They Call Him Barkeep

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time Episode 6.15 "A Wondrous Place" - SPOILERS!

Never miss a chance to appreciate a good "ayebrow" :)

As much angst as they tried to put into this episode - it really wasn't that sad. Or suspenseful. And I never felt like there was a whole lot at stake here (except for one thing, which is probably obvious). Don't get me wrong - that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy the episode. In fact, it was quite fun!

The prospect of Princess Jasmine and Ariel working together fills my Disney fangirl heart with much glee and joy. Along with Belle, those two were the Disney Princesses of my formative years (though I don't know out OUAT!Belle would have been able to join the party, given that she has other things in this storyline to worry about. And yes, that is a welcome concept). So, Jasmine and Ariel are besties and it's great!

The only thing in this episode I could even be remotely worried over is the good ship Captain Swan. After last week's *headdesk*-inducing stupidity, I really couldn't stop rolling my eyes at Emma and everyone thinking that Hook had abandoned her. Okay - fine. He kept a secret and wasn't sure how to tell the truth, or even if he should (again, would it have been really so horrible if Hook had just kept quiet about Charming's dad? Years had passed, everyone had grieved and moved on. I'm just... GAH!)

But AFTER EVERYTHING YOU TWO HAVE BEEN THROUGH - how can you possibly think that he would have just taken off or that any of this was solely his fault? Other than the fact that Emma pretty much told him to pound sand. And Storybrooke is not that big of a town.

I dunno - there's been plenty of Idiot Ball being thrown around the last few weeks. I still can't believe that this almost become too much for Emma and Killian to overcome. Sure, they can face down giants and demonic Lost Boys and wicked witches and evil queens and dark magic and the FREAKING DEPTHS OF HELL for each other. But one minor misunderstanding? That's what nearly kills your relationship?

BLAH! And again I say BLAH!

I did appreciate drunk!Snow playing darts with those viking dudes, though. That was fun.

As for the Aladdin and Jasmine plotline - it was a good sideshow from the manufactured Captain Swan drama. I did appreciate the parts with Aladdin and Jasmine separately trying to get relationship advice from Killian and Killian just being annoyed with them. It was also nice to have their True Love story work out the way it did as well. I mean, that was basically a foregone conclusion, once Jasmine figured out what the crap was going on.

Also - Oded Fehr as Jafar.

Yep. That is all.

Just how fun was he as Genie-Jafar? As though I couldn't love him even more! And I don't typically like evil villains. But, it's Oded Fehr! Come on!

(I think I need him and Victoria "Cruella" Smurfit to come back and snark at each other. I would enjoy that very much).

I'm trying to think if these kinds of last-minute misdirects have been part of OUAT for a while and I'm just now noticing them, or if they've just gotten better at doing them. Because I figured Aesop-as-the-bartender was just a way for Emma to voice out loud what bothered her the most about Killian leaving.

BUT THEN, we end up with him really being Gideon and he has the "tears of the Savior" (since when is that a thing? Good grief - making up magic rules as we go...) So that means that Killian can't come back until Emma does what he wants?

And it's like - Oh NOW Gideon wants to ask for help? After he's been a jackhole and threatened everyone and been a general annoying pain-in-the-neck?

If he'd gone the "ask for help" route before, I'm certain Emma and Team Storybrooke would have been more amenable to giving him what he wanted. As it is, he's just been a smarmy, petulant, little Justin Bieber clone that nobody (except his parents, I guess) wants around. And he almost broke Emma and Killian up, which I can never forgive.

Moral of the Story: You can never go back to a first impression.

Next week -



Oh - and why did Ariel keep the ring after Agrabah was freed from it? Might that come in handy later?

Hold onto that thought.

Running Away From Your Problems

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time Episode 6.14 "Page 23" - SPOILERS!

Isn't it nice when a show FINALLY voices what you've known about a character FOR FOUR SEASONS???

Welcome to Once Upon A Time - where the audience knows more than the people actually writing the damn show.

Sigh... anyway.

Last week when I saw the promo for this episode, I figured this was going to be yet another cheap installment of "Regina vs Her Own Darkness" and bemoaning how she never gets a happy ending and she's an evil villain and can't ever be redeemed... blah, blah, blah....

If you've been following this show for any length of time, you know the drill by now.

I really didn't expect the Evil Queen storyline to be taken care of, though. I thought they'd just put off the problem to be solved another day (or never, the way these people are practically married to the old hag). So, I will register my complete and utter surprise that the Writers Room actually said - YES! Regina is OFFICIALLY redeemed and is No Longer A Villain! (at least, not in the traditional way).

Thanks for putting your stamp on something that's been official in the minds of your audience for a good four YEARS, guys.

I did like the twist that Regina needed to love herself to finally achieve happiness. That's a theme that's severely lacking, not just in popular culture, but in the world at large. Seeing as my job is to cover news and politics (and I'll try not to get too political here - I reserve that for other forums), I see this nearly every day. People are upset because Politician A said this, or Politician B did that, or Political Event X didn't go the way they wanted, so now they have to throw a hissy fit and act like immature children and annoy people with their bullshit. And it's not even the big political stuff - the internet is fueled by outrage culture on every side of the political spectrum. You HAVE to be pissed off at someone else's mistakes and you never, ever, ever, EVER try to look at it from their perspective. Heaven forbid you stop and think about the times that you did something stupid and, but for the grace of God, your misstep didn't become public fodder for some clickbait tabloid covered with janky internet advertisements.

Nope. Everyone has to be upset about EVERYTHING. Too much looking outward for outside causes to their problems, while never considering that their discontent with their own lives might actually be more internal. And lest you think I'm pointing fingers, I am very well aware of these failings in myself. I hate to admit it, but there are moments where I feel like I'm the worst human being on the planet and I will never achieve my glorious happy ending (or happy continuation, as I like to think of it) because I'm just not good enough at... whatever I'm trying to be good at.

In fact - going back to a moment in this episode, the one where Evil!Regina modified Cupid's arrow to find the person she hated the most and she ended up looking in a mirror - I've wondered sometimes if that's really why I hate looking in mirrors. Not because I find them creepy or disconcerting, but because I don't want to look at myself any more than I have to.

Okay... that went somewhere I wasn't expecting it to go. But I guess that's a sign of a really good story - it makes you look at yourself and helps you learn and grow in ways that aren't immediately obvious. Maybe help you find out things that very few people think about. Sure, it's easy to measure success in terms of career or family or hobbies. But even those successes don't ring true forever (goodness knows I've been blessed with good things in my life, but I don't always feel like I am) and you have to find your self-worth from within, not from how amazing other people think you are.

That's kind of why I think the whole self-esteem movement is full of BS. That was all about telling people they're special snowflakes and to ignore all the negativity and haters and critics. Nobody ever internalized it, so when they did run into problems, they - well - they ignored the criticism and refused to learn from the experience and just complained about it. By contrast, self-worth comes from a place of accepting your flaws and weaknesses and making them work for you, instead of sitting down and whining that life isn't fair because you had a bad day or something. That's why there are people who have encountered horrible things like debilitating illness, cancer, terrible accidents, sudden deaths of loved ones - but they still remain happy and positive and grateful for the things they do have.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that your happiness is dependent on your outlook on life. That's something that I'm working on learning and balancing with all the other things that I do.

For all the things I complain about with this show, that's honestly why I come back to it. For gems like this one. Keep in mind - the only reason Regina hated Snow was because Snow told a secret when she was a child and it led to the death of someone Regina cared about. Horrible, yes. But an innocent mistake that Snow White never thought would have the consequences that it did. Not when she was so young, anyway. The villain in that situation is - and always will be - Cora. And she's been dealt with already. So, no need to continue beating that dead horse. Literally.

(I may or may not be calling Cora a "horse." I've called her worse, so shush.)

And then... there's Captain Swan...

...sigh... what am I going to DO with you two?

Okay - I can understand why Killian is conflicted about the situation he's in. I really can. He's the type of person who would feel guilty about his past bad actions. He would feel like he needs to pay for his mistakes. Eye for an eye, and all that.

But the fact that he does feel bad and that he feels like he is unworthy of Emma and the accompanying happiness that a life with her would bring him is precisely why he is worthy and deserving of such! He accepts

When Emma found out about Killian's role in her grandfather's death (a grandfather that she never knew, by the way), I actually thought her attitude about it was going to make things okay - reminding Killian that Snow and Charming would forgive him and they knew that he was a changed man and that wasn't the kind of person he was anymore. But THEN - she has to go "If you can't trust my family, then we can't be together."

Really, Emma? REALLY????

So, Killian seeks out Captain Nemo and the Nautilus (I forgot that they were still in town, honestly) and resolves to leave Storybrooke with the crew of the submarine "To go out and find himself" so he can prove he's worthy of Emma and her family. Because running away from your problems is the PERFECT way to fix your life.

WHAT ARE YOU TWO CHUCKLEHEADS DOING???? You have gone to hell and back for each other - quite literally! If you two STILL don't know that you are the best things that happen to one another, there is NOTHING that is going to convince you that you both are deserving of being happy!

GOOD GRIEF I AM SO DONE.

The good news is that Snow (unknowingly) intervenes with her typical bubbly "I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO!" personality and that reminds Killian that he's being an ass (and so is Emma, in her own way) and it's time for him to patch things up with Emma and proceed with this engagement as originally planned.

The only mistake from here on out is Killian saying goodbye to Nemo and company on board the Nautilus - but that's only because Gideon is a piece of cow excrement and he took over the Nautilus operating systems in order to send Killian away from Storybrooke and Emma (apparently, True Love is what's going to save Emma from Gideon and the Black Fairy. GEE, WHO WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING??)

Which, I'm all... once the sub is far enough away, couldn't Nemo and crew just take control back and zip back to Storybrooke? I'm sure there's some loophole that's going to be abused in the next episode. Because - DAMMIT, this SUCKS!

Next time -



If I don't see Gideon's head on a pike at some point, I'm going to be royally pissed.

The Strange Case of Discount Martin Freeman

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time Episodes 5.22-5.23: "Only You"/"An Untold Story - SPOILERS!

It's taken me the better part of a week to get up the motivation to write this review. Part of that is because it was my birthday on Tuesday *confetti* But also, it was due to the sheer underwhelmedness (that's a word now) that I felt watching this finale. I probably ought to change the title, but it's one of the two things about this finale that I actually liked.

Sigh... where to begin?

This whole stupid two-parter was just plot. Not even very good plot. Basically, it was checklist storytelling. Like "Oh crap, we need the characters in these positions by the time Season 6 premieres and they aren't there so.... PANIC!!"

Seriously - there is ZERO fallout from Robin Hood's death, no emotional closure there. Regina doesn't even get to say a proper goodbye to Roland or the Merry Men or ANYBODY. It's just "Oh, sorry kid. Your almost-new-mom is off with her blonde BFF on a wild goose chase. So, off through the portal with you. Your last paycheck is in the mail!"

Goodbye adorable Hobbit child. You deserved so much better.

Bad form, OUAT. Just bad form.

Also - and I hate to rag on these young actors because they don't really deserve it, but Henry and Violet were just bad in this episode. Like, middle-school play bad. Is it just because Jared Gilmore is usually around the older cast members and they can make his stiff acting look better? Can he just not carry a scene by himself? Did he get extremely poor direction? I honestly don't have an answer for this, because I thought he was so much better than what he was in this story.

I seriously don't even care that Henry's throwing his little pissy fit about how bad magic is and that he's going to destroy it, because AUTHOR! If I have to sit through one more awkwardly acted scene, I'm going to lose my gorram mind!

So what were the adult actors up to, anyway?

Again, setting up plot. And more plot. Just getting rid of whatever was left of Season 5 and starting to get geared up for Season 6. And here is one of my biggest complaints about this finale - I know that Once Upon A Time has this weird thing about making sure out heroes don't have a chance to breathe between adventures. Hardly one crisis ends before another comes in to take its place. They've even made jokes about it in the past - but now there's nothing left to joke about.

But for the love of Merlin's baggy Y-Fronts - can we PLEASE get some time to let these characters be characters? Emma and Hook were just barely reunited after thinking Hook was dead for dead. Regina's going through a tough loss. Hell, I'd even take a sappy Snow and Charming reunion, if it meant getting some decent closure to this storyarc.

In fact, going back to something I nit-picked earlier in the Underworld Arc - that episode where Mary Margaret was all "I don'wanna BE Mary Margaret anymore! I'm Snow White!" Remember how I said I never got the sense that was even an issue for her, so I didn't give a crap about this great and wonderful ~*~character moment~*~? THIS is why! They rush everyone so damn fast through the story that we never have a chance to let these characters breathe. So when these big revelations drop, we're left wondering... "Why was that even a thing that I should care about?"

I get it - you're trying to cram as many catchphrases and Disney characters into your story as possible. You're trying to make the big bucks for ABC. You're tryiing to justify your continued existence for the network. That means the equivalent of clickbait titles and ALL CAPS headlines (I blog for a living - I know how this works, at least on that level). There are business decisions being made here as well as artistic ones. Believe me, I understand that some things have to be sacrificed.

I'm going to go back to something I said on last week's episode of The Five(ish) Fangirls. We were talking about the cancellation of Castle and I mentioned that I think TV showrunners have about five good seasons in them and that's it (generally speaking - some have more, some less). But then the network comes in and says "Hey, can you make more for us?" And the showrunners - not wanting to suddenly be unemployed - have to come up with something new and exciting for a story and characters that they are completely burned out on. And, as time goes by, it shows. Castle was scraping the last barnacle off their barrel to the very end and their cancellation was more of a mercy kill than anything. I really don't want the same thing to happen to Once Upon a Time. It's an insult to the earlier seasons that made me fall in love with the show.

And if that's not the case and they just get bored with the current storyline that they're working on, so by the end of it they're just shoving all the old characters out of the way to make room for the new ones - then what in the world are you even DOING this for, anymore???

And if all you want is NEW SHINY EXCITING things, then why in the name of all that is good and holy do we have to have THIS bitch back for next year?

Good Granny's meatloaf - ENOUGH IS TOO MUCH! You seriously had to kill off one of the best characters on the show, just to trash on Regina's redemption story so we could have this over-sequined hosebeast back? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHYYYYYYY?

If nothing else, we did get Discount Martin Freeman as Dr. Jekyll -

(Which - that whole thing made NO sense. Why is Big Bruiser Dude working for an abstract personality construct that doesn't actually exist, anyway? You know what? Don't care)

There was also that bizarre Statue of Liberty moment from Ghostbusters 2 that Henry had. Which, as with anything Ghostbusters-related these days, the original was better -



In the end, that was just a wash anyway, because everyone in New York went back to their lives and never again spoke of that bizarre time they were compelled to throw pennies into a fountain because some awkward teenage weido told them to.

After all is said and done, the ONLY part of this season's finale I was even remotely interested what this moment where Emma and Killian FINALLY got their happy ending (for all of two seconds, before we got whisked off to deal with some other crisis or whatever) -

Given what this season was about - this SHOULD have been given a greater focus. Instead, we just got plot-driven storytelling. Which can be good, don't get me wrong. But they tried to do waaaaaay too much in too short of a time frame. There was too much out-of-character moments to get everyone in their starting positions for next year and it made no freaking sense.

I expect better of you, OUAT. And I got none of that. For a season that started out quite promising, you gave me garbage.

And I'm done until September. If I bother to tune in, that is.

You Know It Can't End Like That

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time Episode 5.21 - "Last Rites" SPOILERS!

I have no reason to put this screencap here. I just like his face.

Dear Once Upon a Time -

I'll let Santa speak for me:



Couple of things I knew were going to happen in this episode -

- Hades was gonna die (it's the episode before the two-part finale. They NEVER leave the main-arc bad guys in play for that).

- Hook would live somehow. Even if he "crossed-over," he would live and come back to Storybrooke ("where you belong" - I see what you did there). They wouldn't write out one of the most - if not THE MOST - popular characters on the show. That's a surefire way to shoot your show in the foot *cough, cough* Castle *cough*

- And... that's all I "knew." Seriously - did you think I could have seen the return of King Arthur? (Though I do like that he's now the king of the Underworld. Nice touch, team).

I am kind of miffed about this, though not as much as I was last week. Yes, the good ship Captain Swan is off to smooth sailing (for now). But did they REALLY have to off Outlaw Queen in the process as well?

BLAH! Where's Tinker Bell when you need her?

Also, that being said - ARGH for the demise of Wicked Hell! Yes, I figured that Hades was lying through his whispering teeth (sheesh, did the director tell Greg Germann never to speak above a library whisper? I think there was one time this ENTIRE ARC where he spoke in a normal-sounding voice, and that was in this episode when he was kinda-sorta-a-little-bit yelling at Zelena to kill her sister). But it would have been nice for Zelena to get a happy ending of sorts. Especially since she was coming around to the not-as-bad-as-you-could-have-been side.

She'll never be 100% good. That's what makes her fun!

Back to Regina - OH MY GOSH, DO WE HAVE TO ENDURE MORE EVIL QUEEN STUFF???



Apparently so. -_-'

I just hate that I'm happy because of this -

gif source

But then I'm also sad because of this -

gif source

I mean, Outlaw Queen wasn't my #1 favorite ship on this show, but it's one that I liked. I LIKED that Regina was getting her chance at happiness (especially when her first true love was taken from her so tragically). And then we had the whole Tinker Bell prophecy-thing and this show does One True Happy Hopeful Endings and Regina and Robin were all kinds of family lovely-ness and there were plans for the future and...

Rumple is still lying his face off to Belle and Belle is still dumb enough to fall for it.

Eff this damn show, sometimes.

I'm hoping that Zeus will take pity on us all and reinstate Robin Hood the way he reinstated Killian (and yes, I've seen interviews with Sean Maguire saying that he's for sure done with the show). I don't care that it's Deus ex Machina - this isn't freaking Game of Thrones where they kill off every character that everyone even remotely likes and even a few that no one likes (though that doesn't quite explain why Rumplestiltskin's still around, except that he's just a general pain in the ass and we need one of those to balance out the sickly-sweetness of Princes Rainbow Sparkepoo).

I dunno. I'm willing to see where these next two episodes go before I decide if season six is going to be worth it. I feel like they've told all the stories they're going to and that whatever they do from here on out is the network telling them to make more show or else. I just think they've gotten too many plates spinning in the air and it's all clashing together poorly. There is time to fix it... but that window is closing ever so more with every passing week.

So much for hope, guys.

I'm Out.

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time Episode 5.20 - "Firebird" SPOILERS! (sorta...)

Imma pretend this is where things left off. Better than the alternative.

No.

Nope.

Nope.

Do not want.

Out.

Gone.

Rumbelle gets a baby and Captain Swan gets THIS?



Once Upon a Time - I freaking hate you right now.

I don't even care what happens in the next episode.



Well... maybe I do. A little.

There had BETTER be some last-minute, eleventh-hour heroics, or this will be THE LAST season I watch. I don't care if you resort to Deus ex Machina at this point. JUST FIX THIS.

...

Let me draw up some perspective for you: My family's dog died on Sunday. The current political season is seven kinds of shitstorm-and-three-quarters. Beloved celebrities are dying like fruit flies. DC just took a huge dump on the character of Superman and called it a movie. I'm more and more convinced that Sweet Meteor of Death would be the best choice for president in November. And you're going to totally nuke the best romantic couple you have on this freaking show??

I'm sorry. Did Once Upon a Time and Castle switch writing teams? What do you think this is?

You all are lucky there are still three episodes left of this season. You have time. Get your crap together.

When Heroes Fall

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time Episode 5.15 "The Brothers Jones" - SPOILERS!

I knew this episode was going to be a rough one. I adore Killian Jones. I adore his brother Liam. I adore Emma Swan. I knew there was going to be conflict between those three. I knew I was probably going to end up swearing at one of them - if not all three - at some point.

But can we just appreciate Liam popping his head in up the stairs to talk to Emma?

(Source)

Because I do.

All right then - so this is as close to "Emma Meeting Killian's Family" as we're going to get. Fair enough - it's the Underworld arc and all of Killian's immediate family is dead (thank you Neverland), so this was an obvious choice for an episode idea.

At least, it BETTER had been an obvious choice. Sometimes, I'm not entirely sure what goes on in the Once Writers' Room.

But rather than it being a "Hey, big brother that died centuries ago - here's this woman that I'm madly in love with and we're probably going to get married and have a bunch of kids and I'm super happy, can you be happy for me too?" sort of scenario, they go with the super-angsty one and it turns out that Hero-Worshipped Big Brother is just a tiny-bit in cahoots with Hades. And he wants his little brother to stay in the Underworld and be miserable like unto himself.

Well... poopy.

And I hate to say it - I understand where Liam is coming from. The guy spent his entire life from roughly age ten (I'm guessing, based on the Hook-backstory episodes we got at the end of the last story arc - Thank Merlin they FINALLY peeled themselves away from yet-more-Rumple-backstory to bother with that) being a parental figure to his mischievous baby brother. He was the good kid. The one who talked Killian out of trouble with the authorities. The one who figured out that they could buy their freedom by joining the Royal Navy. The one who gave up that freedom when Killian tossed it all away at a game of cards. The one who made a deal with Hades to get them out in one piece when everything finally went toes-up. Even in death, he's still looking out for his little brother.

It's touching. If a little sentimental and sappy at times. I love ya, Killian - but how many times are you going to proclaim that Liam is The Most Honorable And Honest Dude Ever To Sail And He's Going To Make It All Better. Talk about PRESSURE.

(To be fair, Killian was a bit of a wide-eyed dreamer and kind of naive back then. It wasn't until later in life that he became the sarcastic, cynical, snarktastic pirate that we all know and love.)

Hearing how much your younger sibling looks up to and idolizes you - well, it makes you do crazy things. Like hiding vital information about the Dark Lord of the Underworld that will help everyone cross over and move on. Or sailing straight into a hurricane (DUDE - WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?) Or telling the love of your baby bro's life that she's not good enough for him. Given how much Hook and Emma have been through, THAT was a knife to the heart.

Let's talk about Hook and Emma, shall we? Because while last week's utter joy of -

- was good and proper, there is a TON of fallout to deal with between the two characters. Because when they were separated, Killian had become the Dark One because of Emma's good intentions, but that temptation was too much for him to handle, and he dove right back into the Powers Of Darkness that he was terrified of. There is still that sense of Killian being jerked around by the whims of others - which he obviously HATES - and he wants to make his own choices.

Emma, on the other hand, has just learned to let someone in. Which is a HUGE deal for her. She's also been subject to devastating losses, which she blames herself for. Whether fairly or unfairly - that's up for discussion. The fact is that this story is dealing with some incredibly broken people and there is not just one solution for all of these issues. If it were, it would be a simple fairy tale.

(See what I did there?)

One this is certain - Hades is an Asshole of the Highest Degree (being in charge of the Underworld will do that to you. Probably). And that's one thing everyone can agree on - his agenda must be stopped at all costs.

Nothing like a common enemy to motivate broken people in to action.

Speaking of broken - oh, little Henry. Who is not so little anymore (Emma called him a "mopey teenager" - which is true. Just... don't look too closely at the timeline of Once because it really won't make sense how this is actually five years later in-story, when they follow all their cliffhangers so closely one after another). And he wants to be a HERO, dammit! He's tired of being the one who gets rescued all the time. Can't he be someone important for once?

Well - you were the Author. Then you broke the stupid pen, genius. And because of that, it's now in the Underworld. And you trapped the Apprentice there because of it. Ugh. Must I explain EVERYTHING?

Actually, I don't. Cruella does that for me (the same Cruella who's been doing the naughty with Charming's not-so-Charming Evil Twin Brother - THAT'LL be interesting...). I still love Cruella as a character, and no one can convince me that I shouldn't.

Regardless, Henry's coming into his own as the Author, to which I say - HOORAY! Seriously - kid has this incredible fairy tale lineage and you're not going to let him do jack crap with it??? That's just WRONG.

Anyway - by the end of the episode, Killian and Liam reconcile, Liam's unfinished business is finished and we get a super-sweet scene with Killian giving Emma's advice about forgiving yourself to his older brother. So, for once, baby brother looked out for the older one. And I am become emotion... hold on a sec...

...all right - things are good.

Emma and Hook reconcile themselves (YAY!) Hades reveals to we the audience that he and Zelena had a fling, which means she'll be back in the next episode (PRAISE BE!). And we're going back to Oz. Which looks as gorgeous as ever -



(I stinking love OUAT Oz, you have no idea).

A Million-and-One Reasons Why Killian Jones is Better Than Everybody Else

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time 4.15 "Poor Unfortunate Soul"  - SPOILERS!

NOTE: Yes, I skipped 4.14 "Enter the Dragon." Last week was kind of crazy for me and it slipped through the cracks. To be fair, that episode was completely and totally… meh. You know what I got out of it? More of Pre-Curse Regina's whining, Maleficent isn't as badass as she should be, hints of a Sleeping Beauty story I'd like to see but probably never will, Aurora is an ineffectual wet blanket, Rumple holds onto his title of "One Most in Need of Being Smacked Upside the Head," Killian Jones in the rain is sexy as hell, and Colin O'Donoghue needs to win all the freaking awards in the world but won't because the awards committees are stupid and ABC isn't HBO or AMC. Nothing I didn't already know and neither did you. Good enough? Moving On!

EVERYONE! I HAVE A NEW FAVORITE ONCE UPON A TIME EPISODE!

I'm not even kidding - I will probably watch this one as much as I do "Good Form" or "The Jolly Roger" or even the Captain Swan movie from last season.

I derive so much enjoyment from the Hook-centric episodes compared to some of the others OUAT gives me, I wonder why they even bother with the other characters (that's a rhetorical fangirly question - still, I wouldn't complain if a few changes were to take place). And it's not like the episodes that reveal Hook's backstory are treated any different than an episode of, say, Snow and Charming or Regina or Rumple. But I think what's different is that this show has become so saturated with those other characters that when we do get one that's about a different main character (i.e. Hook or Emma or Belle - or even the Frozen backstory from Season 4A) - it suddenly becomes more interesting and novel.

So - where to begin?

Pan's Villainy Revealed - FINALLY!

First of all - we finally (FINALLY) get an episode where we see past!Hook working for Pan (after all that crap was teased last season AND NEVER FULLY EXPLAINED. Nope, I'm never going to let that go) and it's... going to the Enchanted Forest on a cake run.

(Most Feared Monster in Neverland, everybody).

Still, it's great to see pirate!Hook again because, as much as I love Killian's modern look and whatnot, it's easy to forget his origins and I sometimes miss it.

Also great to see is a new twist on the classic story of The Little Mermaid - this time, with a young Ursula and her father, Poseidon (played by Ernie Hudson of Ghostbusters fame - tell me that was not completely awesome!) Turns out, Ursula's the one with the magically beautiful voice, which her father uses to entice ships to run aground and sink - which very nearly happens to the crew of The Jolly Roger (but doesn't, thanks to some quick thinking on the part of the ship's captain and a last minute change of heart from Ursula).

Look Out, Madam Mermaid

Okay - can I just say that my inner four-year-old Disney fan was squealing with joy at the fact that young Ursula in OUAT sings "Fathoms Below" from the movie. And if you have no idea what the crap I'm talking about (first of all - WHAT?) - here you go -

Anyway, Ursula's gone human and is singing in a tavern in order to earn money to get away from her father because she hates that he uses her voice in order to seek revenge for her mother's death at the hand of pirates. Ursula wants her voice to be used to make people happy and to do good things. Hook and his crew are in the tavern and he recognizes her voice as the one that could have wrecked his ship, but didn't - and being the total softie that he is (underneath that angry and vengeful pirate exterior), he agrees to take Ursula wherever she'd like to go.

Problem is, Daddy Poseidon gets wind of Ursula's plans and tries to convince Hook to steal Ursula's voice, but Hook - honorable scamp that he is, promised that he wouldn't hurt Ursula because that's not good form. But he does ask Ursula to steal the squid ink that Poseidon promised in exchange for Hook double-crossing Ursula so Hook could get his revenge on Rumple (confused yet?) Poseidon puts a stop to this scheme as well and Hook, in his anger, steals Ursula's singing voice anyway, which causes Ursula to become the vengeful and evil sea witch - and that's the terrible thing Hook did to Ursula that was referenced two episodes ago.

You Don't Need The Author To Get What You Want

This brings us to present day Storybrooke and the Queens of Darkness. Team Hero figures out that Rumple tricked Belle by using Killian's appearance to steal the dagger from her (oh man - CAN'T BELLE JUST CATCH A BREAK FROM ALL OF RUMPLE'S BULLSHIT?) Killian is rightfully pissed that the Dark One is still at large, so he decides to use his past with Ursula to find out what Rumple has planned. And here is where things start to get interesting.

All through this "Operation Mongoose" business, I'm watching these villains seek to manipulate the system and all I can think is "Hook's got his happy ending and he was a villain once - what gives?" So I am glad that this episode tried to answer that question and actually addressed this whole situation in several ways.

The first one is since Hook has made some pretty big changes in his life and turned his whole outlook around, he offers Ursula her happy ending back that he stole in the first place. If Ursula agrees to cough up the Dark One's plans, he'll give her back her singing voice.

See? No author, no magic, just honesty. Piece of cake.

Except - Ursula's voice is on The Jolly Roger. The same Jolly that Hook traded to Blackbeard for the magic bean to get back to Emma in New York (excuse me while I go cry for a moment... okay, I'm good). But Ursula has ways of getting the ship back - which she does. And... it's a bottled ship.

(Hold on while I - OMG IT'S THE JOLLY AND IT'S BACK AND IT'S TINY AND SO CUTE I WANT ONE!)

Sadly, the tiny!Jolly isn't going to be much help, so Hook and Ursula go to Gold's Shop where Belle and Will are totally making out have a potion from Wonderland that can make the Jolly big again (and Hook trades a few snipes with Will - after a bit of a harsh-but-not-undeserved jab at Belle "Oh NOW you check my identity!")

AND HOORAY IT'S THE JOLLY ROGER IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK, MY FRIEND!

(I'm thinking that's where Hook and Emma are going to take up residence when all this is over. Just a theory, mind you)

Long story short - Killian gives Ursula back the seashell with her voice (it's locked in a safe where the key is in Killian's hook and I just LOVE that!) - but she can't get her voice back because of reasons, so she gets pissed and knocks Killian out and chucks him out into the ocean.

(For a guy who spent hundreds of years sailing the seas, Killian certain spends a lot of time almost drowning)

But never fear! Ariel is here to save the day! (HELLO FRIEND I MISSED YOU TOO!) There's an explanation of why she's here, which I'll save for someone else to dissect - but Ariel, though her appearance is brief, gives what may be THE most important nugget of wisdom in all this Operation Mongoose insanity -

I sure hope he's filing this away for future reference (gif set source)

The Only Payoff For Having Any Faith...

Before I head into my OMG TEH FEELS!!!! conclusion - I have to circle back for Emma Swan. Who, if you remember, is being kept from the truth of her own villainous potential from her incredibly naive-but-well-meaning parents (and who are slowly crawling up my list of People Most In Need Of Smackings - not quite to Rumple-levels, but they're somewhere in there). I'd just like to draw this parallel (that was pointed out to me via Tumblr - but I've got some to say about it).

I think I figured out why Snow and Charming (mostly Snow) have been annoying the crap out of me lately - Snow has got this insufferable way of denying that anything bad is or could possibly happen. I liken it to the part in Season 2 of in Avatar: The Last Airbender where Team Avatar is in the Earth Kingdom capital of Ba Sing Se to ask for the Earth King's help in fighting the Fire Nation. But we find out that the Dai Li (the Earth Kingdom's secret agents) routinely kidnap and brainwash people who even mention the war within the walls of Ba Sing Se. Everyone must be happy OR ELSE!

Snow is kind of like that in her own way - any hint of Emma doing or saying anything that could be construed as "dark" is a problem. But Snow - for all OUAT's assertion that this Snow White is badass and she was a bandit and she knows how to ride horses and shoot arrows and wear pants and go camping - she's still Snow White. She's still that sweet little princess lady who sings to birds and lives in a palace and befriends dwarves and everything is rainbows and sparkles and YAY! They are fooling precisely no one with this tough-woman act, I'm sorry.

Emma, on the other hand, is hardcore into confronting the truth and she is brutally honest. She says that, yes, she wants to kill Rumple just like Killian said he wanted to stab the Dark One with his own dagger and never mind the fact that he'd become the Dark One instead. Now, in reality if he was given the choice, Killian probably wouldn't actually do that, but Emma understands Killian's frustration because Emma's lived with some of those same emotions. Snow is never going to understand that because she's never been the villain. I'm not saying this is a bad thing - but sometimes the sickly-sweetness of Snow White kind of grates on me. Too much of a good thing and all that (and even in the "Next Time" promo - Snow is still trying to appeal to Emma with that sweet nature and Emma, who must have found out about her parents OMG SOOPER DOOPER SEKRIT, is clearly having none of it).

And, as an aside, there is one promo for next week floating around out there that shows Hook going directly to Team Charming with the information that Rumple is gunning for Emma and her potential for Great Darkness(tm). Which shows to me that, yes Hook has kept secrets from Emma in the past, but he has learned from those mistakes and he is NOT going to to that again. Remind me who the evilest of villains here is?

(Just one more on the pile of Reasons Why Killian Jones is Better Than Everybody Else)

...Is When It's Tested Again and Again

Back at Gold's cabin where Team Darkness is keeping no-longer-little-kid-Pinocchio prisoner (long and boring story), Ursula is going on a rampage against Team Hero, who tracked them down to their hideaway. Long story short - Hook comes back with Daddy Poseidon, who is ready and willing to make amends with Ursula. They make up and everything is awesome and Ursula - who to this point was a villain - just got her freaking happy ending WITHOUT ANY HELP FROM THAT DAMN AUTHOR!

(Killian Jones, take a bow, you heroic pirate, you).

Everybody clears out - and here we come to the second way in which Operation: Mongoose was not in fact rendered completely moot. Remember how I said Hook's got his happy ending and I was wondering why no one was paying attention to that fact all the while running around like a bunch of crazies looking for this freaking author when all they had to do was stop and wonder - "Wait... how the hell did he manage it?" Well - while that still isn't entirely an unprofitable line of inquiry, Killian himself is starting to ask that question. And if you ever wondered why I ship Captain Swan so much - I would say look no further than this scene WHICH WILL COMPLETELY TEAR YOUR HEART TO PIECES AND YOU WILL LOVE EVERY MOMENT OF IT!



PUNCH ME IN THE FACE AND BURY ME WHERE I STAND I CANNOT WITH YOU TWO ANYMORE (but I will because you are the freaking BEST on this or any show EVER!)

If that wasn't an "I love you," then I don't know what is.

Beyond my *happy fangirling*, though - just look at this for a minute. NOT ONCE does Killian imply that he wants to the author to give him his happy ending. If Killian Jones wants something, he goes out and gets it himself - or he works damn hard to get it. And until now, he's never thought that he could lose his happiness because of something that's outside his control. Yes, he's worked to become a better person and leave his villainous persona behind and seek redemption - but what if that's not enough? What if it's too late to prove himself? Despite assurances from Emma and everybody else that he is indeed a hero, it's possible that Killian could totally lose everything he's worked so hard to fix. I mean, name one thing (besides the thing with the pistol in the Jolly - which totally didn't work) that Killian did in the present day in this episode that would be considered villainous? He gave Ursula back her voice, he helped her make amends with her father, he's consistently been on the side of good - yet he still thinks of himself as a bad guy.

And then you have Emma, who up to this moment STILL doesn't think that she's anybody's happy ending. I mean - Emma, honey - DO YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE TO ASK? And the answer is - yes. Honestly - she really does. She's never been loved by anyone like this - she doesn't trust easily and she doesn't open herself up that often. I think she still has that fear in the back of her mind that she's going to wake up one morning and Killian's going to be gone, just like every other guy she's trusted with her heart. I mean, these two have both been through so much crap and now they've each finally found another person who cares about them deeply - and the ONLY REASON they could lose this wonderful little thing that they because of a bunch of stupid villains who can't get their own crap together. BUT BY DAMN THEY ARE GOING TO FIGHT FOR EACH OTHER AND THAT IS TRUE FREAKING LOVE RIGHT THERE!

So, this sets up for more drama and angst, but I figured it was coming because, hell, Snowing had their challenges to face. How could Captain Swan (or Outlaw Queen, for that matter) expect to do any less? Personally, I cannot WAIT for this story to unfold - and I'm still hoping for Rumple to get impaled on his own dagger (nobody has to actually stab him with it. He could just be running and trips and he stabs himself. Problem solved)

Other Things I Liked/Noticed -

- I knew the Outlaw Queen reunion was a sham - but I theorized that it was Rumple impersonating Robin the same was he did Killian. I didn't think it'd be a dream sequence. Either way, I'm glad we got to see Robin Hood again, even if it wasn't for very long.

- Hook and Will trading jabs at Gold's Shop. Yes, please - give me more!

- "I'm good at surviving or you're just bad at killing." HOOK WINS ALL THE THINGS!

- Cruella was surprisingly quiet through all of this, but she had some lovely moments - like totally lusting after August. I like to keep my blog on the clean side of PG-13, but I think you can imagine where this crack ship could go.

- And this -

I don't care who you are - that's Twue Wuv, right there. (gif source)

Next Time -

Remember how "Smash The Mirror" was such an important Emma episode for how she sees herself and her relationship with her family? I think "Best Laid Plans" is going to go in that direction as well. But that's just a guess -



Buckle in, kiddos because CRAP IS GETTING REAL!

*runs off to watch that Captain Swan ending again*

Just. Can. Not. Spit. It. Out.

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time 4.13 "Unforgiven" - Spoilers!

*sigh* Once - can we have a little heart-to-heart here for a minute?

Last year when everybody was dancing around the whole "Peter Pan is Rumplestiltskin's father" reveal? How secretive everyone was? How you had to resort to some pretty clunky not-exposition in order to keep the whole thing a surprise in The-Episode-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named (it's "Think Lovely Thoughts," if you're having a hard time guessing) and then afterward it's mentioned every other moment? And do you remember just how DUMB I thought the whole thing was? And how it tainted the brilliance of the reveal in the next story arc of the Wicked Witch being Regina's half-sister because we'd just got off this stupid roller coaster with Pan and we were so damn tired of these idiotic little glorified click-bait teases?

I SERIOUSLY, honest and truly hope you're not going down a similar path with this whole "What did Snow and Charming do to Maleficent and her baby?" SOOPER SEKRIT mystery - OMG WE MUST KNOW!!! Honestly, you guys do have a tendency to over-promise and under-deliver on these great big twists. I mean, I was getting tired of you all dragging out the BIG TIME SECRET THAT EMMA MUST NEVER LEARN during the episode - and it turned out to be that Emma has the potential for great darkness.

Well... duh. Her and every other person who's ever walked the planet. Tell me something I don't know (other than I am SO glad you didn't drag THAT part of the story out beyond the end of the episode. I mean - Snow and Charming know what they did, what's the point of being all "You-Know-Who" between the two of them? JUST FREAKING TELL US ALREADY!)

*sigh* *again* I really don't enjoy pre-Curse Snow and Charming (and Regina, but this episode didn't have her Enchanted Forest persona) flashbacks. It's like - we spent ALL OF SEASON 1 dealing with the hideousness of the Dark Curse. Yes, it was terrible. Yes, it forms the the entire premise on which this show is based. Yes the FREAKING CURSE WAS BROKEN ALREADY AND HAS BEEN FOR A LONG TIME! Can we please do something different???

Anyway - Snow and Charming were kind of "...meh..." in this episode (that's not anything new). Boring old secretiveness for the sake of being secretive and it amounts to a big old pile of... nothing. But that's not to say I didn't enjoy the episode. There were some really good moments here. And they were all in Storybrooke.

Granny's Reserves the Right to Refuse Service

With all that carping and complaining out of the way, I'm going to praise several things that Once consistently does right. That is their villains and (most of) the characters' interactions with them. How can you not LOVE Granny pointedly ignoring Cruella and Ursula and their desire to order drinks? Made even better when Will Scarlet comes in for "the usual" and Granny happily obliges with two coffees (two, huh? Hold onto that).

My Kingdom for an Author

Fandom by and large seems to be split on whether or not Regina's quest to find the Author of Henry's storybook - but I don't have a problem with it. It gives Regina a chance to do a few things that she hasn't had the chance to do (and lets us all have a break from the unending feud between the Evil Queen and the Charmings. I mean it) Like have some meaningful interaction with Henry. Season 4 has been very generous to Regina and Henry and giving the both of them to bond, which is something Regina sorely needs. Also, the scene between Regina and Gepetto in the garage was absolutely beautiful. It's good to see other characters' opinions of Regina change and improve, especially since that's such a key part of a redemption arc.

Daddy/Daughter Sheriffing

Anytime I get to see Emma and David together is an absolute joy. Having the pair of them chasing after the Queens of Darkness was so much fun. I mean, I know I carped about how all this secretiveness feels kind of forced and unnecessary, but for some reason, I don't mind when it's Emma trying to get the details from Daddy Charming. Maybe it's because Emma says what many in the audience are thinking - sure, they're villains, but are they really that bad? That confusion goes even further when David lets Cruella and Ursula go after he swipes Maleficent's claw-thingy from Cruella's car and Emma doesn't get what in the world he's doing.

Grilled Cheese = True Love

You all knew this was coming. Yes, there were things about this episode that I could do without. But you give me anything Captain Swan related and you have my complete and undivided attention and what was in this episode was worth all the "Ugh - THIS AGAIN?" stuff from the flashbacks. Even though Emma and Hook's storyline in this episode deals with Hook being (seemingly) unnecessarily secretive, I so did not mind. For one thing, the way that this whole thing was framed, I know Hook's past with Ursula is going to be dealt with in detail in an upcoming episode (and... I read online spoiler reports and episode titles), so I'm content with waiting.

For another, this is yet another instance of a love story that has its roots in fairy tales and fantasy, but the through-line of it is so very true-to-life. Hook and Emma are absolutely crazy about each other, there is NO disputing that. However - as with any relationship between two people - things from the past do come up to impact the present and those things often come up unexpectedly. Whatever happened with Ursula, Hook was not prepared to discuss it with Emma, which is why that scene in the station that started out with Hook bringing his Lady Faire her coveted grilled cheese sandwich had such a great impact on the story. Emma doesn't think she's bringing up anything too heavy and it's totally okay to ask Hook about it after a bit of adorable playful flirting. Clearly, Hook doesn't want to talk about it. Emma assumes that he's hiding something and he leaves in considerably less good humor than he came in. That is real life, my friends. Little things happen between people that cause temporary hurt and anger and confusion, even between the most dear of loved ones.

However - Emma has been on this wonderful path of self-discovery since the beginning of the show and we are blessed to see the fruits of her experiences. Not so much her experiences of fighting dragons and time travel and sailing to Neverland - but the moment when she comes back from talking to her parents and how she automatically assumed that they were lying to her when she "knows" they'd never do that (oh.... crap....) So, she calls Hook and asks him to come over so she can make things right with him and THESE TWO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER SO MUCH AND I CAN'T GET OVER HOW PERFECT THEY ARE FOR EACH OTHER AND I JUST WANT TO EXPLODE IN A HAPPY BURST OF RAINBOWS AND GLITTER!!

And then Emma catches Snow and Charming eavesdropping on her conversation with Hook and everyone's embarrassed except Hook who just looks complete DONE with all of this.

Excellent timing, Mama Snow. (gif source)

Sometimes, my joy for my ship can only be expressed in gif form :)

The Unforgiven Curses

(I was trying to tie that in - probably didn't work so well).

Beyond the lovely monologuey-voice-over Snow has of talking about Emma's potential for darkness while we see Emma and Hook happily walking through town (RAINBOWS AND GLITTER, YOU GUYS!) - there is one more moment that bears mentioning. Rumple is skulking around outside his shop which Belle has continued to maintain, as well as being the town librarian. Rumple sees Belle in the shop window... but then she is joined by Will Scarlet and the two share a kiss (PS - earlier when Cruella and Ursula were in Gold's shop, Belle had a coffee cup identical to the two that Will picked up from Granny's at the beginning of the episode - I didn't pick up on that; someone pointed it out to me). Rumple is clearly distraught at seeing his wife having moved on from his stupid-ass shit - to which I say GOOD FOR BELLE! I would dearly, dearly love Belle to have a storyline that was completely independent of Rumple's crap. And if that storyline means that she and Will Scarlet hook up, that is totally okay by me.

(I don't have any illusions to the idea that Scarlet Beauty is going to become endgame - to use fandom parlance in this case - but I just like that Belle is getting on with her life after been in Rumple's shadow and a pawn in his schemes for WAY too long).

What's Next?

Maleficent had a baby and the Charmings did something to the baby that's OOOH OMG SECRET DON'T TELL NOBODY!

(this whole "Secrets and Lies" storyline better amount to something more than a Broadchurch-knockoff that airs on ABC after Once Upon a Time, that's all I'm saying)

Have a "Next Time" promo and we're gonna bounce!



(not gonna lie - I'm kinda diggin' Maleficent's 1920s gangster look)

Love is an Open Door

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time 4.11 "Heroes and Villains - Spoilers!

I'm coming to you live from the floor tonight. Because - THAT EPISODE!

Rise Above the Truth and the Lies

First of all - we've got to talk about Belle. I had some thoughts about her this week leading up to the episode and this needs to be talked about (by which I mean it NEEDS to be talked about).

All through this Frozen arc, Belle has been incommunicado. She had that one episode where she met Anna and that was great. But while I've been screaming my anger and frustration at Rumplestiltskin, one HUGE question remained: Where in the ever-lovin' hell was Belle in all of this??? Yes, I get it - she was probably still in the newlywed haze (realistically, it's been maybe a month since they got married. If that?) But - c'mon! Your hubby is slinking around behind your back, meddling in the worst kinds of magic, killing people, controlling Hook, plotting with the Snow Queen - do you have anything you'd like to say about that???

PLEASE DO! (gif source)

This week, kind of on a whim, I rewatched "The Crocodile." Not simply because it marks the beginning of the Hook-Rumple rivalry (though I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a factor) - but because Belle takes a stand against Rumple's shenanigans and she sticks up for herself. She calls, not only Rumple, but her father out for trying to control her life and taking decisions away from her. Belle is a not a pushover, even if there hasn't been much cause for her to show that side of her lately. All through Season 3, she was an accessory to Rumple. Well... okay - Team Storybrooke was allied against some pretty tough villains and everyone had to band together to beat them. But - I just felt like Belle was underused and the Rumbelle ship was kind of... I just didn't really get it.

Back in July during the Once panel at San Diego Comic Con, Robert Carlyle commented that Rumplestiltskin is basically a power-addict. And if you know anything about addiction it's that addicts have to hit rock-bottom if they're ever going to change. At the end of Season 3, I thought Rumple had sufficiently changed and made all kinds of progress. All the "villains" had - Regina and Hook had been on these tremendous character journeys and I loved how this was all coming together. But the key here is - is the change actually going to stick? At first, I thought Rumple's had. I mean, he promised on his son's grave - the son that Rumple moved heaven and earth to see again after he lost him - that he would be a better man, a good husband to Belle. And at the first opportunity, what does the guy do? Tosses that promise out like so much garbage. All because - like Belle said - he loves power more than anything else. He did it to Milah, he did it to Baelfire, now he's done it to Belle. And Belle finally said to hell with that - take your miserable cowardly self and get out of here. He may make puppy-dog eyes at Belle and claim that he loves her, but he'll turn around and sneer at anyone else trying to get their own happy ending (he did it to Killian, he did it to Regina - you sensing a pattern here?)

Belle had to be the one to stop Rumple. Sure, Emma could have come in with Savior magic blazing and "NOT MY BOYFRIEND YOU RAT BASTARD!" but where would that have left Rumple? Slinking back to his den of darkness, probably muttering about "meddling kids" or some such. He'd have come back with something even more sinister and Belle would still have been blissfully ignorant and I would still be screaming whyyyyy?? But because Belle learned for herself what Rumple was doing and because she was the one to put a stop to it - it means more in Rumple's character arc. And it means so much for Belle's character arc as well. She's been so inextricably linked to Rumple - understandable, you can't have Beauty without the Beast - but I feel like Once Upon a Time could give her more of her own storyline. It's obviously something that has to happen - all the True Love Couples have their own stories apart from their significant others (or, at least, we've been promised we'll get those stories). I'm eager to see what she does outside of Rumple's shadow.

So - yes - as much as it hurts and as painful as it was to watch - this was so very needed in the Rumbelle storyline. If Rumple's going to have a remote chance of ever being a better man and if this relationship is going to amount to anything, he needs to realize that if he wants Belle to love him, he's got to knock this shit off. Then again - if his definition of a "happy ending" changes to one without Belle - well, that just means that Belle's free to do her own thing. And the heroes in Storybrooke don't have to feel bad for telling Rumple to pound sand if/when he comes back.

You May Be Miserable, But So is Gold

Next in the saga of the True Love Armada - the good ship Outlaw Queen. Well... that resolved itself - and then it didn't (which I think could be the tagline for Robin and Regina, honestly). However - the conversation Rumple and Regina had about seizing your destiny and taking what you want - I think that was a key moment for Regina. Rumple was her teacher and mentor (and a rather abusive one, when you think about it). They haven't drawn those conclusions, but Rumple's opinion does have an affect on Regina - at least, it used to. But her rejection of his advice shows just how much Regina's reformation has taken hold on her. And those choices are going to pay off immeasurably in Season 4B. I mean - why send Robin Hood and Rumple out into the Big Wide World - unless Robin Hood catches wind of Rumple's shady shenanigans and Robin determines he's going to get back to Regina to warn her of what's going on? It's a working theory (like anything Outlaw Queen-related), but it's good enough to get me to March 1.

(And Regina and Emma are going to start in on Operation Mongoose in earnest - so it's not like all hope is lost. You can't say that little brOTP scene at the end wasn't great. Especially since Emma just said goodbye to Elsa and she really needs a best female friend that isn't her mother).

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

I adore Killian Jones to the moon and back. He is my sun and stars and my absolute everything. He is the reason I kept watching this show and why I am writing about it now. I ship Captain Swan like you wouldn't believe (well... maybe you would - if you've been following my recaps long enough).

It is with this in mind - and knowing that you have to recognize the bad as well as the good, even in your favorites - when I say, homeboy screwed up. Not on Rumplestiltskin-level of screwing up - but there were a few choices Killian made that would have avoided a lot of pain and heartache had he chosen differently. And in this six-week gap between 4A and 4B, I imagine that there is going to be a bit of a conversation between Killian and Emma (or several conversations). Nothing that would indicate that this relationship is going to end - oh, hell no! But something more like - this relationship is still very, very new and both of them are still figuring each other out (and themselves - especially in Emma's case. I would be very surprised if a month has transpired from the time they came back from time-traveling to what's going on now). They haven't had very much time to themselves to really work on this thing between them - sure, there's been drama and angst brought on by snow queens and magic and stupidly evil wizards. And they really need a chance to define this - hopefully without getting anymore hearts ripped out.

One thing that I have loved about Once is that - while it is about fairy tales and happy endings - the story doesn't end when the main couple kisses and that's true love and they ride off happily into the sunset and yay! that's it. These characters, while they may have fantastical origins, are still human beings who make mistakes and have to own up to them. Yes, the consequences of owning up to those mistakes are more dire than in reality - but so are the benefits. Maybe Captain Swan didn't move as far as I would have like it to this episode, but compared to last mid-season finale with the Missing Year and the not-True-Love-Kiss - I'll take Killian not dying and Emma putting his heart back over that mess any day.

(you have to admit - that scene was pretty funny)

What I anticipate in 4B for Killian - especially as it pertains to the whole "Heroes and Villains" arc is that he is going to struggle with his identity as one of the heroes. He was introduced as the villainous Captain Hook, out for vengeance and not much else. Yes, we've gotten so much more to his character and that's what I love about him - but he's also got to deal with his mistakes and his past. Much like we got in 4A with Emma's life in the foster system (which, again, a backstory that was sorely needed for her), I have a feeling we're going to more about Killian's beginnings. Clear back in Season 2, they dropped a hint that his father abandoned him as a child and that's never been mentioned since - I want to see that. Why bring it up if you're never going to do anything with it?

I don't see Killian sliding back into full-on vengeful pirate mode - but he doesn't have to go that far. We've already seen him think he can pull a fast one over the Dark One and look where that landed him. Also - remember how bright and shiny and red his heart was when Rumple first ripped it out? And now, there are patches of darkness in it again. My theory on that is that in the time he was under the Dark One's control, Killian's sense of self-loathing came back with a vengeance. And he is not going to be unaffected by that. Yes, they had that intensely powerful moment at the end of this episode, but as time goes on and Killian has a chance to really come to terms with what happened to him and what he did, he may start to pull away from Emma. She is going to have to prove to him - much like he proved to her in Season 3 - that he is worth loving in spite of his screw-ups. That's what I think 4B is going to take Captain Swan. Emma's got to keep Killian away from the darkness and self-doubt in himself - and now, she is in the perfect position to do that.

(Also - I'm sure we'll see more of that "Hook as a survivor" thing come into play. Why else end with that line?)

We'll Make The Sun Shine Bright

The Frozen arc was everything I hoped it would be and more. I wanted more exploration of Elsa's character, I got it. I wanted backstory for Anna and Elsa and their family, I got it. I wanted awesome snow magic, I got it (freaking Marshmallow!) I didn't know I wanted The Snow Queen, but I got it and I loved it. The final little scene between Elsa and Anna before the wedding was wonderful (they recreated the "Chocolate!" bit and that just made me so happy). It was so, so, SO perfect for Once Upon a Time in this season - the parallels were outstanding and the characters fit beautifully in the world and the mythos. I often forgot that the Frozen cast weren't part of the regular cast because they were so perfect. If I ever get to meet Georgina Haig or Elizabeth Lail or Scott Michael Foster at a convention or something - man, that's going to be a top priority. I harbor a tiny little hope that they'll make a future cameo appearance or something.

For now, I'm going to sit here and be sad that they're gone.

Other Things I Liked/Noticed:
- Where in the ever-loving hell is Colin O'Donoghue's Emmy?? That scene where he's playing Hook while he's under control of Rumple who is pretending to be Hook - freaking amazing. Critics more knowledgeable about acting than I can get into the nuance and detail and stuff like that. All I'm going to say is that the people who give out awards need a freaking memo that Game of Thrones (or whatever other pretentious, unimaginative crap is in vogue these days) isn't the only show that the cast can win stuff.

- The Queens of Darkness. Love them already. I'm partial to Cruella, only because she brought a dalmatian puppy (and she's already sassed Dark-One!Rumple. That takes cajones)

- Henry and Belle having a moment in the shop. Give me more of this!

- We actually got a promo for next time! It's 2 1/2 months away - but who cares? HA!



(At least it's March 1st and not March 31st).

(And Robin Hood's in the promo. See, I Told You So!)

When all is said and done, this was merely a mid-season finale. There is so much more story to tell and so much more to go through before this is over. You can't blow everything when you have another 11 episodes to go. They've given us just enough to keep us guessing and speculating until March when it looks like it's a full-blown shootout between good and evil (including the good and evil waging battles within). If it lives up to anything near as good as what the Wicked Witch and Frozen arcs have been - we are in for some pretty intense stuff. All I can say is - give it to me, precious!

The Heart of Gold Shines

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time 4.08, "Smash the Mirror" - Spoilers!

[A Quick Note On My Subject Line: I've been (kind of trickily) using lyrics from Frozen to head up my Once Upon a Time reviews this half-season. I couldn't really think of one to fit this episode, though (not one that I hadn't already used). But then I remembered the song the choir sings at Elsa's coronation - "Heimr Amadalr." The lyrics are Old Norse and I found the translation here (it's a great article about Norse music and chants and well-worth a read - guess HISHE got a few things wrong in their Frozen parody video). Anyway, I chose this particular lyric in honor of Emma learning to love herself and control her powers. And it has nothing to do with anyone else. And I mean absolutely NO ONE else, so get that idea out of your head right now.]

You know, if Once had more two-hour long episodes, I would watch the hell out of that. They do some pretty amazing stuff with more time to flesh out storylines. Also, some pretty painful stuff. But that comes with the territory.

First off all - Rumplestiltskin -

Now that's out of my system (for now).

One of the things I've enjoyed most about the Once meets Frozen is how seamlessly the Frozen storyline has paralleled what's been going on in Storybrooke. I've talked about how (before I knew Frozen was coming to Once) that I thought there were a lot of parallels between Queen Elsa and Emma Swan. Especially about magic and learning to love yourself and accepting the love others have for you too. And - oh man - did this episode deliver on that parallel. And I'm glad that I wasn't the only one seeing that as well.

Something that Once excels at is the ability to parallel the past with the present. Usually, the parallels happen because the fairy tale characters' stories are running alongside their modern day counterparts - but this time, it's more thematic than character-driven. Sure, Elsa's in both stories, but her role is vastly different in both scenarios. It's like they're already telling us what's going to happen in the present by showing us what happened in the past. It's quite clever and a lot of fun to watch.

Another thing - I'm glad that this season takes place after the events of the movie. I'm glad that Elsa and Anna (and Kristoff, of course) have already experienced all that growth that came from Anna's sacrifice of true love. Earlier this week, ABC put out a sneak peek of Elsa coming to see Anna in the prison cell and Elsa was all about "Aunt Ingrid said you attacked her and you're a terrible awful sister and you're going to be punished!" I called "shenanigans" on that one because - that wouldn't make a lick of sense (unless Ingrid was doing something pretty damn shady to get Elsa to believe her over her sister). But, luckily it turned out that Elsa was smarter than that and she had a plan (*insert "called it!" happy dance here* And it was a pretty ingenious plan.

Back in Storybrooke - well, let's deal with some... not exactly happy things. Actually, it makes life even more complicated, but that's what were here for. Robin and Regina have reconciled as much as they can (off-screen. On a family show) - which, while that's great for the shippers (and I count myself among the Outlaw Queen fans), man, that makes things tough in reality. Though it's interesting that Regina recruited Robin to be part of Operation: Mongoose and finding the author of the book. And boy, did that plot escalate quickly. Again - Once plays the long game with this stuff. I'm sure this will come back to be resolved in Season 4B (the eternal optimist side of me says so anyway).

Elsewhere, Emma's still missing. Henry does find her, but her magic's still going absolutely nuts and she accidentally hurts him, which leads her to go find Mr. Gold for a solution.

Excuse me -

And for those of us who've been paying attention this season and Know What's Up - the solution that Gold doesn't-suggest involves Emma being sucked into the Sorcerer's Hat Of DOOM! But yes, her magic won't be able to hurt anybody ever again! No problem.

(what a jackass)

To Emma's everlasting credit, she calls home and tells her folks that, yes, everything's going to be peachy! Getting rid of my magic, Mom and Dad! Be home in time for dinner!

(what gets me is that David and Mary Margaret actually thought this was a good idea. Man, the idiot ball is strong in Storybrooke tonight).

With Team Charming benching themselves in this round (to be fair, Henry's kind of got a good reason), it's up to Hook and Elsa - in their own individual ways - to step in and be there for Emma.

Of course, Killian knows precisely what Rumple's got going on. Because he was there the first time that lying sack of horse manure used the hat. So, he goes to Gold's shop to corner the wily old Crocodile (and yes, I jumped about ten feet in the air when Killian barged into the shop, shouting for Gold to show himself. There has never been a reason for Killian to be so pissed, but damn if it wasn't delicious to watch). Problem is, Gold isn't there. And neither is Emma. And what follows is the most heartbreaking scene in the history of heartbreak and if Colin O'Donoghue doesn't get nominated for a all the awards next year simply on the strength of his performance in this episode, there is zero justice in the world and I don't want to live on this planet anymore. That phone call where Killian confesses everything about the hat and Gold and the dagger and the blackmail - I mean, that would be enough. But there's that last line where he says he hopes Emma doesn't forgive him because that means she got the message in time to save herself. I had to think about that one - why in the world wouldn't she forgive him? But - in an episode that revolves around loving yourself and believing that you are enough - Killian Jones simply doesn't believe that he is good enough for anyone, least of all Emma Swan. Sure, he's got that cocky attitude and confident swagger - but that's all just for show. Deep down, he still thinks of himself as someone who's done awful things and been consumed with revenge and there's no coming back from that. Even now, even after all the heroic things he's done - he still believes that he is nothing more than a villain.

And here, my friends, this is why Killian is my favorite Once character. This is why I completely buy into the character twists the writers have given Captain Hook, even when I'm still a little iffy on Rumple and the Evil Queen. You want villains? Okay, villains - there you go. All kinds of motives to do bad things and get in the way of happy endings and all that schtick. Rumple just goes after more power - even after he promised on his son's grave that he would try to be a better man in honor of Neal's memory (well, that all went to shit after this episode, didn't it?) Regina - well, Regina tried to do good at the end of Season 3, but that went flying out the window at the first sign of trouble. She blames the author of some magical book and not herself for her own choices and her response to those setbacks. Killian - what does he do? Completely fesses up to his mistakes, even when he thinks it's going to cost him the one person that he cares about more than anything else, including himself.

And even after all that - Emma never got his message.

Speaking of Emma - that Snow Queen's twisted as all get out. I mean, yes, we got her tragic backstory last week. But, again, her response to trials and setbacks doesn't exactly recommend her for sympathy. If anything, I'm voting with Elsa and Anna to get that chick back in the magic urn.

Yeah - still not loving the whole idea of her making up her own family and forcing people to be part of it. I mean... really??

So, Emma makes a really crappy choice. One that the Snow Queen doesn't want her to make. And at this point, I'm torn. Rumple and Ingrid both are at odds with each other and I don't want either of them to get what they want. Who do I root for? The obvious answer is Emma - but what she thinks is going to make her happy isn't really going to solve the problem. In fact, it'll probably make things even worse. But keeping her magic - well, she can probably do a lot more with her magic than locked away in that old hat.

But we're forgetting one key player in all this. Someone who has magic and who's had it go berserk on her and who learned to control her emotions and, thus, control her magic. Someone who, long before it was officially announced she was going to be part of this story, I believed would have some wisdom and advice to impart to Emma - if only some intrepid fan fiction writer would oblige.

People - this is why Queen Elsa of Arendelle was brought on Once Upon a Time. Because she's been exactly where Emma is. Scared of herself, scared for those she loves, trying to run away (which, remember, up until last season was Emma's go-to solution for everything). Elsa did what nobody - not even Regina - could do. She showed Emma how to accept herself. And absolutely everything about herself. Her magic, yes, but also her past and her mistakes and her doubts - everything that makes Emma who she is.

Oh wait - I have a song that goes along with this. Hang on -



What's incredible about this is that Elsa is virtually a stranger to Emma. Sure, they've grown to be best friends throughout this season, but there are people who've been in Emma's corner for a lot longer. I guess it takes someone you just met to point out what your loved ones have been pointing out forever before you finally believe it (and this is not a dig at Emma. How many times has a parent or sibling or other family member said something to you and you just dismiss it as "Oh, you have to say that" and you ignore it?) But because it's Elsa saying these encouraging things to Emma and pointing out that she's been able to control her magic even without Anna around - there's something to be said for speaking from experience. It's like - Emma couldn't believe in true love before she met her parents and learned their story that she could believe in it for herself (that's what last season's finale was about). This season, Emma had to learn for herself that her magic was a good thing and it was part of her - it's not just a tool to be used in last-resort emergency situations.

And she can even make fun and pretty things with it. Like fireworks. Happy 4th of July, Storybrooke!

(okay, it's probably actually March, but you get the idea).

Other Things I Liked/Noticed -

- Robin Hood and Will Scarlet "breaking into" the library. During normal business hours. Good job, boys.

- This is me putting on my librarian hat - Why in the name of all that is good and holy is The Cat in the Hat shelved next to the car repair manuals?? Belle - what kind of cataloging system are you even using?? The Drunk-and-Passed-Out-in-the-Gutter system?

- Regina owes someone a quarter. No-effing-kidding.

- Elsa believing in Anna up until her very last moment before she's completely sucked into that urn. My heart...

- Someone on Tumblr pointed this out - when Emma takes Elsa's hand, the rainbow-light-magic-wave of True Love magic spiraled out. This is because Emma is the Product of True Love(tm) and that's what her magic is made of. I thought that was a nice touch.

It kind of feels like we're at a turning point here. And here I'm going to get into the part of the episode that had the RAGE MONSTER rearing its ugly head. Because here is yet another exhibit of Why I Hate Rumplestiltskin and Wish All Manner of Death and Destruction Upon His Head. Emma's fine - she didn't choose Door #1 and get hit with the mother of all zonks! and things are going to be okay. But Rumple's got Killian tied up in an effort to stop him from going after Emma. Killian's back to being all swagger and confidence and "yeah - eff you Dark One!" And this is where I'm back to being quite concerned for my favorite pirate captain. Because Rumple is a pain in the ass and he lives to cause grief in my life. Apparently, so does Ingrid. Because that little bit of info she whispered to Rumple last week? I knew it was going to come back and smack Killian in the head. And - behold - I hate it when I'm right.

(PS - Did anyone else twig that the last time Rumple had Killian tied up at the same time he's working to kill someone Killian loves was clear back in Season 2 when Rumple killed Milah? I could have happily gone my entire life without making that connection, but since I had it pointed out to me, I need to share the suffering. You're welcome).

Rumple rips out Killian's heart (Killian's bright and shining and pure heart, it must be said) and now, he's got himself a puppet that he can use without resorting to blackmail. And... I don't like where this is going. Because if Rumple can use Killian's heart to free himself from the dagger... Killian's either going to be trapped in the hat or dead. And since the writers would be batshit insane to kill off one of their most popular characters, I predict that Season 4B is going involve Killian being separated from Emma in some way because of that rat bastard Rumple and Emma's going to have to go on some kind of rescue mission to get him back (details not important at this stage). One thing's for sure - there is angst ahead for the good ship Captain Swan. And while I'm glad to see this because it means there's some deliciously wonderful storytelling coming for my favorites - it also means that this is going to hurt and it's going to hurt bad.

(I couldn't even fully enjoy Emma and Killian's little reunion because I knew that Rumple had Killian's heart in his pocket and I was constantly waiting for something terrible to happen because Rumple now has the means to control Killian and anything Rumple has control over is mucho no bueno).

For now - I have two weeks to stew in my rage and shouting and DAMN YOU RUMPLE! before the next episode.



(they enjoy my suffering).

***