It's All Over But The Crying

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time Episode 5.19  "Sisters" - SPOILERS!

Please tell me I'm not the only one who thought of the Fallout 4 soundtrack when Hades played "I Don't Want To Set The World on Fire" on his little date with Zelena. Then again, Underbrooke would probably fit in nicely with a nuclear post-apocalyptic setting. I get the feeling Hades would enjoy that, honestly.



Where oh where to begin with this episode? For one thing, I'm glad that the Once writers room got their social justice pandering bullshit out of their systems last week and got back to good storytelling with interesting characters and plot-points, rather than trying to appease the Twitter and Tumblr trolls that have done their damnedest to make fandom life as hellish as possible (no pun intended - that was an accident). Storytelling works MUCH better when you're not trying to push some overt virtue-signaling message - that "Hey, we're TOTES NOT homophobic, so don't get mad at us, pretty please???" (You're fooling no one, guys.)

For another - wow. A Cora-centric episode that I actually enjoyed! If next week's episode doesn't involve Underbrooke getting slammed with a monster blizzard, there is something INCREDIBLY wrong with the world (maybe Elsa will make a cameo appearance in the mission to defeat Hades and freeze his living room).

I said since the beginning of the Underworld storyline that I would LOVE to have Zelena and Cora meet and their meeting did NOT disappoint. I was a bit worried that they would unnecessarily compromise one or both of those characters' fundamental qualities in order to get some half-assed, shoehorned-in happy ending that doesn't make a damn bit of sense - but no. They didn't. Not at all. They played with Zelena's tragic backstory and Cora's ruthlessness - coupled with the idea that people in the Underworld have unfinished business, as well as Hades shoving Cora back into her role as a poor miller's daughter (that was the key touch to this, I think) - and came to a satisfying conclusion.

Applause, OUAT Writers' Room. Mucho Applause.

Even the flashback stuff worked in this case. Sometimes, it can feel forced and stupid. And on paper, this episode's flashback probably would have sounded absolutely idiotic. But the way it was presented - I can TOTALLY buy that tiny!Regina would poke around her mother's magical objects and there would be an accident. And I can TOTALLY buy that Cora would go find tiny!Zelena to make Regina better. Even the whole "Surprise Sister!" discovery thing was done surprisingly well.

Everything worked. None of the characters' backgrounds were sacrificed to make things work - Cora actually seemed like she had a genuine change of heart. I think her initial trickery made a good contrast for when she came clean and actually leveled with Zelena about abandoning her in the woods. Regina's redemption storyline also provided something context to what was going on - that if the Evil Queen could become good again, maybe there's hope for the Wicked Witch (though I still love Zelena's brand of sassiness and attitude - I hope that will continue because I would hate for her to lose that core part of her character).

I'm not quite sure how I feel about "Let's Help The Lord of Death Have a Change of Heart" thing yet. Maybe because it's still early in that plot twist - but this episode made me want to hang with it a bit longer until I have more details (hey - getting rid of Princess Rainbow Sparklepoo actually DID contribute something to moving the plot along! WHOO-HOO!) But I feel like progress was made.

Well, until this little shithead showed up (and his dad) -

Why, when everything seems to be going okay, does Rumple feel the need to show up and muck it all up? Whyyyyyyyyy?

Ugh... whatever.

Oh - and David met his evil twin brother and had an epic fistfight at the docks. Cruella sneered at everybody and buggered off like the weasel she's probably wearing as a scarf. Robin is most likely a dead man walking because of his paternal affection for his Wicked Hood Baby.

NEXT TIME! Oh... oh...crap...



Um... how about no? How about I just stay here and enjoy the Mills women having their tearful happy ending and pretend that Hook and Emma just make it home and move into their new house and get married and have lots of little pirate babies? NO MORE ANGST, PLEASE?

The Devil's In The Details

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time Episode 5.18 "Ruby Slippers" - SPOILERS!

Well... now we know why OUAT!Dorothy looks so much like Snow White. They basically redid that entire storyline - right down the short people mooning after the not-dead-just-sleeping!Dorothy. No points for creativity there, guys.

I know what everyone from Twitter to Tumblr and everywhere else inbetween is talking about with this episode - they finally put in an LGBTQ couple in Once Upon a Time. Even gave them a ship name and everything (I will give them points for creativity there - that was actually kind of clever). Pretty much everyone and their dog is acting like this is the Greatest Thing In All Of Our Lifetimes And Beyond And If You Don't Think So, Then You Are A Hatey-Hate-Hateful Person Who Deserves Death Threats And To Be Called Every Mean Name In The Book.

I have also been around fandom long enough to know that someone, somewhere is complaining about some aspect of it - that it wasn't done right, it was the wrong characters. That's how this value signaling crap works. You give a subgroup of fandom what they want, and they'll still find reason to whine about it.

For me, this is how I feel about it -

Seriously - you want to ship Ruby Slippers, you freaking be my guest. If you don't want to ship Ruby Slippers, you freaking be my guest. It's no skin off my nose what you do and do not like about this show. But if I get crap for not giving a crap about this, I will come uncorked one way or the other. And whichever side you're advocating for, I will probably take the other one. Because I'm obstinate like that.

I write about politics on the internet for a living. I know how this goes. I'm going to get crap no matter what I say about this episode - even if I say I don't care about it. *shores up email inbox for incoming onslaught*

I have my ships and favorite characters and storylines. And you all know what those are (CAPTAIN SWAN, baby!) Dorothy was randomly dropped into the Underworld plotline without rhyme or reason a few episodes ago - I joked then that she was pretty much generic Strong Female Character/Snow White expy and I wondered why they brought in Dorothy and not another Oz character. I do appreciate that they gave us a reason for Dorothy being back in Oz, though a small part of me wishes that could have been it's own separate thing. Part of me wishes that they'd done something like Once Upon a Time in Wonderland for Oz - have Dorothy against the Wicked Witch with some crossover with the main show. Especially given how fantastically awesome Zelena's been in this storyline - I would LOVE an Oz-centric spinoff. But we're probably not going to get that, so I will be content with what I do have.

Because I do not want to risk falling into the Legend of Korra trap and only focus on the itty-bitty social justice bullshit portion of this episode as the expense of everything else that was noteworthy and interesting, what else did this episode feature that the clickbait enterprises will be falling over themselves to talk about?

- The prospect of splitting up Snow and Charming into separate plotlines - OH NOES! WHATEVER SHALL WE DOOOOOO??? Probably be a lot more interesting and less fluff... oh, it's Charming that's leaving and Snow that's staying. Hmphf... Not helpful.

- Oh - Hook carved David's name into the headstone! PRAISE THE LORD AND ALL THE LITTLE FISHES IN THE SEA! (More Captain Charming bromance AND Daddy Charming awesome - HERE FOR IT!)

- Belle and Zelena talking about motherhood and pregnancy, with Zelena giving Belle a much-needed reality check. Look, I just adore Zelena. I probably shouldn't, because she's the VILLAIN. But she's so deliciously awful that I don't care.

- For a while, I wondered where the hell Mulan ended up? For an episode that's supposed to be all about lesbian sisters doing it for themselves, they seem to have left behind someone who's kind of key for that fandom lobby.

- Hades melted Auntie Em and I hate him for it. Bastard.

- Zelena's dastardly plan to kill Dorothy was actually really clever. It didn't work - but points for creativity.

- As is Belle's plan to fall under a sleeping curse to prolong her pregnancy. I also quite liked her plan that her father will be the one to wake her up and not Rumple. Because Rumple is a piece of rotten garbage when it comes to these things.

So, we got a fluffy filler episode that was just kind... there. There were a few good moments that I liked. Most that I don't care one way or the other about. Rumple still sucks and Hades is looking to join his clubhouse. Business as usual.

Next week - FAMILY FEUD! (Ooooh - will Cora and Zelena meet face to face? *crosses fingers*)



Will we get some actual PLOT DEVELOPMENT in this next episode instead of just randomly loitering around the Underworld and listen to Princess Rainbow Sparklepoo cry about giving people hope like they're handing out popcorn at a circus? Well, they sent Princess Rainbow Sparklepoo home, so maaaaaaaybe they'll finally get something significant done here for once.

(This storyline still isn't as bad as Neverland. I will give them that).

Art Imitating Joy - A Few Thoughts On Bollywood

Man, these guys can dance.

Of all the random things I never thought I would have gotten into, Bollywood certainly ranks up there. Honestly, I never would have watched a Bollywood film had Jared not introduced me to the genre (is that the proper term for it? I have no clue). But now - I'm really glad I agreed to sit down and watch a few.

So, here's what I've learned about Indian films - they are happy. Not in a naive or simple-minded way. The characters have to earn their happiness. They may be presented with an insanely pessimistic circumstances, but as one Bollywood movie (Om Shanti Om) says - if the ending isn't happy, the movie isn't over yet (I'm paraphrasing, but that's the basic idea).

Take the premise of this movie for example, In Bachna Ae Haseeno, this guy named Raj is the biggest douchebag when it comes to women. The movie shows him breaking the hearts of two women who were utterly crushed by his actions. Later, he has a girlfriend who he falls completely in love with, but she breaks his heart and he realizes how much he's hurt other women, so he sets out to beg their forgiveness (in one instance, it's been at least ten years since he's seen one of the women). And, yes, he gets a happy ending - but I'm not going to spoil it for you :) But I will show you one of the musical numbers because - yes, there is plenty of music and dancing in Bollywood. That just adds to the fun of the story (and, damn, can these guys dance).

This scene has Raj trying to convince Mahi - the first woman whose heart he broke - to love her husband because he loves her, but she doesn't believe in love because she got hurt before (this was an arranged marriage). He crashes her cousin's wedding in order to talk to her and a musical number ensues -



That's the fun of Bollywood. You know things are going to turn out okay, but the question is how are they going to turn out okay. Another movie I watched, Prem Ratan Dhan Payo, is about a royal family who is all kinds of divided against each other - to the point that one of the brothers wants to kill the other one and the sisters want nothing to do with the rest of the family. Some random dude shows up who looks like one of the princes and when as assassination attempt leaves said prince in a coma, he has to take his place (oh - and did I mention that the random dude has a ridiculous fanboy crush on the woman the prince is engaged to?) You really want Random Dude to get together with the Princess (and I'm awful for forgetting the characters' names) - but you also know that Jerk Prince is going to come out of his coma and... hopefully not get killed by his conniving brother. But if he does live - he's engaged to the Princess. Sooo... how does that one turn out? (It's on Netflix, if you're really curious).

Here's my favorite thing about Bollywood - it's not like India hasn't had more than its share of difficult times in history. But somehow (and someone who's more knowledgeable about India's history and culture could probably explain better than I could), the stories they tell in movies are about hope in the midst of conflict. Whether the characters go through guilt, betrayal, violence, poverty, loneliness, disappointment - somehow, they still come out on top. I mean, I love American movies - don't get me wrong. There are great stories and characters to be found there too. But there's something refreshing about going into a movie that is about humor and happiness, while also not shying away from the realities of life. It's a nice contrast from some Western films, where the more dark and gritty and "realistic," the better they are. To which I say - BLAH!

(Watch - someone will come along and say "That's not really how it goes" and tell me about some dark and seedy underbelly of the Bollywood industry that I had zero clue about. Because the world is nothing if not pessimistic.)

Anyway - this is just me thinking out loud (or on my keyboard, anyway). For now, here's another of my favorite Bollywood musical numbers - from the first Bollywood film I saw, actually (Happy New Year starring Shah Ruhk Khan (guy in the dark blue suit), who's actually pretty good looking) -

Cupid Works For The Devil

Recap/Review of Once Upon a Time Episode 5.17 Her Handsome Hero - SPOILERS!

What Could Have Been... (had Gaston turned out to be an okay guy, that is)

...sigh...

I have a feeling this is the song that OUAT Writers' Room plays when they're working on Rumbelle episodes -



Tell me where I'm wrong. Because from where I'm sitting, OUAT!Belle is an idiot. A certifiable dunce.

I mean, I had my suspicions before. I thought that maaaaaaybe the writers had something in mind for her. That her character could be salvaged and she'd have a good character arc. But this episode confirmed the worst. She's just bone-headed stupid.

Actually - that's not really fair. She's more of a cautionary tale. An example of what happens when you think you can change bad people for the better. That the wide-eyed, innocent, hopeful pure true love soaked in unicorns and rainbows and sparkly fairy dust will turn even the evilest rat bastard piece of shit jackass into a honorable man.

Nope. Not even. All that's missing is Rumplestiltskin in a wife-beater tank top and the run-down double-wide trailer, and you would have every beat-down barefoot-and-pregnant woman I knew in the white trash town I grew up in. All the while, insisting that "Oh, he'll change. He'll be better." And the sum'bitch never does. He just stumbles into the house at some godforsaken hour of the morning, drunk as a dog.

The only purpose the flashbacks serve is to show that Belle was this dumb from the beginning. She trusted Gaston, despite everything she'd been told about him. But all he had to do was flash his "aw, shucks" sad little smile and she thought he was this honorable hero underneath his crappy reputation.

But nope - he's just as bad as they say. But Belle is in the impossible position of having to marry the guy so she can save her kingdom. And that worked SO WELL, that Belle then (covered back in Season 1), has to give herself up to Rumplestiltskin so he can save her kingdom from the ogres.

Moral of the Story: Not everyone gets to be Snow White and Prince Charming. Not everyone gets a Happily Ever After.

Instead of the fairy tale ending, Belle gets the "Girlfriend Of The Villain" treatment. She's the naive stupid idiot who falls for the criminal who's on parole for armed robbery (or whatever) and she helps him with this "One Last Job," but then she ends up with her life ruined. She never meant to hurt anybody - it just happened. Because she looooooves him. Merlin knows why.

And here is the most insulting part about the whole thing: the Underworld arc has already introduced an unapologetic villainous True Love Couple. We have Hades and Zelena (or as I've taken to calling him, Wicked Hell) who are just happy as can be in their dead and decaying "Underbrooke." They want to make people suffer - but they want to do it together. And, I'll be honest, I'm surprised at how awesome I think that is. Like I said last week, it's refreshing to have a villain (or villains) be evil for the sake of being evil. Not everything has to be explained - and even if it is, the villain just doesn't care. Their morals are GONE. They live solely to make life hell for the heroes.

Rumple used to be on the road to redemption, but his stint as being a Sans-Darkness-Dark-One has transformed him into a full-on Dark One. He's done playacting for Belle. He's fully committed to the darkness. And she still thinks she can love that asshole. So - why not just make Belle the Harley Quinn to his Joker? (Actually - now that I think of it, that's EXACTLY what's happening here! The Joker never actually loved Harley, did he? She just loved him, right? Please correct me if necessary - I'm not up on my DC Comics lore).

At this point, it might be better if Belle's baby ended up with Hades after all. At least the kid would have a father-figure-type mentor who's honest about his evilness. And if Zelena's raising the kid too, then there's less of a chance that they'd be confused as to whose morals they should follow. Yay for a happy villain family!

Ugh - I can't even do a "Things I Liked" section. Hook is concerned that Emma isn't getting enough sleep. Surprise!Ruby. And - that's it. This episode can go rot, honestly.

Next week - well, Dorothy is back. In her pseudo-badass-warrior-princess "Strong Female Character(tm)" motif that's virtually indistinguishable from all the other "Strong Female Characters(tm)" in this show (well, the secondary ones, at least).



Still wish they'd done Ozma or Tik Tok. That's all I'm sayin'

A Lid For Every Pot

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time Episode 5.16 "Our Decay" - SPOILERS!

Well... Zelena has a true love. Sort of. Who knew?

(Side Note: Why am I not surprised that the Wicked Witch's birthday is Tax Day? I guess giving her Hitler's or Stalin's birthday would have been too on-the-nose.)

This episode gave us more of Zelena's backstory - which I never will say no to. It also gave us more of Oz, which - YES PLEASE! *grabby hands* Though... I'm not sure that I really like bringing Dorothy back to be a pseudo-Snow-White-Strong-Female-Character(tm) expy. Feels cheap and gimmicky. Why not bring in Ozma or General Tik-Tok? Or even one of Zelena's former associates from the Sisterhood of Witches? (not Glinda, for obvious continuity reasons. But there were two others). Dorothy's story was ended quite nicely in Season 3. Why stick with the wide-eyed-innocent-turned-Xena weirdness that kind of bothers me about the rewrite of Snow White?

Sigh... anyway.

Everything else about the Oz parts of the story was pretty good. I will never get over how gorgeous OUAT!Emerald City looks - or the fact that Zelena's made it her base of operations. Also, I was glad that Hades got more to do than be a smarmy ginger dude in a suit who sometimes lights his hair on fire for no good reason. Kind of gave him some more depth to his character. Which I appreciated.

I also appreciated that Zelena - both past and present iterations of her - was hesitant to reciprocate Hades's affections. The first time was because she was obsessed with revenge. The second was because... she just wasn't sure. That's understandable - new/old relationships take time to get used to (and she'd already been through a lot).

But what I ADORE about their relationship (and this will sound strange, but hear me out) was that they're still both unapologetically evil/wicked/villainous. True Love hasn't changed their core roles in the story as adversaries to the heroes. Oh sure, I've enjoyed Regina's and Hook's redemption stories. But I want at least ONE of the villains to stay villainous. And not just stay villainous, but be HONEST in their villainy. Which is why I'm not counting Rumple. He's just an asshole.

So - having a villainous True Love Couple? Sure! Why the heck not? It's new and different and would bring a whole different dimension to the character dynamics the show already has. I'm up for some fun. And they already have their incredibly-crappy kingdom of evil to rule over, so - yay!

Other things I liked:

- Henry as a grumpy teenager who seems to also be speaking for the OUAT Writers Room. Because if I've learned anything about fandom and social media, it's that fans are never satisfied. And, quite honestly, many OUAT fans are a bunch of spoiled brats who want the Writers Room to cater to their stupidly unnecessary fanfic bullcrap. Part of me wonders if that "What - are you all Authors now?" line from Henry wasn't actually Eddy and Adam sending a pointed jab at their detractors who keep telling them how to tell THEIR story (and if it wasn't - well, then I am well-and-truly Over It with regards to the little shitwits of fandom).

- The explanation of why Robin and Regina haven't named Baby Wicked Hood - because there hasn't been time and giving a child a name isn't a good idea when Hades can do awful things with names in the Underworld. That's... actually a really good reason not to name the kid yet. I will accept it. So, hurrah!

- Snow and Charming "haunting" Baby Neal from the Underworld. Yeah... it's cuter when Henry wrote about it in the book.

- I'm holding out hope that Zelena and Cora will come face-to-face in the Underworld. Might seem like that ship has sailed, but I still kind of want it to happen. I will live if it doesn't, though.

I close out with this thought on the Household of Darkness, shall we. 'Cause Belle FINALLY stumbles upon the truth about Rumple (good grief, OUAT!Belle is kind of an idiot. Which I hate to say because Emilie de Ravin does so well with what little she's given. And Belle is one of my favorite Disney princesses). Rumple just basically says "This is who I am, sweetheart. You can either love me or leave me, but I'm not changing." Which is refreshing from the past teary-eyed blubbering "Oh please don't leave me I'll change for realsies this time I promise cross my heart and hope to die.... oh look - another Dark One dagger! Where did THAT come from I wonder?" I'm glad that Belle walked away and was steadfast in her disapproval of what Rumple was doing. My hope is that she finds her spine and she finds a happier ending for herself.

OUAT sure better figure out what they're doing with Belle and Rumple and do it fast. Because if they have me actually CHEERING Gaston next week, there will be words. And none of them very nice.

When Heroes Fall

Review/Recap of Once Upon a Time Episode 5.15 "The Brothers Jones" - SPOILERS!

I knew this episode was going to be a rough one. I adore Killian Jones. I adore his brother Liam. I adore Emma Swan. I knew there was going to be conflict between those three. I knew I was probably going to end up swearing at one of them - if not all three - at some point.

But can we just appreciate Liam popping his head in up the stairs to talk to Emma?

(Source)

Because I do.

All right then - so this is as close to "Emma Meeting Killian's Family" as we're going to get. Fair enough - it's the Underworld arc and all of Killian's immediate family is dead (thank you Neverland), so this was an obvious choice for an episode idea.

At least, it BETTER had been an obvious choice. Sometimes, I'm not entirely sure what goes on in the Once Writers' Room.

But rather than it being a "Hey, big brother that died centuries ago - here's this woman that I'm madly in love with and we're probably going to get married and have a bunch of kids and I'm super happy, can you be happy for me too?" sort of scenario, they go with the super-angsty one and it turns out that Hero-Worshipped Big Brother is just a tiny-bit in cahoots with Hades. And he wants his little brother to stay in the Underworld and be miserable like unto himself.

Well... poopy.

And I hate to say it - I understand where Liam is coming from. The guy spent his entire life from roughly age ten (I'm guessing, based on the Hook-backstory episodes we got at the end of the last story arc - Thank Merlin they FINALLY peeled themselves away from yet-more-Rumple-backstory to bother with that) being a parental figure to his mischievous baby brother. He was the good kid. The one who talked Killian out of trouble with the authorities. The one who figured out that they could buy their freedom by joining the Royal Navy. The one who gave up that freedom when Killian tossed it all away at a game of cards. The one who made a deal with Hades to get them out in one piece when everything finally went toes-up. Even in death, he's still looking out for his little brother.

It's touching. If a little sentimental and sappy at times. I love ya, Killian - but how many times are you going to proclaim that Liam is The Most Honorable And Honest Dude Ever To Sail And He's Going To Make It All Better. Talk about PRESSURE.

(To be fair, Killian was a bit of a wide-eyed dreamer and kind of naive back then. It wasn't until later in life that he became the sarcastic, cynical, snarktastic pirate that we all know and love.)

Hearing how much your younger sibling looks up to and idolizes you - well, it makes you do crazy things. Like hiding vital information about the Dark Lord of the Underworld that will help everyone cross over and move on. Or sailing straight into a hurricane (DUDE - WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?) Or telling the love of your baby bro's life that she's not good enough for him. Given how much Hook and Emma have been through, THAT was a knife to the heart.

Let's talk about Hook and Emma, shall we? Because while last week's utter joy of -

- was good and proper, there is a TON of fallout to deal with between the two characters. Because when they were separated, Killian had become the Dark One because of Emma's good intentions, but that temptation was too much for him to handle, and he dove right back into the Powers Of Darkness that he was terrified of. There is still that sense of Killian being jerked around by the whims of others - which he obviously HATES - and he wants to make his own choices.

Emma, on the other hand, has just learned to let someone in. Which is a HUGE deal for her. She's also been subject to devastating losses, which she blames herself for. Whether fairly or unfairly - that's up for discussion. The fact is that this story is dealing with some incredibly broken people and there is not just one solution for all of these issues. If it were, it would be a simple fairy tale.

(See what I did there?)

One this is certain - Hades is an Asshole of the Highest Degree (being in charge of the Underworld will do that to you. Probably). And that's one thing everyone can agree on - his agenda must be stopped at all costs.

Nothing like a common enemy to motivate broken people in to action.

Speaking of broken - oh, little Henry. Who is not so little anymore (Emma called him a "mopey teenager" - which is true. Just... don't look too closely at the timeline of Once because it really won't make sense how this is actually five years later in-story, when they follow all their cliffhangers so closely one after another). And he wants to be a HERO, dammit! He's tired of being the one who gets rescued all the time. Can't he be someone important for once?

Well - you were the Author. Then you broke the stupid pen, genius. And because of that, it's now in the Underworld. And you trapped the Apprentice there because of it. Ugh. Must I explain EVERYTHING?

Actually, I don't. Cruella does that for me (the same Cruella who's been doing the naughty with Charming's not-so-Charming Evil Twin Brother - THAT'LL be interesting...). I still love Cruella as a character, and no one can convince me that I shouldn't.

Regardless, Henry's coming into his own as the Author, to which I say - HOORAY! Seriously - kid has this incredible fairy tale lineage and you're not going to let him do jack crap with it??? That's just WRONG.

Anyway - by the end of the episode, Killian and Liam reconcile, Liam's unfinished business is finished and we get a super-sweet scene with Killian giving Emma's advice about forgiving yourself to his older brother. So, for once, baby brother looked out for the older one. And I am become emotion... hold on a sec...

...all right - things are good.

Emma and Hook reconcile themselves (YAY!) Hades reveals to we the audience that he and Zelena had a fling, which means she'll be back in the next episode (PRAISE BE!). And we're going back to Oz. Which looks as gorgeous as ever -



(I stinking love OUAT Oz, you have no idea).

Persephone Marries Hades and Other Unfortunate Truths

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time Episode 5.14 "The Devil's Due" - SPOILERS

THEY LOOK SO HAPPY WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO RUIN THAT???

Look, I'm no pearl-clutching 90s-era-Hillary-Clinton "FOR THE CHILDRENS!" parental advisory concern-troll looking to get in the way of people's fun.

But Title Card People, I must ask -

Really? REALLY? Family show, guys. Family. Show.

Anyway - to the meat of this episode:

Well, yes - we'll get to that. Emma finds Hook (she will always find him). And all the requisite drama that goes with it. Drama dictates that my darlings cannot yet be happy. Boo.

Though I have to say - I'm pleased that Team Writers Room learned from the mistakes of Neverland. Don't drag out the #Save[Character] plotline out until your audience is ready to gouge their eyes out with rusty sporks. So, credit where credit is due.

My focus here for a moment is going to be - not on my most favorite fictional couple of the hour - but on an ancillary character vital to the entire Captain Swan storyline. Though it's not someone we often think about very much. Yes, folks - I'm talking about the Lady Milah.

(I know she doesn't have a formal title as such - but given the crap she's been though, I think she deserves one).

That's it. That's the show.

This could quite possibly have been the most awkward meeting of past and present ever. Milah and Emma meeting. Hook's former girlfriend (on account of she's dead) and his current True Love.

And... it wasn't. I mean, yes there was that moment where Milah plays the part of Everyone Who Isn't In The Once Fandom (don't look too closely at the relationships in this show) - but that was the end of it. Kind of like Milah understands Killian (she never knew him as Hook) - that he would move on and find love after her death. That's just the kind of man he is. And Milah - to her everlasting credit - understands that. She and Emma become almost-instant friends. She helps Emma (and Rumple) on the quest to #SaveHook. And she's pretty damn badass about it too.

Can we just trade Rumple for Milah? No, I'm 100% serious. Hades wants to trade - I will happily swap out Milah and send Rumple up the Fallout-nuclear-green River of Lost Souls.

But no, Rumple even has to eff that up. Because, Rumple. He's been effing things up even before he became the Dark One. To the point where he wasn't just a cowardly-deadbeat-good-for-nothing husband and father, he even sold out part of Milah's future happiness just to save his own bacon.

I had some understanding of why Milah left Rumple before. But after this episode - I would have been helping her pack her bags and sending her on her merry way. The only thing I would have encouraged her to do differently was to take Baelfire with her (discounting the Once storylines that would irrevocably muss up).

Was Milah a good person? HA! Are you kidding? She would have killed a man in order to steal a potion to save her son. But still - her character makes sense. It's understandable that she would do those things. Quite honestly, she's become one of my favorite side characters. And she's only ever been in a handful of episodes! But she has the same kind of appeal that Regina does - someone whose done evil things, but wants to change and make up for it.

And how does Rumple repay Milah's redemption?

Excuse me - things are about to get crass here. Please remove all small children and dogs from the room.

Okay - you good?

Rumplestiltskin can go have sex with himself.

Phew - that's that.

Oh, and by the way - here's yet another unnecessary plot-twist-background-thing for Rumple. Because, you know, we aren't pissed off enough at him as it is.

(Though I must give TPTB some credit - at least they're trying to get Belle into the mix with this one. And write Emilie de Ravin's pregnancy into the story. So, there's that.)

Basically, I hate Rumple. I hate that he still has to be part of this story. I hate that he has zero character development. I also hate that he has become a necessary evil character, because all the other evil characters have been redeemed. And there still has to be that ONE little turd floating in the swimming pool.

Blah. Why?

Anyway - some good news: Emma and Killian have been reunited! Rumple lied out of his grimy little teeth about what he did to Milah and Killian - being the honorable man he is - thanked Rumple for... I dunno, being Rumple, I guess. I'm chalking that one up to Killian having been tortured for many long weeks at Hades' behest.

Eh, whatever - now Emma can split her heart and save Hook...

...or not.

Convenient plot contrivance, ahoy!

Next Week: The Return of Liam Jones! Killian to be reunited with his awesome and lovely and adorable long-dead brother! HUZZAH! Emma and Milah meeting went all right (Rumple, notwithstanding), so this should be just as good, right? I love this plan! REJOICE FANDOM!!

Except...



NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME ONCE UPON A TIME?? Liam has to like Emma! They have to get along! They're going to be family! YOU CAN'T DO THIS I WON'T STAND FOR IT!

I hate this damn show. I couldn't live without it.

(I could live without the constant Rumple angst, though).

"Because He's Really, Really, REALLY Bugging Me!"

Recap/Review of Once Upon A Time 5.13 "Labor of Love" - Spoilers!

You know, I had every intention of letting this review series fade away. But then Season 5B happened and... well... I can't let this go to waste.

When last we left Our Intrepid Heroes - Emma did a Kind Of Bad Thing by making Hook into another Dark One, Hook's inherent Darkness resurrected all the Dark Ones from the Beginning Of Time And Beyond. Emma decided to be Self-Sacrificing because her Darkness wasn't all That Bad. But Hook is Better Than All Your Faves and took one for the team because Nimue is a Bad Bad Bitch (but in a delightfully evil way that I shall miss very much indeed). Hook dies in the most heartbreaking terrible way possible. Rumplestiltskin continues to be Very Punchable and reverts to being the Dark One. Belle remains oblivious to Everything In The Entire World. King Arthur is an Ass Of The Highest Degree and I'm glad he kind of dropped off there at The End.

And I abuse my Capitalization Privileges. My blog, my house, my rules.

Anyway, #OnceTurns100 saw a return of Queen Bitch Cora (whoo-freaking-hoo) and the Hansel and Gretel witch and Cruella's car and... that's about it. Oh, and Neal showed up to give Emma a pep talk, because we ALL wanted to see Nealfire again (bleah - at least he wasn't there that long). But Regina's dad FINALLY got some much-needed character development beyond just being the sad little man that gets caught between two snippy witches.

You go, Sir Henry. You go, my fine fellow.

I had more thoughts on "Souls of the Departed," which you can listen to on the Five(ish) Fangirls Podcast, Episode 85 right here.

Which brings us to "Labor of Love." The Hercules episode of this story arc. Because this is Once Upon A Time and it's their take on Greek Mythlogy/Disney's Hercules - so it follows that we only have one episode with the hero of that movie. But the villain from that story gets the spotlight.

Oh - and it's also a "Snow White Gets Her Name Back" thing. Which... ehhhh... was that entirely necessary? I never felt like Snow White=/=Mary Margaret. I just thought it was a dumb way to differentiate when they were in Storybrooke, versus yet-another-pre-curse flashback scene. I mean, the show kept separating Charming and David, Ruby and Red, Archie and Dr. Hopper, Mr. Gold and Rumplestiltskin. Belle, Robin Hood, and Hook never really got alternate curse names. And, of course, Emma and Henry are just themselves.

Man, Snow - if it meant so much to you, maybe you should have said something before now.

Anyway - forget tiny!Snow learning to shoot straight because we have to shoehorn our Featured Fairy Tale Character Of The Week into the past somehow (though I did enjoy mean-stepmom-Queen Regina being a World Class Beast to tiny!Snow. It's not that I don't like Snow White - it's just that too much of her brings out my snarky side. I don't call her Princess Rainbow Sparklepoo for nothing). I wanna talk about IMPORTANT THINGS.

Like Cruella's little chat with Henry. First off - PRAISE BE Cruella is back! I was annoyed that we had been promised the return of Cruella, but all we got last episode was her car being driven by an on-set stunt dude and Victoria Smurfit was nowhere to be seen. But THERE SHE IS - in all her wonderful two-tone glory, sniping at the nearest mortal being. Which happens to be young Henry, the Author himself.

And funny I bring up that Author business - since Cruella wants to rejoin the land of the living (and with the Underworld being the hellhole - pardon the pun) that it is, and she wants the Author to do it. Except, Author!Henry broke the quill in two and nobody should have that much power (even though Walt Disney seemed to wield it just fine without any terrible consequences. We even got an awesome theme park out of the deal). Except the quill isn't actually dead - Henry can find its magic in the Underworld and do his Authorly Duties, like he was meant to. Oh, and bring Cruella back to life so she can go on being delightfully horrible and soaked in gin and 1920s music (look, I really want Cruella and Zelena to be evil witch buddies, because I think that would be lovely). Cruella appeals to Henry's better nature of wanting his Emma-mom to not be a murderer and have her hero-heart as pure as the driven snow.

Except... we dealt with all that Dark!Emma stuff last story-arc and even Dark!Emma wasn't all that bad. It turned out to be all an act because Emma likes to go all Lone Wanderer and keep the people she loves in the dark so she can fix things that went Horribly Wrong. Also - OUAT!Excalibur is a pain in the ass. Gimme Cal from The Librarians any day.

My point is - whatever "darkness" Emma has because she killed Cruella is negligible at best. Don't forget - Emma was trying to save Henry because Cruella was threatening to kill him. It was a dumb plot point that was supposed to somehow make Snow White look like she had a speck of evilness is her. Which, we have thoroughly proven is laughable (even when she was Evil Queen!Snow in the alternate reality - it was a complete joke).

Anyway - Cruella is back. I am happy.

Next order of business - Isn't Hades kind of a... letdown? I mean, the guy doesn't even have the fabulous costuming to help his underwhelming evilness (what - did they cut Eduardo's budget or something?) Good grief - for all the guy's tough talk and threatening Cora and Killian and everybody else... I'm still placing my bet on Captain Hook kicking his ass Nine Ways to Sunday. Even without his hook and even bruised and bloodied.

And that's another thing - why in the name of Poseidon's left nut is Hades so fixated on torturing Killian Jones?? It's like Darth Vader's strange obsession with chasing the Millennium Falcon in Empire Strikes Back. Sure, Killian was a/the Dark One and he destroyed all the Dark Ones (with the exception of everyone's favorite little trickster shithead) and that might stick in Hades's craw a little bit - but out of all the people at his disposal in the Underworld that he could mercilessly torture, why Killian? Did Killian's mouth get him into trouble yet again? Did he insult Hades's mother as he was falling into the Underworld and Hades took it personally? Is that why he's forcing Killian to choose who of Team Storybrooke stays in the Underworld?

(First choice is easy. Rumple's got a suite in Hell with his name already engraved.)

Although I do love this little tidbit from the synopsis for next week's episode (slight spoilers - but did we really expect Killian to do anything else?) -

“Hook refuses to choose which three of his friends will have to remain in the Underworld.“

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Suck on THAT, you deranged ginger twit in a cheap suit!

(In fact, that's what I'm calling Hades from now on - The Deranged Ginger Twit in a Cheap Suit. High Lord Weenie of the Underworld is also acceptable. Seriously - I'm just not feeling the evil-villain-ness of this guy. You may feel differently, but I just don't get it).

Basically, eff Hades and the horse he rode in on.

My Cup Runneth Over

I was about to close down my laptop and not turn it back on until Friday morning when I have to get back to work - but then I thought "Hey, you've got a truckload of stuff to be thankful for. On this one day dedicated to gratitude, you sure as hell better be listing it out."

Truthfully, I have a lot to be grateful for. Not just because it's 2015 and this has basically been one of the best years in recent memory. In fact, when it comes time to do my Final Reckoning in about six or seven decades, I hope my posterity notes this year as being in the Top Ten Years of my life. And not just because it followed on the heels of the crapstorm that was 2014 - though goodness knows being better than last year is not a tough hurdle to clear.

Anyway - inspired by this post, here is my considerable list of things to be grateful for (in no particular order).

1. As ever, I am thankful for my family - they're the ones that have put up with my craziness for thirty years and they still answer my phone calls (mostly).

2. I am thankful for food, clothing, shelter, and that all my temporal needs are met on a regular basis.

3. I am beyond thankful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ - for the Atonement that means my sins can be forgiven, my troubles and pains and disappointments are taken care of in the eternities. I know the power of the Savior's sacrifice is as real as anything I've experienced. There's no other reason that I've been able to pull myself through some of the things I've dealt with without His grace and mercy.

4. In that same vein, words cannot express my gratitude for the knowledge that I have a loving Heavenly Father that's been looking out for me. When I had no clue what in the world I was doing with my life, He knew what He was doing with it. He was making things happen that I only recently knew were going on and I'm sure that He's still doing that same thing.

5. I am grateful that I have a fantastic man that's asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. All those lists I made in Young Women classes about my future husband - he's checked off every bullet point on the list, plus a few that I didn't even know I needed/wanted. I'm thankful that we're going to be sealed as a family in the Holy Temple in February and that he's worthy to go there with me. Again, Heavenly Father knew what He was doing.

6. I'm thankful to have a super-awesome job that I never in a million years dreamed I'd be able to have. I've been blessed with amazing bosses and a wonderful co-worker and other great associates in my career field. I'm finally getting to make a living doing something I only ever did as a hobby before and I've had a blast doing it.

7. I'm thankful for all my friends - whether we've met face-to-face or just online. My friends that I've known since college, my friends I've known for a few short years, my friends that I podcast with. Can't imagine life without them.

8. I am thankful for a car that works properly and can get me where I need to go. I've had enough cars break down on me that I know to be grateful when I have one that does what I want it to do.

9. I'm grateful for technology and to live in an age where we have so much information available so easily. Even if I do freak out when Facebook goes down (if I didn't depend on it for work...)

10. I'm grateful for all my fandoms and the joy they bring me - whether I'm having a good day or a bad day, they never fail to make me smile.

11. I'm grateful for stinking adorable niece and nephew. I'm grateful that I'll get to add to my niece/nephew totals come February :)

12. I'm grateful for hot chocolate made with milk. I rarely drink regular milk, but when it gets chilly and the leaves start falling, I buy milk by the half-gallon and stock up on Swiss Miss. That stuff is HEAVEN.

13. I am grateful for cozy hoodies - especially the Utah State Alumni one that Mom bought me when I graduated in 2007. When God made the perfect hoodie sweatshirt, that's the one He made. And He made sure I got it (thanks, Mom).

14. I am grateful for the blessings of the temple - for the covenants I've made with God and that I get to return often to remember those promises and to remember the love God has for me. I can't imagine my life without being able to participate in temple worship.

15. I'm grateful for eBooks and a iPad that can hold a bajillion books. I may never get through all of them, but I'll never want for something good to read. That's important.

16. I'm thankful for family history and learning the crazy stories of my ancestors. At least I know that my own nuttiness is a little bit genetic.

17. I am grateful for warm socks straight out of the dryer.

18. I am thankful for glasses and contacts, otherwise I wouldn't be able to do half the things I do on a daily basis.

19. I am grateful for peanut butter M&Ms. Delish.

20. I am grateful for trucks with 4-wheel drive so I can get home for Thanksgiving.

21. I'm thankful for the blessing of living in a country where I can speak my mind, agree or disagree with others, get an education, have a voice in local, state, and national government, and even when the people/things I vote for lose, there's still a chance to fix things later.

22. I am thankful for the scriptures - the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, the Pearl of Great Price, continuing revelation from living prophets. I am grateful that God continues to communicate His will to us through these channels, as well as personal communication through the Holy Ghost. I can't imagine living in a world where I thought God had closed the door to His children and said "Okay - you all scramble and figure it out yourselves." Yeah... no. Not doing that.

23. I am grateful for cuddly teddy bears.

24. I am thankful that the time Jared asked me out wasn't actually someone playing a really rotten joke on me (as was my initial reaction when I got the Facebook message on April Fools' Day).

25. I am grateful for a sense of humor. I kind of need it in my line of work.

26. I am grateful that I can be friends with people I disagree with on matters of politics and/or religion. I am also grateful that I can enjoy and appreciate the creative output of those with whom I would disagree with on the same subjects. Not everyone can say that.

27. I am grateful that I acquired a taste for cold water that's been chilling in the fridge for several hours. Yum.

28. I am grateful for Chinese and Italian food - especially from really good restaurants.

29. I am grateful for the Sea Island Cotton scent from Bath and Body Works. Similarly, I am grateful for the smell of the laundry detergent aisle at the grocery store.

30. I am grateful for those few weeks back in March when I was so upset about the direction my life was going, that I made that "30 for 30" and God basically said "This is a good list - but I have something better in mind for you" (I'll have to elaborate on that story later - it's a good one).

31. I am grateful for Burt's Bees lip balm. When I developed an allergy to regular ChapStick, that was the only stuff that worked that also didn't taste like I was smearing the medicine cabinet on my face.

32. I am grateful for that one polka-dot dress I found at DownEast Basics last spring. Everything else I've tried on from there does fit or flatter my figure. That was a complete and total fluke. But it looks adorable with the red shoes I found.

33. I am grateful that I'm slightly oblivious to certain things and that, even though I knew a marriage proposal was coming eventually, it still surprised me when he formally proposed.

34. I am grateful my future mother-in-law likes football. Even if she is a Patriots fan (well... something's gotta keep her from being caught up into heaven).

35. I am thankful that I kept my grandmother's earrings in my jewelry box all these years so I can wear them with my wedding dress. It'll be like Grandma's there in spirit.

36. I am thankful that my brother found a girl that is absolutely perfect for him. We were worried there for a while.

37. I am thankful that my relationship with my mother has improved over the years.

38. I am thankful I've had stellar roommates for the past three years. Life in close quarters kind of sucks if the people you're living with don't particularly like you.

39. I am grateful for bedside lamps, alarm clocks, and nightstands big enough to hold everything I need so I don't have to get up right when I wake up in the morning.

40. I am grateful for chocolate.

41. I am grateful that I have so much to be grateful for that I could go on for hours and not even make a dent in listing my blessings. I will have to write more later, but I am getting tired and need sleep now.

42. I am grateful that I have a warm and comfortable bed to sleep in. Good night, and Happy Thanksgiving.

New Titles and Old Favorites (And Eternal Lessons)

So... you know how I do that whole "Year End Playlist" thing every year? How I spend the year collecting songs that I think exemplify the things that happened to me or songs that ended up meaning something as the year goes on? I've been working on 2015's throughout the year (like I did for 2014) and there have been some terrific additions to the playlist (some that I've already cut just because I changed my mind).

But I think this is going to be the definitive entry for this year's creation -




Though in all truthiness, I haven't decided if I want that one or The Piano Guys version (I might just pull a "Let It Go" from last year and do both. Hey - it's my playlist. I can do what I want with it! Besides, my Scottish heritage is kind of in love with this rendition) -



And not because I feel like I've got anything to prove to anyone (other than myself, I suppose. But that's a constant battle). Maybe it's just where I am in life - super-awesome job that I love, super-awesome fiance that I love (oh yeah - forgot to mention that. I'm engaged! For real! February's the big day!), and I'm just 200% happier than I was a year ago.

The best part is finally feeling like all that pain and turmoil that I had to slog through for so long was actually, in fact, worth it. People kept telling me that there was something I had to learn and that's why I was going through the things I went through. Why I kept hearing "no" over and over again when there were things that I desperately wanted - when I felt like I must have screwed up something big and there was no way I could salvage anything from my life and make it into anything worthwhile.

But I kept working at it and kept doing what I was already doing. I filled my life with the best possible things I could at the time. I went to the temple, I served in my church callings (that calling with the teen girls in drug rehab was probably most fulfilling calling I've ever had. And I include my mission in that statement), I did my absolute damn best at work, I relished my hobbies - and I was slowly able to let go of the rejection and disappointment that I thought was going to be my trademark for the rest of my life.

And - wonder of wonders - look what happened! The two things that I'd been hoping and praying for actually freaking happened (well - two out of three. My closet still doesn't open into a portal to Narnia) - I was offered a job by two ladies whom I've admired since I discovered their blog and I was finally able to do something I'd only dreamed about since middle school. And the guy that I liked since pretty much the first time I met him (and had a ridiculous schoolgirl crush on that I never thought would amount to anything) asked me out and now I've got a ring on my finger and we're planning a wedding for after the new year. Like - seriously! How in the world does this stuff even happen? To some dorky little nobody like me? I'm the glorified gopher girl - good things don't happen to me!

Except when they do. And that's when I look up at God and say "This whole time. This. Whole. Stinking. Time. You knew EXACTLY what you were doing."

(I'm still pulling out minor details from years ago that led to these big things. It's ridiculous how this stuff happens. That'll teach me to think - even for one second - that I've been left alone to my own devices.)

I'm not going to pretend it was easy. I'm also not going to act like I had this monstrous pile of suffering either. This is what I do know - I hit my version of rock bottom and I had to claw my way back to the top. And, truly, I could have gotten back up here and still been without a full-time job and single as the day is long. But I had come to a point where I wasn't going to be angry at the world/God/myself anymore. What was the purpose of being angry, really?

Maybe that's the lesson here. And it's something I'll have to reach back for when tough times come again (I'm not stupid enough to think that it's smooth sailing from here on out). But for now - I'm going to enjoy my victory and my joy. I'm going to celebrate the fact that I didn't let the hard things run me over completely.

I've still got a lot of fight left in me.

Slipping Into Sanity

Recap/Review of Once Upon a Time 5.01 "Dark Swan" - SPOILERS!

Originally, I wasn't going to do reviews this season (suffice it to say, life got stinkingly busy since I last recapped anything). But then I saw this episode and... yeah. I need to talk about it (and, quite frankly, I've missed doing this. It's not for anyone else's benefit other than my own, but if someone else enjoys it - well, good on them).

Okay - this needs to be here. In fact, if fandom does NOT gift me with a Once Upon a Time video using this song, the Internet has failed this city (let's play - Shoehorn As Many Outside References As Possible) -



Now that's over...

Speaking of shoehorning references - seems like this episode sets up some revisiting of past Once Upon a Time plots... and yet it doesn't. At first, the magic cyclone to Oz the Enchanted Forest looks to be setting up a Season 3-type of #SaveHenry. Except it's #SaveEmma. Then, they look to be going for a Missing Year at the end there. Which, I liked the Missing Year. It was nice to have flashbacks that had little to do with rehashing the old pre-curse leftovers from Season 1. Also, the inclusion of Merida and Emma's subsequent kind-of-friendship (after a gross misunderstanding) reminded me of Emma and Elsa's friendship from last season. But this stuff all felt new and fresh. Which is a lot more than I was expecting after the cluster-screw of the second half of last season.

Anyway - things I liked -

- I like that we don't have OMG SOOPER EVIL Emma right off the bat. I like that her descent into darkness isn't immediate and all at once. It's a choice that she has to make. A very dangerous and difficult choice, to be sure. But it's not like Rumple's transition - where that penchant for evilness was already there underneath his cowardly persona and all he needed was a dip in the Dark One pool to push him over the edge. Emma is the Dark One because of an act of selflessness - which is probably why the Darkness (in the form of the Ghost of Rumple Yet To Come) is working so hard to bring her over to its influence.

- King Arthur is Bad News. Don't ask me why I think this - but I just don't get the whole happy "I'm the benevolent King of the Britons who brought love and peace to a kingdom that will become the catchphrase of a 1960s president who really only had Nice Hair and getting shot going for him" from this guy. Something about his obsession of getting Excalibur - and nice touch of having the Dark One dagger originally be a piece of the sword. That was a twist I didn't see coming.

- THEORY TIME: I think Arthur tried to control Emma's darkness through less-than-honorable means and Team Storybrooke sided with him because Emma's being consumed by Supreme Evilness, so they didn't trust her, but it's freaking King Arthur, except he's really a total douchecanoe, but no one but Emma believes it and THAT'S what sent her over the edge and turned her Full Dark, No Stars, Blood Moon, End-of-the-World Eclipse, thingy-whatever, and with it, The Rapture.




(Just a hunch, but Once Upon a Time is not known for its subtlety in storytelling.)

- Captain Cobra Lives!! Henry and Hook teaming up to spring Zelena from the clink (more on her later) was a treat and a joy. I enjoyed it in the finale and I love it even more now (Wookiee Prisoner Gag - Hook is learning fast!)

I was a teensy bit worried (from the promos and such) that they'd sideline Hook and/or Henry (yet again) in favor of Princess Rainbow Sparklepoo vs. the Angsty Queen for the zillionth time. Can we NOT reheat old plotlines and get some lesser-played songs in this rotation? Por favor?

Happily, it looks like they listened because, while Snow did have her overly-emotional "I need to save my daughter!" schpiel, she was limited to just that (and the thing with the dwarves coming to say "Hey - we wanna come on dangerous adventures too!") But for the most part, it was Hook vs. Regina in the Quest to Save the Savior. Which... I can appreciate. Mostly because that's a dynamic we haven't seen much of. And it makes sense. Regina's slightly guilty because Emma took on the Darkness because it was going to attach itself to Regina. Hook is motivated to find Emma because, hello! One True Love, happy endings, all that lovely OTP stuff.

- Speaking of... Hook entreating Emma not to give into Ghost!Rumple's nasty little temptations to kill Merida - oh man, MORE OF THIS, PLEASE! The fact that Hook was the one to break Emma out of that Dark-One-trance-thing by just calling out her name and that he was the one who told her that she could conquer her demons just like he conquered/is conquering his - and that he was with her all the way into Camelot... yes. I am a very satisfied Captain-Swan-shipping customer.

(Bonus points for Hook's quip - "You don't look like the Crocodile." Oh, Killian Jones. Never change.)

- Zelena is still my favorite. She is bat-crap insane and I love her for it. She is completely at ease with her darkness and wickedness and bless her for it. This show (rightly) deals with characters trying to overcome their poor choices - but there needs to be someone who is unapologetically evil and doesn't care when she does terrible things because that's just what she's going to do. Now that Rumple's been de-Dark-One'd and Emma's fighting off the darkness - there still needs to be a constant source of antagonism toward Team Storybrooke. And Zelena is the one to do it.

(Though I wouldn't mind seeing her reinstated in her place in the Sisterhood of Witches in Oz. Just so she could be a pain there too. Maybe there needs to be another spin-off and make it just about Once's version of Oz. I'd watch the hell out of that one.)

- So - Camelot. Whooo. And someone screwed up BIG TIME in those six weeks. And this season (or first half of the season) is going to be about finding out who and what and etc. I admit - I'm quite interested. And then I saw the promo for next week. Which... eh... I guess we had to have the obligatory "Regina has to be good because Emma's evil" episode. I'm just glad they're doing it at the beginning, rather than doing it later (get that crappy pre-Curse flashback out of their system while they're at it) -



PS - I'm not calling her "Dark Swan" because that's just stupid. I used "Dark Savior" after the finale last year and that's what I'm sticking with now.

The News Of The Day Sucks, So Have A YouTube Video

I had to take a break. Everything being reported on today in the news is terrible. Luckily, there are gloriously intrepid YouTubers who do stuff like this and it helps me keep my sanity (and I don't give a shit about how long this video's been around. It's still funny) -




Yes, I'm still around and still blogging. But since I blog all day every day for my job, sometimes the last thing I want to do of an evening is write more about my opinions on things - even if those things are wonderfully happy geeky things that I don't get to spend quite as much time on. Sometimes, I just want to stop thinking for a while and let something/someone else do the talking so I can listen.

Sooner or Later

Nope, I'm still around. Just haven't had much to write about here. Or, indeed, much time to write about it. But it's all good things happening. Lots and lots of very good things happening. Suffice it to say that all that crap I had to wade through last year was worth it :)

For now, have this nice little Doctor Who video that I saw on Facebook -

Time For a Pointless Update On My Life

*walks in, looks around, blows dust off the desk, cracks knuckles, sits down*

No, little blog. I have not forgotten you. I just have a day job that, by the time I'm done wrestling the alligators and gremlins of the political sphere of the internet, the last thing I want to do is compile a list of snarky-yet-entertaining thoughts for my personal blog. Even though I probably should because it would help keep me sane and feeling less like I want to take a baseball bat to a china shop.

Anyway - where was I? Oh yes - life and such.

When last we left our intrepid heroine, she'd just turned the "dreaded" 3-0 (actually, it was a lot less painful than I was led to believe. It was quite the fun little weekend, really). Summertime was in full swing, though you wouldn't know it since the Utah weather decided it wanted to be like Seattle, except with less ocean and more insufferable hipsters (I'm convinced our local hipsters are even worse than those in the Pacific Northwest because they feel like they have something to prove). There were also whisperings of a summer wedding for her younger brother, which inevitably made her retreat from some family interactions - mostly because weddings give her hives (heaven knows how neurotic she'd become if she ever had to plan one for myself. Two words: Las Vegas). And certain relatives can't keep their freaking mouths shut about such things (remember what I said about baseball bats and china shops? It's rather therapeutic. Or I imagine it would be).

But the Payson Temple open house and subsequent dedication was nice. Still have plans to go do a session there at some point.

Interesting story about the first time I drove through Payson after they started building the temple. It was November and I was heading home for Thanksgiving. It was dark by then, but as I drove by the temple site, I could faintly make out the steel structure that had already been constructed. And you know the thing that struck me the most? How close the temple was to the freeway! I mean, you drive up and down I-15 and all the temples you see are cleeeeeeeear in the heck out in the foothills or in the middle of a traffic-choked city. Even the Jordan River Temple, which is the next closest, seems to be far away and so very distant. But Payson - it's right behind Wal-Mart! In fact, you get off the freeway, hang a right at the baseball field and you're there in less than a minute. And maybe it's just the cogs in my brain working the way they do, but I felt like that was an appropriate metaphor - that the temple isn't this far-and-distant place that only the righteous and super-good get to attain and only after you've jumped through a series of uber-complicated hoops and consulted every map and GPS known to humanity to find the place. But rather, the temple is something that anyone can attain, if they have a mind to do so.

I dunno - I like that the Payson Temple isn't hidden away far back on some obscure mountain goat trail (looking at you, Draper and Bountiful), but that it's right there bordering on someone's hayfield that's right next to the main thoroughfare through town. Maybe it's the hayfield, but the rural setting is balm to this farm girl's soul.

It's strange - but while it's been quite a few years since I actually lived in Delta/Callao and there's no reason to believe that's going to change anytime soon, visiting the Payson Temple felt a lot like going home. I don't live in that district and I'm not anticipating that happening - but it just felt right, somehow. The only other temple I've ever felt "at home" like that is in the Salt Lake Temple.

This could TOTALLY be an Ensign cover photo, if I had a mind to submit it.

Same with an impromptu day trip I took to Logan with my folks for some business dealings. Part of me wished we hadn't been in such a hurry - I would have liked to have taken a lap around the Utah State University campus for old time's sake. Or even cruised up the hill to the Logan Temple, just to take some pictures. But the drive through Sardine Canyon was enough - it was a damn pretty day when we went up there. One day I'll probably snap and drive up there myself for kicks and giggles (I've done that and gone to Park City more than once lately).

My niece and nephew remain the cutest creatures on the freaking planet and I'll still fight anybody who contends otherwise.

Podcasting continues with the Five(ish) Fangirls. We recently celebrated our one-year anniversary
with no signs of slowing down. And the way I prattle on about any given topic - even something I have ZERO clue about - I think it's going to stay that way for the foreseeable future.

My yearly tradition of compiling a playlist of music to tell the story of my year is in full swing. While the year is only half over and I'm certain this will change between now and Christmas, I have a pretty good list of tunes that I think represent how the year's gone so far -

1. Skye Boat Song (Main Title Theme from Outlander) - Bear McCreary
2. Feels Like Today - Rascal Flatts
3. Bulletproof Picasso - Train
4. I Really Like You - Carly Rae Jepsen (blame Castle for this one)
5. Roundtable Rival - Lindsey Stirling
6. Shake It Off - Taylor Swift (in my line of work, this has become my theme song)
7. Immortals - Fall Out Boy (Big Hero 6 cemented that one on this list)
8. The Words - Christina Perri
9. Fast Car - Christian Kane
10. Breathe - Michelle Branch
11. For The First Time In Forever - Kristen Bell and Idina Menzel (from Frozen)
12. Come Sail Away - Styx
13. Spaceman - The Killers
14. Walk in the Sun - McFly
15. This Is Your Life - The Killers (will have to do some rearranging with this)
16. The Adventure Begins - Howard Shore (from The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey)
17. No Light, No Light - Florence and the Machine
18. More Than a Feeling - Boston

Like I said - not the final product, but it works for now.

I Also have tentative ideas for Librarian in the TARDIS, Part 2: Vortex Boogaloo, only because it's been so long since I've seriously reviewed anything Doctor Who related for myself and I remember how much FUN that whole project was. And do I really need a 50th Anniversary for an excuse to write about Who? Nope - don't think so! I'd have to think of a new structure to it - maybe just Big Finish and spin-offs? Not sure yet (Don't hold me to it, though. I mean, my Goodreads challenge is slowly falling apart and I even shortened it to 75 books this year).

That's probably all for now (well - as much as I want to post on my blog, anyway). Short, sweet, random, serious, and silly. Like you've come to expect anything else from me.

"What Makes You Think I Would Ever Give You Back?" - Revisited Review of "The Doctor's Wife"

Revisited Review of Doctor Who 6.04 - "The Doctor's Wife"

Written By: Neil Gaiman
Team TARDIS: Eleventh Doctor, Amy Pond, Rory Williams
Adversary: House, Patchwork People
Originally Aired: May 14, 2011
Number of Episodes: 1

See and mark well how my brain works. Because I have been bone-dead-tired for pretty much most of the day. Even caught a nap this afternoon, but I'm still ready to collapse into bed. But what happens at 10:30 at night when I should be cuddling up with my pillows and blankets? Brain says "Nope - you've gotta write about "The Doctor's Wife." And do it RIGHT NOW!" So - that's what I'm doing.



I'm not even stuck on the episode as a whole - though it certainly is one of the very best revived Doctor Who has to offer. I'm more interested in thinking out loud about the Doctor and Idris. Who is revealed to be (Four Year Old Spoilers Ahead!) possessed by the soul of the TARDIS. The conceit of this episode is clever in that you don't have to be steeped in Doctor Who history and lore to understand the story. All you need are the basics - the Doctor's TARDIS is the one constant in his life, it's been there since day one, he has a connection to his ship - which is much more that any typical spaceship (so sorry Enterprise and Millennium Falcon - you're both handy to have in a tight spot, but the TARDIS wins for... pretty much everything else). While the people who have been immersed in Doctor Who for a long time do get their own treats and Easter Eggs in this episode, an extensive knowledge of the show isn't necessary to enjoy and love the beauty of this story.

The Doctor's relationships with his companions come and go. He looks upon all his companions with fondness regardless of how they parted. But that they point - they left. Or he left them. Or they were forced to leave. The point is, they aren't there anymore. But the TARDIS is. That mad old box which is a cross between a DeLorean and the wardrobe to Narnia with its own version of a soul, always listening to the ramblings of a mad old man who is a cross between HG Wells and Father Christmas. Aren't they just a pair - rushing about in time and space with nothing in particular to do, and no where in particular to do except travel everywhere.



He rambles, she listens. He runs, she rackets about. They're always together - the Doctor and the TARDIS. And for once, she gets to respond to him and it is absolutely and precisely brilliant to listen to. The title of the episode may be "The Doctor's Wife" - and they certainly do bicker like an old married couple. But beyond the TARDIS airing her grievances about the "Pull to Open," (which - that point is debateable) and the Doctor bringing home strays and everything else she pokes at him about - she still

There is something simple in the beauty of this story. While the surrounding trappings of the disembodied House and the Patchwork People and even the trouble Amy and Rory get into serve to move the story forward and give the episode a reason to exist - those things are the "B Plot." They almost don't matter. The real story here is the Doctor FINALLY getting to speak to his One True Love face to face. And, in spite of Amy's "Did you wish really hard?" quip poking fun at the stereotypical male fantasy of his vehicle being made into the form of an attractive woman - there is so much more to this relationship than low-hanging jokes about the male psyche. Because the Doctor is no ordinary dude and the TARDIS is no ordinary ship. This is more than exploring the Doctor's backstory and giving him motivation and history and whatever - this is exploring a complicated core of the entire Doctor Who mythos without giving everything away. The mythos is explored, but the mystery and the wonder remain very much intact.



And that is why "Alive" is so very sad in the end. For while the TARDIS is always there and always will be, this time of speaking to the Doctor face-to-face has ended. She can no longer express her love and affection to the Doctor in so many words, which was such a challenge for her in the beginning of this adventure. And, while the Doctor does understand her feelings (and his own) - sometimes, it's just nice to hear those words from the person you care about. It's a story about life and death and love, but without life and death and love. Not in the way we usually express it, anyway. And that's probably what keeps rolling through my head over and over again about this story - the sadness of endings, the joy of newly discovered relationships, the realization of what you had all along (and what will always be with you, though in a different way than you first thought).

Just a mad man with a box? Sure, if you want to look at it that way. But this story makes the Doctor and the TARDIS so much more than that. Which is something I will always, always, always love about it.

*
Amy: Look at you pair. It's always you and her isn't it? Long after the rest of us have gone. A boy and his box off to see the universe.
The Doctor: Well you say that as if it's a bad thing. But honestly it's the best thing there is.

*
The Doctor: Are you there? Can you hear me? No. Obviously not. Okay. The Eye of Orion or wherever we need to go. {the lever moves on its own and the TARDIS takes off}.

***
(Originally Reviewed May 14, 2011)

Henry Mills and the Alternate Universe of DOOM!

Review/Recap of Once Upon A Time 4.22-4.23 "Operation Mongoose 1 & 2" - SPOILERS!

Isaac Heller's boss at the beginning was exactly right. He really doesn't write stories that anyone wants to read.

The first half of this two-part episode really didn't do much for me (other than the subtle shout-out to Walt Disney having been the previous Author at the beginning. He died in December 1966, which is why the cold open where Isaac becomes the Author takes place at that time ~*~The More You Know~*~) I didn't really buy into the whole "Snow White as the Evil Queen" thing they were trying to sell me (might as well just say it - Ginnifer Goodwin does not do evil villainous anything very well). I did like bandit!Regina teaming up with Robin Hood, though. And if Zelena hadn't showed up to ruin that moment, I would have enjoyed it even more.

Part Two, however, is when things get really interesting. Mostly because that's when Henry finds Captain Hook (who is merely cowardly deckhand Hook - yeah, Rumple sure did a number on him there) and they go off to find Emma in the Tower of Characters the Villains Want Forgotten. Which becomes a little more ironic by the end of the episode.

Actually, everything with Emma and Hook in the alternate Enchanted Forest was great. Even though Hook is merely a shell of his former self - but it was Emma's turn to be his personal motivational speaker - and it worked great!

Until Evil!Charming stabbed him dead and pretty much broke every heart in the land (every heart that matters, anyway). By that time, I was yelling for Emma to fix this hellish reality and get back to 1955 and destroy the Sports Almanac and put everything back to the way it was supposed to be.

(Huh - if last year's finale is Back to the Future, then this is probably meant to be Back to the Future Part II. Which means next year... they've got to get a Wild West motif in there somehow... Interesting...)

The one part that REALLY got me emotional, though... Probably not the one you think (if you've been following my reviews of Once Upon A Time this season). The ending was rough - no question. But that's TV for you. They have to set up intense cliffhangers so the next season has something interesting and compelling to work with. And very few things are going to be more compelling than Team Storybrooke looking for Emma and getting her out of the grasp of the Darkness (oh, who am I kidding? I'm mostly looking forward to the intense Captain Swan drama and angst that will come of this. What can I say? I like seeing my favorite characters suffer - makes for a good story).

But my favorite part - particularly since we've been following Emma and Hook and I've been pleading for their True Love story to work out - was when Emma admitted that she loves Hook, but it's after he was killed and now it's too late for her to do anything about it. BUT - they're still in the Alternate Universe Crapsack World, and they can still change things.

Fast forward to getting out of the Alternate Universe Crapsack World and everyone's okay and fine - and Killian is just peachy too. Emma runs up to tackle him and oh so nearly says those three magical little words - and SHE CAN'T DO IT!

I guess that's reality for you. Even after losing Hook in the alternate world and being upset that she never got to tell him how she felt - when she was back in the real world and he was fine and everyone was happy... she still didn't tell him. Her nerve completely failed her and she couldn't tell him. And... that just sucked.

(On the other hand, still means we have more to look forward to, right?)

What else - Henry's now the Author (CALLED IT!) He may have broken the quill, but his newfound power is going to come back and be useful again. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it! (hey, if they can de-youthify Pinocchio and bring August back for the sake of a plotline, Author!Henry is going to happen).

Black Swan

So - Emma's now the Dark One and she's gone to who-knows-where. And Team Storybrooke is on their way to find Merlin so he can destroy the Dark One for good (but not Emma, because I will cut a bitch if that is the case). Rumple is sans-darkness, which is going to be an interesting development (he's going to be an entirely new character, so if any of you still enjoyed rat-bastard-Dark-One-Rumple... tough turtles). Belle told Rumple what we ALL were screaming since "A Tale of Two Sisters" clear back in September - that he could have had his happiness in Storybrooke without trying to destroy anybody (blah).

Next year - I guess Lily will still be around to create another unnecessary sideshow (...whoo).

Season 4 Wrap-Up

Here's my thought as I was watching this - the Author storyline was kind of a bust. At least, as far as it was with everyone stuck in Storybrooke. I think it would have worked MUCH better if everyone was actually IN the Enchanted Forest while the story was being changed. Like - at the beginning of the story arc, Rumple (or whoever) sent everyone back to the book and the goal was to change the story from there. Forget all this Queens of Darkness crap - just find the Author, establish that he's a conniving weasel and make him the bad guy in all of this (though Ursula and Cruella were cool - but they didn't do anything with them. And this Maleficent suffered the same defanging fate as the Angelina Jolie version, which is entirely too unfortunate).

Frozen was amazing. I loved Once's version of Elsa and Anna and the inclusion of the Snow Queen. Sadly, they couldn't keep that magic going throughout the rest of the season, which is a shame. The second half of the finale kind of messed with my emotions, but that was because there was so much Captain Swan goodness and angst (and, really, I've missed them for the past few episodes, so it was like depriving a child of sugar for so long and then suddenly letting them run wild in the candy store).

I hope Season 5 does well, honestly. I hope we get some new and exciting character arcs and they let some of these others rest for a time (I could do without so much Rumple. And even Regina's getting a bit tired and worn, especially her Evil Queen persona). I'm looking forward to some new material with characters that haven't gotten much love lately. But I'm not going to get my hopes up.

If anyone but Killian Jones saves Emma Swan, however, things will be thrown. That is all.