I Hate it When Chicken-Neck Tries to Make Jokes

Sunday Night Football - I missed the first quarter because of a church meeting and I got back to see the score as Colts 0 Cardinals 3 with the first quarter almost over. I was surprised - but not as surprised as the Cardinals were about to be.

Come on, folks. It's Peyton Manning. Colts went through and scored three touchdowns. Cardinals scored a bit, but the score ended up being 31-10. Nothing much happened in the fourth quarter. Except NBC had a graphic of Peyton Manning in a suit, which sent the fangirl in me reeling ^_^

The fourth quarter was dead boring. I know my Colts ate the Cardinals' lunch and I'm happy that they did. But I came to the point where I was quietly cheering for Arizona to score, just to make things interesting. Anything to shut Cris "Chicken-Neck" Collinsworth up. He and Al Michaels should never eye Jay Leno's job, just so you know (actually, I wish Collinsworth hadn't been eying John Madden's job, but what do you do?)

Chris Berman is wonderful, speaking of commentators. One of my favorites.

(I've always said that the Lions could do with a logo update. They've had the same logo and colors that they had when Uncle Jack played for them in the 1930s. And I just am now seeing a replay of their win and I see that they added some detail lines to their lion. Yippee. Yes, you read right, the Lions beat the Redskins. Begin the Second Coming watch).

Whoa - I'm watching SportsCenter right now and saw that Tim Tebow got hurt and sent to the hospital. That's intense - wish I was back on my mission and in Gainesville. There are some Florida fans that could use some religion right about now.

EDIT - Wow - there's a Wikipedia entry for Uncle Jack. That's awesome. I should expand on it.

It's Some Smart-People Thing

It's been a few days - between getting the rest of my grad school application mailed out and taking the GRE, I'm pooped. Mercifully, I have recovered (I hear a collective sigh of relief throughout the flist). Here's a run-down of my week, just in case you care to know.

Tuesday, I spent the day compiling all my letters of recommendation and finishing up my statement of objectives and tweaking a cover letter ("tweaking" here meaning "a process that I copy-edit a table of contents and try to make it sound professional all under 200 words") Yes, it took all afternoon. I meant to catch up on "Heroes" - luckily I have managed to remain unspoiled thus far. Happy day.

I spent Wednesday at work, getting a second job, doing my one and only written assignment for my guitar class (what are the odds that my only written assignment for an actual college class this semester would be due the same morning I take the GRE?) and studying for the GRE before the home teachers showed up (nice kids, really).

Thursday: guitar class, turn in assignment (it was all about transposing sheet music and a few other cool things that I probably would have appreciated more if I wasn't on a hard deadline here - well, maybe I can try it again in my spare time). GRE at 11:00 - now, if you know anything about the GRE, there are three sections: Analytical Writing, Verbal and Quantitative. Analytical Writing and Verbal - not a problem for me. Quantitative is a fancy word for math (I find it fascinating that math people have to give their section a word that starts with Q and has three T's in odd places). Now, I didn't know this about the actual GRE (probably should have), but after you have taken the Verbal and the... my fingers are having a hard time spelling Quantitative, so I'm just going to call it Math... section, you are given the chance to re-take the section you had the most trouble with. I didn't find this out until later, so I just thought it was someone's sick idea of a joke to give me an extra section of the Math test to do.

Another thing: in the first section of the math, the procedures and such weren't too bad - but the arithmetic was horrible (like, I knew to multiply 85 by 76.9 or something to that effect, but actually doing it without a calculator was a little tricky (if not impossible). But - in the second Math section the computer gave me, I was allowed an on-screen calculator. But by that time, the computer had me allll figured out and it only gave me problems like "Solve x+y+capybara." So, the calculator was pretty pointless.

Anti-Math Rant: I am an English major. Letters and number do not mix without serious consequences. Putting letters into math problems is like breeding a cat with a gecko. It does not occur in nature and when you force it in the lab tests, some pretty bizarre things happen that just are sick and wrong. Beyond the Sierra Club and Greenpeace on your butt - denizens of the cat and gecko populations would laugh at the poor thing and then it would want to go kill itself. Letters should never be added to numbers - it's just not pretty.

Anywho - GRE. Finished it. Lost some brain activity for a few hours, but it returned from Mordor eventually.

Friday (being today): Got an email from the Master's program I'm applying for - they want me in for an interview as part of the application process. Don't entirely know what that means, but it's got to be good. I have an interview next Friday. I'm pretty excited ^_^

That's my smart-person update for the week.

A Win in Fifteen Minutes or Less or This Game's Free

The Indianapolis Colts beat the Miami Dolphins 27-23 on MNF. And I have a few thoughts:

1. It Helps When You Score in the First 12 Seconds: Proving once again that Peyton Manning is freaking made of awesome - and Dallas Clark is a stud in his own right - the first possession of the game and Manning throws to Clark. Clark breaks a potential tackle and cruises into the end zone. So, the whole third quarter, the commentators are carping about how little time the Colts' offense has been on the field, I can't help but think - "Yeah, but what did Miami do with the ball all that time?" In the end, the Colts wound up winning the game with only having had the ball a total of 14 minutes and 53 seconds. Apparently, that's a record of some kind (I missed the ESPN graphic and I'm too lazy to go look it up). When you're the Indianapolis Colts, it's about quality, not quantity, my friends.

2. Lassie Stayed Home: The Ute in me cringed when I realized that Austin "Last Minute Stab to the Heart" Collie was starting for the Colts offensive line. There's an unnerving trend that occurs when a BYU alum starts playing in the NFL, particularly for teams that I like: when they're in college, they beat up on the Utes and gloat about it incessantly, but then they trip over their own (tied) shoelaces when they make it to the NFL, thus undoing all that "Quest for Perfection" crap that the pansies at KSL pee themselves over every week. Luckily, Lassie stayed nice and quiet and didn't let the Zoobie curse impact the game (thought I did roll my eyes after he missed a pass and the commentators chose that moment to mention that he'd served a 2-year mission for "The Church of Latter-day Saints" *headdesk* He just freaking missed a catch and you choose that moment to mention his religious affiliation? Must you lump him in with us when he does stupid stuff like that?)

3. I Find it Interesting that There's an Ad for the Paris Hotel in Vegas on the Side of my Screen Right Now: Rookie Pierre Garcon made the game-winning catch for the Colts. There will be more shouts of "Run Little French Fry!" coming from my living room this season (I doubt he's actually French, but it works. Heck, he's playing down the line from the white Mormon boy. Football doesn't discriminate).

4. Win or Lose, You Still Look Like Lisa Frank: I know, I know, I missed a year of football and apparently the Dolphins are a renaissance team. Yippee for them. I can't ever cheer for them (Sean Smith notwithstanding - though I'm glad he's doing well for himself). They're still wearing that craptastic turquoise and orange motif. Look, I know Miami has this weird affinity for the '70s - what with the 1972 Dolphins' perfect season, blah, blah, blah. But can't you update the logo and the uniforms? You're already represented by a mascot that gives Greenpeace reason for being - why make it worse for your dignity? I'm sure the Williams sisters would be happy to draw up a new design for you - something that doesn't say second grade and pigtails. That's all I'm saying.

(Guess I shouldn't talk - the Utah Jazz play in purple and powder blue. Hard to take something like that seriously.)

5. The Term "Paydirt" Should Not Be Taken Literally: Can we not play on those hybrid base/football fields? Beyond the fact that the referees' safety is in danger when they get their signals mixed up (for the non-sports educated, the signal for "No Good" in football is basically the same for "Safe" in baseball), baseball's lost all its pride - I would rather not be associated with their brand of athleticism.

What Money Can't Buy

Increase of sales tax in Arlington, TX: 0.5 cents

Tickets in the nosebleeds for the season opener just so you can watch the game on TV anyway: $50

(tickets underneath the cage dancers: $65)

Premium Parking: $75

Nachos: $15

The publicity from Jay Leno and Frank Caliendo making jokes about the new home of the divas of the NFL: $0

(jokes about the cheerleaders cost extra)

Watching Eli Manning and the Giants' offensive line march down in the last two minutes for a field goal and thus ruining Jerry Jones' party: Priceless.

Oh - the irony.

Cheer up - at least your girlfriend got a ride home. With Lawrence Tynes.

The Evening You CAN Leave at Home

(x-posted in LiveJournal)

First of all, I want you to know that I'm not questioning my testimony of the gospel. I will continue to be an upstanding member of the LDS Church and do everything that is in harmony with my deeply held beliefs. That being said, if I ever had to question something in the church, it would be this: Family Home Evening groups in single wards.

I hate them. With a passion unbridled.

This topic comes as a result of a comment made at an Institute activity tonight. The subject of church callings was brought up and how people seem to get the callings that require you to do something that you haven't exactly been involved in (example - you haven't been to an Enrichment activity, you'll probably get called to be the Enrichment committee leader). I made the comment that I dodged the bullet - I thought that I would be called as an FHE "Mom" because I hate FHE, but instead I was called as a Gospel Doctrine teacher.

(for those not versed in LDS terminology: LDS families are encouraged to set aside one night a week (usually Monday) to get together as a family and have some kind of family activity - anything from a spiritual lesson to a board game or even a night at Chuck-E-Cheese's. This is known as "Family Home Evening" or FHE for short. Those of us single people who are living on our own are not left out - our leaders put us in "FHE" groups with other single people. Each group is overseen by two group leaders - one male, one female - who are affectionately known as the "FHE Mom" and "FHE Dad." The official idea is that we can be social and make new friends in our single state of life. The unofficial idea is to put single men and single women in an environment that lends itself to getting them married. That's the basic rundown - this knowledge is crucial to my post).

The girl making the comment seemed shocked that anyone would hate FHE! She and another guy who was listening in asked me how I expected to get to know people in my ward and make friends with them. I just glared at them and said that I don't want to get to know anyone in my ward beyond seeing them on Sunday. I failed to mention - and I wish I would have had the presence of mind to say this - that if I met a small handful of people that I could get along with, that's another story. But I do NOT enjoy being put with a bunch of random strangers and being compelled to be their bestest-best friends.

I have a disconnect about FHE. It may be the fact that, growing up, whenever a new couple moved into the ward where I lived (again, for the benefit of non-LDS - where you go to church is determined by where you live. Everywhere is divided up into geographical boundaries called "wards" that are led by leaders who are from the area. Several wards put together is called a stake - which is also led by local people). Anyway - whenever a new couple moved into my ward, more often than not their introduction talks would be include something along the lines of "We met in a Family Home Evening group in the BYU 494.3rd ward." After 18 of hearing this in my home ward, you tend to think that singles FHE groups are purely meant to be meat markets. And I am totally anti-meat market.

(I'm sorry if any of you married peeps met your spouse at an FHE group in the BYU 494.3rd ward. No really, I'm sorry).

Nothing in my life is normal (I can enumerate the reasons why later, if you really want to know). If I am going to meet that "somebody special" it is going to be a completely organic, out-of-the-ordinary experience. It's not going to be the way that everyone else and their goldfish meets their spouse. It's unoriginal and it's boring. I'm actually a fan of how my sister met her husband: our family dentist set them up. That's the short version, but how's that for a story? Not to mention the fact that they can get killer discounts on dental work (my parents have a cool story too - involves a wheelbarrow and a bag of Weed-n-Feed).

I am a homebody anyway. I do not enjoy hanging out with large groups of people. I hate being in large groups of people, especially when a significant portion of them are strangers that I will likely never see after this year/semester (I find it interesting that they put us in "Family" Home Evening groups. None of us are related and likely never will be. Obviously, there are exceptions). I don't have fun in groups of people. Period. Trust me, I've tried. Hasn't worked in 24 years and it will likely never work. And that's okay. If FHE groups are your cup of tea, I'm not raining on your parade. This is my perspective and I think it will be beneficial to see another opinion out there. If you're having fun at these deals, don't let what I say stop you (unless you really want to).

It's kind of like Ultimate Frisbee. I don't particularly enjoy Ultimate Frisbee. It's great if you do, but don't expect me to wet myself over the prospect of playing. Ultimate Frisbee is for people who want to play football but can't throw or catch a football. So, they play with something that will mask their inability to catch. But I digress - I was trying to draw a parallel.

Bottom line: I want to have fun - but with people that I am extremely comfortable around and that I know for a fact that I can be myself around (those are hard to come by - even within my own family). I'm an odd duck. My preferred relaxing evening is a movie or TV show that I've seen probably a hundred times and will probably watch a hundred times more. Or a book that I'm re-reading. Or writing. Or watching whatever football game is on. I will from time to time go out and wander around Borders or Wal-Mart or Hastings (that last one's only in Logan) - if I'm feeling adventurous, I will order some KFC or Chipotle or Panda Express and bring it home. I don't socialize for the sake of socializing - there has to be a discernible purpose. Which the vast majority of FHE groups lack.

Besides, how many Book of Mormon Pictionary games can you play in college?

This is slowly becoming a tradition

I think I should just blog after church. That's where all the interesting stuff happens.

First, from the "It's a Small World" file - my old district leader was at church (don't want to say who in case I embarrass him). He said he wasn't sure if he was in my ward - but he's at least in my stake. It was odd seeing him outside the mission. Or maybe I just have a weird sense of... whatever.

Well... I'm the Gospel Doctrine teacher. It could be worse - I could be the FHE "Mom" (oh, smell...) It's actually not too bad. It's something I've wanted to do before, but I've been stuck in Relief Society and what-have-you. I'm excited for it.

Also - people in the USU 1st Stake - you need to learn how to sing "Called to Serve" (here's a lesson). That was the most anti-climatic, unfeeling rendition of the most beloved missionary song I've ever heard (I guess I can't blame the general congregation - that organ needs to be retired where it will have no chance of coming back. Unlike Brett Favre).

(I joke - I actually like Brett Favre, but Keith Oldermann keeps ragging on him. Wish someone would retire that idiot... yes, I know his name's really Olbermann, but he's a twerp, so he deserves a few typos.)

I can't hide from these people, can I?

Some people are more comfortable in hell

Finished season 7 of "24" last night. This post will be rife with spoilers (not sure how to do a cut on Blogspot - that's probably just a LiveJournal thing anyway), so if you haven't finished the latest season, better go do something else (honestly - if you really cared about "24," I highly doubt you would need to worry about spoilers at this point).

Like I said - I finished watching season 7 of "24" last night. Thus, I am in the whole 24 happiness bubble, which necessarily follows that I find images and such from season 7. And I find this piece of wonderfulness that is now sitting on my laptop desktop. Oh - the joy! (we'll just put my desktop icons over the top of Sean and Janis, shall we?)

Since I didn't get to do my episode-by-episode analysis for this season like I usually do (that will resume in January - fear not), the following are my initial thoughts of the whole season. Events occur in real time:

Jack Bauer cannot die!!! And he probably won't - smiles to Kim for showing up the save the day (we hope) at the last possible moment. I guess something about being a mommy puts things into perspective for a person (who else grinned when she mentioned her daughter's name was Teri? Begs the question - would she have named a boy Jack?)

Even if this uber-experimental treatment doesn't work and it turns out that the show's mainest-of-the-main characters does die (unlikely - but this is 24 we're talking about - Tony Almeida's hero status has just gone up considerably. Sadly - I'm not sure how redeemable he really is in the eyes of the powers-that-be (ie the President and the entire nation). Even though Jack had the Senate after his hind end, he still had some diplomacy skills that got not only David Palmer, but Allison Taylor on his side (only in the 24-verse can you get the President of the United States to listen to Jack Bauer's true-yet-seemingly-unreasonable requests. Tony... he's just been running around with the terrorists and trying to bring them down from the inside.

Then again, it has worked out for him so far. And he can pull it off. (Thus - my subject line is a Tony quote from season 4.) I could live with Tony being the hero if Jack does snuff it. Believe me... *waves Tony Almeida fangirl banner* And - it'll be territory that 24 really hasn't gone into very much - taking out the bad guys from within.

My next question - which is more attractive: Head of CTU, professional, curly-haired, cleaned-up Tony or deeply, darkly, angst, pretending-to-be-militant-terrorist, black leather (black leather!!), Tony? It's like choosing between peanut or peanut butter M&Ms. It all winds up in the same place. (Personally, I like peanut butter.)

My favorite part (as heartwrenching as it was) - when Tony had Alan Wilson at gunpoint and he was yelling about how Wilson was responsible for Michelle's - and their unborn son's death. Up until that point, I was bemoaning the loss of good-guy!Tony - but ... oh man, that just won Tony +equal to the national debt points in my book (forget "book" - Tony Almeida has a friggin' series of billboards to record how much I love him!!! - second only to Jack - but we already know Jack is amazing, so that's redundant).

question - what is it with 24 villains and offing pregnant women? Just asking... I wish Michelle had never died - I knew this would cause utmost anxiety in the 24-verse the minute it happened. Tony's never going to get over her and that makes me sad. Sad Tony is not a happy thing...

I get so involved with these characters. It's like their real people. It's sort of sad, really.

Eh - I'm going to go find season 3 ^_^

What Happens When Those Blessed With a Sense of Humor Do Their Homework

This happens.

In the aftermath of Obama's speech to Congress last night (which I could barely stomach ten minutes of - but I do regret missing Rep. Joe Wilson calling ol' Barry out on the carpet), Larry Correia took the time to go through the speech and give his own input. Underneath all the snark, there is a lot of truth to it. So read, enjoy and learn something.

(Just goes to show that politics and current events do NOT have to be boring and infuriating. The mere existence of CNN may lead you to believe otherwise, but take heart, my friends.)

Oh, PS - I've read some people wondering what the big deal was about the Prez's speech to schoolchildren on Tuesday. In the end, nothing was wrong - because the dip emasculated his speech from "Thou shalt honor the President and him only shalt thou serve" to "Ummm... be cool... stay in.... school" (I'll bet the farm that he changed it - the preview lesson plan points that he had it one way and when parents got mad, he changed it). But I bring up the fact that in 1991, Democrats got their collective granny panties in a bunch when George HW Bush gave a speech to students. But when Barry Obama gave his little "Stay in School, Rah Rah" speech, he gets a medal and a pat on the back.

This is why I abandoned my journalist aspirations. I tend to become violently ill at this sort of hypocrisy and I have no desire to become bulimic.

If that pledge video gave you the jibbilies, check this one out. It'll ease the socialist sensation you're feeling.

Ready in More Ways than You Know

The NFL season starts in a half hour - tonight's game is the Pittsburgh Steelers versus the Tennessee Titans. Iiiiii'mmmm going with the Steelers on this one. It's tradition to cheer for the Steelers (and I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Arizona made it to the Super Bowl last year. Just as much as I'm still trying to understand the Seachickens in 2006. I'm beginning to think that the Steelers' calling in life is to tell these cupcakes to sit down).

Besides, I've never been a huge fan of the Titans. They played the St. Louis Rams in Super Bowl XXXIV (in 2000 for those who are stumped by Roman numerals) and the Rams beat them, so that ended that. You have to know how I pick who to cheer for, I guess. Once I'm a fan, I'm a fan for life (on the flip side, if I ever dislike you, forget it. I take loyalty to my sports teams very seriously. Potential mates, take notes).

Another reason I am eagerly anticipating this season? I missed last season. Ironically, for the last year and a half, I actually lived in a city that is home to an NFL team and I've never been more out of the loop on football (granted, I had a legitimate excuse - besides, the Jaguars aren't that great anyway. I'd probably cheer for them if my only other option was New England or Dallas - whom I NEVER cheer for on principle).

Well, that's it for me. Enjoy the game, everyone. Go Steelers.

(x-posted to LiveJournal)


ETA: The Steelers won in a very defense-heavy game. Came down to the wire, which, those games are always fun. Now, I've been happy with NBC's coverage of the NFL, but I don't know if I can stand a whole year of Cris "Chicken-neck" Collinsworth commentating. The Steelers are marching to the endzone and all he can carp about is how stupid it was that the Steelers went to no-huddle and let the Titans' defense put in freshbodies. Just his voice grates on me...

Well, it could be worse. Keith Olbermann could be doing commentary (oy - I just threw up in my mouth).

Madden - we'll miss ya. And I'm not just saying that.

KAMIKAZE BLUEBIRD!!!!

That got your attention, didn't it?

After doing a bit of digging (and taking the advice of a somewhat experienced friend) I figured out how I COULD get into the Emporia State graduate cohort that comes to Salt Lake in January. It's going to be a narrow opening, but I think I can manage hitting the October 1 deadline. That just means that my formerly calm and easy semester in Logan has suddenly become significantly less-so.

I feel like I've gone from zero to 120 in 0.0000001 seconds. My brain is feeling somewhere between fired up and frazzled (but I bring that on myself). I can't be just calm and mellow - I have to be either completely lethargic (which gets boring after a while) or completely bouncing off the walls (which starts to hurt after a while). I am extreme - there is very little middle ground with me. Which could be good or bad, depending on what it's referring to.

(don't you all just enjoy my self-psycho-analysis?)

The Queen of Rotten Timing

The good news: I found a Masters in Library Science program that actually comes to Salt Lake ever other year. Emporia State University in Kansas sends a director to conduct an MLS program at their Salt Lake City regional "campus" (really - a public library in Sugarhouse). They accept applicants in groups of "cohorts" every other year. It's a legitimate program and it's highly respected in the area.

The bad news: The next term starts January 1, 2010 - and the application deadline is October 1. I would have to have letters of recommendation and GRE scores by then. Considering I haven't even started the GRE prep course (it starts on Tuesday) - it's not going to happen this year.

In short, if I want to use this avenue to get my Masters - I'll have to wait another year.

Blast...

The New Object of Fangirliness

(x-posted to LiveJournal)

Steven Crowder. Oh my gosh - this kid is HILARIOUS!! And he's stinking good looking too (and right around my age - cha-ching!)

Yes, he is a conservative commentator and I realize not everybody agrees with him. Mmmm... don'care - more Steven love for the rest of us ("rest of us" meaning me ^_^)!

(I need a Steven Crowder icon... better get on that...)

(Steve - if you're reading this - I need your phone number)

EDIT: Here is one of Steven's articles that really endeared him to me (wouldn't have anything to do with it being written by a guy and it's extolling the virtues of men being committed to marriage, would it?) This is a gem - even if you don't agree with his politics, you have to admit that he has a good point.