But never fear! Ariel is here to save the day! (HELLO FRIEND I MISSED YOU TOO!) There's an explanation of why she's here, which I'll save for someone else to dissect - but Ariel, though her appearance is brief, gives what may be THE most important nugget of wisdom in all this Operation Mongoose insanity -

I sure hope he's filing this away for future reference (gif set source)

The Only Payoff For Having Any Faith...

Before I head into my OMG TEH FEELS!!!! conclusion - I have to circle back for Emma Swan. Who, if you remember, is being kept from the truth of her own villainous potential from her incredibly naive-but-well-meaning parents (and who are slowly crawling up my list of People Most In Need Of Smackings - not quite to Rumple-levels, but they're somewhere in there). I'd just like to draw this parallel (that was pointed out to me via Tumblr - but I've got some to say about it).

I think I figured out why Snow and Charming (mostly Snow) have been annoying the crap out of me lately - Snow has got this insufferable way of denying that anything bad is or could possibly happen. I liken it to the part in Season 2 of in Avatar: The Last Airbender where Team Avatar is in the Earth Kingdom capital of Ba Sing Se to ask for the Earth King's help in fighting the Fire Nation. But we find out that the Dai Li (the Earth Kingdom's secret agents) routinely kidnap and brainwash people who even mention the war within the walls of Ba Sing Se. Everyone must be happy OR ELSE!

Snow is kind of like that in her own way - any hint of Emma doing or saying anything that could be construed as "dark" is a problem. But Snow - for all OUAT's assertion that this Snow White is badass and she was a bandit and she knows how to ride horses and shoot arrows and wear pants and go camping - she's still Snow White. She's still that sweet little princess lady who sings to birds and lives in a palace and befriends dwarves and everything is rainbows and sparkles and YAY! They are fooling precisely no one with this tough-woman act, I'm sorry.

Emma, on the other hand, is hardcore into confronting the truth and she is brutally honest. She says that, yes, she wants to kill Rumple just like Killian said he wanted to stab the Dark One with his own dagger and never mind the fact that he'd become the Dark One instead. Now, in reality if he was given the choice, Killian probably wouldn't actually do that, but Emma understands Killian's frustration because Emma's lived with some of those same emotions. Snow is never going to understand that because she's never been the villain. I'm not saying this is a bad thing - but sometimes the sickly-sweetness of Snow White kind of grates on me. Too much of a good thing and all that (and even in the "Next Time" promo - Snow is still trying to appeal to Emma with that sweet nature and Emma, who must have found out about her parents OMG SOOPER DOOPER SEKRIT, is clearly having none of it).

And, as an aside, there is one promo for next week floating around out there that shows Hook going directly to Team Charming with the information that Rumple is gunning for Emma and her potential for Great Darkness(tm). Which shows to me that, yes Hook has kept secrets from Emma in the past, but he has learned from those mistakes and he is NOT going to to that again. Remind me who the evilest of villains here is?

(Just one more on the pile of Reasons Why Killian Jones is Better Than Everybody Else)

...Is When It's Tested Again and Again

Back at Gold's cabin where Team Darkness is keeping no-longer-little-kid-Pinocchio prisoner (long and boring story), Ursula is going on a rampage against Team Hero, who tracked them down to their hideaway. Long story short - Hook comes back with Daddy Poseidon, who is ready and willing to make amends with Ursula. They make up and everything is awesome and Ursula - who to this point was a villain - just got her freaking happy ending WITHOUT ANY HELP FROM THAT DAMN AUTHOR!

(Killian Jones, take a bow, you heroic pirate, you).

Everybody clears out - and here we come to the second way in which Operation: Mongoose was not in fact rendered completely moot. Remember how I said Hook's got his happy ending and I was wondering why no one was paying attention to that fact all the while running around like a bunch of crazies looking for this freaking author when all they had to do was stop and wonder - "Wait... how the hell did he manage it?" Well - while that still isn't entirely an unprofitable line of inquiry, Killian himself is starting to ask that question. And if you ever wondered why I ship Captain Swan so much - I would say look no further than this scene WHICH WILL COMPLETELY TEAR YOUR HEART TO PIECES AND YOU WILL LOVE EVERY MOMENT OF IT!



PUNCH ME IN THE FACE AND BURY ME WHERE I STAND I CANNOT WITH YOU TWO ANYMORE (but I will because you are the freaking BEST on this or any show EVER!)

If that wasn't an "I love you," then I don't know what is.

Beyond my *happy fangirling*, though - just look at this for a minute. NOT ONCE does Killian imply that he wants to the author to give him his happy ending. If Killian Jones wants something, he goes out and gets it himself - or he works damn hard to get it. And until now, he's never thought that he could lose his happiness because of something that's outside his control. Yes, he's worked to become a better person and leave his villainous persona behind and seek redemption - but what if that's not enough? What if it's too late to prove himself? Despite assurances from Emma and everybody else that he is indeed a hero, it's possible that Killian could totally lose everything he's worked so hard to fix. I mean, name one thing (besides the thing with the pistol in the Jolly - which totally didn't work) that Killian did in the present day in this episode that would be considered villainous? He gave Ursula back her voice, he helped her make amends with her father, he's consistently been on the side of good - yet he still thinks of himself as a bad guy.

And then you have Emma, who up to this moment STILL doesn't think that she's anybody's happy ending. I mean - Emma, honey - DO YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE TO ASK? And the answer is - yes. Honestly - she really does. She's never been loved by anyone like this - she doesn't trust easily and she doesn't open herself up that often. I think she still has that fear in the back of her mind that she's going to wake up one morning and Killian's going to be gone, just like every other guy she's trusted with her heart. I mean, these two have both been through so much crap and now they've each finally found another person who cares about them deeply - and the ONLY REASON they could lose this wonderful little thing that they because of a bunch of stupid villains who can't get their own crap together. BUT BY DAMN THEY ARE GOING TO FIGHT FOR EACH OTHER AND THAT IS TRUE FREAKING LOVE RIGHT THERE!

So, this sets up for more drama and angst, but I figured it was coming because, hell, Snowing had their challenges to face. How could Captain Swan (or Outlaw Queen, for that matter) expect to do any less? Personally, I cannot WAIT for this story to unfold - and I'm still hoping for Rumple to get impaled on his own dagger (nobody has to actually stab him with it. He could just be running and trips and he stabs himself. Problem solved)

Other Things I Liked/Noticed -

- I knew the Outlaw Queen reunion was a sham - but I theorized that it was Rumple impersonating Robin the same was he did Killian. I didn't think it'd be a dream sequence. Either way, I'm glad we got to see Robin Hood again, even if it wasn't for very long.

- Hook and Will trading jabs at Gold's Shop. Yes, please - give me more!

- "I'm good at surviving or you're just bad at killing." HOOK WINS ALL THE THINGS!

- Cruella was surprisingly quiet through all of this, but she had some lovely moments - like totally lusting after August. I like to keep my blog on the clean side of PG-13, but I think you can imagine where this crack ship could go.

- And this -

I don't care who you are - that's Twue Wuv, right there. (gif source)

Next Time -

Remember how "Smash The Mirror" was such an important Emma episode for how she sees herself and her relationship with her family? I think "Best Laid Plans" is going to go in that direction as well. But that's just a guess -



Buckle in, kiddos because CRAP IS GETTING REAL!

*runs off to watch that Captain Swan ending again*

The Heart of Gold Shines

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time 4.08, "Smash the Mirror" - Spoilers!

[A Quick Note On My Subject Line: I've been (kind of trickily) using lyrics from Frozen to head up my Once Upon a Time reviews this half-season. I couldn't really think of one to fit this episode, though (not one that I hadn't already used). But then I remembered the song the choir sings at Elsa's coronation - "Heimr Amadalr." The lyrics are Old Norse and I found the translation here (it's a great article about Norse music and chants and well-worth a read - guess HISHE got a few things wrong in their Frozen parody video). Anyway, I chose this particular lyric in honor of Emma learning to love herself and control her powers. And it has nothing to do with anyone else. And I mean absolutely NO ONE else, so get that idea out of your head right now.]

You know, if Once had more two-hour long episodes, I would watch the hell out of that. They do some pretty amazing stuff with more time to flesh out storylines. Also, some pretty painful stuff. But that comes with the territory.

First off all - Rumplestiltskin -

Now that's out of my system (for now).

One of the things I've enjoyed most about the Once meets Frozen is how seamlessly the Frozen storyline has paralleled what's been going on in Storybrooke. I've talked about how (before I knew Frozen was coming to Once) that I thought there were a lot of parallels between Queen Elsa and Emma Swan. Especially about magic and learning to love yourself and accepting the love others have for you too. And - oh man - did this episode deliver on that parallel. And I'm glad that I wasn't the only one seeing that as well.

Something that Once excels at is the ability to parallel the past with the present. Usually, the parallels happen because the fairy tale characters' stories are running alongside their modern day counterparts - but this time, it's more thematic than character-driven. Sure, Elsa's in both stories, but her role is vastly different in both scenarios. It's like they're already telling us what's going to happen in the present by showing us what happened in the past. It's quite clever and a lot of fun to watch.

Another thing - I'm glad that this season takes place after the events of the movie. I'm glad that Elsa and Anna (and Kristoff, of course) have already experienced all that growth that came from Anna's sacrifice of true love. Earlier this week, ABC put out a sneak peek of Elsa coming to see Anna in the prison cell and Elsa was all about "Aunt Ingrid said you attacked her and you're a terrible awful sister and you're going to be punished!" I called "shenanigans" on that one because - that wouldn't make a lick of sense (unless Ingrid was doing something pretty damn shady to get Elsa to believe her over her sister). But, luckily it turned out that Elsa was smarter than that and she had a plan (*insert "called it!" happy dance here* And it was a pretty ingenious plan.

Back in Storybrooke - well, let's deal with some... not exactly happy things. Actually, it makes life even more complicated, but that's what were here for. Robin and Regina have reconciled as much as they can (off-screen. On a family show) - which, while that's great for the shippers (and I count myself among the Outlaw Queen fans), man, that makes things tough in reality. Though it's interesting that Regina recruited Robin to be part of Operation: Mongoose and finding the author of the book. And boy, did that plot escalate quickly. Again - Once plays the long game with this stuff. I'm sure this will come back to be resolved in Season 4B (the eternal optimist side of me says so anyway).

Elsewhere, Emma's still missing. Henry does find her, but her magic's still going absolutely nuts and she accidentally hurts him, which leads her to go find Mr. Gold for a solution.

Excuse me -

And for those of us who've been paying attention this season and Know What's Up - the solution that Gold doesn't-suggest involves Emma being sucked into the Sorcerer's Hat Of DOOM! But yes, her magic won't be able to hurt anybody ever again! No problem.

(what a jackass)

To Emma's everlasting credit, she calls home and tells her folks that, yes, everything's going to be peachy! Getting rid of my magic, Mom and Dad! Be home in time for dinner!

(what gets me is that David and Mary Margaret actually thought this was a good idea. Man, the idiot ball is strong in Storybrooke tonight).

With Team Charming benching themselves in this round (to be fair, Henry's kind of got a good reason), it's up to Hook and Elsa - in their own individual ways - to step in and be there for Emma.

Of course, Killian knows precisely what Rumple's got going on. Because he was there the first time that lying sack of horse manure used the hat. So, he goes to Gold's shop to corner the wily old Crocodile (and yes, I jumped about ten feet in the air when Killian barged into the shop, shouting for Gold to show himself. There has never been a reason for Killian to be so pissed, but damn if it wasn't delicious to watch). Problem is, Gold isn't there. And neither is Emma. And what follows is the most heartbreaking scene in the history of heartbreak and if Colin O'Donoghue doesn't get nominated for a all the awards next year simply on the strength of his performance in this episode, there is zero justice in the world and I don't want to live on this planet anymore. That phone call where Killian confesses everything about the hat and Gold and the dagger and the blackmail - I mean, that would be enough. But there's that last line where he says he hopes Emma doesn't forgive him because that means she got the message in time to save herself. I had to think about that one - why in the world wouldn't she forgive him? But - in an episode that revolves around loving yourself and believing that you are enough - Killian Jones simply doesn't believe that he is good enough for anyone, least of all Emma Swan. Sure, he's got that cocky attitude and confident swagger - but that's all just for show. Deep down, he still thinks of himself as someone who's done awful things and been consumed with revenge and there's no coming back from that. Even now, even after all the heroic things he's done - he still believes that he is nothing more than a villain.

And here, my friends, this is why Killian is my favorite Once character. This is why I completely buy into the character twists the writers have given Captain Hook, even when I'm still a little iffy on Rumple and the Evil Queen. You want villains? Okay, villains - there you go. All kinds of motives to do bad things and get in the way of happy endings and all that schtick. Rumple just goes after more power - even after he promised on his son's grave that he would try to be a better man in honor of Neal's memory (well, that all went to shit after this episode, didn't it?) Regina - well, Regina tried to do good at the end of Season 3, but that went flying out the window at the first sign of trouble. She blames the author of some magical book and not herself for her own choices and her response to those setbacks. Killian - what does he do? Completely fesses up to his mistakes, even when he thinks it's going to cost him the one person that he cares about more than anything else, including himself.

And even after all that - Emma never got his message.

Speaking of Emma - that Snow Queen's twisted as all get out. I mean, yes, we got her tragic backstory last week. But, again, her response to trials and setbacks doesn't exactly recommend her for sympathy. If anything, I'm voting with Elsa and Anna to get that chick back in the magic urn.

Yeah - still not loving the whole idea of her making up her own family and forcing people to be part of it. I mean... really??

So, Emma makes a really crappy choice. One that the Snow Queen doesn't want her to make. And at this point, I'm torn. Rumple and Ingrid both are at odds with each other and I don't want either of them to get what they want. Who do I root for? The obvious answer is Emma - but what she thinks is going to make her happy isn't really going to solve the problem. In fact, it'll probably make things even worse. But keeping her magic - well, she can probably do a lot more with her magic than locked away in that old hat.

But we're forgetting one key player in all this. Someone who has magic and who's had it go berserk on her and who learned to control her emotions and, thus, control her magic. Someone who, long before it was officially announced she was going to be part of this story, I believed would have some wisdom and advice to impart to Emma - if only some intrepid fan fiction writer would oblige.

People - this is why Queen Elsa of Arendelle was brought on Once Upon a Time. Because she's been exactly where Emma is. Scared of herself, scared for those she loves, trying to run away (which, remember, up until last season was Emma's go-to solution for everything). Elsa did what nobody - not even Regina - could do. She showed Emma how to accept herself. And absolutely everything about herself. Her magic, yes, but also her past and her mistakes and her doubts - everything that makes Emma who she is.

Oh wait - I have a song that goes along with this. Hang on -



What's incredible about this is that Elsa is virtually a stranger to Emma. Sure, they've grown to be best friends throughout this season, but there are people who've been in Emma's corner for a lot longer. I guess it takes someone you just met to point out what your loved ones have been pointing out forever before you finally believe it (and this is not a dig at Emma. How many times has a parent or sibling or other family member said something to you and you just dismiss it as "Oh, you have to say that" and you ignore it?) But because it's Elsa saying these encouraging things to Emma and pointing out that she's been able to control her magic even without Anna around - there's something to be said for speaking from experience. It's like - Emma couldn't believe in true love before she met her parents and learned their story that she could believe in it for herself (that's what last season's finale was about). This season, Emma had to learn for herself that her magic was a good thing and it was part of her - it's not just a tool to be used in last-resort emergency situations.

And she can even make fun and pretty things with it. Like fireworks. Happy 4th of July, Storybrooke!

(okay, it's probably actually March, but you get the idea).

Other Things I Liked/Noticed -

- Robin Hood and Will Scarlet "breaking into" the library. During normal business hours. Good job, boys.

- This is me putting on my librarian hat - Why in the name of all that is good and holy is The Cat in the Hat shelved next to the car repair manuals?? Belle - what kind of cataloging system are you even using?? The Drunk-and-Passed-Out-in-the-Gutter system?

- Regina owes someone a quarter. No-effing-kidding.

- Elsa believing in Anna up until her very last moment before she's completely sucked into that urn. My heart...

- Someone on Tumblr pointed this out - when Emma takes Elsa's hand, the rainbow-light-magic-wave of True Love magic spiraled out. This is because Emma is the Product of True Love(tm) and that's what her magic is made of. I thought that was a nice touch.

It kind of feels like we're at a turning point here. And here I'm going to get into the part of the episode that had the RAGE MONSTER rearing its ugly head. Because here is yet another exhibit of Why I Hate Rumplestiltskin and Wish All Manner of Death and Destruction Upon His Head. Emma's fine - she didn't choose Door #1 and get hit with the mother of all zonks! and things are going to be okay. But Rumple's got Killian tied up in an effort to stop him from going after Emma. Killian's back to being all swagger and confidence and "yeah - eff you Dark One!" And this is where I'm back to being quite concerned for my favorite pirate captain. Because Rumple is a pain in the ass and he lives to cause grief in my life. Apparently, so does Ingrid. Because that little bit of info she whispered to Rumple last week? I knew it was going to come back and smack Killian in the head. And - behold - I hate it when I'm right.

(PS - Did anyone else twig that the last time Rumple had Killian tied up at the same time he's working to kill someone Killian loves was clear back in Season 2 when Rumple killed Milah? I could have happily gone my entire life without making that connection, but since I had it pointed out to me, I need to share the suffering. You're welcome).

Rumple rips out Killian's heart (Killian's bright and shining and pure heart, it must be said) and now, he's got himself a puppet that he can use without resorting to blackmail. And... I don't like where this is going. Because if Rumple can use Killian's heart to free himself from the dagger... Killian's either going to be trapped in the hat or dead. And since the writers would be batshit insane to kill off one of their most popular characters, I predict that Season 4B is going involve Killian being separated from Emma in some way because of that rat bastard Rumple and Emma's going to have to go on some kind of rescue mission to get him back (details not important at this stage). One thing's for sure - there is angst ahead for the good ship Captain Swan. And while I'm glad to see this because it means there's some deliciously wonderful storytelling coming for my favorites - it also means that this is going to hurt and it's going to hurt bad.

(I couldn't even fully enjoy Emma and Killian's little reunion because I knew that Rumple had Killian's heart in his pocket and I was constantly waiting for something terrible to happen because Rumple now has the means to control Killian and anything Rumple has control over is mucho no bueno).

For now - I have two weeks to stew in my rage and shouting and DAMN YOU RUMPLE! before the next episode.



(they enjoy my suffering).

***

People Don't Really Change

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time 4.04 "The Apprentice" - Spoilers!

"Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at its zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us." - from "A Christmas Story"

I had a whole review (more or less) written up about this episode last night. But after stewing about what happened (plus rewatching it a couple of times), I've figured out more or less what I think is going on. Hint: If you think my subject line is referring to anybody but Rumplestiltskin, you are sorely mistaken and I am going to tell you why.

Head Games

If all we had to go by in interpreting what's happening were the events in present day Storybrooke, then most of the blame for everything wrong would lie solely at the feet of Killian Jones. And I admit, I was more than a little ticked off at my precious puppy pirate last week (I am miffed that Rumple took my term of endearment for Hook and turned it into a snide comment, but whatever). However, we also had a flashback to the Enchanted Forest involving Anna of Arendelle. And the key thing about this "Once Is Frozen" story arc is that while Once Upon a Time is not technically doing a straight-up Frozen sequel, they are comparing how the Frozen story parallels with what's going on in Storybrooke right now. Like I've said before, the similarities and the comparisons are so obvious, it would have been a crime not to draw those parallels this season. This go-round, Princess Anna who is the Nicest Nice to Ever Nice going to the Bane of All Our Existences to find out why her parents made the trek to Mist Haven.

In flashback, Rumple is the tried-and-true piece of trash manipulator that we have all come to know and despise. He manipulates good people into doing terrible things. He makes Anna believe that he's sent her to poison the Apprentice, but he really sent her in with the antidote to the poison he's already administered. He tries to make her think that she's succumbed to her inner darkness, which she laughs off because she says she never intended to poison the Apprentice - joke's on you Dark One! But then he brings out that damn contract she signed and tells her only way out of the contract is to kill him. So OF COURSE she's going to think about killing Rumple! And Rumple uses that to get the magic he needs to break into the Sorcerer's Vault (that's what I'm calling it) and steal the Hat Box (that's what I'm calling that too), leaving Anna to feel completely guilty and full of doubt over what she's done. And as a bonus for Rumple - he's also fed her more doubt over her parents possibly being afraid of Elsa and them wanting to find a way to remove her powers. Which, to Anna, would be tantamount to cutting off Elsa's hand. Or something (look, I was trying to work in a hand pun - given what I'm going to address next).

"Unlike me, you haven't changed one bit. Crocodile."

So if Anna of Arendelle - who doesn't have a speck of darkness in her at all and has never struggled with such - can be manipulated by Rumple into believing that she is the Worst Possible Person In All Of Our Lifetimes and Beyond, what chance does the selfish-and-sinister-but-working-on-being-reformed Captain Hook have of coming out of Rumple's convoluted head games unscathed? Even if Killian does think he's got plenty to blackmail Rumple over. Given the way Rumple switched out the real dagger with the fake one that Belle still has (more than likely) - it's highly possible that Killian still has the upper hand (nope, those hand puns aren't going away anytime soon. Not even sorry).

I already did a quick review of the actual Getting Hook's Hand Back scene when the clip was released earlier in the week. The kicker of that scene (according to me) was Killian pointing out that Rumple hasn't really changed from being the sinister Dark One, but Killian is no longer that awful, terrible pirate. And he's absolutely right - while he may not be completely free of it, Killian has proven time and again that his inner darkness is something that he wants to be rid of. Which is a huge part of the battle - it's the desire to do better. Even when you make stupid mistakes - like thinking you can blackmail the Dark One into giving you your hand back and nothing bad will come of it.

But one of Hook's defining characteristics is his cocky, arrogant attitude - which has softened in recent storylines, but it's still very much a part of who he is (and, frankly, if he ever really lost that part of his personality, he just wouldn't be as fun to watch). But it's also a facade to mask all his insecurities. I mean, why does he even want his hand back at all? Because Emma's asked him out on a date. And even though they've both been pretty open and honest with each other all through their relationship (well, so far - it's been a long time in coming) - Killian still on some level thinks that he isn't good enough for Emma. He's gone to great lengths for her - he went back to Neverland for her (which he probably swore he'd never do when he finally left that place), he saved her father from Dreamshade, he sold his ship to get back to her, he faced down the Wicked Witch, he followed her into a time portal - man, I don't know how he could possibly think that he isn't good enough for her. But - the mind is a tricky thing. And sometimes, no matter how often you prove yourself or how much other people tell you that you're good enough, there's always that little voice in your mind trying to bring all that progress crashing down.

Bella Notte

Really, the story of Hook and Emma is the story of two outsiders finding a place to belong. For all Emma is the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, she's never felt like she's anything special until recently. Hook's pretty much always lost everything he's ever cared about and he's cultivated this loner reputation (along with the fearsome pirate reputation - I guess those go together pretty well). And even though they've already been through so much, actually going out on a formal date where there's no magic or monsters or threats (they hope) and enjoying a nice quiet evening together is a pretty big deal. They both dress up - Emma adorably nervous about how she looks (and bonus points to Snow and Charming for being the incredibly embarrassing parents), Hook gets a new wardrobe (the squeals of hundreds of fangirls - myself included - echoed across the land).

Oh - and you know the best thing? Emma doesn't even notice that Killian's got his hand back! At least, not until Mama Snow prompts her to notice that he's holding out a single red rose for her with his left hand (*squish*). And she has basically the same reaction when he's comes back with the hook instead, of the hand - Emma sees Killian first, everything else comes after that. And someone pointed out last episode in the end scene where they're kissing in front of Granny's, Killian grabs Emma's arm with his hook and she doesn't even flinch. She just accepts that as part of him and moves on because she loves him, flaws (seen and unseen) and all. I'm sure we'll see this aspect of their relationship played out as time goes on, which is going to be absolutely wonderful.

So, they finally get out on the date. Hold on...

I probably will later, though.

(It's Captain Swan Date Night - how could I not?)

Okay, I just adore how Once Upon a Time has some kind of officially unofficial mandate to get a reference to every classic Disney movie in the show. Even the ones that aren't technically fairy tales. So, yeah - totally getting the Lady and the Tramp theme here. And if you don't think it's the most adorable thing ever, you have no soul (even the waiters in the restaurant were dressed like the guys from the movie!) And because I need something sweet to cry about -



(punch me in the face and bury me where I stand - I seriously cannot handle this)

This was me at approximately 6:15 pm MDT.

The date was perfect. We Captain Swan shippers are most certainly going to be going over every little moment and nuance of the date scenes in the restaurant and afterward (given the utter crapstorm that comes in later - look, just let us have this!) Even Will Scarlet running out of the restaurant and knocking a glass of wine over on Emma's dress couldn't completely ruin things. And I say this, even though Killian nearly choked the life out of the guy because his "cursed" hand made him do it (I'll scream about this in a minute).

Oh - and the doorstep scene. Don't get me started on that. Perfect from start to finish. Killian even asks Emma out on a second date (whether or not that actually gets to happen... well, that's another story). And yes, Emma most certainly needs her own place.

(ps - Snow and Charming were waiting up for Emma when she came home and there is nothing about this that isn't emotional and happy).

Good Times Never Last

But the night isn't over. Killian runs into Will again when Will's trying to break into the library. And Killian actually punches Will's lights out. The way all these moments played out - there is no way that hand wasn't cursed. Or that something wonky wasn't going on. Either way, Killian gets scared about what is happening to him and he goes back to Rumple to ask him to take back the hand. And again - we're back to playing Rumple's mind games. It's all these old grudges coming back to haunt them both - they've hated each other for so long that neither of them can (wait for it...) let it go. So, Rumple makes another deal with Killian after claiming that he switched the dagger back again (look, at some point, Belle is going to notice that something is going on. She's not stupid. Rumple, you friggin' ass), so Killian supposedly has zilch on Rumple. And just like Anna, Killian thinks he's got no choice but to accept Rumple's deal - otherwise, he might actually hurt somebody and Killian's come far enough that he doesn't want that to happen.

The next morning (and how heartbreaking is it that Killian spent the night on a bench near the docks - there could be a whole analysis on that), Rumple drags Killian off to help him scare some nice old man, who turns out to be the Sorcerer's Apprentice that Anna met up with in the Enchanted Forest flashbacks. Well, Rumple's got the Hat Box and he's got revenge to enact against the Apprentice. Turns out, the Sorcerer's hat can trap people with magic inside, which is precisely what Rumple does to the Apprentice.

And I'm sitting here going - why did you need Killian to come along on this little mission? Other than to be the intimidating dumb muscle (which pisses me off to no end, quite frankly). Then I get to thinking - and this gets brought up later - yes, Killian did threaten to tell Belle that Rumple was lying to her. He did threaten to muck up their marriage. And now that things are going really good with Emma - Rumple's got something he can hold over Killian's head if he so wishes. Emma's got magic. The hat could be a threat against her. So, unless Killian wants something bad to happen to Emma, I guess Rumple's going to continue playing his stupid games and Killian really doesn't have a way out of it. So, he has no choice but to keep playing Rumple's minion - and... oh crap - this is just like Season 2, isn't it??

Excuse me...

A Humble Request

Okay, Once Upon a Time writers - can we just have a heart to heart for a second here?  Do you remember last season when I was all annoyed and pissed off that we were revisiting Neal and Rumple angst for the umpteeth time and why couldn't we be done with this damn plotline already??? And then Season 3B happened and we got something new with Rumple and everything just felt right? And I was eternally impressed with "The Jolly Roger" episode and all the character development and awesomely cool stuff you were doing with Hook and that became my favorite episode ever??? Do you remember all that?

I know it's still early in this season and that you all thrive on the long game and I have no way of knowing where this is going. But if Season 4 Hook is just going to be Rumple's minion and running off to do Rumple's dirty work because of this stupid guilt trip and karma doesn't come back to bite Rumple in the ass big time - I think you and I are going to have some issues. I sat through all that in Season 2 with Hook going back and forth between Cora and Regina and even those two morons from "The Home Office" (whatever the hell that was supposed to be) - and he is so damn better than that!

I serve notice on you all - you've got two episodes (only because I've seen a few spoilers and those make me think this is going to happen in the next two) - Killian Jones better be spilling the beans to Emma about this whole situation so she and the Charmings can help him out of it. We did the whole "Hook keeping secrets from Emma" thing last season and that was fine for what it was, but this is a new season with new stuff and you've done really well so far. Do NOT blow it now!

Okay - I'm done. I'm good.

Other Things I Liked/Noticed

- Anyone else think it was awesomely hilarious that Rumple turned the Sorcerer's Apprentice into a mouse?

We're all thinking it. I'm just saying it.

- Anna is no pushover. I love that she got hold of the dagger and made Rumple send her back home - with the Hat Box (thank goodness). And we get the sweetest little reunion between her and Kristoff (with bonus commentary from Sven - seriously, just give the reindeer all the awards).

- Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but did this thing with Henry at the beginning bug anyone else? Why wouldn't he be okay with Emma asking Killian out on a date? I mean, I know he's all hyped up on Operation Mongoose and helping Regina find the author of the book - but... yeah... that was weird (if anyone has any insight - I'm open to suggestions).

The Dark One Lies, The Dark One Tricks

Rumple is a total and complete piece of shit. I never liked him before and this episode sealed my opinion of that rat bastard. Just so we're clear on that. If he is meant to be fully redeemed, it's going to take some big-time groveling to get to that point (at least, as far as I'm concerned). I do not for one second believe that Killian's hand was not cursed. Like I said earlier, the way those scenes were played and framed and even the music - there was definitely something weird going on. And it all comes down to Rumple planting seeds of doubt and despair in Killian's mind - though maybe it's less about planting doubts and actually feeding the doubts that are already there. It started when Killian wanted his hand back for his date with Emma and Rumple's just toying with those evident insecurities. And I want to kick Rumple for doing that at all.

However - in a huge shift from last season, this means that Emma's going to have to fight for Killian - to prove to him that he is more than good enough for her (for reference, please see all of Season 3). Personally, I kind of hoped that we'd see something like this where Emma finally admits to herself that she loves Killian and she'd do anything for him, just like he'd do anything for her. We've already seen a lot of that in these first few episodes, but their first huge test is coming. And maybe this is the start of it - where Killian feels like he has to push Emma away because he doesn't deserve her and he doesn't trust himself not to hurt her. So, it'll be up to Emma to convince Killian that she doesn't care about what he "might" do or what he "could" do. And, really, I think she's already started.

(How can you not ship these two? They just fit).

However (again) - there is a bit of a wildcard. Because Henry - sweet, innocent, awesome Henry - is going undercover in Gold's Shop. And this is merely speculation, but I wonder if Henry isn't going to find out what Rumple really did and he's going to help get Killian out of this situation. Even though Henry is all over Operation Mongoose, there was a reason that he was there for Emma when she went to ask Killian out. He is still very much on Team Emma's Happiness and Killian makes her happy (even if I still don't get that whole Henry not okay with Emma asking Killian out - again, someone explain this to me).

Basically - 

The first three episodes were all about establishing Emma and Hook's relationship - that where it was very new and exciting at first, it's also quite solid. Which is good, because they are both in for some high-end angst (and I didn't even mention anything about Emma nearly wrecking her car because of Snow Queen Prime's ice slick in the street or everyone searching Storybrooke census records for Anna). Truly, I did ask for this. I hoped that there would be an amazing Captain Swan storyline in Season 4 and so far, I'm quite pleased with it. They've managed to evoke every emotion from me that's possible in a good romantic storyline - happiness, excitement, fear, anger, sadness. And they're all very strong emotions (if you were to film me watching Once Upon a Time, you wouldn't be able to understand a single word I said. It's not so much words as high-pitched squeaking, though). This continues to be my favorite part of the story and I am here for it - no matter what happens.

STILL NOT OVER IT! (source)

(Even if I break Tumblr with my keysmashing).